“Would somebody please tell me why he did this?” is one of the most common questions victims of sociopaths have. Three weeks ago I introduced the idea that the Inner Triangle can help each of us understand the individual sociopath that infected our lives. The Inner Triangle is formed by three qualities that develop in concert during childhood. These three qualities are Ability to Love, Impulse Control and Moral Reasoning. Last week I discussed the concept of Ability to Love. Lack of Ability to Love defines those with sociopathy. No less important however, is the lack of Impulse Control, also universally found in people with this disorder.
What is Impulse Control?
I’m sure many of you noticed that sociopaths have a lot of energy. Their minds come up with many plans and ideas. This energy would be a good thing if the sociopath could direct it toward positive goals. Sadly, however, the abundant energy sociopaths have leads them to pursue goals that damage others. The reason is poor impulse control. Sociopaths are unable to control the many impulses that come from their basic drives and emotions.
This poor impulse control causes sociopaths to be vulnerable to addictions of all kinds. Once these addictions are established, they are particularly resistant to treatment. Many have noted that the impulses sociopaths have are especially destructive. For example, sociopaths are often sexually driven. They may also be greedily driven to obtain possessions. However, the impulse to have power over others is the central defining impulse of sociopathy. Sociopaths expend most of their energy trying to gratify impulses related to having power and influence over others.
The desire for power
The desire for power has been very difficult for researchers to study. The reason is that unlike our other desires, there is no feeling associated with it. Think about it—when you want food, you are hungry. When you want affection, you are lonely. When you want entertainment, you are bored. When you want sex you’re”¦. The point is, how do you know when you want power? Researchers have established that this motive is completely beyond our conscious awareness!
Victims high in empathy do not recognize sociopaths
One of the main reasons why victims high in empathy do not recognize sociopaths is that the desire for power is non-conscious. People high in empathy make use of their knowledge of their own emotions to interpret the emotions of others. Can you see then why people who rely on empathy in interactions with others completely miss sociopaths? An empathetic person correctly observes that sociopaths enjoy the company of others. He/she then self-references his/her own feelings of affection with regard to enjoying other people. The victim is fooled into interpreting power motivations as affection-related motivations.
Power motivated people are high in testosterone
The power motive is directly related to testosterone levels in both men and women. This is likely also responsible for the hypersexual behavior seen in sociopaths. The relationship between testosterone and the desire for power is so strong that testosterone predicts dominance behavior better than psychological tests.
Many studies have shown that sociopaths do have higher testosterone levels both during adolescence and adulthood. This higher testosterone of male sociopaths may also make them more attractive to women. Women unconsciously sense male characteristics that indicate high testosterone and are attracted to these qualities.
Medications that “help” sociopaths
Medications that reduce overall energy and block driven behavior reduce problematic behavior in sociopaths. The medications that do this are called antipsychotic medications. They are also used to treat schizophrenia. The most commonly used anti-psychotic for adolescent and adult sociopaths is Risperdal. In the past, we used Thorazine for this purpose.
You may also wonder if castration works. Eliminating testosterone through either surgical or chemical castration does help some. However, removing testosterone does not restore Ability to Love and so does not really treat the underlying disorder.
Why me?
It is my hope that providing you with knowledge about this disorder will help you answer for yourself the “Why me?” question and will help you stop the self blame. We all can benefit from considering our own Ability to Love, Impulse Control and Moral Reasoning. The best thing for victims is to come out of this experience wiser and better.
super chic
Thank you Hens, Katydid and Oxy…
for the support (and for boinking the heck out of me, I need it).
Katy, I can’t believe the way you were treated by your family,
just a horrible, horrible thing to do to a young girl,
and the spath, he’s just disgusting.
I grew up feeling ugly, not sure why, kids at school said I was.
Now I look in the mirror and know I’m pretty because I think so!
Don’t care what the others think anymore!
hens
I remember when I thot I would always love him….excuse me while I go puke……
KatyDid
I do think Hens said a very profound, very healing mantra, worth printing and framing.
I will NOT be the same and I WILL work on that being a good thing. – so declare I.
Comfort and guidance.
Hens. OH MY God. I think you melted my hurt. I am stunned and Forever grateful.
super chic
Thanks EB, yes, I knew a long time ago that the little
fantasy balloon had burst, I don’t know why I had to drag it around.
Last year I was really thinking I’d never see him again…
and I was doing pretty well,
until the first pop-in this February.
Towanda! my towanda is in lower case
Ox Drover
Dear Chic, It may be in “lower case” now, but you are getting closer to UPPER CASE!!!! Each time we make some progress we get closer to the BIG SCORE! The FARK YOU CREEP! (((Hugs)))
super chic
Hens, someday when I read what I wrote…
(hopefully in the very near future)
… I’ll go puke too. Bahahahahaha
I’m placing everyone’s encouragement in my journal! 😀
((hugs)) xoxooxoxo
hens
KatyDid I am speechless – i melted your hurt away – this makes me smile..it does take work and we can do it..
hens
well it’s pumpkin time for me , if I dont get my beautty sleep I will look like Yoda in the morning Poof I am gome Hugz to all.
Ox Drover
Henry,
One of my friends once said we should “choose our lovers by personality not looks, because IN THE END WE ALL LOOK LIKE YODA! I’m already there. Trying to get my vampire sleep schedule back on track! Too many years of working 11-7 and too much natural tendency to be a day sleeper and roam at night (vampire? werewolf?) LOL
Heard a coyote tonight just down in the gully in front of the house in the woods, he was yipping and howling but not moving around and seemed to be by himself. I couldn’t tell if he was caught in a trap someone set (I don’t use leg hold traps) or what so son D went down there with a flash light and yeppers he was there and was talking to a lady dog (not coyote) over on the other side of the house but I think we’re gonna have some half coyote pups in the neighborhood before long. She was being coy though! D said he didn’t even much seem afraid of him or the spot light.
My little Jack Russell has to go outside now on a tether because he’s a bad boy and runs off and won’t come if I call so don’t want to get him et by the coyote when there’s a girl involved. Plus, I think my dog is chasing a skunk rather than the girl dog as his “male interest” is gone. Skunk got the bait out of the live trap last night so we reset it with some sardines in a can and just poked holes in the can to drain some smell out, and WIRED the can so she can’t get it without tripping the trap, we HOPE!
Nitey nite guys!
kim frederick
Shabby, It is my experience that these guys come around just often enough to keep the emotional energy swirling. That is to say, they keep you in that “lovelorn” state of mind, not because they want a relationship, but because it gives them a sense of power, and they know they can push your buttons and pull your strings to keep you attached. They know damned well that YOUR ONLY HOPE is NC. That is the last thing they want. They know that if you refuse to have contact, they have lost control. They will excercise only as much energy as it takes to keep you tied in…no more, no less, so it’s up to you to decide, no matter how much energy he doles out to keep you in his “possesion”, it IS NOT ENOUGH.
I had this thought this morning: I’ll bet that every On again Off again relationship has at least one disordered partner…am I going too far? Is that an unfair generalization? What do you guys think?