The concept of the sociopath as “masking sanity,” originally from Hervey Cleckley, MD, and since as confirmed and elaborated by other experts, is certainly chilling, great, profound and often-times apt.
But I’d suggest we be careful not to apply it too indiscriminately. In other words, not all sociopaths “wear masks” in the classic sense of Cleckley’s concept. For this reason, if you’re looking for “masks” as a prerequisite to confirming the sociopath, you risk missing the sociopath.
Some sociopaths are more manifestly who they are—sociopaths. They aren’t “masking” much of anything. They aren’t necessarily taking brilliant precautions to conceal themselves.
Like many human beings they aren’t wearing “neon signs” advertising their personality type or personality disorder—rather, they are who they are in their daily lives, not necessarily more consciously disguised in their personalities than anyone else.
The individual suffering from “panic disorder” who takes measures not to make his panic obvious isn’t necessarily wearing a “mask.” He may be effecting a certain normal, selective decision about which aspects of his personality or experience he is or isn’t comfortable making obvious or transparent in the moment.
Many sociopaths are surprisingly undisguised, or certainly no more disguised, about their personalities than non-sociopaths. In some cases I’d suggest the opposite is true: Because many sociopaths are adventure-seeking, under-inhibited and less anxious about the impression they make on others, on top of being inclined to grandiosity and thereby possessing a heightened sense of immunity from the consequences of their attitudes and behaviors, they may reveal even more transparently and less self-consciously aspects of their “real” personality than will non-sociopaths, whose greater self-consciousness around others and greater respect (in general) for others’ boundaries will have an inhibitory effect on what aspects of themselves they choose to reveal.
I’m not suggesting that many sociopaths aren’t master disguisers and impressively covert, calculating manipulators. Of course they are. But we don’t want to fall into the trap of assuming that all of them are, as this puts us, I am suggesting, at risk of missing the many exceptions to the classic sociopathic profile.
Thus we want to be careful to avoid making sweeping generalizations about the presentation of any personality disorder, including sociopaths.
For instance, some sociopaths aren’t even particularly disguised about how manipulative they are. They can be audaciously, almost blatantly manipulative, whether effectively or not. The less good they are, the more “transparent” their manipulativeness is. There’s not much “masking” going on here.
Same with lying: some sociopaths are bad liars. Lying itself doesn’t constitute the wearing of a mask. You can be a transparently bad liar; you can even admit you are a liar, or that you lie frequently and “get over” on others, or “try getting over” on others as a tendency; and while this may qualify you as having sociopathic characteristics, it does not, perforce, mean you are wearing a “mask.”
It may mean, quite simply, that you are being who you are, whether you are boldly, recklessly impulsive; shockingly insensitive and callous to someone else’s experience; or shameless and guiltless as you “steal something” from someone that isn’t yours.
In the latter case, you may make little disguise or pretense of your shamelessness, or lack of guilt. You might just be acting exactly as the sociopath acts. That is, there be very little to “unmask;” what may be primary in such cases is merely to identify the attitudes and behaviors themselves, which may be sociopathic.
I will advance this discussion in a near-term article.
(This article is copyrighted © 2012 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of the male gender pronoun is strictly for convenience’s sake and not to suggest that females aren’t capable of exhibiting the attitudes and behaviors discussed.)
Kim I think your point is well made.
The brain has “pleasure centers” and “pleasure chemicals” that are released in response to various things…have you heard of the “runner’s high”? People get addicted to running and it releases the “feel good chemicals”—so anything that makes the pleasure centers light up can become addictive I think. My son c is addicted to video games and even though he is very ADHD he is able to concentrate on the games to a remarkable degree and is quite good at them. His job as a machinist tool and die maker also requires great concentration and precision and he is also very good at that as well and enjoys it.
One of the reasons we tend to gain weight in the winter time is that carbs give you a “feel good” shot and when we are not getting exercise as much or day light which also give us feel good shots, we tend to over eat on carbs.
Many psychopaths are high “risk takers” and engage in risky behavior such as driving fast, gambling, risky sex, military and police occupations, etc. the excitement they get, the adrenaline rush is pleasurable. There are socially acceptable ways to get your adrenaline rush, such as flying airplanes, or riding motorcycles, or riding bulls, or training oxen, and there are those like my son Patrick who get it from doing illegal things such as robbery, rape and murder.
BTW we have not had any oxen for a while but we now have a 6 month old Scottish Highland calf, named TAM, who is in training to be a working steer (ox). Son D just made him a newer and bigger little training yoke so he will be pulling a little sled around here for starters so I’m the “ox lady” again (that’s my nickname in my living history group)
Kim, I am not defending sex addict’s, but when we add sexual addiction plus sociopath we come up with a complete different animal. I have made many bad decision’s in my life based on sex or the desire for sex. Goodness knows I would never have met the xbf. The old phrase, looking for love in all the wrong places fit’s me to a T. I am no saint, I have been around the block and back again. Bur never did I use sex to exploit, manipulate or lie to someone. never have I had a sexual relationship without being upfront and honest.. Sex seem’s to be the only motivating factor with most gay men in this culture. Sex is everywhere in today’s society. I was more forgiving of the xspath’s sexual history then I should of been. I thought the guy was gay, but he was neither straight or gay or bi, he is a sociopath..that is a big difference. I met a player, fell in love and got the education I needed, I no longer look for love in wrong places. I have read many self help books about sexual addiction. “Cruise Control’ is a very good book by carnes. Life is so complex sometimes..the truth is uglier than a lie…and the truth is they are a lie (period)
G1S;
While the entire mechanisms of addiction and reward are complex, most is attributable to dopamine neurotransmitters. For example, in otherwise healthy adult males, sex drive is determined by dopamine levels, not by testosterone levels. This is why a lack of interest in sex (in males) is a sure sign of depression. Other evidence includes the typical traits of manic or hypomanic individuals: very compulsive, especially gambling, sex and alcohol but given them a mood stabilizer and these behaviors disappear.
Finally, those drugs that are dopamine agonists given to Parkinson’s patients are know to induce hyper-sexuality and other compulsive behavior.
My own experience with an MAOI confirms this and to some degree I blame the MAOI for my relationship and subsequent issues with the x-spath.
I get ya Hens. It’s all so confusing…so many perspectives, diagnosis, therapies, lables and so many of them over lap. There’s misunderstanding, and denial. There’s bitterness and anger. For me, personally, I just don’t know…and I think I may have to accept that I will never know.
As someone who knows first hand about the effects of addiction, I know I put my addiction before others and I know I was selfish. I hurt other people who meant the most to me….but, I know I wasn’t a spath. I can understand how compulsively acting out can be out of control and a selfish preoccupation that hurts people. I can see how it can be an addiction that masks an inability to form intimate relationships and so on. I can identify with shame.
On the other hand, I’m confused by the whole thing and I’m stuck, I think, because I still don’t know the whole story, and that smacks of dishonesty.
I waver between thinking my x didn’t want to hurt me, and that he did. That he was malicious and something out of a lifetime movie, and a victim. Honestly, even now,,,23 years later. I still don’t get it. Not so there’s any real closure. Having my own addictive issues complicates it, because I know I deserve to be forgiven. Sigh. It’s a maze of thoughts, convictions emotions and chaos. I just don’t know.
kim, I will never have answer’s to so many questions..I am sad for you that you cant find closure with your x husband. When we know better we do better, I have at least found some peace with what I dont know.
“I have been around the block and back again. Bur never did I use sex to exploit, manipulate or lie to someone. never have I had a sexual relationship without being upfront and honest…”
Hens;
You have hit the crux of my issue with the x-spath and something that IMHO, among us adult gay males, could be seen as a defining factor.
I was honest to my x-spath that I was no angel. At the same time, I never used sex to exploit or manipulate. If anything, I looked beyond sex to the person and when in situations where I felt it was not working out, I gave the person an honest chance, without being manipulative.
My x-spth choose the opposite route. He downplayed his past, manipulated me, and kept me off-guard.
In a way, Hen’s, the fact that I have found closure….is only more confusing…I still have contact with him, on family occasions such as birthdays,Easter, and Christmas. He’s good to my children and grandchildren…he’s been good to me ever since I left 16 years ago. We have no problem. But, he did some really reprhenible thing, in the course of our marriage and it seems he had no regard for my feelings…as far as cheating and serial infidelity goes, he perfectly fits the profiles of both narcissism and sexual addiction. He gas-lighted and lied and made me feel crazy. I was blind and silent in the face of huge evidence and I forgot about it…til it all came crashing in….
Kim. maybe you need to confront him. Tell him you know what he did and you will never undersatnd how or why, Maybe you have been silent to long because of some guilt or shame that is not yours to bare. Just put it out there and be done with it. Expect no answers from him, just release it once and for all.
BBE, Old age cure’s lot’s of things, I wish I knew then what I know now and I would of made better choices.
kim:
Regarding your post above about DUIs. My spath was more than twice the legal limit when he was caught…that is why he had to spend the night in jail and I’m guessing that’s why he had to take classes…lost his license for 9 months…was only allowed to drive to and from work during that time. He’s never had another one as far as I know. Also shows his high tolerance.
When you say going to a program, do you mean like AA or just a program to take classes like my spath did?