UPDATED FOR 2023. Why is it that psychopaths frequently get away with cheating, abuse, backstabbing, fraud, theft, and other nefarious activities — even murder? Here are 10 strategies that these exploiters may employ to escape accountability.
- Psychopaths lie fluently and convincingly.
They lie while looking you right in they eye, without a trace of nervousness or guilt. If they’re caught in a lie, they easily lie to cover the lie. It’s no wonder they are believed.
- Psychopaths protest with righteous indignation.
They say they would NEVER do such a thing, and HOW can you possibly accuse THEM of such behavior? Everyone doubts you, and you even doubt yourself.
- Psychopaths smear their accuser/target.
If that’s you, they ruin your credibility, often starting the smear campaign long before you even realize what they’ve done to you. When everything blows up, you have no support.
- Psychopaths become whatever will serve their agenda.
Should they express remorse? Pull rank? Plead ignorance? Portray the bumbling fool? They’ll do whatever enables them to escape consequences.
- Psychopaths plan many moves in advance.
They plot and scheme, lining up allies, fall guys, minions, bank accounts, transfers, even replacement romantic partners. Then they make their move.
- Psychopaths grab targets of opportunity.
They are always on the lookout for someone who is useful to their agenda. If you have something they want, they figure out where you are vulnerable and use it against you.
- Psychopaths know how to go right up to the line without crossing it.
Psychopaths often engage in behavior that is immoral and unethical, but not illegal. Or, the situations are he said/she said, with no proof of anything. There is nothing to prosecute.
- Psychopaths size up and flatter whomever they need to convince.
Is it a boss, a police officer, a therapist, a judge? They align themselves with that person, pretend to be on the same team, and turn an adversary into an ally.
- Psychopaths have the dirt on whomever is passing judgment.
They put adversaries, work superiors and legal authorities in compromising positions, and then engage in blackmail. Suddenly, the case is dropped.
- Psychopaths expect to get away with their actions.
They believe they can talk themselves out of anything, or divert attention to someone else. In many cases, they’ve been doing it successfully all their lives.
Okay, sometimes psychopaths have to face the consequences of their actions. After all, experts say 25 percent of the prison population are psychopaths. But even those who are locked up probably got away with a lot of bad behavior before they were finally put behind bars.
Never underestimate a psychopath.
Lovefraud originally posted this story on June 13, 2016.
6 reasons why sociopaths seem so romantic – but they’re all fake
SPOT ON!
The only problem for them is remembering their lies… That’s where things get tricky!
You must be very good at keeping track of what they said in the first place!
Most s/paths rely on the fact that most people are not keeping track, and will give the benefit of the doubt so they just keep piling it on until the other person is placated.
Or until the other person’s reputation is in tatters, or whatever twisted nonsense they are aiming for. Non s/paths have limits and principles, s/paths don’t. They know this and think their lack makes them “superior”.
Yes, I am sure that they do think their lack or limits and principles make themselves superior to others.
Whether they are consciously aware that they have that ‘lack’ at all is debatable, but their feeling superior to everyone else is most definitely concrete.
Rosie Jackson – in some cases, yes, you’re right – they can’t remember the lies. But some psychopaths have an amazing ability to keep it all straight, remembering exactly what they said to whom.
But if they make a mistake – they just cover it up with another lie. See point #1.
Yes, yes, and YES!
All correct.
They just lie. It’s that simple. It is how they get through life. Even when the truth would suit them better! They just can’t seem to ever tell the truth…
I think something that needs/can to be added to this list is society. Especially in the case of female sociopaths/psychopaths, some parts of society just cannot get around the image that women are harmless and unable to cause so much destruction. I cannot count how many times I’ve heard “there is no way a mother could ….” or “if she acted like that, then he must have done something”. Before I met mine, I would never think a woman (let alone any human being) could possibly be so cruel and callous. Being old-fashioned in upbringing, I include myself as it was my naivety that allowed me to believe that in the first place. Everything I had learned about men/women seemed to have gotten tossed around in the aftermath. I know now that although not as common (that we know of reported), a woman can be just as equally cruel.
Truth.
Dear All,
Need some love fraud support/advice.
The psychopath I married and been in divorce proceedings with for almost two years has really vamped up the attacks. On a positive note I take his tactics as an acceptance that we are finished. On a less positive note rather than destroy me bit by bit as he planned prior to our divorce and as recently as a few weeks ago prior to our last hearing, he has put the destruction gear in over drive. While I have been busy clearing out my home, taking my son for his final exchange program interview out of town, he has been busy “reconnecting” with relatives of mine who I am not on speaking terms with and hate me (relationships I attribute the demise to thanks to him). He loaded up my 3 kids in his care, piled them in the car and drove hundreds of miles over a two week period (he’s still on his mission as I write this), and is visiting my relatives, mostly estranged siblings and their children, that I have not seen in years and suffice it to say the last time I heard from most of these relatives was years ago and was not the most pleasant of endings. He is on a mission not only to destroy me emotionally (this news was not completely unexpected and I have tried as best as I can to prepare myself emotionally for this event) but legally. I expected a reconnection of sorts but never a two week “my family” family reunion taken on the road traversing one end of a large state to the other end. I’ve been up half the night just sick about it. I realize this is predictable behavior of spaths. I was hoping to see girlfriend pics on f/b not my siblings seated next to him in a bar in another state. To be fair he didn’t post Instagram pics, my lovely 14 year old daughter did, and also to be fair the pics were a confirmation of what I already knew through other sources. And also to be fair I had to contact someone to tell me what was on my daughter’s social media. What to do what to do? Mind you I think he was going to spring this info on me in court and he is trying to enlist them to use them in court against me. God where is the new girlfriend? Though I’m sure once he has one he’ll be sure to have my daughter lost pics of him the gf and my lovely siblings on vacation together. Not a good day for sure.
Oh dear becomingstrong…
HE is so conniving yet so transparent. I can see that you know, through your words in your post, that he is once again deliberately trying to emotionally ruin you. He knows who you are and what he lost and what he will never have back. He knows what hurts you. He is on the biggest smear campaign that he can conjure up.
He has no girlfriend likely because none can stand him, plus, he is still obsessed with YOU. That tends to hamper new relationships.
I am so worried for you and my heart also breaks hearing all of this. Every time you seem to get close to the END with him, he creates another horrible vortex to try and pull you back in. Now it’s using your own family against you.
I don’t know what to do. Does anyone have any suggestions? Is gray rock something that might help here? Should you just TRY (how difficult is that going to be, right?) to ignore what he is doing. ‘I see you’re having a great time…enjoy yourself’ type thing.
I know that this is hurting you to your core. I can hear it in your words. Can you try and turn that hurt off? Get out and do something else and don’t look at the pics…don’t engage…make some fun for yourself…jump on a plane and come see me…lol!
All easier said than done. I care about you so much…we all do. Keep talking and posting and we will be here for you 🙂
I am so sorry you are going through that. It is so wrong. But remember this: You KNOW what he is doing. You KNOW he is using your relatives and your daughter to be his flying monkeys. He WANTS this to hurt. He is doing this on purpose so it WILL hurt. So focus on what you know. He has stepped up his game because you are not backing down. He has become desperate. Driving to see your old relatives? C’mon! That is so desperate. Yes, he is smearing your name. But remember it is to people you stopped having contact with anyway. If they really cared about you,, they would call you. Notice that you are not receiving any empathic phone calls from the flying monkeys? Forgive your daughter. She doesn’t understand what is happening. The reality here is that all of these people don’t care about you, (excepting your daughter and any other minor children). If you let it hurt you, he wins. That is what he wants. See it for what it is. He is desperately trying to rally people you let go of a long time ago, to hurt you. So what? What a waste of his time. Hold firm. I know that it doesn’t seem like it now, I know that it seems it will go on and on forever. I know that it seems like you have to hold your breath and wonder when the next sucker punch will happen. But it won’t go on forever and you are educated to WHO HE IS. He will play his sadistic cards until he runs out of them. Your power is in accepting that the situation is the way that it is. I will say that again, accept that the situation is what it is. He is sadistic. They are being manipulated. You can see it for what it is. That is where your power lies. When you take back your power, you will be amazed at how quickly things will shift. Stay strong.
Yes, DoneWithThat2, these relatives are not in contact anyway.
I suppose it is all about LETTING the P/SP hurt you/us. It is so easier said than done not to LET them hurt you/us.
Yes, prove that what he is doing is simply a waste of time, from a waste of skin.
You/we really do have the power. THEY only have power if you/we allow it.
I love your post!!
I forgot to add…..When we want things to be different, when we want them to be other than they way they are, that is when we get hurt.
And…when we want things to be different than they are, we have the power to make it happen!!
Bev, I agree with you. That said, it is so easy to misinterpret what we are both saying. So to clarify….
We have to accept that people are the way they are and that we can’t change them. When we want people to be other than the way they are, when we don’t accept how they are and we think we can change that, we are setting ourselves up to be deeply hurt, (I am talking about adults, not children). If we think we can change other people and they are not changing, the logical, (if misguided) conclusion is that there is something wrong with us or they would change.
But Bev you are right! The only place where we have real power the only place we can make real change is with ourselves. And we DO have the power to make it happen! When we take our focus and move it from OUTSIDE of us, (the spath), to INSIDE of us, we become very powerful. When we accept that a spath is a spath, and he was one before he met us, while he was with us, and will be one until the day of his death, we are accepting that his disorder has nothing to do with us. We can’t change that or him. For becomingstrong, her soon to be ex is doing what spaths do. That is what they do. They lie, they gaslight, they manipulate others, they smear. We can all see our lovely spaths in her story. They are like rubber stamps, they basically all do the same things.
I know this is not easy, but it is is necessary, we have to get to a place where we can see their behavior and not be hurt by it. He is doing what he does. He will do exactly the same thing to the next target. (I am not condoning their behavior, it is always mean and cruel), but It is what he does. It really is NOT personal to us. We could be anyone and he would do what he does. Ross Rosenberg, (you tuber on narcissism), says that co-dependency is really a symptom of the lack of self love. We have been targeted by narcissists and sociopaths because we have not learned to love ourselves. The gift that spaths give us is that in order to survive their horrendous cruelty, their jaw dropping sadism, we have to create boundaries, (self love), we have to realize where our power ends, (self love), we have to let things that we can’t control go, (self love), we have to be good to ourselves, (self love), and we have to realize that we are not responsible for the behavior of others, (self love). And that the cruelty exhibited by the spath is really a reflection of who they are, not who we are, (self love). Step by step, each insight heals us. And as we heal we become less attractive to future spaths, and we open the door to relationships that have a give and take. That are mutual. That are reciprocal not parasitic. That is the gift that spaths give us. Take that ball and run with it!
Yes, as in my situation, with my own 35 year old son.
I have had to accept that he is disordered, and that nothing and nobody can change that. Not even his own mother. No way. Nohow.
I knew what you were meaning….and I love your new post.
It is only within us. We get to dictate how we want our lives to be. Not the disordered people!
becomingstrong, are you okay? You have not posted yet today.
How are you feeling about us all chiming in?
It is mostly stuff we all already know, but when we get hit in the face again by the IDIOT, it is good to reach out to people that really KNOW.
I hope that you are getting stronger as you read the comments…
Excellent 10 item list!!!! Becoming strong, your sense and know the strategy of your ex which is a good thing. My advice is protect and document. My cousin who is a psychopath and bipolar 1 managed a full attack including filing false reports to law enforcement couldn t wait to get herself on a family reunion committee and on her day continue her diatribe on me to mostly people I hadnt ever seen as this was back in ohio. Engaging gives them what they want. It has taken years to recover…and I found some of her other victims, collected affidavits and will participate in recorded interviews to hopefully prevent more victims. She has a history of violence and theft. What set her off? I had called her family to get her after her mania (she showed up on my doorstep and refused to leave) got out of hand…my only offense to cause her wrath. So, remember, they are masters of the set up…protect yourself, your children and document. Do report any concerns for safety. Best wishes for a final divorce soon.
I would also to add to this list the following:
1. Celebrity Status
2. Powerful position
3. Money
Dear Bev and Done with that 2,
Sorry I haven’t responded. I have reading the responses in-between letting in the cable guy and the plumber this morning, starting the wash, and chores that have been neglected while I’ve been gone. First let me say I loved the responses. As I was lying in bed last night and having a good ole pity party for myself and good sob I knew I would find what I needed right here on LoveFraud, in you Bev, and was delighted with Donewiththat2. I would love to get on a plane (I will say I rarely fly as I’m afraid of confined spaces since as byproduct of my marriage) and visit you Bev. But in my case it probably be the bus.
Secondly, I will say that I have digested what has been posted and agree with you Bev, but of course, and Donewiththat. We can only change ourselves and their tactics only work when they have power over us. And is up to us to take that power away. I for one having given away way way too much power to the spath. There are so many things I do anymore that I used to take for granted. Too many years of abuse, disention, manipulation, as yes Donewiththat, Sadism to its core. It is an understatement that I can kick myself for staying as long as I did and allowing him to flay me to the bone. I now see how little I thought of myself and little regard I had for my own well being.
Thirdly, Yes you are right Donewiththat, I gave up those people long ago. My siblings have done horrible horrible things and I gave them up when they started on my children. The very children who embracing them. When I continued to me married to an abuser some of my siblings started in on me with threats etc.. Some of things they did were not just idle threats. My children are aware of what happened, not just because I told them, but because many things in their lives changed, schools, cities, as direct result of my siblings attacks (I am related by blood to atleast one sociopath, and several of her minions). These very siblings who attacked for staying married to an abuser are embracing him. Yes I see how that works. They will most probably become instrumental to him, and him to them, in custody issues relating to my youngest daughter. Yes, I will probably face several of my siblings in court and I will have to endure and know that the end of day the judge isn’t going to take my daughter away from me. Only my daughter can remove herself from me. Only her desire to be with other siblings, and who could blame her, would result in her leaving me. Only that. At the end of the day, after the mob disperses and all the stones they can throw have been thrown and I will pick up my daughter and go home. I know that. My greatest crime was investing in people that had no regard for me. For that I’m guilty as charged. My mother’s final words to me before she died, were words of warning to me about my siblings and her final words were “… hold your own counsel it will serve you.” That was the last conversation I had with my mother. The next year my siblings swooped in and started making inroads with one of my children. And by the way my mother seemed to adore these particular siblings. I didn’t understand her warning to me entirely at the time. I came find out that one of my siblings positioned herself to rob my mother’s estate. Yes the sordid story. Money and greed the root of all evil.
Finally, I think I’m going to leave town for a while and regroup. I’m going to spend some of the money I have saved to move and go away for a few weeks. You Bev have been invaluable to me. I can speak freely here and with you and not be in harms way. And done with that, you are right and gave me sound advice and remind me of how they operate, how horrible they are and how sadistic their core is. I emailed him an invoice and said words the effect, if he could take a breather out of his “my family” family reunion and deal with reality and court orders and pay his share of the bill.
Sorry in advance of the typos.
Well, becomingstrong, as is usual, this site, and YOU, are both so wonderful, that in you reaching out and asking for ‘help’, you have managed to also help all of us in the process!! We have realized more truths and know that we can indeed, help others and ourselves as well. How great is that??
YOU are not only invaluable to me, but to countless others on here who are also trying to navigate the devastation that comes with dealing with a P/SP.
How I treasure you!!
Oh, and I have never been able to speak so freely, either, about my son, as I have been able to with you, and on this site.
Lifesavers…both you and this site.
🙂
Bev, My daughter is 32 and I had to come to the same conclusion. I have read that if a child has a sociopath/narcissist parent, and have been around them up the age of 4, they have a high risk of becoming one. This was certainly true for her. You are so right. It is far easier to talk about accepting what is, but doing it can be so hard. The hardest one was my daughter. I miss her so much. She is so funny, bright, and creative. I miss her light side so much. She could make me laugh until my sides hurt! I haven’t laughed like that since. It has been over 3 years. What I finally did to bring myself peace, was to hold this in my mind: I say “no” to the relationship you are trying to have with me. It is hurtful and I won’t do it. But I hold a space in my heart for you always. And I hold the space that there will come a time when you want to have a relationship with me that is based on mutual respect and kindness, I am here.” Now I know I have a preponderance of evidence showing me that she is not able to do this, but it makes me feel good. get to send her love, and send it out there that I am here for her always, but I can only have relationships in my life that are based on mutual respect and kindness, (self love). It makes me feel like the story is, “To be continued…”, instead of over and dead. I have found that when I close off my heart, I am the one who is hurt. Finding a way to keep my heart open but still having boundaries, (self love), makes me feel good. Children are different from spouses or lovers. When a child that you have raised, loved, cared about, sacrificed for, turns their back on you, the pain is unbearable. So, for today, I thank Donna for having a site like this that allows me to share how I feel and not feel alone.
Thank you for such a heartfelt post. I have never though of not closing off my heart to my son…I felt that I had to do so, and yes, it hurt me to do so. It continues to hurt at times.
I will have to think more on your post. I feel like over and dead was the best route for me?
Again, I have more to think on since reading your post. I shall try to be open minded with what you had to say.
Cheers:)
Dear Bev,
Stay the course. Embracing these types is tantamount to trying to embrace a porcupine. Nothing good is going to come of it. We all have our moments, but letting these types into our life is just invitation for disaster. I get the pain that can be associated with spawning spath children, but they do not care about us. They do not feel. We have learned this through our research. We research because we have been devastated by their acts of “love”. No contact. Love you Bev.
becomingstrong, I agree, no contact is the only way to go. What I am saying is that you can go no contact and still love them.
Yes!
Absolutely you can…
I, however, do not feel that ‘motherly’ love, though, but we have all discussed this before. I do not feel bad about that any more, either.
becomingstrong, in my case, in my situation, I know that I can’t EVER have contact with my son again. It is such a deep intuitive feeling that I have, that I know that it has to be true.
That makes me HURT…but not him. I know that he is not hurt by it at all. That’s the rub.
If I tell myself what DoneWithThat2 tells herself…that, ‘there may come a time, based on mutual respect and kindness’…but tell only myself, not my son…perhaps I will not hurt as much. Of course, that time will never happen or come to fruition, because my son will NEVER show kindness and will NEVER have respect for me, nor anyone else for that matter. It is just not in him. It is impossible. Therefore, a relationship on any level is also impossible.
It is only me that hurts, and I think it’s only because we (parents of the disordereds) think that our children are hurt. However, they are not. They feel nothing for us at all.
I will stay the course, all right.
Much love to you as well, my friend.
This list is SPOT ON!!! My last ex gf? This list describes her perfectly. Every trick and lie on this list? She pulled it all. I hate myself still for falling for it, but hindsight is 20/20.