By | July 26, 2012 61 Comments

When is enough, enough?

The only constant in life is that very little remains constant.  None of us know exactly what our futures hold.  This is true for everyone, regarding most aspects of life.  However, when recovering from relationships with psychopathic individuals or those with psychopathic features, it is an especially important concept for us to understand.

Why?  The reality is that sometimes they like to hold on to us.  While the notion seems to defy logic, it is extremely common.  As a result, we must be ready for what this brings, so that we do not allow them to get the best of us or hinder our recoveries.  Their inabilities to release us can rapidly turn bizarre and cause significant harm, emotional or otherwise, unless we are prepared.

In addition to accepting that they have difficulty letting go, we also must learn that they often disguise their strange methods of staying connected, frequently, using seemingly innocent or benign measures.  However, these methods are little more than further attempts at maintaining power and control over us.  Since many do not understand or recognize this, it is critical that we do.

Failure to realize and accept this, may result in serious unrest or place us in precarious situations.  But with an  understanding, we are better able to handle whatever comes our way in stride, eliminating or lessening any potential damage.

Weren’t they the ones who wanted out?

Well…perhaps.  This “can’t let go” concept can be a difficult one to grasp, especially when many of their behaviors created the appearance that it was they who chose to end their relationships with us.  We cannot help but wonder why they are unable to move on since they were the ones who were “done.”

It is important to understand that while they may have, in fact, wanted to leave their relationships with us, they wanted to make their exits on their terms.  They may discard quite freely, usually once they have the next “con” safely secured, but unless everything goes according to their plans, we can usually expect that they will take some sort of punitive actions against us.

Some of us are fortunate to escape “successfully” (translation; we were “adequately destroyed,” financially, emotionally, etc.)  Unless this is the case, however, their departures rarely mean that they are “finished” with us.  This is especially true if they feel that the endings were not to their liking, or the initial destruction they caused was only minimal.  It is quite dichotomous, but it is, nonetheless, how they tend to operate.

Why does this happen? 

Sometimes, their disdain for us, what we represent, or what we have makes it difficult for them to sever ties.  They may have trouble releasing their grudges for the “injustices” they perceive we caused.  When this occurs, and it occurs very frequently with these individuals, harmful consequences can follow closely behind.   Remember, these “injustices” could be as simple as our continued existence.

Also, these are individuals who feel that societal norms and the laws of the land do not apply to them.  They want what they want and they are often willing do whatever it takes to seek what they see as “justice.”

As a result, we must remain vigilant, but still go on living.  If they feel they have a “score” to settle, we simply must ride out their tantrums (provided there is no direct threat of physical danger.)  Our actions, one direction or the other, may or may not impact their choices.  Thus, we must use each of their stunts as opportunities to grow.  I know this may sound very difficult to those currently feeling pain, but our only other option (engagement) benefits them and places unnecessary stress on us.

What happens when they just don’t stop?

Enter a variety of truly disturbing behaviors on their parts.  As our health and healing increases, their behaviors tend to deteriorate.  Why?  They sense that they are losing their control over us.  Unfortunately, they still want it.  Typically, we begin to heal, in spite of what we may have experienced.  This is difficult for them to process and accept.

In some instances, a strange type of role reversal seems to occur.  For a time, we may have been the ones who wished to maintain or preserve the relationships.  We were probably quite “invested” or had others to consider.  Since we assumed (mistakenly) that our associations were genuine, we may have pushed to make things work, even in the end.

As long as we remained engaged and miserable, unable to figure out why we were unable to “fix” or rectify matters, they were happy.  They liked that we were conflicted and questioning our emotions.  We talked, wrote, and defended ourselves ad nauseam.  As we did, they remained disinterested, ignored us, and behaved in superior fashions.  Why?  They still held the power.

However, over time, we recognized how they operated and learned about them, as well as ourselves, in the process.  As our healing progressed, we slipped from their grasps, regardless of what they did to us or accused us of.  They noticed their controlling behaviors yielding diminishing returns.  Thus, they became further driven to regain their positions.  They looked for ways to push us harder in order to keep us involved in their strange games.

Stalking and harassment, of various forms, often increase exponentially in this phase.  This may occur in person, electronically, through the court system, through children’s matters, financially, or any other ways that they can access us.

What do we think as this continues?

As the months or years pass, we begin to see their desperate attempts at control as ridiculous.  We may wonder at what point is enough, enough?  Those on the periphery often ask the same.  However, it is likely that they fail to realize that their quests for our destruction have grown old.  There should come a time when even they realize that their “gigs” are up.

In spite of that, they often continue.  They repeat behaviors that once worked, even if those behaviors no longer bring results.  This further illustrates that there may be little carry over or ability to process consequences or care about them if they are able.

How should we react?     

We must view this as simply one more hurdle to jump; nothing more than one more aspect of the disorder (provided their engagement attempts are non-life threatening.  If they are, contact the police and/or seek legal counsel immediately.)  When we realize and accept this, we allow ourselves to be prepared for anything.  The reality is that we may have to endure manipulative correspondence or unnecessary trips to court from time to time.

We must review the following as much as necessary until the thoughts become automatic; we know that it is important to try to move forward with our lives after any type of significant change.  When these changes occur in conjunction with severing relational ties, especially with these individuals, that may prove more challenging.

Collectively, they are unusually intent on revenge, especially if we disconnected more in-tact than they felt was acceptable.  If they view any of our successes (which, again, can sometimes be defined as our mere survival) as threats, we can bank on the fact that we will meet with serious and potentially harmful retaliation that has the potential to continue, at least intermittently, for quite some time.

Regardless, we must respond with grace.  Sometimes, that may come in the form non-responses or those handled by third parties.  We must continue to enforce boundaries; personal and otherwise.  If going “no contact” is possible, do it.  If not, communicate only in fact.  It is their choice to remain focused on our destruction.  We, however, see and know all (or are learning) about what motivates them.  Our knowledge will empower us.

Even if we no longer provide reinforcement for their behaviors, it seems to take extended periods of time for that to register.  Therefore, we must persist.  We must not allow ourselves to take their words or actions personally.  Again, this too, is about them, not us.




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Linda, this article comes at a time when I needed to read the strong truths that apply directly to my current struggles.

You used the word, “grace,” to describe how I need to approach the management of the continued efforts to punish and control. I’d also like to add “dignity.” They are both attributes to which I aspire. For me, all of these recent and former spath experiences robbed me of my grace and dignity because I didn’t realize how completely the destructions ran. Once it gets down to the point where I realized what I was dealing with, all “normal” and appropriate responses had long since departed and were replaced by carefully constructed “insanity,”

Thank you so much for this empowring and informative article.

Brightest blessings.



Thank you for this article. My ex continues to “stalk” me. He refuses to take no contact for an answer and turned up at my place of work last week. Although I don’t feel threatened it is obviously disturbing to say the least!!

This is just what I needed to read. I want to understand why. Why he continues. When I pointed out to him that he was disregarding what I want, he replied “I don’t really care”

Thanks again. I will be saving this article to read and re read. the bloody cog diss is exerting it’s pressure today.


Ox Drover

Strongawoman, I laughed when I read your comment that when you told him that he was disregarding what you wanted he said “I really don’t care.”—that IS his point, he is DISREGARDING what you want. If you wanted him there he would NOT be there. LOL

Hang in there and remember, “this too shall pass.” (((hugs)))



Gosh, aint that the truth!!
“If you wanted him there he would NOT be there. LOL”

The more I attempt to free myself from him, the more he wants to tighten that grip. I was good supply.

Thanks for the hugs and encouragement. Means a lot Ox.


I think narcissists are very clever at recognising that their frustrations can be diverted by frustrating others.

Sometimes I used to feel like my ex was trying to borrow my personality, get inside my psyche…he would often start to tell me something ( in a hectoring lecturing way ) which had originated from me, and which initially he was bored with or disinterested in.

He leeches all the energy out of every situation and though he can be charming and witty, even generous, the price is always too high.

When is enough enough? If I had one piece of advice to anyone who thinks they are involved with someone with a personality disorder- even if you’re not ready to give up on the relationship yet don’t have a child with them.

You already have what amounts to a child and a lifelong tantrum in a narcissist!

It has taken me years of pain and difficulty to rear just one child within the shifting sands of this family; I dearly wanted more children but realised that we were so lucky not to have raised a damaged child, a child with a different personality might have been so badly affected.

Fortunately this coincided with the period of life when ex decided he didn’t want sex any more, so it would have been impossible anyway….incidentally when finally I got to the point where I was no longer interested in sex myself: he decides it’s now his life’s goal and I am so prudish!

Shifting sands…

Re they won’t let go, or only on their terms, I have always thought my ex has a great fear of abandonment, of people seeing inside his soul and rejecting him. He knows I took my marriage vows seriously and that I will always on some level be kind to him but unlike in other relationships that conflicts him: on the one hand it gives him ammunition maybe to hurt me, but on the other he’s resentful because he doesn’t have real feelings and real commitments or values himself.

In some ways it’s an inversion of what made the narcissist. They were put on a pedastal but not loved and they put us on a pedestal then try to do the same mindgames they felt…sometimes I felt like I was his experiment!

Both parties invest so much I think it’s hard on both sides to truly let go- and because no one else understands, or few people do, it’s hard to work through.

No contact is only possible if you don’t have kids together, but people can still get hooked back other ways, shared other family, businesses, property etc

The best outcome is probably they get bored with you and move on to find an updated version of their ideal to start over with…then that person occupies all their time.

My ex’s new woman is unknowingly protecting me from him because she keeps up a barrage of insistence he limits contact with me. She’s terrified already that he’ll leave her and come back to me, and I am sure he keeps up that impression to keep her in a state of panic….when at first I realised this complete stranger actually hated me I was shocked but it’s turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

One day I’ll be the person she’ll really want to talk to about it all I am sure- the only person who will truly understand what she’s been through by then.

Ox Drover

Fool me once, go back and read the articl.e about “Gray Rock” .it is the PERFECT way for you to interact with him and will make him get bored with you because he will no longer get any supply…it is just BORING to them eventually.

I found it it is


Great article. Very timely for me. I am still settling in from our relocation. There is so much drama here with my family, it’s mind blowing. At times I thoroughly regret moving away, but when reading an article like the above, I fully remember WHY it was so important for my well being and that of my little one.

I’m anxious about next month, because the restraining order will end, and he WILL contact me via email if I don’t delete my final account that he knows the address to. I’ve been on a time crunch trying to get it all done, and that last email account is a thorn in my side. I’m afraid to lose any irreplaceable document, etc. I know I can just disregard his message WHEN it comes through, but I would rather not see anything from him.

We have been safely relocated for almost three months and I still wake up throughout the night afraid he is in the apartment. Prior to meeting Spathy, I had been diagnosed with PTSD and sought a lot of different types of treatment, including an inpatient program during several months of my pregnancy. I’ve decided to return to counseling. This may sound crazy, but I am so grateful that I came back from military deployment with PTSD. I suspect I have always had it from childhood abuse, but no clinician had ever diagnosed it. It wasn’t until I couldn’t adjust well to normal life after coming back from overseas and I went to a Vet Center to talk to someone that I have made any progress in therapy.

I meet my new counselor in a few weeks, on the 3 month anniversery of our move away. I’m kinda corny that way, but it means something special to me. I can’t explain quite why, but I get teary-eyed typing that.

I want so much to be okay and to be happy, for me yes, but so so much for my little girl. She is learning about emotions (she’s quite the precocious child, I must add) and every day this week she has looked at me and said “Mommy sad.” I feel just awful. I have been forcing myself to take her to do fun things, and when I am smiling, I ask her if she is happy and I say “Mommy happy!” I’m trying so hard to be normal but I feel so intermittently numb and then just sad and depressed.

I’m making strides for our life despite it all. We have been in our new place for about three weeks now. I have connected to as many veteran resources in the community as I can find and I’m trying to get myself back into a grad program ASAP while also job and day care hunting. Can’t imagine where all the stress and anxiety is coming from 🙂 Oh yeah, and I’m dealing with the NPD mother!!!

Just needed to check in here and vent a bit… I could use some quality support from our LF family…


Dear LPMarie,

It’s healthy for your daughter to see you upset. It’s only natural to want to protect her from your anxiety but in my exp it will make you closer and her more protective of you when she realises how much you have sacrificed to keep her safe and well. You sound like a very sensible young woman and, under the circumstances, perfectly justified in feeeling anxious.

As far as the contact is concerned, could you block him from emailing you if you know his email address?

I’m sorry you’ve got to go through this ….and it seems you’re doing it singlehandedly. I’m sure others here will have some good advice for you to keep youself safe…..sometimes we just need reassurance.

Good luck, my dear. Keep your chin up.


Thanks, Strongawoman! I appreciate your reassurance. I tried to find a way to block him on Gmail, but there doesn’t seem to be a way… At least not that I could find! Hey, if anyone knows how to block email on Gmail, please let me know 🙂


I dont know bout gmail. Am sure someone will know on here though. I spose you can’t just delete your account? Or open a new one? How bout contacting the gmail provider?



I deleted one of my gmail accounts. I plan to delete this one, too. I just need to download all my doc’s and send all of the other important historical emails to my new account. I’ve been doing it over time when I have a chance. The main thing I think I need to do is get my daughter in a safe, trusted daycare so that I have some time to get things like that done, as well as job hunt and apply to graduate school. I’ve had some family watching her, but I don’t want to do that in the long haul. It’s problematic and most, if not all, of my family is disordered. I’m stressing about everything I need to do. I do something, many somethings, actually, every single day to untangle the tangled ball of yarn my life seems to have turned into. I decided just about a half hour ago that I’m going to take the baby to do something fun and allow myself the night off of worrying!!! LOL, why didn’t I think of that earlier???

I hope you have a great night. Thanks for responding to my request for support. I think I just need to be reassured, like you said. And you did! Hugs to you 🙂 I hope you are doing well.


Yes love, take the night off. Worry about what you can control for now. Im doin ok thanx for asking.

ps a counsellor once said that to me…..theres nothing wrong with needing a bit of reassurance. made me feel better ……hugs to you and that lovely baby.
keep on keeping on flower. you are doing good 🙂



I just want to send one big (((HUG))) to you for being so kind to me. You’re good peeps, and that comes through loud and clear!!!



Ive always admired your tenacity and compassion. Two very special qualities in a human being, yes?

Hugs back at ya. Stay strong xx


This article really hit home with me! And yes..just like everyone said strongawoman, if you wanted him there he wouldn’t be there..oh the irony of these creeps! This article hits me so close to home because my EX is currently sitting in state prison serving 11-14 months for FELONY stalking of me. He was ruthless, rentlentless and reckless in stalking me and my family members. I emailed Donna about my case a few times and she gave me hepful responses regarding obtaining information about the case, etc.. Since his arrest 7 months ago and conviction 4 months ago (he never got out on bond so was incarcerated the entire time) I have repaired myself financially and physically, but the emotional has been more difficult. Im currently working on preparing myself for when he is released. I plan to have covered all my bases, protected myself and my family, make sure full justice has been served as ordered and make his actions known in whatever legal ways I can.


I found this link and it pertains to PTSD and/or anyone else coming through Major Depression. It is my hope that in sharing this, that it will help someone see things a little differently and allowing the reader some peace.


what a great article. You really get it.

It’s so much like a kitten playing with a mouse. As long as the kitten senses movement in the mouse, the game isn’t over.

I use “kitten” instead of “cat” because the kitten is only playing. A kitten doesn’t need to kill to eat (but some grown cats do). This is just a game to kittens.

The psychopath is an infantile creature, a case of arrested emotional development. Like a kitten. Play dead.

That’s why I never filed a protection order. It’s why I didn’t make any movement against my spath. I’ve played dead. If you don’t have a weapon against the spath, just play dead, until you can get away.

Once you have resources, you can protect yourself, but until you do, the mouse knows how to escape.



I just wanted to follow up and tell you… I was able to have all the emails in my old account forwarded to my new one and it took less than 30 seconds to download the documents I needed from google docs! And here I was fretting for nothing! I didn’t get to back up all the photos I had stored in Picassa, but I do have them backed up on a portable hard drive for now, so I don’t have to worry about losing my precious daughters first few years 🙂 I feel 1000% better eliminating that potential method of contact.


Thanks for posting the link on PTSD. I couldn’t remember the name of the therapy I found so helpful inpatient (ACT: Acceptance and Committment Therapy). I wanted to pass that on to my new counselor. Now I know what to tell her! So sharing that link definitely helped me out.


I visit this site and read quite often but I don’t comment too much. I just need to say thank you. This article really hit home with me except I was the one to get out. He’s still hanging on trying anything and everything to keep me connected beyond our two kids. He just told the judge yesterday he just knows if I go to counseling we can work this out and be happily married again. I left him May 2011. He’s dragging this divorce out as long as he can. Thank you for helping me. I’ve tried several techniques mentioned and they really do work! The key is to be just as persistent about avoiding them as they are about contacting regardless of how evil and mean they are!


I’m so glad to read everyone’s insight here. You are all so positive and realistic. I have been searching for 15 years–off and on, sometimes discouraged–for people like you! I thought my ex was just a Narcissist or just OCD… But then, as you point out so well, there were other signs of problems that led me to think ‘sociopath.’ The biggest sign? When our parent coordinator (PC) sent him for some therapy and he suddenly started calling me one!

I need your help. I found your advice too late. I am not graceful and in my zeal to protect my children, my dignity is in pieces. The good news is that the PC realizes that something is very awry with the ex. She sent him to tx but tells me to ‘keep doing what I’m doing.’ She asked if he might be gay. But she’s getting full psychologicals on both of us–we both had one 7 yrs ago and I was still a mess. She told me it should come out well now. I know the waters are muddy–he confuses people by accusing me of what he is doing. I’m sure I resembled a NUT. He does weird things like get into each of the children’s beds with just his underdrawers on and spoon them. When they told me they felt ‘molested’ I told CPS and they accused me! Saying, “She said that to please You.” Why is that? I am old fashioned: always saying things like ‘You have to honor your father to have a good life. And ‘We don’t talk about people when they can’t tell their side.” I mean: I played fair, Knowing full well that he was peaking in my back door when we weren’t home, following me to work, interrogating the children to the point of: “No food until you tell me what your mother is up to.” And these people blamed me! And I’m not sure they don’t still…

Recently he brought a very young foreign woman here from a third world country, married her within days of her meeting the children. That was ‘It’ for the children. If they needed to be convinced that he has no sense of what is good and holy, bringing a desperate girl young enough to be his granddaughter to the US, was it. I believe he did it b/c I had just been married and the local women were wiser than me :). (I do feel sorry for her, but I can’t help her unless and until I can help my children first.)

The thing is: the ex knows that I only care about the children and he is out to Win. I have no desire to win. I want my children to have whatever childhood is left. I’d pay him to stay away, but he won’t be satisfied until I’m dirt under his feet. On the contrary, I’ve had only successes after leaving him: top of my profession, top of my hobby, great husband, bigger house, bigger car, more friends. I wonder if there is any way to get this blood hound to drop my trail??? I am open to suggestions!

Ox Drover

Dear Glory,

Welcome to LOve Fraud.

I’m sorry you are still having trouble with this man, but it is so typical of the breed that I can’t say anything that you have not already said.

Getting him to “drop it” when you are so successful and otherwise happy is not going to happen. Keel over dead and he will be happy.

I too feel sorry for the woman he married but that is how they get someone who they can control. If she leaves him, she has to leave the country…so she is stuck, but she is not your worry.

You didn’t say how old your kids are and what their relationship with him is. I hope that they are starting to see though with the young woman that he is all about CONTROL.

Glad you are here, keep on reading and learning….if you must have contact with him, use the GRAY ROCK method and bore him to death. NO emotion, no matter what he says, just let it slide off, don’t let him see that he is getting your goat. Hang in and heal yourself and your kids…he is a total loss.

God bless and again, welcome.


Thanks Ox Drover, I’ll take a look.

It’s like prising off a clam isn’t it: and there’s always something to control when you have kids together.

GlorytoGod, I don’t know how old your kids are but it sounds like you’re doing just fine giving them their childhood.

For years I didn’t talk to my son about his father’s problems much, but now he’s grown up he knows more. He’s with his dad 3 or 4 days each week and they seem to have a superficial but workable relationship; for years I tried to manage it but now my son is fine doing that on his own. He knows he can live with me 24/7 if necesary, and he seems to understand his father now and deal with all the vanity and pompousness much more easily than I did.

I’m glad I facilitated their relationship for so long…and also glad I don’t need to do that any more.

Most people do not understand personality disorder unless they’ve lived with someone who has it. It can be so subtle at times but with more experience now I think ‘just wait- you’ll see’ and sure enough the ridiculous decision or complete about-turn of values or unreasonable tantrum happens….even then though some people will make excuses or look away. They don’t want to see; my ex’s sister is like that, for a long time I told her about his unkindness to me and she just broke my confidence, fed it all back to him. Now she’s playing happy families with his new woman- even knowing this woman will get burned many times over.

I’m sure there are people/organisations can help the new wife in your situation if she can’t cope with him.And she can become a citizen and make her own new life- lots of women do.



Glad to hear you plugged that gap. Good girl. It is exhausting but necessary to protect yourself and little one too. Now you must reward yourself with a big bar of chocolate, yes?

Hugs and strength from SW


Kurtzie, forward momentum is forward momentum! Take it and run with it.

Glory, “playing dead” is about the only way to manage a legal situation when children are involved. I went through that same scenario with the first exspath and I got a scathing psych eval. Well, of course we’re going to appear nuts because the spath have taken great pains to drivve us nuts. And the sad fact is that most professionals in the fields of psychiatry and psychology only know case studies and have no personal frame of reference.

My brightest blessings to you both


There is a grassroots piece to it all which in truth may have more impact than anything else because stories travel.

Tell them. Let the ones that need told wind their ways around the globe.

The stories need to be told over and over. Not just mine.

All of them.
Because this is a battle against ignorance.

And ignorance is stubborn.

But, saying no can be a pretty stubborn thing too


I have been having a ‘thoughtful’ and ‘reflective’ kind of day today. Trying to fit the pieces together without breaking down and sobbing….

I have already shared one link on another thread and I want to share one more on my journey today, inside my own thoughts:

Although I don’t think I have messed anything up except for myself by sometimes maybe caring just a little too much…

Note: *The following link contains adult language*
Anyone finding that offensive may want to pass on watching.

Happy Saturday you guys…
My LF Family ((to all))



Dupey, you sound in need of a hug today…. so HUGS! Tomorrow will be a different day, dear!


Thanks darwinsmom for the ((hug)) Back at ya…
I broke my toe this morning and last night, while making dinner, I burned a good sized scar on the top of my hand. 🙁
I feel like one of The Three Stooges with the way things are happening to me…..

It’s been a BLAH day….
Had the Grand daughter most of the day yesterday and she had to go back home….we had the grandest day together!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What an ugly, nightmarish experience that ppath was and still is. Not more than 10 mins ago, I was stalked, only once again.

(((darwinsmom))) back at ya…



Ouch… stomping a toe against something is already something that makes me say some expletives, but to break it… That must really hurt. And burns are nasty! I hope you kept it under the tap of cool, running water for 10 mins.

We have our clumsy moments. Two weeks ago I felt like it was ‘hotsy-botsy-cnotsy’ week (translated into English hustly-bumpy-boink week). First I fell halfway down the stairs with moving boxes in my arms, luckily on my butt and 2 elbows (that still look yellowish of the aftermath); then some guy bumped into me on the street like incredibly hard and didn’t even apologize (so literally insensitive) and he seemed to have done it on purpose too, then on my way back to the old apartment a car had had an accident with a tram; I broke my bedroom hanglamp (I intended to let it hang here, but now that it’s broken glass I can’t even do that), etc, etc, etc… Either I or others broke or fell or injured something that week, several times.

In the end I decided it must have been either something in the water, or in the air that made it such a clumsy week for me and so many, and I laid low for 2 weeks… LOL…

So, I guess whatever it was that was in the water or the air has moved on to the Americas 🙂 It’ll pass! But take care of that toe and that burn and lay low for a week!

I’m sorry about the stalking. I read that you just celebrated a week of being stalking free. So, you had your hopes up that this time it might be over… only for that hope to be crushed. I’m sorry. HUGS again, including your toe!

A ‘bumpy ride’ video for you to stay on topic. It’s in German, but you’ll get the idea… 😉


darwinsmom: thank you for the chuckle…
what are you guys doing over there?
sending the ‘clumsy wumsy’s’ to America?


Maybe it has something to do with the moon
and tides…hmmm…

Yah, well, the toe…hahahaha
Blasted thing has always been a nuisance anyways…

Sorry about your clumsy fate, as well, darwinsmom…
Hope you are feeling better now.

I am trying to decide which one of the Three Stooges I would most closely resemble today…hahaha I think it would have to be Larry. hahahaha whoo whoo whoo; ncht, ncht, ncht…why I oudda…

So, what do you think?
Is it in the AIR or the WATER?

Yah, take care of the toe and the burn…
Roger….I am locking myself in my apartment and not moving or breathing until I feel better. This could get really dangerous. hahahaha

I took German in school, growing up, perhaps I will know some of it in the video. Thank you very much. xxoo

Happy night and thanks for the company today.
I am going to be on the ‘down low’ for a while..
I have had enough for a couple days now to last me.
Time to recover and re cooperate.
Get ready for the next round….



The commercial was very very funny…
I am still laughing…

We need those kind of speed bumps in Los Angeles!!!!

Thanks for the ‘light moment’, Lovey…


Ox Drover

Dupey, put that toe ABOVE YOUR HEART, and put ice packs on it. I use frozen peas for ice pack, and when they get soft I put them back in the freezer and then keep two on hand, but ice of any kind will help. Stay off it as much as you can and keep it elevated as much as you can. That will help with the pain and the swelling.

Not a lot a doctor can do, unless the break is up in your foot as well as the toe itself. I’ve broken mine many times (I am a klutz delux model)

So just be good to yourself.

We got the rain I prayed for, but it blew the roof of my studio and tore it up to where it is GONE….also tore some of the aircraft hangar roof as well, but could have been worse. Spent most of the day picking up broken lumber off the ground and trying to repair the electric connections so oI can have power out there again….running a generator to keep the freezers from melting down.

It seems it always comes in waves doesn’t it…first a toe then a finger….so just hang in there darling! (((hugs)))


OMG OX: so sorry to hear about all this!!!
Are you doing alright? Do you have help?

Tell me what happened; I haven’t heard.
If you need back up we got lots out here we can send
to rescue you! hahahaha

Right, it was COMPLETELY IN THE TOE itself. Like the joint
of the toe. hahaha She’s a real beauty, let me tell ya.
Almost completely ripped it right off my foot. So we’ll see
what tomorrow brings.

I am glad to know you got the rain. Do you think you could send us some? Don’t send the winds though.

Yah: waves….like an evil curse or something; hahahaha
I wouldn’t be surprised. NOTHING surprises me anymore.

Dopey Doo Duh


Thank you all for your feedback and advice!

Foolmeonce: I’m so encouraged to hear that your son can get along with his dad. My son is 14, then two daughters in middle school. The girls are rather ‘done’ with their dad. My son was good with his dad until the marriage, but bad with life: he was suicidal, into Goth, atheistic, wore his hair in his face, and disrespectful…failing. But when he was done with his dad: he is smiling more, asking about God and Heaven, asked for a buzz cut, (started brushing his teeth on his own again), and volunteered to take a study skills class. He’s even joking with my husband and step-brother. I’m not sure a close relationship with their dad for anyone is a good thing–he is so invalidating. I know that my own mental health wavered when I spent too much time with him so I can only imagine how a child–dependent on him for his/her care–would feel.

For instance, my son was locked out of his dad’s house in 100 degree heat this week. His dad didn’t answer his phone. So, my son is outside for hours and vomits on the stair. His dad gets home, yells at him, and makes him clean up his own vomit.

That is so sad to me. I can’t imagine being a kid cleaning up my own vomit. My parents worked us hard, but my mom wouldn’t have let us much less made us clean up vomit.

So I’m wondering: How does your son keep his sanity being around his dad? – Thanks Foolmeonce 🙂

Kurtzie- May I suggest writing down a private list of reasons why you need to stay away from your ex? For instance: If I’m going to be lonely, I’d rather be alone than lonely with him. I left my spath 3 times…note the 3 children I have.

Ox Drover & Truth- Thanks for the possum trick. I’ll practice up. I’m better now at using what works. I used to think that being kind would work…Do the right thing, and everything will work out. That only works with actual humans. Spaths use it to figure out how to screw with you next. I’ll pray for his conversion under a veil of gray rock. I pray a lot–in case my nickname didn’t give me away:-)

I’m learning. Thanks for starting this and keeping it going! You people Rock! (I also think I’m funny, which my mother assures me is a character flaw:)


Back from the edge- if you’re still on: I’ve broken 8 toes playing Vball on wet grass. Wrap the toe with the one next to it. Not too tight for circulation and not too loose to steady it. It’ll heal faster and straighter…less pain.

Hope it works!


GlorytoGod: Thank you for your advice and your concern.
The toe has been wrapped to its neighbor since I reset it.
HOPEFULLY that will work. I hope when I wake up tomorrow
that my foot and leg isn’t all gross looking – All I need
is some more. Right? muahahahahahahaha

Thanks everyone for the back up tonight.
Have a good night and rest well.
I am headed in that direction…

I went out and sat on my back porch a little while ago to get some fresh air and feel the cool night breeze and I was so heartwarmed when out of no where, a police car pulled up ever so slowly and nodded at me. How reassuring is THAT?!
I think I will sleep well tonight.

God Bless all the Angels.
That includes all of YOU.



Dupey! Ack! I’m so sorry to read of your injury! No…not much one can do about a broken toe except tape it, as Glory mentione, and elevate it, as Nurse Oxy said. Ack….

I’m also sorry that there was another stalking effort. When I experined that, I often wondered how approaches to this insidious crime would change if police, attorneys, and judges experienced it without any action.

Tough days….yeah….seventy steps forward and a few backward – you”re okay Dupey. I guess, regardless of how far out we get from the spaths, there will always be moments or a day when it’s still “sad.” I don’t know too much about that, yet, but considering how near-complete the damages were, it has to be a lifelong process of recovery.

Hug and hugs, Dupey.



Hope you have a better morning now, and good to hear you had a nice moment on the porch!

Hahaha, I was still chuckling over that german commercial when I laid in bed; those speed bumps veering up with the springs, then the flight path of the speeding car and his wife looking aghast at the results. It was so over the top unrealistic. Personally my favourite person in it was the wife who loved to film the flowers and was shocked about what her husband had done.


I almost like the idea of the German Speed Bump…….it sure as heck would slow traffic down! LOLOL


Good Morning My Friends:

GlorytoGod: I used to play volleyball in high school but I have never broken a toe before.
You poor person! Don’t they have such a thing as ‘toe guards’?


Truthspeak: Morning from the Left Coast! ACK! Is right!
Almost ripped that little piggy right off my foot. I am looking at it this morning and it looks like it is starting to ‘set’ in the right position now. All kinds of pretty colors. hahaha

I will have to wear a foot guard of some kind to prevent myself from knocking it again. The next time I do, it could come right off there. hahahaha

darwinsmom: Hello. I AM having a better morning, thanks for wishing…
I hope you are having a good morning too.

Oh yes, the moment on the porch was PRICELESS.
(Caps used for emphasis). The one ten minutes I stepped out on my porch, after dark, for the first time in a long time, and who do I see out there but one of the Angels…smiling back at me, nodding. I am so fortunate….they are ever watchful…
All because they care…I know this. I care back…but seeing that last night, gave me peace and calm inside. I KNOW, when I lay my head down at night, to sleep, someone’s got my back.

“IT” said to me once: “You take heavy medications at night and they make you sleepy; hm?
That would be a perfect time for me to come in and rape you and then leave you dead.”

hahahahahaha Don’t threaten, bring it.
I have a surprise for you!!!!

I hear this threat, in my mind, over and over again, and although it might be ‘colorful’, I hope not ‘triggering’ and I will try to relay it as gently as I can:

“You know your life will never be the same because of me. I have you captured under my spell….You will always love and revere me because I have you captured so well, I could slip into town to visit you, and while I am f**cking you, slit you from your (vaginal area) to your throat and leave you laying in a pool of blood and nobody would find you until I am long out of town.”

I told him he would never make it.
But he came anyways.

That is one of many.
Just like in the movies, folks..
But, that’s alright, you see – because I have ‘back up’.
So, after that threat was given to me, “IT” showed up 3 days later and was promptly escorted out of town.

I would NOT buy into the horse manure. Any of it.
“IT” was not very happy because THAT moment could have been and almost was ‘strike three’. But being checked by law enforcement should be expected when making terrorist threats. FEDERAL OFFENSE. Especially using the telephone.

How about this one:
Throwing a lighted propane cylinder in my apartment hallway.
Threats of pushing me out in traffic when we took our walks.
Want more?

So, when I go to sleep at night, it’s a tricky thing, sometimes. I AM GREATLY RELIEVED and COMFORTED (caps added for emphasis) to have seen that last night.
I so bless the Angels.

I am not afraid to die.
That isn’t the point.
The point is the evil and criminal intent.

Just like I told “IT”:
“It’s not so much whether you succeed in killing me or not,
it’s the intent the law is concerned with more.
Watch your steps is all I have to say.”
“I” know what the intent was/is and now local law enforcement is well aware too.

It was like a GIFT seeing that police officer drive past my apartment last night. GOD BLESS THEM. From everything I hear, “I” am one of the ‘fortunate’ ones to have such amazing ‘back up’ like I do. I wish it was that way for everyone. IT SHOULD BE. These ‘beings’ are dangerous.

If “IT” comes to MY CITY again, “IT” will not leave.
I told “IT” the next time it attempts a ‘live and in person’ visit, to make sure to bring clean underwear because “IT” would probably be staying a while.

THEN it threatened to hire someone so “IT” didn’t have to come to town at all. hahahahaha

Amazing. “IT” has watched too many of those illogical,
“B” horror movies, I think. Never underestimate a ppath/spath, though. That is a HUGE mistake. They use mirrors to deflect you and when you least expect they barge in. I know. I have been dealing with this for a long time now. I have all the patterns down.

I am accepting of the fact that this is an OBSESSION on ITS behalf. I have been fixed upon and he is fixating all of his attention on me. The only way to get rid of those unwanted and ugly attentions is to lock the door and don’t let it in anymore. Don’t believe anymore ‘promises’; don’t use your compassion and your heart: use your head and your logic.
Complete NC. That is what MAKES US win and them lose. Mistake? No. I KNEW when it was time to slam and lock that door. WITHOUT A DOUBT. And, it hates me for that, tremendously. IT has been ‘outed’. Completely.

All the rest of the CHOICES belong to “IT”.
So bring it on or shut the hell up and go away.

I LOVED the German Speed Bump Commercial! hahahaha
I think we need those things on the streets of Southern California. Wow: that car flew a long ways, didn’t it? hahaha
I hope whoever was driving it lived.

I laughed myself to sleep thinking how those would work so well here. hahahahahaha That was like a night time hug, darwinsmom: thanks again.

Thank you to all of you for being that ‘safe place’ for me to talk and to share. This is a two way street, our sharing…
I learn from you and you learn from me.

I pray for you all nothing but safety on your journeys and that when you get to the end of this journey, you will find peace and joy in your lives because you all deserve it.

Dupity Doo Duh


Dupey. Put you some shoe’s on girl !~ this little piggy went to market this little piggy went weee weee wee all the way home.


hahahaha: that is exactly what I have been thinking, about the ‘little piggy’….hahahahaha

that little piggy is f**cked up this morning for sure….
recovering from major trauma….

shoes suck at home.
besides, it hurts me piggy….

poor little piggy ain’t going to no market today.

mwahhh!!!! xxoo
hang in there hens, you are important to the world…



Dupey…..I love that you’re laughing. You’re so precious – never, ever forget that.


mwahh! xxoo


Hey Dupey, what have you been doing? You poor love! Hope you’re coping my friend. I have been reading your previous posts. So sorry that “IT”, chortle, continues the quest …….WTF?

Bless you Dupey,
lots of love SW x


(((strongawoman))) My Friend…
So happy to read you.

I am trying to cope the best I can.
“IT” – yah, what a fine specimen; hm?

WTF is right; hey?
It’s alright…

We are strong. xxoo
Love back Dearie…



LPMarie13 : An idea for you….quickly forward all emails you want to save, to a new email acct. Then you can leisurely save and download what you need later. I fully understand that need to not even have his email come in!

You are absolutely amazing, and you brought tears to my eyes, with all that you are trying to handle. I am exactly 3 mons out, too. Mine was a 24 yr marriage and I was madly in love, and we have two young teen boys. I’m beginning to see that he is going to get some custody of them (I’d hoped for no overnights, but I doubt I can achieve that). This kills me. I have to run now, but loading my Ipod with contemporary Christian music has been like medication for me. I will tell you some awesome songs that have addressed my needs right now, and have been incredibly helpful… if you want…Off to appt with my counselor right now! 🙂

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