UPDATED FOR 2023: Everything sociopaths say is for effect. They are not capable of honest communication — every statement has an agenda.
If you have a sociopath in your life, your objective is to get to the point that you simply do not take them seriously. When they are making promises, don’t hope that this time they’ll really come through. Your reaction should be, “Yeah, right.”
When you hear any of these statements, the best thing you can do is roll your eyes:
- I love you
Impossible — sociopaths are not capable of love
- I’ll never do it again
Yes, they will — although it may take a while. Sociopaths can control their behavior, so if they need to walk the straight and narrow temporarily to convince you to stay, they will. But eventually they will do whatever they did again.
Read more: What’s a sociopath?
- Trust me
No, no, NO! These people absolutely cannot be trusted with anything!
- You’re crazy, mentally ill, and should be on meds
This is a typical sociopathic strategy. They will tell you that you’re mentally unbalanced. They will often say this with such concern in their voices that you think they’re really worried about you. NO! They’re trying to destroy you.
- Other people think you’re crazy, mentally ill, and should be on meds
Another typical strategy. They’ll tell you all the terrible things that other people are supposedly saying about you. You, of course, become upset and embarrassed, and never ask these people what they really think. But the other people never made the statements! Sociopaths do this to erode your support system and isolate you.
- I’ll go for therapy
No, they probably won’t go. And it doesn’t matter anyway, because once a sociopath is an adult, there is no rehabilitation.
- I’ll never cheat again
Yes, they will. Cheating and promiscuity are ingrained in this disorder. In fact, they may be cheating even as they make the statement. They don’t stop.
- You’re cheating with your co-worker, neighbor, the repairman
Sociopaths often vehemently accuse you of cheating. Your natural reaction is to defend yourself. Remember — they are doing this for effect! They probably know you aren’t cheating, but they want to undermine you. (If you are cheating, never, ever confess!)
- You must forgive because the Bible says so
Sociopaths often pretend to be born again, religious, spiritual or pious. They are not. They don’t care about religion. But they will use religious teachings in order to assert control over you.
- I’ll kill myself
If you hear this statement, either the sociopath is lying, and just wants to make you feel guilty. Or the sociopath is serious. Either way, you cannot solve the problem. The best thing you can do is call 911.
Recognize that nothing sociopaths say is sincere, and the best thing you can do is ignore anything that comes out of their mouths with one exception. If sociopaths threaten you, pay attention. If they threaten to hurt you, ruin your job, take your kids and you sense they are capable of these actions — take precautions.
But when sociopaths are saying whatever they can think of to hook you again, well, just roll your eyes.
Learn more: Tools for navigating narcissists and other manipulative people.
Lovefraud originally posted this story on Aug. 1, 2016.
7 reasons not to seek closure from a sociopath
These disordered people are beyond f’ed up.
When your gut is screaming at you that something is just not right with someone, or that their whole life seems like a sham, or that they seem very ‘off’…LISTEN TO IT.
The P/SP in my life has used this shit on me and on his ex. Like, that my/our mind(s) is/are unhealthy because I(we) can SEE who he is…
EVERYTHING these articles are saying is 100 0/0 TRUE!!!! I am very grateful for these articles…they have replaced all doubt for me and filled in the “missing pieces” concerning my “nutbags” behaviors!! I’m one of those that actually got out but not understanding all this had doubts that led me to “try ONE more time” because after all “it was all my fault! Lol….I am currently in the process of getting out for good…it is VERY hard to deal with these ppls “destructive powers” but it can be done…as good always triumphs over evil! These ppl are truly evil and will stop at NOTHING to destroy you…these articles have been an awesome guide for me…there should literally be a law restricting these ppl from mainstream society!!!!!!
ALL of the above are positively, absolutely true; I was often told ‘I love you’ to the point of making me queasy; he said everything else, but one..he didnt tell me he would kill himself. He threatened to kill ME..often, in the last few years we were together. I took him seriously, too. He could have broken my neck (or any other body parts)anytime HE chose, and as big and strong as he was, I couldnt have stopped him. All the other was verbal garbage and needed eye rolling!
I remember so many times being told that I have a mental problem that I started to believe it. He even compared my mental compacity to his 3 year old daughter. Now I know he used his comment to control me. I’m glad he’s gone. Now I’m just trying to recover from all his abuse.
I’m still trying to recover from the abuse. I was told daily I was out of my effing mind. Nice talk from a husband to a wife. But I finally had enough and threw him out. Took forever to get divorced, he delayed it at every turn. Just to make me spend more money. And to keep the control going. The sick manipulation. Oh! Here’s a side note. His gf of 8 years of our marriage is also a divorce attorney. Found out about her after he was gone. So I ended up with basically nothing. They planned quite well.
As hard as Its been financially and otherwise, it’s worth it to be rid of this sick sick demented man. Every day. Honestly every day I wake up and am thankful I had the strength to know I deserved better. I may still be on my own, but I’m not alone
Nothing can make you feel more worthless and alone than being with a sociopath.
Everything is true in this article. I remember my ex husband tried to have me committed to a mental institution. He is a cop so it was very easy for him at first. But if all his plans failed. The psychiatrist declared me sane, he was very upset his my ex abused the system. The judge in my divorce saw through my ex and in the end it worked out in my favor. I was left in financial ruin because of his evil actions. But I recovered slowly , financially and emotionally. It has been over 3 years now of no contact. I am free of his evilness I will never give him a chance to gain access to my life again . Thinking back I do not remember how I functioned and survived. But I did. I wanted to add. My ex went to marriage counseling with me before the discard. He was hoping that the counsellor agreed with “his diagnosis ” of my craziness. Instead she labeled him as “mentally disturbed “. Well needless to say he never went back. It’s all a game to them but once you remove yourself and stop feeding ego kibbles you become boring and useless to them. That’s when I filed for divorce. Best decision of my life. I wasted 20!pkus years with him. Wish I would have had the strength and determination sooner. But in the end I stood up, I said no more and I was set free. Forever grateful to my attorney , the court system here in Florida and also to websites like this. I know I made the right decision. It was my only solution to survive.
When I first met my ex, when he was still sweet and charming, I made the mistake of confiding in him that I had issues with anxiety and depression. I had just had to leave a job after being injured at work, and I was feeling pretty down. But despite my minor emotional problems, I’m not crazy. I’ve never tried to kill myself, I’m able to work full time, live alone, and take care of myself. But of course he tried to use these things against me later on in our relationship. I remember him saying I needed a “minimum” of “six months of in-patient psychiatric care”. (For what? And with what money?) He told me I was not competent to make any decisions in my own life and from then on he was going to be making all the decisions for both of us. Of course I was having none of that. I know people don’t go in-patient for anxiety and/or depression unless they are a danger to themselves or others. Then, after I managed to remove myself physically from the situation, and was only dealing with calls, emails, and texts, he tried to tell me that he had consulted with THREE different psychiatrists about me and they all had diagnosed me with Borderline Personality Disorder. That’s when I knew for sure that he was full of it. First of all, there’s no way he would pay for visits with three different mental health professionals. (Or even one). Then there’s the fact that no doctor is going to diagnose a person with a serious personality disorder without ever actually meeting the person. Even after meeting someone, it might take several sessions to arrive at a diagnosis. So there was no way that was true.
He later threatened to call my family, my friends, my employer, etc. and tell them all that I was crazy and dishonest. He never followed through with that. Ultimately, he was a sad, cowardly, lying shell of a human being.
He tried to contact me one last time around Valentine’s Day of this year, trying to play nice and reminiscing on the good times we had together. I didn’t respond to the email. We didn’t have “good times”. We had nothing. He was a waste of a year of my life because nothing with him was real. He didn’t love me. He had no feelings or emotions. While I’ve been able to take away some good things and fond memories from other failed relationships, with him there was just a year long black hole.
eblueeyes, you are a strong person and a good role model for people here who have been beaten down by their exes’ gaslighting. I have a friend whose husband gaslighted her for years in a 26-year marriage. Now in her late 50’s and divorced, she is so beaten down that she believes she is bipolar and borderline. She is on a cocktail of meds that (I believe) keep her feelings down and is in an endless cycle of self-abuse through overeating. I have known her since our college years 35 years ago, and I know she is none of those diagnoses. Even if she were, she should be getting better with all the therapy she is getting. Instead, she stays stuck in an endless cycle of obsessing about the past. I want to help her but I don’t know if I can.
I myself have struggled with anxiety and depression throughout my life. But I will never let a man tell me I am crazy or give me a diagnosis. I’m hard enough on myself. I don’t need people in my life tearing me down. Trying to find a man who can deal with someone like me who is healing childhood trauma is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. I need someone very strong I can push against who will understand why I am pushing. So I stop looking and just go about my life. I am currently writing my memoirs. They are quite fascinating, so I’m told, and several of my friends have urged me to write them. I look to spirituality for unconditional love. I have never really experienced this kind of love in a romantic relationship (at least not that I know of – I may not have been able to receive it in younger years). But I do know that I am lovable and loved by a higher power. At least I try to believe that.
Stay strong, eblueeyes and continue on your path. You will continue to be a role model for others.
Thank you Donna ! You are so right and you have the experience of years first hand. Sorry you had to go through so much. Thank you for being so selfless to keep helping others.
The P/SP and I have a 11 yr old child. The ex P/SP and I are on my sixth year of being separated and divorced. Be aware of the open invitations because I walking into the open invitations from the P/SP claiming for the good of our son and court says to get along. I walked into the P/SP(spiders) traps. Without writing details if anyone has experience with the P/SP they know this is true. Do not fall for the shame on you for not going to the invitation specially when you have experienced they don’t end well. After several incidents were reported the P/SP goes to the police or sheriffs office and adds to the report that “She is delusional”. After six years I have found four woman in the incident records with my ex P/SP adding remarks of mentally incapable descriptions. Of course I found them in different city counties and one comment my attorney depostion my ex P/SP about another woman being of mental condition(Yeah right!).
Close all invitations which he implies shame on you for not attending. Examples: “Have dinner with us?” “Your not doing what the court says for our child or children” or “shame on you for not being nice for our child or children”. So many open doors only to try to exploit our children and hurt us to get reactions. They don’t stop.
Yes, behind every word from the P/SP is their objective to cause problems. Play like a smart possum to not give them attention. Report what you actually have to. Regardless of what the P/SP writes after the incident because, he is trying to close off your “support system” access for help for your children and yourself.
I can’t explain how shocked i am to read all of this. In a way, I’m extremely relieved to read and find out that others have gone through this and are coping/recovering, not that I wish this experience on ANYONE! I literally just got out of a relationship 2 days ago SP/PP. Just about a week ago, I finally started doing research online to try and find an explanation for all of the damaging, odd and malicious behavior I have been treating.
The more I read, the more I see how perfectly the characteristics of the partner I was just with match. It’s almost scary….
from the “you THINK you love me, but you really dont’s..” to the triangulation (never heard of that before, but after reading it, realize I was smack dab in the middle of it….ALL THE TIME), to the manipulation…all of the times I justified behavior in her that I KNEW wasn’t right. I constantly felt and really KNEW things weren’t as they really were, no matter how hard I tried to rationalize or make excuses. Now I finally realize just how foolish I was to go against everything I thought and suspected to keep the relationship going…
I gotta say that just reading other peoples experiences and stories about this has already helped me on a very small level start to deal and accept the reality of the past 7 months. I’m still shocked thinking that everything our relationship was based on was fabrication, but a very small part of me feels a little better knowing that it’s a sickness individuals have.
I’m not sure how bad this relationship and experience has messed me up, but I’m feeling everything that is being outlined as a victim of a S/P.
The most difficult thing for me being thinking everything I was told was most likely a lie, and that the reality is that the lying was probably far worse than I had even suspected.
mjf219 – welcome to Lovefraud. I am so sorry for your experience, but glad that Lovefraud is helping you understand what was going on – and that it wasn’t you. Knowledge is power.