“Would somebody please tell me why he did this?” is one of the most common questions victims of sociopaths have. Three weeks ago I introduced the idea that the Inner Triangle can help each of us understand the individual sociopath that infected our lives. The Inner Triangle is formed by three qualities that develop in concert during childhood. These three qualities are Ability to Love, Impulse Control and Moral Reasoning. Last week I discussed the concept of Ability to Love. Lack of Ability to Love defines those with sociopathy. No less important however, is the lack of Impulse Control, also universally found in people with this disorder.
What is Impulse Control?
I’m sure many of you noticed that sociopaths have a lot of energy. Their minds come up with many plans and ideas. This energy would be a good thing if the sociopath could direct it toward positive goals. Sadly, however, the abundant energy sociopaths have leads them to pursue goals that damage others. The reason is poor impulse control. Sociopaths are unable to control the many impulses that come from their basic drives and emotions.
This poor impulse control causes sociopaths to be vulnerable to addictions of all kinds. Once these addictions are established, they are particularly resistant to treatment. Many have noted that the impulses sociopaths have are especially destructive. For example, sociopaths are often sexually driven. They may also be greedily driven to obtain possessions. However, the impulse to have power over others is the central defining impulse of sociopathy. Sociopaths expend most of their energy trying to gratify impulses related to having power and influence over others.
The desire for power
The desire for power has been very difficult for researchers to study. The reason is that unlike our other desires, there is no feeling associated with it. Think about it—when you want food, you are hungry. When you want affection, you are lonely. When you want entertainment, you are bored. When you want sex you’re”¦. The point is, how do you know when you want power? Researchers have established that this motive is completely beyond our conscious awareness!
Victims high in empathy do not recognize sociopaths
One of the main reasons why victims high in empathy do not recognize sociopaths is that the desire for power is non-conscious. People high in empathy make use of their knowledge of their own emotions to interpret the emotions of others. Can you see then why people who rely on empathy in interactions with others completely miss sociopaths? An empathetic person correctly observes that sociopaths enjoy the company of others. He/she then self-references his/her own feelings of affection with regard to enjoying other people. The victim is fooled into interpreting power motivations as affection-related motivations.
Power motivated people are high in testosterone
The power motive is directly related to testosterone levels in both men and women. This is likely also responsible for the hypersexual behavior seen in sociopaths. The relationship between testosterone and the desire for power is so strong that testosterone predicts dominance behavior better than psychological tests.
Many studies have shown that sociopaths do have higher testosterone levels both during adolescence and adulthood. This higher testosterone of male sociopaths may also make them more attractive to women. Women unconsciously sense male characteristics that indicate high testosterone and are attracted to these qualities.
Medications that “help” sociopaths
Medications that reduce overall energy and block driven behavior reduce problematic behavior in sociopaths. The medications that do this are called antipsychotic medications. They are also used to treat schizophrenia. The most commonly used anti-psychotic for adolescent and adult sociopaths is Risperdal. In the past, we used Thorazine for this purpose.
You may also wonder if castration works. Eliminating testosterone through either surgical or chemical castration does help some. However, removing testosterone does not restore Ability to Love and so does not really treat the underlying disorder.
Why me?
It is my hope that providing you with knowledge about this disorder will help you answer for yourself the “Why me?” question and will help you stop the self blame. We all can benefit from considering our own Ability to Love, Impulse Control and Moral Reasoning. The best thing for victims is to come out of this experience wiser and better.
LAMan
Anger directed inward is depression. Anger directed outward is not. I like the castration idea 🙂 Thanks for this helpful post!
will be okay
OMG… After reading this I now realize my X was probably diagnosed. I caught him cheating b/c he said he was “going to take a sleeping pill, and would be out cold all night” after the 3rd ‘sleeping pill’ in 5 weeks, I went past his house, he was gone.. busted & the saga began. We are both in EMS, so earlier I had asked him what type of sleeping pill & he said “well it’s not actually a sleeping pill, but they make me tired” when I asked the name he said Risperdal!!! That combined with the look his mom gave me when we met, makes me think.. He probably has been diagnosed!!
Also he is addicted to Pain Killers, Pornography, & masterbation. He drinks alot of wine and is probably seriously into.. Internet seduction & phone sex.
Great Post!!.. As usual!!
Redtail
Concerning the high testosterone levels… I think when one is devoid of true human emotion, the result is that their behavior more closely resembles animals. That raw animal behavior would result in a higher sexual “need”. Plus, each (emotionless) sexual conquest registers as a “win” for them.
In dealing with the sociopath in our lives, I’ve noticed that his need to win is so strong that the man thinks nothing of using children in his efforts. I’m sure, however, that these children will grow up to despise him someday, when they are mature enough to understand how they were used as pawns.
It is profoundly amazing how he has been able to bring others into his fold, including lawyers, Judges, and counselors.
Someday, I’d love to write a book on his exploits; it would amaze even those who read this excellent site. But, it will have to wait… the story has not ended yet. My hope is that the children involved will, on their own, understand his behavior and chose not to have a relationship with him.
Fighter
Victims high in empathy do not recognize sociopaths
This is an EXCELLENT EXCELLENT Point, Dr. Leedom. Can’t be made often enough or strongly enough, since the most empathetic victims blame themselves far too much.
Healing Heart
Ah, here it is! – information about Testosterone and Sociopathy in an old archive. Very interesting. This is a great article. There are some real treasures in the archives
Rune
HH: Thanks for bringing this article back. I’d missed it. When Dr. Leedom wrote it, I was in bed with a catastrophic month-long flu, still living with the S/P and wondering why I was terrified of what he was going to do next.
I had no label for him, but I finally knew I could never trust him to “do the right thing.” Whatever he did, it would create more chaos and expense and disaster, but he’d always put on such a pretty face, like “See what wonderful thing I did to help you?” Like a demonic child running a brigade of bulldozers through the freshly planted fields, saying, “See how hard I worked? Isn’t it wonderful?” and then “Why don’t you appreciate me!”
EyeoftheStorm
Very helpful blog article by Dr. Liane!
I’m not sure where to post this link, so I’ll put it here since it offers info that parallels what Dr. Liane said in her post above. These are good blog articles with helpful info which we probably already know. It’s always good to review some things in an organized presentation!
http://withoutempathy.blogspot.com/
Healing Heart
Eyeofthestorm – I just read those blog articles. Chilling. It describes, precisely how the relationship played out between me and my ex S.
It’s just so hard to believe that it was all an act. He was so “loving” in the beginning. He wanted to be with me all the time…he seemed to find so much joy in just being with me. That seems like an awful lot of effort to fake.
But in the end he seemed to hate me. Truly seemed to despite me – he would look at me and speak to me with such loathing. It was so hard to make any sense of. Baffling.
And then after I threw him out, he started to love me again. And as I did “NC” he became more and more desperately in love with me. I was perfect again. I was his “dreamgirl” and “perfect partner.”
I never took him back. My feeling was that the new idealization was very thin, and wouldn’t have lasted a week. He described it as such profound love, but I has wised up by then, and it really felt paper thin. Even thinner than that.
But boy did I fall hard for it in the beginning. This is all so crazy. My God.
If one of these guys read one of these blogs would they recognize themselves?
It’s just all so frightening. Makes me shudder.
Rune
Why would these guys read these blogs? Could they make use of the information to manipulate us better? Would the blogs make them feel better about themselves? I think reading the blogs would be too much like work, plus there’s all that negative stuff about them. They’re perfect, remember?
HH: He didn’t “start to love” you after you threw him out. He missed the control of having you as a possession. Do you remember the “dog in a manger” story? The dog that can’t eat the hay, but won’t let the horse have any? It’s about control. He knew how to reel you in through seduction the first (second, third?) time, so why wouldn’t it work again? Good thing you saw through it.
Healing Heart
No, it would be too much work to read these blogs – but I wonder if they were sitting in the waiting room of the dentist’s office, and picked up a magazine with an article about sociopath’s….would they read it and have an “ah-ha!” moment, or would they not see themselves in it? Is their sense of reality so distorted that they could read a description of an S/P which fit them exactly – but not see it?