It seems obvious that sociopaths make lousy parents and step parents. But the courts have not always seen it that way. One father trying to protect his daughter from a sociopathic mother was asked by a mental health professional, “So she’s a liar does that make her a bad mother?” Furthermore, the texbook I use to teach forensic psychology says that professionals who evaluate parents in custody disputes “should avoid diagnostic labels” and “accentate the postitives.”
There seems to be a lack of clarity as to what makes an adequate parent, a good parent and a bad parent. The court also does not recognize that the biologic children of sociopaths may have special developmental needs if they have inhereted genes that predispose them to sociopathy, addiction and ADHD. So why should evaluators avoid diagnostic labels and accentuate the positives, I really want to know.
I have come to the conclusion that the only people who are in the position to help change the system are adults whose parents and step parents are sociopaths. These adults know what it is like to grow up with a sociopath.
I spoke with a woman in her 30’s last night. She is just coming to the realization that her mother is a sociopath. She told me that for many years, she blamed herself. The woman said of her mother, “She was the queen of manipulation. She knew how to turn things around and make me feel like I did something wrong.” Sociopaths make psychological mince meat of the adults in their lives, how are children supposed to deal with them?
There is a recent news story out of the UK I would like you to consider. The story illustrates the fact that behind most every fraud there are children. The children are always affected even if they are not drawn in.
Mohammed Rashid is a garage owner in the UK who is accused of large scale insurance fraud. He allegedly faked accidents and filed bogus insurance claims.
According to an article in the Telegraph and Argus, ” Porsche-driving Rashid, known as Mojo, was appointed a state-registered accident claims manager, prosecutor Andrew Kershaw said. He operated from his body repair garage, Autotransform in Spearhead Way, Keighley.”
Mojo had a lady friend, “In the dock with Rashid is Sarah Lowther, 37, of Bradford Road, Keighley, described in court as his partner.” The most disturbing part of the story is that Sarah and Mojo are accused of drawing her three children into the scam. “Mr Kershaw has alleged that she allowed her three children to be schooled into telling a pack of lies about fictitious injuries to a doctor as part of the scam.”
Mojo’s fraud ring also involved other adults, four of whom have already pled guilty.
Now, I don’t know the degree of sociopathy present in Sarah and Mojo, however, the fact is that three children have been drawn into this mess.
I am collecting and documenting stories like this in order to help future parents involved in custody disputes. If you have information about the case of Mojo and Sarah or any other similar case please email me. If you are the adult child of a sociopath we want to hear your story. All information you give us is kept private.
If you are a mother or father whose choice of a sociopath as a step parent for your child was a mistake, forgive yourself. Work hard at healing so you can be the best parent you can be. You can regain the respect of your children and others if you acknowledge your mistakes and make a new life for yourself.
You are absolutely right, OxD about having to reparent ourselves. And what an amazing job you have done. Your mother sounds much more malicious than mine. My mother also likes to manipulate me into contact with her will money. I had to get to a point where I don’t care what she does with her money, even though I’m quite poor.
Deawr Shattered,
YOu have not offended me in any way by asking a question, I feel free to answer them or decline to answer them as I see fit on this blog, but I don’t mind answering your question. My last husband (20 yrs before his death) was a strong willed engineer, but in no way a P. We had a great marriage!
My bio father was a P, I went to live with him when I was a teenager and he gave me the “P-treatment” in spades, my mom’s brother was a P, I called him Uncle Monster, I dated a P after my husbnd died, and I have had business partners who were Ps, Bosses that were Ps, and “friends” that were BPDs, it seems that some how I was attractive to them and them to me. The “idolize” phase of the psychopaths when they are hooking you in seems to appeal to “us” (victims) and I know it did me, because I craved approval (though I was “successful” by most people’s standards) I still didn’t feel “successful” and adoration from others was heady to me.)
A couple of years after my son had killed his victim and was arrested a friend gave me a copy of Robert Hare’s book “without conscience” and I read it, I started to see that my biological father was a psychopath (at that time I did not have a great deal of professional psych experience) Then later, I began to see some of the same characteristics in my P-son, and kept hanging on to shreads of hope that he wasn’t, that he could change his thinking. Change His behavior.
With the “training” I had had my entire life in enabling going along with my wish my son would reform, get out of prison and be a good man…all these things conspired to keep me in the “river denial”—
Not learning to set reasonable and solid boundaries about how people will treat you makes us vulnerable to the Ps I think. Not having a solid concept of yourself, feeling needy emotionally, all of these things can make us vulnerable. Low self esteem, a feeling of inadequacy, a feeling of not deserving to be treated better….all those things can make us vulnearble.
There are other things that can make us vulneable to the Ps, that keep us either in denial or “unaware” of the abuse, or “normalizing” the abuse as expected behavior or trivalizing it as “only verbal” and “real” abuse is always slapping, and he never slaps me. He gets drunk every night, but he goes to work every day so he’s not an alcoholic.
In not setting boundaries we make excuses why the behavior is “not so bad” or “won’t be repeated”–but once we admit the behavior is bad, is abusive, is wrong, that it is painful and we don’t deserve it, that we refuse to continue to allow it, then we can start to heal. Admitting to myself that I had ALLOWED more than one person to abuse me more than once was difficult, but I saw a PATTERN there. Being too trusting and other problems that allowed me to be more vulnerable, I think, than the “average” person. At least more so than someone who was “more healthy” emotionally.
I don’t know if any of that makes any sense to anyone else, but I recognized that I was participating in my own abuse by allowing it.
I too am too trusting. I open my heart right up and I give men the benefit of the doubt to early. You’re right, OxD – it does make you so vulnerable – either to be hurt by a regular guy or crushed by a P.
I have a hard time figuring out where the line should be – between being to reserved, protected and closed off — versus being open, trusting and loving right from the get-go. Low self esteem, you’re right is a big contributor to lack of boundries. Like, if I’m too hard on them, too high of expectations – they’ll leave.
Well, you know, I look at it (now) that if someone doesn’t like me LIKE I AM, then I don’t want them to stay anyway. The thing is, I am a “worthy” person, but if someone doesn’t appreciate me, then it is their loss NOT MINE. I’m okay not going to “put on a front” for anyone. There’s no line of men outside of my door knocking it down, but I’m fine with my self. I no longer feel “needy” for someone else to “make me happy” or to “take care of me.”
I think all of us need a hiatus from “relationshps” until we are well along with the healing and we feel STRONGER and less needy. I’ve seen too many people jump from relationship to relationship, (all bad) without ever finding out what is wrong with the PATTERN of these relationships.
I jumped too soon into dating after myhusband’s death but I went ahead since I too was “afraid” I might lose the opportunity for this “great catch.”
Being “unattached” in our society I think seems some how that we aren’t “okay” unless we attach to someone. (especially for women I think) Now, I am okay “unattached”–and quite frankly I am better off than lots of folks I know who ARE attached to bad relationships. LOL
I don’t automatically assume that if I don’t “get along” with someone that it is my “fault.” or that I need to change something about myself.
OxD
I’m so glad that your marriage was happy, unfortunately when you’re grieving you are particularly vulnerable and these people pick you out.
My father, whether he was a P or not, I don’t know, but he certainly gave my mother hell. Thank god she had the strength to get rid of him. You know, just before his death approximately 30 years after they split up, he had the nerve to contact my Mom and ask for us kids to go and see him – even though he had shown no interest in us whatsoever in all that time, and he stilled blamed Mom for the problems in their marriage.
When researching on the internet (trying to understand my granddaughters behavior) I came across Dr Hare’s writings, Lovefraud and other sites then suddenly everything in mine, my daughters and my Mom’s life started to make sense to me.
I have been in two very manipulative abusive relationships (not so bad as my daughters though), so I did understand to a good degree what my daughter was going through. Anyway, both my daughter and I used to say her hubbie was a pscho – not really believing it, because we thought he could change if he wanted to, we couldn’t unerstand why he wouldn’t want to change, because he not only wrecked our lives but more so, his own.
Because at the end of the day we still had families who loved us and he had nothing. we thought ” WHAT A SAD MAN HE’S LOST EVERYONE HE CARED ABOUT” .
Then, when the light came on, I for one, realised he couldn’t or wouldn’t change. How thick am I that I hadn’t realised earlier, it’s just that he could be so damn lovely as well. (but nonetheless I should have realised earlier, I’d been there enough with my own relationships). Don’t get me wrong I said to my daughter “Bab, he will never change, if he could, he would” and I knew that was correct, but I still hoped and prayed he would.
Anyway, I stopped hoping and praying the day he took my precious granddaughter, and totally wrecked my lovely daughter . I knew her self esteem was wrecked by him anyway, but nothiing like now. She is no longer the same person. It breaks my heart. I have tried everything I possibly can to help, but to be honest, all she does now is push me away emotionally, and I feel so helpless and useless. And I hate him, really hate him, and I have never really hated anyone before in my life, including my ex’s. How and Why do they do it???????
And now, as if things couldn’t get worse, another P (in my opinion) as picked her out, and I just can’t get through to her.
You know, in reading this site I am totally amazed that there are all these people out there who have been damaged by the same sick influence that robbed me of now 49 years of my life as I grew up with an emotionally abusive sociopathic, malignant narcissist father and a totally co-dependent accommodating enabling mother and I missed my only chance of escape during college because I carried the scars within and was unable to reach out for help or change due to my abusive upbringing.
I used to read about these types of people who were caught as criminals and think that they were just liars and sick people and not worry about what sickness they had because hey, it didn’t affect me, right? Hey, wait! I LIVED that nightmare and am a living survivor and accommodator of those people because I was raised to not be ABLE to demand any kind of accountability in anyone else. Why? Because my father, controller of anything meaningful in life and family, refused to be accountable to anyone for any reason and he was always right according to my mother because (as she stated many times) he knew best and he was in charge of everything and was the only one who could handle things as he was the only one authorized and knowledgeable enough to handle them. After all, he was the only one with any information and nobody was entitled to have any information from him about anything. So, for example, the IRS didn’t know anything and was simply persecuting him for 12 straight years because there was of course nothing suspicious about what my father was doing — after all he was in control of the world, right? It was the IRS that was wrong — and so was the state of NY and every competitor or contractor that he put in a bid to for work or had an unpaid invoice or whatever…. how can a sociopath be wrong? It’s impossible right? So why are all these people so hard on the only guy in the world that knows the right things to do and the only right ways to do them? (uh… I’m being sarcastic here in case nobody is picking that up…. but this was my reality growing up and in my working life for 40 years….)
No disclosure is a HUGE KEY to seeing who is a sociopath I have discovered. If someone is not willing to disclose every little thing about themselves and their work and have it held up to scrutiny then I will pin the label of sociopath on them right there. At least now I will — never before I figured out what this illness really is. And it’s funny that people who ARE sociopaths will go to great lengths to create evidence to cover up their lies (as was demonstrated in one story on this site) so I think as a society we need to teach ourselves and our kids and our colleagues to do spot checks with the intention of giving out credit not spreading paranoia — but that these spot checks will indeed ferret out the sociopaths in the crowd for our mutual benefit. The only problem is that these sociopaths are just let go and not locked up or put through remedial cures (if such a thing exists) to protect others in society.
What to do, what to do… I mean, society sort of teaches people how to be a sociopath when they teach something like resume writing for your first job (for example) because the minute you sort of gloss the facts to look better for a job, you are starting that first step down the path towards lying and building a false existence of sociopathy that you sort of have to live up to then BUT they actually tell you to do this in order to get ahead in your career… so maybe society doesn’t want any strict rules of accountability. The fine line becomes where glossing ends and where lying starts if you know what I mean and that line seems to move depending on the societal pressures for getting ahead which seem to have been pushed along over the years by economic pressures and changing working environments. Or maybe these pressures just get stronger with age and the person’s need to achieve. I don’t know. I’m learning and thinking out loud. But once that little first step is made then the other steps become easier and you end up with these people like the guy on another section f this site who at the age of 47 has an entire false life and false history and hidden reality that he doesn’t even understand or acknowledge and he’s infected all those around him with his own illness of falsity because of years of false information and lack of accountability for himself. So the cycle continues even worse in the next generations until it gets so bad that the kids are simply not able to bond and reproduce and the family line dies out… hopefully — for the benefit of society I guess… .
Anyway, I think I will add a few rules of survival of my own here . I have 49 years of growing up with it and finally understanding sort of the damage that it caused and possibly how to recognize it and try to fix certain aspects of it. I’m not sure all aspects of it are fixable but here goes my initial list of “rules” and thanks again list of people for letting me vent a bit….
1) THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU (remember that is YOU) when you have been put upon by a sociopath. In other words, in seeking counseling over the decades (yes.. 30 years worth) my opening statement was always, “I don’t know what is wrong with me but there is something very very wrong with me and I don’t know what it is….” and then we would spend the entire time in therapy, years sometimes, trying to figure out why I couldn’t relate to men and had such bad passive / aggressive reactions to controlling people in work or social situations and all this other rot as if the problem was within me… and all that had to happen to undo any progress was that I would make some sort of breakthrough of seeing that my father and mother had caused some sort of problem and I would call them for some family reason and bang! I’d be back to being my co-dependent helpless self who was being told that I remembered it wrong and that that was not true so it had to be within me and not because of them…. or that I had interpreted it wrongly so it was still my fault… blah blah blah…. So remember that IT IS NOT A PROBLEM WITHIN YOU at all … and if you are a therapist, beware of people coming into your office and saying this because it seems to be the first reaction of every victim to take blame on themselves.
2) IT IS OK TO BLAME — why does blame always get a bum rap? So many therapists and professionals and, in the case of my co-dependent mother and primary caregiver and surrogate spouse for years since my father emotionally abandoned her and she said so many times that she “lived vicariously through me…”, told me that blame is only fixing the cause of the problem on someone else which you cannot do … WELL HORSE FEATHERS!!! It needs to be fixed elsewhere for healing to happen… and in the case of a sociopath or psychopath or abuser or any other things my father was, he was indeed the one to blame and there was no understanding him and no rationalization or logic for it so don’t try — JUST BLAME AND RUN…. and try to learn to find a substitute parent/partner for the one(s) that are the sociopath and the enabler just like people do in divorce — only with a child you cannot divorce your parents — mostly because you are dependent on them for money and education on life…. but I swear there needs to be a school family psychological appraisal for parenthood to screen out the unfit parents who are simply covering up each other’s faults…
3) SOMEWHERE THERE NEEDS TO BE A DEFINITION OF WHAT IS A NORMAL FAMILY AND A NORMAL RELATIONSHIP THAT IS SHOWN TO KIDS GROWING UP AND USED BY THERAPISTS AS A BASIS FOR DISCUSSIONS WITH ADULT PATIENTS — Why? Well, TV and movies are known to be ficticious (look at cartoons…) so we as a society are taught that very young — meaning that what we see on the screen is OK to be different from what you see in your home and we accept that because we know that the writers are trying to be funny or entertaining or full of drama or whatever. Yes, we yearn for the loving close intimate relationships we see portrayed and think that we can find them ourselves but there are never any real steps shown or told on how to get there and what we need to be to be allowed to have those relationships — and the basis for being allowed to have that relationship is if you are a blank slate going into the relationship — as in no baggage — because the actors in the movie don’t have any baggage so they can just relate and accept and have a relationship but in reality we as people don’t ever simply appear on the scene without emotional baggage trailing along. If this baggage includes a personal history of some sort with a sociopath then we will never be able to simply accept any relationship offered because we will always question and not believe what is being offered — including true love. As an example, in the 1950’s the examples available were Ozzie and Harriet and Leave it to Beaver that showed family life as being a fairly one model acceptability but everyone believed that was reality for 90% of America or the ideal model of some sort. What do we have today? How do you know when your own living arrangement is not healthy versus simply a different life choice? So starting in school and at the therapists office for adults seeking help and maybe even on first dates for Pete’s sake, have a questionnaire about behavior — as in, Did your parents ever lie to you? Or belittle you? Or yell at you about the same subject? Do you have secrets that you can’t talk about? did your parents ever refuse to answer any questions or tell you something that you found out later wasn’t true? What is your definition of a great parent? Do yours fit that description? yadda yadda yadda — because a person who has a miserable relationship with their parents probably will make a lousy spouse until they figure out who is the wrong person — either they are wrong or their parents were wrong and my bet is that the ones who admit to having a rocky relationship with their parents stand a better chance of fixing themselves than the parents who say they had an ideal relationship with their kids. And vice versa. Actually, I now have a rule as I’m sure this poster has that whatever someone tells me on a date, I WILL spot check in more than one way before I trust again. Call me paranoid but it sure beats being abused again.
4) MANDATORY SCHOOL PROGRAMS ARE GOOD SOCIETY SCREENS FOR UNFIT PARENTS — And this should be a way to screen for socially deviant behaviors in the home like sociopathy, alcoholism, abuse of all kinds, all sorts of psychological maladaptations, and basically a societal benefit to see if everyone is happy and healthy. Kids are the most vulnerable and also, because of the mandatory education system in this country, an outstanding intervention point for a spot check on life stabilizing issues. Like sex education became mandatory in schools in the 1960’s only it keeps getting watered down by requirements for teaching total human health of the physical body without the involvement of the emotional impact because all these parents are upset about schools trying to change the parental personal teachings about the rightness and wrongness of premarital sex (although I believe this is a social maladaptation that is the parents problem and not the child’s). And in 99% of these objection cases the issue is religion which is by law not allowed in schools anymore so then the whole emotional side of things has to be avoided because it is too tied up in religion. Look — screw it — when it comes to separating church and state and avoiding school mentions of religion you are essentially separating the head from the heart and the physical from the emotional which is what has gotten us to this point of having a disconnected sick society to begin with — but no, I am not a religious nut either — religion can easily be abused just like anything else like drugs, sex, violence, money, control of others, emotional mind games, etc. — Religion is by definition, a belief system though and emotions are the belief system of the human body so to ignore religious discussion is to ignore emotional discussion and belittle the entire emotional importance of a human being — and thus create more sociopaths out there…. how unhealthy!!!… Let kids hear all about religion in schools and money and drugs and abuse cases and everything else — why put something off limits and not celebrate the whole human experience of emotions, religion, sex, love, cultural beliefs, etc. Let them all accept it or reject it it on their own — as a parent you can’t keep them sheltered forever to believe or not believe as they see fit so let it be and just try talking to your kids about it when they get home — I personally think sex education, for example, should include everything and not just stripped down biological facts and certainly include emotional screening for early damage to emotional bonding, discussions and examples of good and bad pornography and other deviant/different behaviors. The more comfortable kids are at discussing it the more chance there is that the abused or abnormally raised kids will be discovered and treated early in their trauma. (and yes as to pornography stated above, I think there is a good side of pornography if it shows caring and healthy sex between two people and even lots of play and experimentation in mutually consenting ways between adults as a means of teaching kids who are maladjusted by their parents’ views of sex going into adulthood — I’m not talking about gang bangs without hugs and kisses or without emotional involvement but healthy human bonding through sex in lots of different ways is a good kind of pornography that should be openly shown to children bordering on adulthood and discussed openly because they are GOING to experience it in some way in the next few years and hopefully they will not end up raped because they have no way of judging what is good and bad in sex… )
5) PARENTING CLASSES ARE WASTED ON ADULTS — GIVE THEM DIRECTLY TO KIDS INSTEAD WITH AN OPTION FOR PARENTS TO ATTEND — There should also be a class in childhood in school on social and life planning where there is a reality check on what messages they are getting at home. Empower kids dreams and desires for their life and direct them while they’re young and able to grab onto a life plan of their own. Kids do not know how to ASK for this so a scheduled full blown course is important for those who can’t ask or forget or don’t know how to ask because teachers get busy too — Not all parents do this so someone should make sure we don’t have a whole bunch of lost lives out there. So many parents rely on the schools to do the parenting that perhaps we ought to say, ok, fine, then we will do it this way and if you don’ t like it then go ahead and do it your way and we will see if your kids pass the screening test at the end of their childhood — it won’ t be a tough test — just an interview and a plan to go forward and not just get kicked out on the street by the parents for society to deal with like some of the serial killers experienced. Without a plan every child will fail as an adult. Careers don’t just materialize if you have no goals or if your goals are simply to make money. Marriages that are broken at home between your parents and step parents become the role models for every child’s perception of a relationship and marriage and if it is broken or abusive children do not know that that is wrong — they just know that they don’t want one — ever — which means they are sentencing themselves to isolation and never getting better or having their own life. And oddly, no amount of visual proof that the broken model is not what reality is will ever convince these people that abuse or sociopathy is not the real picture because they are unable to see the difference — they assume that all is hidden behind closed doors just like the house they grew up in… so beware .. and if you’re a therapist, be even more aware of this in kids and of course in grown up kids who aren’t married.
Starmist,
I have read your post, and I agree with so much of what you say.
Children definately need to be educated about healthy relationships, and in theory I like the idea, of identifying children in abusive homes.
The problem as I see it is, assuming a teacher or therapist recognises that parents are failing a child emotionally or physically, how could they go about solving the problem.
Abusive parents, either do not, or will not, admit to being at fault. As you know, children have no choice, as they rely so completely upon their parents, be they good or bad.
How could a sociapathic parent be approached in order to help their child? As they accept no responsibility themslves I don’t see this as a possibility.
In reality, no matter how abusive home life can be, the quality of the care system is so poor, children would be no better off if they were removed from the home.
Is it possible to educate children to help themselves, to know how to handle toxic parents? I don’t know. I’d like to think so, but I don’t think it’s possible. As you say it took you 49 years.
Once sociapaths have gained control of your mind and life, I don’t think you even realise, especially as a child.
The only chance is that the codependent parent could be educated for the sake of their children. That’s a possibility.
shattered: Your not giving these kids credit. They know right from wrong … they’ve seen the mask slip or remove totally from a parent(s) face. Look at Oxy … she knew since she was a kid … that something wasn’t right. Maybe she didn’t know the terminology of it at the time, but she knew in her heart it wasn’t right.
It’s either teach these kids what their parents are all about … and tell them their are choices they can make or allow this silent abuse to continue in our country.
Hey, these kids are the real adults versus their bio-parents. Their bio-parents didn’t outgrow their selfishness and this is the abuse they have to endure, over and over and over again … what’s good for the parent(s) and who cares about their kid(s).
Peace.
I agree with both of you and thank you for responding 5to my post.
I would say that yes, kids aren’t totally stupid when faced with the obvious facts. And I think that they can READILY be taught to defend themselves from teh unrealities they experience in a dysfunctional home — look at Alateen and Alanon and whatever other self help groups there are. It’s not perfect but it’s better than nothing andhopefully they will find understanding like monded people surronding those groups. For example, I saw my family lifestyle with a big house on a 3 acre lawn and a new car in the garage every 2 years for my father (mother would then get his old one…. how selfish of him) and home improvements and talk of the stock market all the time without disclosure or sharing of the “how” or what was being done due to the secracy of the losses which I didn’t know about at the time… and yet my father was so controlling and abusive of money that ye would scream and yell for an hour over my mother spending $150 for something. I did think several times that if we were that poor indeed then how could all the rest of this exist? Poor people did not send their kids to private schools and have new cars and although I didn’t know the value of a new car over $150 for a load of hay for the horses, it couldn’t be that much differentially, it was just who the intended spend was for — and if it wasn’t for my father than it was obviously too much — right down to being yelled at for asking for $20 for a lift ticket and lunch money for skiing for me. I mean there WERE signs that I noticed, but the word selfish was not allowed and the idea of actually being loved or even wanted as a kid was totally foreign — THAT is what I never knew existed in other peoples’ homes. But any adult who spoke to me about what life was like in my home would have been readily able to see that it was dysfunctional and a few key questions would have ferreted out the need for a supportive and guiding adult influence outside of the home for each of the kids. And that could be done without parental approval if someone had actually taken the time to care and insist to me on it. But in my case there was not an alchohol problem to visibly see or a drug problem or whatever — only verbal abuse that was hidden.
Shattered, your comment about the care system in this country being so bad is totally on the mark. It is — however it is like anything — it depends on what and who is handling the system that is in place and there are good people and bad people — people in it for their own agenda/just a paycheck versus those who really care and are sensitive to the needs of the few who need ferreting out and need care that won’t show up on any performance appraisal or job recommendation. Let’s say that this would be the job of a healthy mother if such a thing existed in every home but it does not so essentially what I’m saying is perhaps what one of the First Ladies came up with in saying “It takes a Village…” because up until a few generations ago, families lived in extended family groupings and tight knit communities and today that is a thing of the past especially in more affluent societies.
Perhaps this looming economic catastrophy is going to be the saving grace for American society in that it will force so many people into group living situations out of sheer poverty and economic ruin. At least then perhaps more than just the biological parents will be able to observe the raising of the children of dysfunctional people and take the totally dysfunctional completely out of hte picture because nobody will want to live with them. Frankly I’m hoping for a new American Revolution to clean house of government officials who are just as much money grubbing sociopaths as Wall St that created this mess but I’m quite sure that will not happen. But I digress.
Frankly I think that the incidence of sociopathy and other personality dysfunctions is directly proportionate to the affluance of the society from where they spring. Money buys the power to be an asshole !!! Truly — if you are poor or an underling you have to bend yourself to fit in to succeed whereas if you inherit money or position or power, you can self perpetuate your God like self definition and get more and more whacked out with each generation raised in isolation. And those born psychopaths who would like to skip over the work to gain the affluance to be an ass&^^8 are drawn to affluant societies where they can marry it, steal it, or otherwise have the freedom to practice their psychopathic and sociopathic ways. I wish I had the answer but all I can do is observe and make comments. I just am trying to figure out how to rescue the children of sociaopaths and psychopathic people and I don’t hink we’ve come up with an answer yet.
That’s how the old timers did it … shared their homes with their adult children and their spouses … then the grandchildren came into the mix … and the house of adults raised the children. Grandparents keeping their adult children in line … as well as the spouses etc.
There was none of this … oh, you’re dating, oh, you’re engaged, oh … now you two are getting a place of your own. It was, OK, we have the wedding at the hall in town … you two take off for the weekend on your own … then come live with us … save your pennies, work in the family business or start your own business.
Peace. I hear you on this one. The selfishness and the greed is kept under control too … cause a no nonsense old timer would tell you off in a quick nano second.