Editor’s note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud’s statement on Spiritual Recovery.
Healing does not always look like what “I” think it should look. Last week’s post was another example. I checked it late in the evening and read many posts that sounded like my post was doing more harm than good to some. Frankly, it made me uncomfortable for a moment and I needed to think about what I was feeling. I’d prefer everyone to say wonderful things about these posts and get well immediately, but that is not how it works.
The Truth often makes us uncomfortable, because it means that we have a choice, and can do something about how we are feeling. The absolute hardest lesson for me to learn was that I am not a victim (there I go again!). If I am not responsible for my own happiness, then who is? Healing is not always easy. It often takes courage, faith and endurance, but it is always available. It IS up to us.
My experience was, and continues to be, that healing does not always look like I think it should look. In fact, sometimes it appears to be destructive, hurtful and scary. This is where Faith and fellowship come in.
Personally, I needed the help of others sharing their own personal experience as it related to my own journey. Many of them “thought” they were being harmed too, when in fact, they were on the road to Healing. This gave me hope when I needed it most”¦when things looked the worst.
The gift of this site is that Lovefraud provides a place where people can share and help each other. Those that have been through this and healed return to help others and that is a beautiful thing. I call it A Miracle.
For the ones returning to help, what was once a nightmare of pain and suffering has now become a beacon of peace, hope and freedom for others. I am pretty sure none of us saw that coming when we were at our darkest moments.
I certainly never thought my experience with my dad killing people would be a “good” experience”¦But hey, what do I know anyway??? Certainly not enough to tell someone else what Healing should look like! I do know that it feels good and for that”¦I am forever grateful!
Today is a great day for A Miracle!
A Course In Forgiving begins January 19, 2012. I did not come here to promote The Course, but to offer it to those that feel moved to do something more about the pain in their lives.
If you registered for The Course and have NOT received an email from me, please re-register, or email me at travis@victorythroughpeace.com.
There is no fee of (optional donation of up to $25.00) for the six week online course. This Course is designed to guide participants through the Step by Step Spiritual Process of Letting Go with weekly lessons, readings and exercises that are intended to open the pathway to healing and Peace.
If interested, please visit www.victorythroughpeace.com and click the link in the left hand column titled “Six Week Course Online”. For those that participate, I will be available by phone and email to share experience in addition to this weekly blog on Lovefraud.
Peace.
Hi there Drover of the Oxen!
You looking after them lil piggies o’ yours?
Aussie girl, I knocked a box heavy box off a table and it fell on my achiles tendon as I was stretched out leaning on Friday the 13th, in a stupid accident and I’m on crutches. Went to the doc yesterday and he gave me a cortisone shot in the heel, which this time did not hurt! Told me the tendon wasn’t ruptured, I already knew that, and that I should just weight bear as tolerated, and I already knew that! LOL Being clumsy is my life time affliction so this is nothing new@.......! LOL I’m just grateful it is the right leg this time, the left ankle has been broken or sprained about 6 times so far and it is barely holding together.
The piggies are getting big! The ex-boy piggie is healing up from his “surgery” to neuter him….which was so funny! Because one testicle had not descended so I actually had to do a bit of surgery on him and this Mexican hired had of my “partner” in this pig raising project had never seen such a surgery and his mouth was hanging open as it progressed. He asked my son D after it was over in his broken English “is he gonna be Okayyyyy” and D said “oh, yea, no problem, he’ll be fine….but don’t EVERRRRRR pith that old lady off!” LOL He said the guy then looked at me later wide eyed like “OHHHHHH I don’t ever want to pith her off!” LOL But I didn’t notice. ROTFLMAO choke snort
How are your critters? Safe I hope? Back home?
You silly woman!!! You remind me a bit of myself…..I have always been something of a clutz as well. Yet my reflexes are often amazing to behold – people will watch astonished as I not only knock something off a table but catch it just before it hits the floor. I just tell them, “Yep! I’m clumsy alright but I have EXCELLENT reflexes!” ROTFLMAO
Hope it gets better real quick. xx
Poor lil pigs – don’t they KNOW that getting big is a very bad idea?
I once watched an undescended testicle operation on a poodle (dog) at a vet teaching clinic, while eating my lunch. Stood at the glass viewing window and cheerfully munched my way through a roll and then a cream donut (from memory) while two people dug around and around inside the blasted dog; in the end they found the missing part up near his rib cage! Most interesting, although my fellow animal care students thought I was DISGUSTING to eat and watch at the same time….well I wasn’t IN THE ROOM – and I was hungry 🙂
So far so good – all quiet here still and feeling heaps better about it all since the cameras went up. The sheep and a handful of other beasties are still “holidaying” but I am thinking that I might as well bring them home; I’ve worked out that a bit of pen and cage shuffling could bring my favourites closer to the house where the dogs are, so they would be less likely to be targeted there.
Did you read on another thread about my adventure last Wednesday night with the guy hiding under my car at 11pm at night and the police here for three hours arresting him and impounding his vehicle until 2 in the morning? I won’t bore everyone with it again, I’ll just find it if you didn’t know about it and post a link here. xxx
http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2012/01/12/letters-to-lovefraud-if-the-shoe-doesnt-fit-dont-wear-it/ on 16 January
Well folks, it’s after 1 in the morning here and even though I am feeling wide awake, my poor old body is exhausted, so I’m off to try to catch some zzzzzzzzs. Goodnight to those who are on a similar timeline and have a great day the rest of you! x 🙂
Dear Aussiegirl, Nah, I didn’t get the entire story but will go read it! I imagine it was “interesting.” LOL I’ll try the D, 😀
Once my uncle Monster called me and told me there was a dead man in his yard. Uncle was drunk and I mean DRUNK! So I called 911 and went down there to his house and sure enough there was a young man lying in his car port dead’ern’a hammer. I put a sheet over him. He was already cold to touch. Was til midnight when the “pronouncing” was done and the body hauled off. It was obvious he died of natural causes. Young man, but heart attack. Uncle knew he was “passed out” but didn’t realize he was DEAD for several hours. They had been drinking together. LOL Was a real mess. Just another local “story” that folks tell about the time there was a guy died in Uncle Monster’s yard. LOL
Usually before I get a broken or really badly sprained ankle there is the phrase “and I got on the horse….” or “I was climbing a ladder and…”
I can hear the machines that “chip up” the huge trees on my property, they are putting in a natural gas pipeline, (another one) across the place and they chip the trees up into mulch and bury them…this group really is doing a “nice” job, that is if you want your woods cut down and bull dozed and roads put in there and so on, which I don’t, but they paid a LOT of money to the egg donor for the privilege of doing so. I had protected the land from this very kind of thing but there came a time when I could no longer do so. Sad. But I do have my 3 cows and a heifer who are all with a BULL as we speak, and will only have 2 cows and a heifer when the weather gets a bit cooler (if it does) if not, we will have to take her to the butcher.
Fortunately for our piggie, his testicle was not very high up, just hadn’t come all the way down so I was able to retrieve it without too much trouble for me. He had a bit of extra problem with it, but I didn’t have too much.
Well, good night and sleep tight! ((Hugs)))
brazilb69 – that is quite a story you have shared. It is breathtaking to witness such people in action.
If it is a complete picture then it sounds like the closeness you all had at one time was predicated on external qualities rather than the enduring internal values your husband appears to exemplify. You are lucky to have him as your life partner and his well being and your family’s happiness should be your focus. Do not let the superficiality of others distract you from what is most important. It is easy when you are under such a stress financially to let “some thing” or “some one” become the focus of your anger and frustration. It is truly not fun to feel powerless and then have it rubbed in our faces.
Your sister-in-law does appear to be rather shallow and heartless. And while it is quite justified of you to harbor anger and ill will towards her for her thoughtlessness and selfishness the result is that she is renting space in your head free of charge. You are stewing in the poison of her behavior and she probably gives you and your suffering little thought.
I have to point out something that threw me when I read your post. You state : BTW, she is not a tea party nut case. She is a liberal democrat; one would think she had more empathy?
Your labeling others in such a way is entirely offensive. You categorize people into groups and make assumptions that are not only incorrect but just as shallow as the behavior you protest. There is much evidence that refutes your underlying assumption that a liberal democrat would be generous and a tea party or republican would not be. The facts demonstrate quite the opposite. Conservatives give far more generously of their money and time than do liberals. Not only in America but when measured against people of other nations. The most generous of all tend to be Christian conservatives and then conservatives of all stripes. You can read at the link I provide or find your own but very famous liberals have done the research themselves and been stunned to find out that their underlying assumption that liberals are the givers was in fact W R O N G…. Please enjoy having your perceptions altered: http://www.weirdrepublic.com/episodes.html
Breckgirl, Your post above down to the last paragraph is VERY good, and well worded and to the point! You are 110% correct in your conclusions I think.
As for the last paragraph, I think might be a bit overboard 😀 politically but I think you are right on the whole there.
I’m not sure Brazilb69 is still here though…I haven’t seen a response from her.
Your points about how we “focus” on some personality or other irritant when indeed we are worried about our financial situation or some other one are very very VERY valid. When I was involved in the “summer of Chaos” as I call it, I focused on such tiny insignificant things because I could not bear to see the entire picture. I think in a way it is a way to handle denial of the “big picture.”
In many ways, I think that when we are dealing with a psychopath they keep us OFF BALANCE and focusing on the small things by the constant crisis mode we are in, and the chaos that they generate. If we re focused on that or frightened, we are not so likely to be able to fight them effectively. Plus, I think they just LOVE THE CHAOS that they create. The drama. Oh, how they love the drama.
Good post!
Thank you all. My husband decided on his own to stop answering her calls. It happened organically when our roof began leaking this past week. As we were pondering our options, SIL telephoned to say that they had just given an architect a, $15,000 retainer — to design the new, expanded, Master bedroom. He said goodbye and hung up the phone.
brazil69,
There are people all over the U.S.A (and the world) struggling to make ends meet (so, you’re not alone and it’s nothing to be ashamed of). From what you describe, I have tremendous respect (and admiration) for your husband. He is a man. If I were you, I would be extremely proud of him (shouting it out to him). His sister is shallow, being very insensitive toward your circumstances. It would be nice for the shoe to be on the other foot, that she could experience what a lot of people (in our world) experience. I have a twin sister and she is understanding, compassionate, etc., a real gem. She has given me money (without my asking for it) and does not ask for it to be paid back (she never even mentions any money that she’s given to me). My relatives have a heart for people (which unfortunately your sister-in-law is lacking). I would not give much thought to what your sister-in-law has to say about your situation – she can’t relate to suffering because she’s had it too easy. Go with people who can empathize with you, being able to encourage you, support you, etc. during this difficult time of your life. From what I can tell, this relative is not a friend (or acting in a very loving way). You don’t have time for such people.
Dear Brazilb69, I’ m with bluejay, you have a JEWEL of a husband and regardless of how much or how little you have iin the way of material possessions versus how much she has, YOU ARE RICK, and she is DESTITUTE AND POOR and without compassion, only concerned with what she has….which ain’t much.
I’m glad your husband realized that his sister is a piece of garbage and hung up on her….but even if he hadn’t, you have got a gem in such a man who would work that hard for you and your children. A man who is willing to “lower4 himself” to take a position well under his capabilities and income potential just to take care of his responsibilities…and then get more work, and deliver papers, etc. So give your husband a big hug and tell him how wonderful he is and how much You appreciate him and what he does for you and the kids.
Keep on keeping on and realize that you are not alone in your down sizing of your living costs. There are lots of us out there, and I’ve made some wonderful improvements that were almost NO cost to cut my utility bills….small things that together add up and my utillity bills are the lowest they have EVER been even though prices have gone up since we moved into this house in 1994. There are lots of web sites you can get on to get hints for lowering your costs for almost no cost…and you can do it yourself as well. It pays off really well in savings to your bills.
My primary clothing shopping is done at good will…and my son and I live quite comfortably on a “poverty level” income. So look and see what you can “earn” in tax free money by saving here and there on various bills. It actually can become a challenge and kind of fun! Good luck, and write that biatch off, you guys need her like another hole in your head! LOL
Healing is different for everybody. Measurement of healing is different as well. Like setting up milstones some kind of indication that I am healing. I go back and forth, hopefully more forward and less backward. I have not talked to spath for more than 2 years. But since our life was so comingled that everyday smaller things are reminder of life I had with him. Holidays were horrible.
But then I need to look at smaller blessingsand focus on them hard, so I stay focus. Like I had wonderful New years eve with friends, my new year day was peaceful. Nobody I mean nobody’s mood swings and craziness was ruining my eve and days. I do what I feel like, and I don’t if I don’t feel like to. No constant pressure on my brain anymore due to the fact I am compromising in wrong doing, or by getting bullied by him.
I feel I am more control of my children without feeling guilty. Like I am able set boundary, set structure around them, able to say NO to them without feeling threatened that they will hate me.
My life is my life, my saving is mine, I decide my expense not him, and if I don’t want spned $100 on a dinner, I don’t.
Like choice to live your life the way you want without any dark cloud on your head is healing. And I want to keep myself looking at all these things as a simple pleasure of life in mind conciously, because we lose site of these very easily and dive in to our sorrow quickly.
Keep living peacefully!!!