The concept of the sociopath as “masking sanity,” originally from Hervey Cleckley, MD, and since as confirmed and elaborated by other experts, is certainly chilling, great, profound and often-times apt.
But I’d suggest we be careful not to apply it too indiscriminately. In other words, not all sociopaths “wear masks” in the classic sense of Cleckley’s concept. For this reason, if you’re looking for “masks” as a prerequisite to confirming the sociopath, you risk missing the sociopath.
Some sociopaths are more manifestly who they are—sociopaths. They aren’t “masking” much of anything. They aren’t necessarily taking brilliant precautions to conceal themselves.
Like many human beings they aren’t wearing “neon signs” advertising their personality type or personality disorder—rather, they are who they are in their daily lives, not necessarily more consciously disguised in their personalities than anyone else.
The individual suffering from “panic disorder” who takes measures not to make his panic obvious isn’t necessarily wearing a “mask.” He may be effecting a certain normal, selective decision about which aspects of his personality or experience he is or isn’t comfortable making obvious or transparent in the moment.
Many sociopaths are surprisingly undisguised, or certainly no more disguised, about their personalities than non-sociopaths. In some cases I’d suggest the opposite is true: Because many sociopaths are adventure-seeking, under-inhibited and less anxious about the impression they make on others, on top of being inclined to grandiosity and thereby possessing a heightened sense of immunity from the consequences of their attitudes and behaviors, they may reveal even more transparently and less self-consciously aspects of their “real” personality than will non-sociopaths, whose greater self-consciousness around others and greater respect (in general) for others’ boundaries will have an inhibitory effect on what aspects of themselves they choose to reveal.
I’m not suggesting that many sociopaths aren’t master disguisers and impressively covert, calculating manipulators. Of course they are. But we don’t want to fall into the trap of assuming that all of them are, as this puts us, I am suggesting, at risk of missing the many exceptions to the classic sociopathic profile.
Thus we want to be careful to avoid making sweeping generalizations about the presentation of any personality disorder, including sociopaths.
For instance, some sociopaths aren’t even particularly disguised about how manipulative they are. They can be audaciously, almost blatantly manipulative, whether effectively or not. The less good they are, the more “transparent” their manipulativeness is. There’s not much “masking” going on here.
Same with lying: some sociopaths are bad liars. Lying itself doesn’t constitute the wearing of a mask. You can be a transparently bad liar; you can even admit you are a liar, or that you lie frequently and “get over” on others, or “try getting over” on others as a tendency; and while this may qualify you as having sociopathic characteristics, it does not, perforce, mean you are wearing a “mask.”
It may mean, quite simply, that you are being who you are, whether you are boldly, recklessly impulsive; shockingly insensitive and callous to someone else’s experience; or shameless and guiltless as you “steal something” from someone that isn’t yours.
In the latter case, you may make little disguise or pretense of your shamelessness, or lack of guilt. You might just be acting exactly as the sociopath acts. That is, there be very little to “unmask;” what may be primary in such cases is merely to identify the attitudes and behaviors themselves, which may be sociopathic.
I will advance this discussion in a near-term article.
(This article is copyrighted © 2012 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of the male gender pronoun is strictly for convenience’s sake and not to suggest that females aren’t capable of exhibiting the attitudes and behaviors discussed.)
hens – and death cures everything. 🙂
No, it wasn’t the wrong thread. I’m tired.
I will try, again.
Frankly, I like sex and I have a strong sex drive. I never used it to manipulate or exploit anyone. Thoughts like that would never cross my mind.
However, what I’ve repeatedly warned my son about is getting someone pregnant.
He’s finishing up his first year in college. It’s his first time away from home and he’s got a double room all to himself.
I told him that it isn’t a question of not getting the girl pregnant (her responsibility, in other words.) His responsibility is not to become a father. At least not until he’s ready and certainly not now. So if he is not to become a father, he had better wear protection every time.
Even if the girl tells him that she’s on birth control, don’t believe her. I have had women tell me that they’ve done that to guys to trick them.
And if she is telling the truth and she does have birth control, it can fail. So wear a condom.
I have heard women brag about the things that they have done. Somebody I knew told me that the father of her child asked her if she had taken her pill that day. She knew full well that he meant birth control pill, but she laughed because she said when she told him yes, she meant her vitamin pill.
I’ve seen teens and young girls trying to get away from unhappy homelifes with their parents. Older women see men as a free meal ticket to a better life.
Not all women are like that, obviously, but I’ve seen enough to warn my son.
And some women (girls) are in love with love and/or having a baby. No concept of reality, but getting pregnant and having a baby is their idea of a dream fulfilled.
G1S That was a very good talk you had with your son, more parent’s should talk to their children like that.
“BBE, Old age cure’s lot’s of things, I wish I knew then what I know now and I would of made better choices.”
Hens;
I just wish I had been my normal self with my normal boundaries. That would have been enough. But I was stressed to the limits and ignored all the red flags.
it’s easier to manipulate, control and exploit someone that is stressed out and confused. thats what they do, part of their M O – confuse and attack..
Loise, a substance abuse program….usually out-patient.
I still dont have a puter, just been at a friend’s for a few days, I have enjoyed the company, gnite and goodbye for awhile.. – peace out…
kim:
I wonder if the classes my spath took were considered an out patient program?
G1S-Although I believe fully in informing your son of the dangers of manipulative and conning women & abstaining from fatherhood…The same message should be given to our daughters. No one ever told me that men do the same. My SP ex purposely got me pregnant, with the ultimate goal of having a replica of himself, of which I did not realize until our child was a few years old. A close family member of mine had died. My SP ex swooped in on the very same day. I was not in any state of mind to make any decisions, especially to become a mother again. I was divorced with 2 small children as it was, and had just finished a year of college. As crazy as it sounds, he saw me as a golden opportunity. He thought that I would be receiving a settlement from my deceased relative. But that was not the case, because the relative had no will. My SP ex did indeed create a replica of himself. What behaviors were not inherent, he made sure to teach her. Once she was reaching the age of 18, he decided to set his sights on another “victim”, and created 2 more, with the same hopes that he will have replicas of himself, because the 18 yr old is not under the control he expected, and he believes it is because she is female. Now he has 2 sons. When I used to tell people that he got me pregnant on purpose, they looked at me like I was crazy. People want to think that if someone forces something upon you during sex, that is a form of rape and that they would be in jail if they are guilty of such a crime. To me, even though it was during a consensual experience…it was rape. We had an agreement that he would not allow me to get pregnant, and in turn…he made sure that I did. I felt as though it was all my fault and that I created this mess and I was going to pay for my mistakes. Little did I know is that there were more sinister motives afoot. I had never heard of a man purposely impregnating a woman. I had always heard of women trapping men. I’m posting here to provide an example of the contrary.
Trla:
I agree with you! I have seen it happen. It does happen! They want to spread their seed.