Just Like His Father? (available through this site) was released in October, 2006. At that time I fantasized that the audience for the book would be single parents or grandparents raising the children of personality disordered individuals. I thought that most of the disordered parents would have abandoned the family and want nothing to do with the kids. While we still do not know what percentage of personality disordered parents abandon their kids, I have come to believe that that those who do not are a much bigger social problem.
Within 6 months of the release of the book, people who were trying to co-parent with severely disordered former partners began to write me. At first I did not believe the stories because they so contradicted common sense and my clinical training. What sane person would believe that the family courts would grant unsupervised access or even custody to severely personality disordered abusive parents? Well I discovered that is just what they do, and since that discovery have been working obsessively to change things.
If we are to change the insane system the first thing we need is valid, objective reliable data regarding how it operates. We also need valid, objective reliable data about the parenting and intimate behavior of people with cluster B personality disorders. I have set a goal to collect that data not for a “pop psychology” book but for its scientific value. That has meant Ethics Committee (IRB) approvals, funding, questionnaires, interviews, research assistants and statistics. I am still collecting this data from former partners and adult children of disordered individuals but have made substantial progress (send Donna an email if you want to consider providing data).
Last year I was teaching a research methods class to graduate students in counseling. We were discussing qualitative and narrative research when one of the students raised her hand and said she enjoyed reading autobiographies of people who had unusual experiences, a light bulb went on inside my head. I looked at her and said, “See me after class.” Last summer that student, another student Emily, Linda who blogs for Lovefraud, and I read and analyzed using modern qualitative methods 18 memoirs written by former partners and adult sons and daughters of psychopathic individuals. I am happy to announce that one of the papers generated from this research is now available.
The paper provides substantial data that might be useful for women who are trying to protect children from a psychopathic father. The paper also explains to professionals how and why women get into these relationships and the damage the relationships do. Here is the abstract:
Abstract:
This is the first in-depth study of the influence of psychopathy (as assessed by the PCL-R) on the intimate relationship behavior of men. Using well-established qualitative methods, Leedom, Geslien, and Almas examined the published memoirs of 10 women who had long-term relationships with psychopathic men. They also examined articles, videotaped interviews, forensic evaluations where available, and author feedback. The authors determined that these relationships consist of four phases: induction, commitment, disengagement, and recovery. All of the women they studied had been conned, manipulated, or coerced during all or most phases of the relationship. The data from the 10 memoirs have been triangulated with that of a memoir written by a woman who had been kidnapped at age 11 and held 18 years by a psychopathic man, and with a case well known to the first author. Although the resulting data are qualitative and come from a limited number of cases, they have enabled the formulation of a model to explain the relationship between the facets of psychopathy and intimate partner experiences, exploitation, and abuse. Psychopathic men may occasionally demonstrate “affectionate” behavior and express concern for children, but psychopathy is not compatible with a healthy relationship or a nurturing home environment for children.
You may obtain the paper from The Civic Research Institute
I am unable to provide data regarding the experiences of men because there were no memoirs written by men. The paper presenting the data from adult children has not yet been accepted, but that paper contains data regarding psychopathic mothers.
I hope to continue to do the very difficult task of objectively collecting and reporting data while at the same time advocating for social change. This paper is a start.
I WIN
OX, I remember. I wrote a letter on your behalf 🙂 The latest is that the ex has also filed a PCRA petition, claiming he was under the influence of pain meds thus he didn’t know what he was doing when he took his plea! he’s tryin right now to GET OUT! I wanted to try to have his parental rights REVOKED completely and was pretty much told i’d lose! WHY? Why would I lose?
Ox Drover
Thanks Denise, for writing the letter. I can’t “believe” you would have any trouble getting his parental rights revoked in full, but I don’t “believe” what our courts have become either.
Is there anything the lovefraud community can do? Anyone we can write to? Does your area have a VINE network? I think the whole US does and they notify you any time a perp is about to get out. They were VERY helpful to me when I was protesting the parole of the Trojan Horse Psychopath, in fact the woman gave me the number of a state law that prohibited the parole board from paroling a sex offender to a half way house.
See if there are any VICTIM SERVICES in your state, and BTW I know the woman who is president of NOVA. Contact me off the blog at oxdrover1946 at g mail dot com and I will put you in contact with her. She has been very helpful to me.
Good luck and stay strong! God bless and my prayers for you.
I WIN
Thx OX, I did email you. and who is NOVA? and yes i’d love the contact info
Ox Drover
http://www.trynova.org/
National Organization for victim assistance
I would think as a stabbing victim with your X in prison you would definitely qualify…contact them and I will also put you in contact with the attorney who is also past president of Parents of Murdered Children…both her parents were murdered in 1982.
I WIN
I have an attorney, that’s not an issue. I don’t know what anyone at lovefraud can do, i wish I did? i want someone to give me the solution to keeping this psychopath away from my kids and keeping him in JAIL as long as possible.
Ox Drover
Denise I wasn’t suggesting that she be your attorney, she is here in Arkansas anyway, just that she IS an attorney as well as advocate for victims and survivors of murdered loved ones. She was also formerly a parole board member in California…and just her KNOWLEDGE and her advocacy connections might be helpful to you. She has put me into contact with folks that I think can help me, like the guy in the Houston TX major’s office who is with POMC
No, this woman is just a GREAT CONNECTION RESOURCE and she “gets it!”
Ox Drover
ps. she also contacted a lot of folks to write letters for me too, and I am sure she would for a parole hearing for your case as well. Plus, se wrote a BANG UP GREAT letter directly to the parole board.
Distressed Grandmother
BDKR
I also want you to know that there are female Spaths. They can also be very charming women with there claws out if you step on there Toes.
Oxy I just got to love you and admire you! You have such a good way of presenting your feelings.You stand hard by them and yet do not ever do it in a offensive way! God I wished I had your gift.
I have hoof and mouth disease. Every time I speak it come out all wrong. Oh yes that is because I am talking to the wrong people and they feed off and twist my words.
This article reminds me so much of what I have been through except not with a husband. The children are not protected and you are right it is almost impossible to prove a spath is a spath with out proof.The legal system will not put out mega dollars for assessments we all know they can even fool psychiatrists and those test they give. They can pass lie detector tests. There are a lot of nasty people out there that have behavior disorders but there are also a lot of people with behavior disorders that have a heart of gold. Neither one of these should be parents in most cases but with the proper help they make great loving parents the good hearted ones. All they need is a spouse that is capable to pick up the slack. Then I see what my grandchildren go through. It is not the court system we have to change it is the child welfare act that has to change. The people we have to get to see this is our politicians. We have to come up with a plan to prove that it will save them dollars to implement child protection from abusive parents or parent. When you can prove that, this is when you may see results.The biggest thing the government worries about is law suits. This is why many of these kids are not dealt with properly. I could save a lot of children if I just had the money the government wastes on covering there butts instead of doing what is right. I hope the very best in getting the courts to see Spaths for who and what they are but it will be a long battle but anything is possible if you have the determination and support.
Ox Drover
Dear Grandmother,
If you don’t think I have offended folks…in real life and on this blog…you just don’t know! LOL I’ve got hoof in mouth myself sometimes…not all the time, just some times. Sometimes it is because I don’t say something right, or sometimes it is because I tell the truth and someone doesn’t want to hear it and sometiimes it is just because I’m WRONG! LOL
I can see since you came here though that you have healed, the situation hasn’t changed, but YOU have–and that’s all we can do, to change ourselves. Hang on, keep your faith and keep on praying for those kiddies. (((Hugs)))
Distressed Grandmother
Oxy
I will keep praying for those kiddies and many more! I will also pray for you and Good outcomes.
God Bless!