How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide: Barbara Monett, LCSW

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Lovefraud presents a series of Q&A articles with members of the Professional Resources Guide. Barbara Monett is a clinical social worker in California specializing in therapy for individuals facing problems of addiction and/or codependency. Q. What experience have you had dealing with sociopaths or other disordered personalities—personally, professionally, or both? A. Professionally—I am trained as a clinical social worker and have also completed the Hendricks Coaching Program for Couples and Individuals in Ojai, CA., as well as numerous other related trainings on mindfulness, codependency recovery, substance abuse recovery. I have personally been involved with Alanon, Coda, AA for over …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: I loved my first wife; I was played by my second wife

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Editor's note: The following letter was sent by the Lovefraud reader “Philip.” Names have been changed. My very long story starts in December of 2004. My first wife, Lee, was terminally ill, and I was the only one that took care of her. I also had two teens, and they were not any help at all. My mother in-law had moved from out of state in order to give me some help. She was more trouble at the time than help. None of Lee's family other than her biological mother came to help. As a matter of fact, they all pretty much kept their distance since she got sick. So, I took care of Lee, by myself, for about five years or more. I ended up having a breakdown. I was told that this was "Care giver b …

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Divorced From a Sociopath: The Imperfect Stranger

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by Quinn Pierce Have you ever looked at someone that you've known for much of your life and thought, “Who are you?” I had that moment today, standing outside my son's doctor's office listening to my ex-husband threaten to bring the police to my house to enforce his visitation rights.  I watched his face contort and strain, his eyes hardened to match his tone, and his entire body tense as if for a fight.  I looked to his right to see my younger son frozen in place, thrown into a state of post traumatic stress, and I thought: who is this maniac standing here yelling at me? A Moment of Clarity But then, I snapped back into the moment and realized I was about to get sucked into arguing wi …

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Brains and bad behavior

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Many research studies show that the brains of sociopaths are different from the brains of non-disordered people. Does this mean they are responsible for their bad behavior, or not? Adrian Raine, a neuroscientist at the University of Pennsylvania, and Sally Satel, a psychiatrist and American Enterprise Institute scholar, debate the issue. Can brain scans explain crime? on WashingtonPost.com.   …

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Sociopaths and soul mates

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I'm reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, which was the #1 New York Times bestseller when it was published in 2007. Gilbert tells her story of supposedly having everything career, marriage, home yet feeling depressed and unhappy. She left it all, got a divorce, and then spent a year abroad to find herself. She ate her way through Italy, studied spiritual practice in India, and sought to balance pleasure and divinity in Indonesia. While going through her divorce, Gilbert had a relationship with a man whom she calls "David." This didn't seem to be a sociopathic relationship, just normally dysfunctional. Although they broke up, Gilbert, from time to time, pined for David. Her …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: A sociopath in a very senior position

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Editor's note: The following letter was sent by the Lovefraud reader "Speakout." Have you ever wondered what happens when your sociopath goes to the office? Where to start ”¦ I should begin by saying that my experience included getting to know his ex-wife after I was fired, reading the transcripts and emails of their seemingly endless divorce. She is the one who opened my eyes. I reacted poorly to her when she first told me about her experiences with him; I sat there in stunned silence. I had to let it sink in. She told me later that my response confused her. I had no idea such creatures as him existed. I'm a girl geek I'm not good with feelings and people. Some highlights that de …

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Divorced From a Sociopath: Tools For Success

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by Quinn Pierce It's like a switch, really, the way he turns his charm on and off.  I watch the tell-tale facial expressions change in a split second as someone enters or exits the room.  I often want to look around and yell, “Didn't you see that?” But he is too careful not to reveal the wrong mask to the intended person.  It's another one of those moments when you think, “Am I really the only one who can see this?  Doesn't anyone else realize this is all an act?” The Mask Slips And for so long, no one saw.  He practiced and planned his timing like a seasoned actor on stage: perfect performance every time”¦.until recently. It may have taken twenty years, but it was worth the wait.  …

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How to dump a sociopath

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Suppose you realize that you're in an unhealthy romantic relationship. Or, your instincts are telling you that the person in hot pursuit of you is bad news. How do you end the involvement? When you're romantically involved with reasonably normal individuals, you usually try to spare their feelings. You don't come out and say that they're boring, or needy, or oafish, even if that's what you feel. You make up excuses. You tell them that you're getting back with an old boyfriend or girlfriend, even if that's a lie. You say you're just not ready for a relationship right now, even if that's also a lie. In essence, when breaking up with an okay person who just isn't your type, you try to let …

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The links between callous-unemotional traits in children and antisocial behavior

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Dr. Essi Viding of University College London discusses recent findings on the genetic roots of callous-unemotional traits in children, and how they may evolve into antisocial behavior. Callous-unemotional traits in children, on PsychologicalScience.org.   …

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