In honor of July 4th, let’s talk about fireworks — the really dangerous kind. These are the fireworks that you feel exploding all around you early in your relationship with someone who later turns out to be a sociopath. Here’s what you see and experience, and what it really going on.
1.
You see: Nonstop texts, emails and social media postings
Reality: You’re not the only one receiving them. The Internet and social media make it easy for sociopaths to work multiple targets at once, and they do.
2.
You experience: Conversations that last for hours
Reality: The sociopath is pumping you for information, which he/she will later use to manipulate you.
3.
You experience: Nonstop dates, get-togethers — the sociopath alway wants to be with you
Reality: The sociopath knows you’re hooked, and he/she is reeling you in.
4.
You receive: Cute little gifts, or even expensive gifts
Reality: There’s a good chance they’re either recycled or stolen from another partner.
5.
You experience: Wild, passionate, “rock your world” sex
Reality: Sociopaths (both male and female) have excess testosterone, engage frequently and get bored easily. You are, and always will be, one of many partners.
6.
You hear: “I love you,” and your heart soars
Reality: It’s a lie, because sociopaths cannot love. But they know if they say, “I love you,” they get what they want.
7.
You see: Moist eyes, or even tears rolling down the cheek
Reality: Crying by sociopaths isn’t a sign of pain or sadness. It’s an act designed to make you feel sorry for them — and give them what they want.
8.
You get: Multiple phone calls a day, just to say “hello”
Reality: The sociopath is checking up on you, and slowly establishing control over you.
9.
You hear: “We’re soul mates!” and you feel like you’ve found the one you’ve been waiting for all your life.
Reality: This isn’t a deep truth springing forth from the sociopath. It’s a tactic that he/she knows works, because it’s been used before.
10.
You hear: Promises of “happily ever after”
Reality: Sociopaths set their hooks deep within you by promising to make your dreams come true. In the end, it’s entrapment.
Like cosmic black holes, Sociopaths suck in all surrounding matter and energy and give nothing back
My blood ran cold when I read this post. ALL of this, and more, happened to me. If you are reading this you are probably looking for answers. Sadly you were probably hooked very early on in the relationship and couldn’t do anything to save yourself. You really loved them and they used you,
The vast majority of victims would agree that an excruciatingly painful ending is inevitable in this sort of abuse. You were groomed and victims of grooming are blind to what is going on until it’s too late. I’m 23 months on from escaping my persecutor and getting stronger every day. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
all of the above happened to me, too. its sad to realize that what YOU said and did with them, meant you loved and cared for THEM. What THEY said and did with you were lies..only meant to reel you in, use and abuse you. Mine just went on and on and on, through marriage, kids and life on a farm. Its still painful for me to realize how much I loved/trusted/believed in him..and how much I was used, abused and lied to.
back in 70 to 71, cellphones/texting/e-mails didnt exist..but he called me on the phone a lot, ‘just to talk’ he said. all that non-stop phone calling was just me being ‘reeled in’, just another means of controlling.
Donna, thank you for yet another spot-on article. Like the first commenter, I experienced every single one of these “fireworks” in a nightmare marriage. I have been helped so much by this website.
Although the experience is so painful, I’m glad the article resonated with you both.
Omg how true. How do you stop it?? (Short of leaving him).
There is no ‘stopping’ it.
The disordered are who they are. At their very core. They also think that there is nothing wrong with them nor nothing they have to change.
It is a no win. They do not seek help because they believe they are perfect just the way they are.
The only way to truly ‘stop’ what is happening, is to leave and go complete no contact.
Bev is accurate that no contact is the only way for the exploitation, manipulation, abuse and harm to end for you. Are there any factors in your situation that make getting away difficult for you? Financial, children, the spath threatening you if you leave, or similar?