By | February 16, 2013

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I am a sociopath

Lovefraud received the following email from a man who says he is a sociopath. It is published for educational purposes, to provide insight into how he thinks. Comments will not be allowed on this post.

I’m a sociopath. I’ve known for a very long time that I’m a sociopath and that’s that. I’m writing to you because I want your opinion. Let me tell you a bit about myself. I am a highly intelligent male with an IQ of 167. Everyone around me calls me a genius or prodigy; I just think I’m me. I am what I am and it’s the only world I know. I am exceptionally good at deduction and reading people. The best example I give for myself would be Sherlock Holmes for the BBC TV series Sherlock. I can read a lot of things off people. Paired with my high IQ, my ruthlessness makes me elite. Let me describe my view on this.

No feelings of empathy, remorse or guilt

I don’t think it’s a bad thing that I don’t feel empathy, remorse and guilt. I think it’s a benefit, an evolved response. From what I read about empathy and guilt, I keep drawing the same conclusion: that those feelings would get in the way of my plans and schemes. They would impede on my efforts of success. We are evolutionarily built to succeed. I don’t see how those emotions would help us. Why feel sorry for someone? Because they are weak? Why should we give up on our goals just because someone got in our way and got hurt. I do things sometimes that ordinary people find appalling. I don’t see why it’s bad.

Smarter than most people

Aren’t ordinary people so boring? I get an insatiable desire for adventure and stimulation. It is so frustrating when everyone around me is so moronic. It aggravates me. If I understand something and can think of something, then WHY CAN’T YOU? I get that I’m much smarter than those around me, but still. I spend lots of time wondering what it would be like to have a slow mind, a mind that isn’t acting like a freight train processing and sorting incoming information and stimuli. Sometimes I wish that I could feel emotions, just for a day. I don’t think of my sociopathy as a disorder. It’s a benefit. It shows that we are better than ordinary humans and are the perfect predators. Emotions seem incredibly annoying.

Attachment instead of love

As for the whole subject of sociopathy and love. I don’t love people but rather I am attached to people. I care about few people, but when I do care about someone, it’s a very intense attachment to that person and it’s very difficult to explain how it feels. I know that boring, ordinary people don’t feel like this, but I think it’s rather stimulating. Why should I care about this person? Why would I do something for this person unless it benefits me? Ordinary people would describe it as selfish, but I think it’s logical. I don’t love these people, but I am very protective of them. If someone crosses a person that I care about, I will talk to them for 5 minutes and immediately know their weaknesses. I will then exploit these weaknesses to psychologically rip them apart.

It is in some way fun to have to blend in with ordinary people. All the friends, relationships, classes and conversations are just forms of camouflage. It’s satisfying to remain hidden but I will admit that sometimes it’s exhausting, having to put on different masks. That’s why I self-identified myself as a sociopath to someone I know as an experiment, and admittedly so I could talk to an ordinary person about myself. What’s the point of doing great things if you don’t get to share the stories of your success with people every now and again?

I find it excruciatingly boring to talk to ordinary people sometimes. “Look at me. Look at all my problems. I need help. Blah blah blah.” I don’t give a f**k. Some particular people’s problems do elicit a sort of challenge or opportunity which I can’t help but investigate. These sorts of things interest and attract me. I have a gut feeling that one day I’ll unwittingly walk into a trap set by some of the ignorant idiots in the world who are out to get us because they feel we are “abominations” and “creatures,” but until then I will enjoy my subjects thoroughly.

Meeting other sociopaths

It’s delightfully interesting to meet another sociopath. I’ve only have the fortune to meet another sociopath once and I enjoyed every minute of it. I got to study the exterior of a sociopath, as did he. I didn’t have to test him, as I could spot him immediately. I actually wondered for a moment how everybody else didn’t realise what he was but then discarded that thought, because due to my natural “talent” I can easily discern things about people. I can read between the lines. Now tell me, how can I change this? Because apparently it’s a bad thing. People with my so-called “disorder” have been described as “heartless monsters who leave nothing but destruction and misery in their path,”

So you now have first-hand information from a sociopath. I want you to tell me, is my life all that bad? Or will it be an endless search for amusement and games? If you read this and decide that I have a problem and I need help then I promise I will go straight to therapy.

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