The concept of the sociopath as “masking sanity,” originally from Hervey Cleckley, MD, and since as confirmed and elaborated by other experts, is certainly chilling, great, profound and often-times apt.
But I’d suggest we be careful not to apply it too indiscriminately. In other words, not all sociopaths “wear masks” in the classic sense of Cleckley’s concept. For this reason, if you’re looking for “masks” as a prerequisite to confirming the sociopath, you risk missing the sociopath.
Some sociopaths are more manifestly who they are—sociopaths. They aren’t “masking” much of anything. They aren’t necessarily taking brilliant precautions to conceal themselves.
Like many human beings they aren’t wearing “neon signs” advertising their personality type or personality disorder—rather, they are who they are in their daily lives, not necessarily more consciously disguised in their personalities than anyone else.
The individual suffering from “panic disorder” who takes measures not to make his panic obvious isn’t necessarily wearing a “mask.” He may be effecting a certain normal, selective decision about which aspects of his personality or experience he is or isn’t comfortable making obvious or transparent in the moment.
Many sociopaths are surprisingly undisguised, or certainly no more disguised, about their personalities than non-sociopaths. In some cases I’d suggest the opposite is true: Because many sociopaths are adventure-seeking, under-inhibited and less anxious about the impression they make on others, on top of being inclined to grandiosity and thereby possessing a heightened sense of immunity from the consequences of their attitudes and behaviors, they may reveal even more transparently and less self-consciously aspects of their “real” personality than will non-sociopaths, whose greater self-consciousness around others and greater respect (in general) for others’ boundaries will have an inhibitory effect on what aspects of themselves they choose to reveal.
I’m not suggesting that many sociopaths aren’t master disguisers and impressively covert, calculating manipulators. Of course they are. But we don’t want to fall into the trap of assuming that all of them are, as this puts us, I am suggesting, at risk of missing the many exceptions to the classic sociopathic profile.
Thus we want to be careful to avoid making sweeping generalizations about the presentation of any personality disorder, including sociopaths.
For instance, some sociopaths aren’t even particularly disguised about how manipulative they are. They can be audaciously, almost blatantly manipulative, whether effectively or not. The less good they are, the more “transparent” their manipulativeness is. There’s not much “masking” going on here.
Same with lying: some sociopaths are bad liars. Lying itself doesn’t constitute the wearing of a mask. You can be a transparently bad liar; you can even admit you are a liar, or that you lie frequently and “get over” on others, or “try getting over” on others as a tendency; and while this may qualify you as having sociopathic characteristics, it does not, perforce, mean you are wearing a “mask.”
It may mean, quite simply, that you are being who you are, whether you are boldly, recklessly impulsive; shockingly insensitive and callous to someone else’s experience; or shameless and guiltless as you “steal something” from someone that isn’t yours.
In the latter case, you may make little disguise or pretense of your shamelessness, or lack of guilt. You might just be acting exactly as the sociopath acts. That is, there be very little to “unmask;” what may be primary in such cases is merely to identify the attitudes and behaviors themselves, which may be sociopathic.
I will advance this discussion in a near-term article.
(This article is copyrighted © 2012 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of the male gender pronoun is strictly for convenience’s sake and not to suggest that females aren’t capable of exhibiting the attitudes and behaviors discussed.)
Oxy, your tenderness and compassion always move me – and my bladder. I think I wet my pants again laughing.
My 13-year-old cousin was hit and thrown 70′ by a drunk. I forget how many DWIs he had, but it wasn’t his first offense. She landed on her neck and was killed instantly.
She was standing by the side of the road talking with her girlfriends. They had just come out of an evening church service. They were waiting for their parents to take them home.
People often make that mistake of thinking the people who are obviously drunk are the alcoholics, while the ones who seem to be handling the booze are not. It’s the other way around.
That’s not to say that alcoholics do not appear drunk. They most definitely do. I’m talking about how much it takes to get them there. And, everybody is different. This is a general rule of thumb.
People with low tolerance for alcohol get drunk quickly. Alcoholics can consume volumes and do an excellent job of not letting it show.
Hiding bottles is another sign of full-blown alcoholism, including taking the bottles with them to work to hide in their lockers or desks.
People minimize this one thinking that the person is STARTING to develop alcoholism. It’s actually a sign of advanced alcoholism.
Love your letter to the judge, Oxy!!
I suppose it’s a blessing that I can’t tolerate liquor. One drink maybe, but the second one makes me literally puke.
GIS, you’ve given me insight into my x-best friend. I was always perplexed when I found out she was carrying a bottle of vodka in her bag, her ski boot, etc. She said she did so because buying drinks at a bar was expensive. Dumb me, I said “uh, oh, OK”. She was probably very drunk quite often, but I didn’t know it. Years later, she became very nasty, so I’ve gone LC.
G1S, Yea, my husband (the MASTER of the one line barb or come back!) used to tell people that “My wife went to nursing/medical school so she could learn to stick sharp metal objects into people’s bodies.”
When I would give him a flu shot I would always tell him, “This is going to hurt YOU more than it is me!”
Sorry about making you pee yourself, actually it is bladder damage from having your kid, so blame it on him! LOL Or get you some depends. LOL
Yea, i suspect that he was a full blown alcoholic, but i didn’t suspect that for a while since we didn’t live together. One night he showed up at my house drunk and had driven about 4 hours to get here and I was furious. I should have kicked his sorry arse to the curb that day but I didn’t. I gave him another “chance” and I never again caught him driving drunk, but that doesn’t mean much I guess. I do think he had a high tolerance for alcohol. I’m a “cheap drunk” and one glass of wine will make me tipsy, and part of that may be because I don’t drink often and I don’t drink much.
But you are right, my COMPASSION for that patient was not much. What really pithed me off was daddy coming there begging for the letter. I felt so sorry for that old man, he was probably 75 and “sonny boy” was 50 or so. He had been trying to protect sonny boy for all that time. I didn’t see at that time that I was beginning on the same trip that he was on. At that time we were living in florida and Patrick was just starting his criminal behavior (as far as I knew, but it had actually been going on since he was 15-16, I didn’t know about it until he was 17 and things went to hell in a hand basket from that time on.)
What I had thought was just normal teenage rebellion and mouthyness was actually the full blooming of the psychopathic behavior. The total refusal to be “controlled” by anyone, especially me.
G1S, I’m glad you are here with your experience and knowledge about alcoholism and AA etc. it is a really good addition to our group of “off the wall experts” here.
“G1S, I’m glad you are here with your experience and knowledge about alcoholism and AA etc”
Yes, I agree.
Now that I think s’more about my x-best friend: She always carried with her a small box of pills containing ambien & things like that. Again, never rang a bell with me: Duh!! Cheez, I really picked a great best friend, lol!
There is a graphic, the Jellinek curve, which shows the progression of alcoholism. It’s been adapted for drug addition.
It’s worth checking out. http://www.sober-solutions.com/drug-and-alcohol-abuse-progression-curve/
This PDF talks about the Jellinek curve, explaining the progression.
http://www.readytotest.com/NewJersey06/JELLINEK_PHASES.pdf
G1S,
I read those links you posted. I wish you would do more articles on alcoholism, though my P son is not an alcoholic or drug addict that I have any indication of, and none of my sons have this problem, my Uncle Monster was the “mean type” and by the end of his long life (I never did figure out how he lived to 83, he had melanoma, lung cancer and heavy heavy drinking and seizures) and brain damage from the alcohol. I remember how to say the word for that but not spell it…”Kor-she-koff’s” syndrome and I’ve had patients with it. It is sort of a dementia caused by hard drinking over a life time that has damaged the brain.
I’ve also had patients in the middle of DTs on a medical surgical floor of a hospital.
My egg donor’s maternal line the males were heavy drinkers, passing out, becoming abusive, or More abusive, as the case may be. Even on that side of the family 3 murder/suicides I know of though not in my direct line, but the line of alcoholics is unbroken except my grandmother was an enabler of her son, but the son was his “grandfather’s boy”
My egg donor’s father drank until middle age, but one night he came home and reached out for her (she was an infant and her mom was holding her) and she didn’t want to go to him. He said as drunk as he was he realized his drunkenness was disturbing to his child and he never drank again.
I have heard rumors that after they were married and during the time he was drinking, my grandfather had an affair and even had a child by that woman, but I never saw or heard him be abusive to my grandmother in any way. If they had any serious problems at that stage of their marriage I never observed any, but at the same time, my family was the “keepers of secrets” and I didn’t know about my Uncle Monster’s drinking until I was in my 30s.
I can write more about alcoholism, but I don’t know much about it medically.
Perhaps there is somebody here with a medical background and experience who can explain?
I know a lot about how alcoholism impacts a family and those around them.
I defer to the recovering AAs and double-winners here who can explain much better than I can what alcoholics go through.
Was there anything in particular that you want to know about, Oxy?
I looked over those links and while generally true, some of it is somewhat “beliefs-based.” In addition, the Jellineck Curve pretty much fits the patterns of clinical depression, PTSD and anxiety/stress disorders and while these people may self-medicate with alcohol, they are not necessarily alcoholics.
This is true. I would assume that there is a lot of crossover.
Plus, alcohol is a depressant.
G1S,
agree with Oxy that your info was very helpful. Although my parents were not alcoholics, they are workaholics. Obsessed with money, work is the only thing they find rewarding. Their children were not rewarding to them, they have no hobbies except keeping up the facade. They don’t even have friends. Really, they don’t have any long time friends that they see regularly. They never have.
The “high” they are after is the “getting paid” high. Obviously we are living in an environment where that is a necessary evil but I think it would be good to have some balance, other interests etc…
I wonder if there is a 12-step program for money addicts.