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“Would somebody please tell me why he did this!”

“Would somebody please tell me why he did this?” is one of the most common questions victims of sociopaths have. Three weeks ago I introduced the idea that the Inner Triangle can help each of us understand the individual sociopath that infected our lives. The Inner Triangle is formed by three qualities that develop in concert during childhood. These three qualities are Ability to Love, Impulse Control and Moral Reasoning. Last week I discussed the concept of Ability to Love. Lack of Ability to Love defines those with sociopathy. No less important however, is the lack of Impulse Control, also universally found in people with this disorder.

What is Impulse Control?

I’m sure many of you noticed that sociopaths have a lot of energy. Their minds come up with many plans and ideas. This energy would be a good thing if the sociopath could direct it toward positive goals. Sadly, however, the abundant energy sociopaths have leads them to pursue goals that damage others. The reason is poor impulse control. Sociopaths are unable to control the many impulses that come from their basic drives and emotions.

This poor impulse control causes sociopaths to be vulnerable to addictions of all kinds. Once these addictions are established, they are particularly resistant to treatment. Many have noted that the impulses sociopaths have are especially destructive. For example, sociopaths are often sexually driven. They may also be greedily driven to obtain possessions. However, the impulse to have power over others is the central defining impulse of sociopathy. Sociopaths expend most of their energy trying to gratify impulses related to having power and influence over others.

The desire for power

The desire for power has been very difficult for researchers to study. The reason is that unlike our other desires, there is no feeling associated with it. Think about it—when you want food, you are hungry. When you want affection, you are lonely. When you want entertainment, you are bored. When you want sex you’re”¦. The point is, how do you know when you want power? Researchers have established that this motive is completely beyond our conscious awareness!

Victims high in empathy do not recognize sociopaths

One of the main reasons why victims high in empathy do not recognize sociopaths is that the desire for power is non-conscious. People high in empathy make use of their knowledge of their own emotions to interpret the emotions of others. Can you see then why people who rely on empathy in interactions with others completely miss sociopaths? An empathetic person correctly observes that sociopaths enjoy the company of others. He/she then self-references his/her own feelings of affection with regard to enjoying other people. The victim is fooled into interpreting power motivations as affection-related motivations.

Power motivated people are high in testosterone

The power motive is directly related to testosterone levels in both men and women. This is likely also responsible for the hypersexual behavior seen in sociopaths. The relationship between testosterone and the desire for power is so strong that testosterone predicts dominance behavior better than psychological tests.

Many studies have shown that sociopaths do have higher testosterone levels both during adolescence and adulthood. This higher testosterone of male sociopaths may also make them more attractive to women. Women unconsciously sense male characteristics that indicate high testosterone and are attracted to these qualities.

Medications that “help” sociopaths

Medications that reduce overall energy and block driven behavior reduce problematic behavior in sociopaths. The medications that do this are called antipsychotic medications. They are also used to treat schizophrenia. The most commonly used anti-psychotic for adolescent and adult sociopaths is Risperdal. In the past, we used Thorazine for this purpose.

You may also wonder if castration works. Eliminating testosterone through either surgical or chemical castration does help some. However, removing testosterone does not restore Ability to Love and so does not really treat the underlying disorder.

Why me?

It is my hope that providing you with knowledge about this disorder will help you answer for yourself the “Why me?” question and will help you stop the self blame. We all can benefit from considering our own Ability to Love, Impulse Control and Moral Reasoning. The best thing for victims is to come out of this experience wiser and better.


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587 Comments on "“Would somebody please tell me why he did this!”"

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Ap17, welcome to LoveFraud, and I am so sorry that you are dealing with possible sociopathy.

Yes, that the spath never truly loved us is a very, very painful Truth to accept. It’s also very painful to come to terms with the Truth that we loved an illusion. Skylar hit the nail on the proverbial head: target, mirror, shame, devalue, and discard. And, that pattern is consistent with EVERY sociopathic entanglement that has been shared on this site. Whether the spath was a spouse, significant other, mother, father, brother, sister, uncle, aunt, cousin, in-law, co-worker, supervisor, or City Official, each and every one of them followed the precise and exact same pattern of behaviors.

You’re not alone, and you’re a valuable human being EVEN if you don’t feel either of those things, right now. “Feelings are not facts,” as my counseling therapist told me, and she is 100% spot-on. We may FEEL as if we’re all alone in our experiences, but we truly are not. And, we may FEEL that we have no value, but we certainly do.

Brightest blessings to you

November 2009 the one and only time he punched me in the chest.. at that point I wanted to die! He told me once he was a Socialpath, I laughed and all I thought was “yep” you hate being around people and paranoid…. Nov 2009 was the last time I spoke to him, Jan 2010 was the last time I saw him in court as he was convicted and remained on the GPS system…. June 2010 I moved away from the area and attempted to start a new life….. He knew every place I went, I traveled coast to coast healing from the socialpath … yet he still knew where I was…. Why I tell you this now… I moved back to my home state where spath lives I am 2 hours away but was offered a job I couldn’t refuse and I was ired of feeling of running and hiding and everyone thinking I am crazy, always hearing he has moved on…… Well May 20, 2012 He posted a “fake” video of me on porn sites and now when you use the web search engine I see horrible things written about me,… not only did he use my whole name but my married name and the place of my last employment!!! I am currently fighting google to get them to expedite a crawl search as the porn sites were very nice in removing the content…… I tell you this as I was told early on I wouldn’t know what he would ever do, it depended on what was going on in his life and as a socialpath when “he needs to be fed”……Almost three years later and I am still asking why is he doing this to me~!!!!!! The first thing everyone ask me was “why are you communicating with him!!… I was upset at first at this comment but understood and explained to everyone I have not communicated with him since Nov 2009!!! No one will ever understand a socialpath until they have one of their own! LOL I do not pray for anyone to ever have one in their life!!! So to LibraGirl and to everyone, keep the faith and everyday you will get stronger and yes you will come (as I didn’t believe this in the beginning) to feel pity and saddness for them and grateful they are not in our lives! 🙂

Daybright, I am so sorry you are having such a hard time shaking the damage from this creep. Thank you for sharing your story and keeping up your faith that you can over come, and reaching out to others. Thanks for your posts!

daybright, I’m sorry to learn he’s still stalking and smearing you.

interesting news article today: courts and lawyers are getting more complaints by people whose ex-partner is using IPads and IPhones to stalk them. Kids are being given IPads and IPhones for presents by one parent, and then asked to walk around with them in the house of the ex parent. One mother at some point realized her ex was watching her in her underwear through the camera of the IPad her kid was carrying around. There’s been a rise of these cases the past year apparently. Also it’s mostly fathers who give their kids an IPad or IPhone as a gift.

Thank you for your thoughts and darwinsmom thank you for that information will circulate 🙂 I just want others to know, not to go down to their level, rise upon and ask everyone to give you the strength you need, I pray daily and pray for god to give him peace in his messed up mind and world. Forgiveness did come when I never thought it would but not having that weight on me and knowing I am in a much better place then he ever will be gives me strength and very thankful everyday! I won’t lie, I have my moments, but I found that having “those moments” only makes me stronger and a fighter to regain peace back into my world and stability…… 🙂 Good Luck and remember “have a little faith and let time do its job, patience will be rewarded” 🙂

well said daybright…
i have been reading a little more about you…
forgive my tardiness…hope you are doing alright and that you are safe. Keep us posted as to how you are doing.

Prayers ~ Dupey

Daybright … Thank you. Needed this hope and advice big time right now.

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