CRON: Array ( [1552878015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552878315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552878615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552878915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552879215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552879515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552879815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552880115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552880415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552880715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552881015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552881315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552881615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552881915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552882215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552882515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552882815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552883115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552883415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552883715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552884015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552884315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552884615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552884915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552885200] => Array ( [woocommerce_scheduled_sales] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => daily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 86400 ) ) ) [1552885215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552885515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552885815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552886115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552886415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552886715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552887015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552887200] => Array ( [reschedule_event_post] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => daily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 86400 ) ) ) [1552887315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552887615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552887915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552888215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552888515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552888815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552889115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552889415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552889715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552890015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552890315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552890615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552890915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552891215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552891515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552891728] => Array ( [check_plugin_updates-easy-social-share-buttons3] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => twicedaily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 43200 ) ) ) [1552891815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552892115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552892145] => Array ( [bestwebsoft_wp_update_plugins] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => twicedaily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 43200 ) ) ) [1552892294] => Array ( [check_plugin_updates-ad-inserter-pro] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => twicedaily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 43200 ) ) ) [1552892415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552892715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552893015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552893315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552893615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552893915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552894215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552894515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552894815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552895115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552895200] => Array ( [reschedule_event_post] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => daily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 86400 ) ) ) [1552895415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552895715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552896015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552896486] => Array ( [check_plugin_updates-easy-social-share-buttons] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => twicedaily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 43200 ) ) ) [1552896615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552897215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552897515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552897815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552898102] => Array ( [wp_1_wc_privacy_cleanup_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => wp_1_wc_privacy_cleanup_cron_interval [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 300 ) ) ) [1552898115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552898415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552898715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552899015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552899315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552899318] => Array ( [ao_cachechecker] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => twicedaily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 43200 ) ) ) [1552899615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552899915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552900215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552900515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552900815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552901336] => Array ( [wpbdp_daily_events] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => daily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 86400 ) ) ) [1552901415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552901861] => Array ( [_cron_zencache_cleanup] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => daily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 86400 ) ) ) [1552902015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552902315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552902615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552902915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552903215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552903515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552903815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552903969] => Array ( [update_network_counts] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => twicedaily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 43200 ) ) ) [1552904115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552904415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552904715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552905015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552905315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552905611] => Array ( [woocommerce_cleanup_sessions] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => twicedaily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 43200 ) ) ) [1552905615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552905915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552906215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552906515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552906815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552907115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552907415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552907715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552908015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552908315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552908615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552908915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552909035] => Array ( [seopressor_site_audit] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => daily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 86400 ) ) [seopressor_daily_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => daily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 86400 ) ) ) [1552909215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552909515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552909649] => Array ( [check_plugin_updates-event-espresso-core-reg] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => daily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 86400 ) ) ) [1552909815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552910115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552910415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552910715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552911015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552911315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552911437] => Array ( [simple_history/maybe_purge_db] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => daily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 86400 ) ) ) [1552911615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552911915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552912215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552912515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552912815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552913115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552913715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552914015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552914301] => Array ( [wp_cache_gc] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => [args] => Array ( ) ) ) ) [1552914315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552914615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552914915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552915215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552915815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552916415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552916715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552917015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552917315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552917615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552917915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552918215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552918815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552919415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552919715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552920015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552920315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552920615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552920915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552921215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552921515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552921621] => Array ( [yotuwp_cache_event] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => daily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 86400 ) ) ) [1552921815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552922115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552922415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552922715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552923315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552923615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552923915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552924215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552924515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552924815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552925115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552925415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552925715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552926015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552926315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552926316] => Array ( [action_scheduler_run_queue] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => every_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552926615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552926915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552927211] => Array ( [woocommerce_cleanup_personal_data] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => daily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 86400 ) ) ) [1552927215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552927221] => Array ( [woocommerce_tracker_send_event] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => daily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 86400 ) ) ) [1552927515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552927815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552928115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552928415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552928715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552929015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552929315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552929615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552929915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552930815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552931115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552931175] => Array ( [delete_expired_transients] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => daily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 86400 ) ) ) [1552931415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552931715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552932015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552932315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552932615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552932915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552933215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552933515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552933815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552933929] => Array ( [wpbdp_license_check] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => daily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 86400 ) ) ) [1552934115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552934415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552934715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552935015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552935315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array 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[1552937415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552938011] => Array ( [woocommerce_cleanup_logs] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => daily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 86400 ) ) ) [1552938333] => Array ( [wp_scheduled_delete] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => daily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 86400 ) ) ) [1552938915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552939515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552939815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => 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[args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552972515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552972815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552973115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552973415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552973715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552974015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552974315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552974615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552974915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552975215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552975515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552975815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552976115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552976415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552976715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552977015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552977315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552977615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552977915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552978215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552978515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552978815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552979115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552979415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552979715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552980015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552980315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552980615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552980915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552981215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552981515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552982415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552982715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552983015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552983615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552984215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552988715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552991415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552991715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552992015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552992615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552993215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552993515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552994115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552994415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552995015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552995315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552995915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552996215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552996515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552996815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552997115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552997415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552997715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552998015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552998615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552998915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552999215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1552999515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553000115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553000415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553000715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553001015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553001315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553001615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553001915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553002215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553002515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553002815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553003115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553003415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553003715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553004015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553004315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553004615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553004915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553005215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553005515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553005815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553006115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553006415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553006715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553007015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553007315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553007614] => Array ( [wp_update_plugins] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => twicedaily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 43200 ) ) [wp_update_themes] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => twicedaily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 43200 ) ) ) [1553007661] => Array ( [wp_version_check] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => twicedaily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 43200 ) ) ) [1553007915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553008515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553009115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553009403] => Array ( [nxs_hourly_event] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => hourly [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 3600 ) ) ) [1553009415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553009715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553010015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553010315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553010615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553010915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553011215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553011515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553011815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553012115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553012415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553012715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553013015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553013315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553014215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553014515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553014815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553015115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553015715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553016023] => Array ( [puc_cron_check_updates-ad-inserter-pro] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => twicedaily [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 43200 ) ) ) [1553016315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553016615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553016915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553017215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553017515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553017815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553018115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553018715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553019015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553019315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553019615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553019915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553020136] => Array ( [wpbdp_hourly_events] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => hourly [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 3600 ) ) ) [1553020215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553020515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553020815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553021115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553021415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553022015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553022076] => Array ( [wp_privacy_delete_old_export_files] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => hourly [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 3600 ) ) ) [1553022315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553022615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553022915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553023215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553023515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553023815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553024415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553025015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553025315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553025615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553025915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553026515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553028615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553028915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553029215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553029515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553029815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553030115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553030715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553031015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553031315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553031615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553032215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553032515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553032815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553033115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553033415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553033715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553034315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553035215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553035815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553036115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553036415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553036715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553037015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553037315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553037615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553037915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553038215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553038290] => Array ( [do_pings] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => [args] => Array ( ) ) ) ) [1553038515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553038815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553039115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553039415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553039715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553040015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553040315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553040915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553041215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553041515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553041815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553042115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553042415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553042715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553043015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553043315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553043615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553044215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553044515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553044815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553045115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553045415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553045715] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553046015] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553046315] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553046615] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553046915] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553047215] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553047515] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553047815] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553048115] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553048415] => Array ( [seopressor_audit_cron] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => in_per_minute [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 60 ) ) ) [1553206056] => Array ( [yotuwp_weekly_scheduled_events] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => weekly [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 604800 ) ) ) [1554379200] => Array ( [woocommerce_geoip_updater] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => monthly [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 2635200 ) ) ) [1554398425] => Array ( [dst_update_ad-inserter-pro] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => monthly [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 2635200 ) ) ) [1554399423] => Array ( [ai_update] => Array ( [40cd750bba9870f18aada2478b24840a] => Array ( [schedule] => monthly [args] => Array ( ) [interval] => 2635200 ) ) ) )
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By | November 15, 2013 54 Comments

LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: I loved my first wife; I was played by my second wife

Editor’s note: The following letter was sent by the Lovefraud reader “Philip.” Names have been changed.

My very long story starts in December of 2004. My first wife, Lee, was terminally ill, and I was the only one that took care of her. I also had two teens, and they were not any help at all. My mother in-law had moved from out of state in order to give me some help. She was more trouble at the time than help. None of Lee’s family other than her biological mother came to help. As a matter of fact, they all pretty much kept their distance since she got sick. So, I took care of Lee, by myself, for about five years or more. I ended up having a breakdown. I was told that this was “Care giver burn out”. I gave myself excuses in order to defend my coming actions to myself.

I had a cardiac episode about two months before I left. I was in ICU for most of the week, and was told I would be sent to a bigger hospital for a card overt. I was terrified about this. I asked what it was, and the nurse told me that it is when they use the “paddles” to try to get my heart back into rhythm.

My heart ended up converting on its own the morning I was to go for the card overt.

Stress

So, I was scheduled for a stress test. I passed with flying colors. The doctor asked if I had any stress in my life. Stress? Who me? Excuse #1:  He told me I had to get away from this stress, or this could happen again, and the possibility of stroke would be great.

Excuse #2:  We needed a visiting nurse, and a program that would help my wife. My health insurance did not cover it. I made too much money to get help, and not enough to pay for it myself. I was told that if we were separated, my wife could get this help. She and I talked about this, and although neither of us liked the idea, we were headed in that direction.

One night, after a very bad day at work, I came home, and the first thing out of everyone’s mouth when I walked through the door was “what’s for dinner?” By this time my mother in-law had moved out and gotten her own place. She was never at the house anymore.

Time to move out

The house was a mess; the laundry needed doing, and then this. I snapped. I hit a depression that was unbearable. I was having a breakdown.

The next day I moved out. I knew a girl that had a spare room, so I moved there.

Big mistake. A lot of things went down, that I won’t go into detail about. I went to my doctor, and he prescribed Paxil. I was having trouble with it after taking it for a few months, so his P.A. changed me to Effexor. I still loved my first wife, and still do today. She filed for the divorce. Again, neither one of us wanted it, but felt that was the only way to get her the help she needed. I look back on all of this and my heart breaks. Pam forgave me of all this mess, and my children also forgave me. It took YEARS for me to forgive myself.

New life begins

I tell this story, to lead up to how “Jennifer” got her hands on me.

I met Jennifer on yahoo personals. We hit it off very well. She was beautiful. She liked all the same things I did. She seemed to share the same political views that I did, and much more that we seemed to have in common.

After chatting for about three weeks we ended up meeting for coffee, and hit it right off. This was in December 2005.

It wasn’t long before she was coming to my house and we were having some of the greatest sex I had ever had in my life. We also would go out and do some fun things together.  During the course of the “after sex conversation” Jennifer told me that she was bipolar. I didn’t know much about it, except that a friend of mine suffered from it, and she would get depressed. Jennifer was “self aware” and on medication. I didn’t think much of it. I was not getting serious with her, as I had responsibilities at home. Before this, I had moved closer to work, so “home” was now an hour away. With Lee and I being separated, and our intimacy having been long gone years ago, I didn’t have a problem with having sex with Jennifer. I was truthful with my wife. I have a big problem with lying, and HAD to tell Lee the truth. Besides, Jennifer and I weren’t serious, I told myself. I was so blinded by my own feelings and hurts, that I wasn’t seeing how bad the things were that I was doing.

Experimenting with depression medications

In February 2006 I asked my doctor to help get me off of the Effexor. It had eventually had the effect over me similar to Xanax. No high or relaxation, but I couldn’t feel anything emotionally.

I was on the maximum dose of 225 mg. She told me no problem, and took away 75 mg. She never replaced it with anything, and told me it was fine. She was an M.D., and not a psychiatrist.

Within two days I was suicidal. I was scared. Jennifer had told me that she had 10 years working in mental health, so I sought her out. I took her and her children out to eat at Subway. I made sure that the kids sat in the booth behind us, with my back to them, so I could talk with Jennifer. She told me I should go to the hospital, so I did.

Checked into mental health unit; checked out of job

I was checked into the mental health unit. I was there for a week. My boss was pissed. I was a very important part of the “team” and was letting them down by being gone. I was eventually let go for “budgetary concerns” within the department.

I found out while I was in the unit that my M.D. should have NEVER prescribed the anti-depressants, and should have referred me to a shrink.

When I got out, this was when the game started. Jennifer basically “pounced” on me. She made herself everything I ever needed or wanted. I was a mess, and couldn’t believe that this wonderful woman wanted to take care of me, much less bring me “into” hers and her children’s life. Now Jennifer was separated from her first husband. I asked her how long they had been separated, and if there was a chance of getting back together. The things she said about her ex were horrible. I felt so bad for her and the kids. I was being reeled in. (I finally ended up getting to know him. He was a good man, that had been played by this woman.)

She had me, hook line and sinker. At the time her and her kids were living in housing. She didn’t have much money, so I didn’t have a problem “helping out” once in a while. She knew that I would, and always seemed to mention to me the money problems, and the things she and her kids needed from time to time.

I was still going “home” to take care of things for my family. I always told Lee what was going on, and she wanted to meet this Jennifer. I know, kind of weird, but Lee and I had that kind of relationship. I think that she wanted to check this woman out to make sure she was on the up and up. She loved me, and wanted me to be happy. At least this is what I had thought at the time.

First meets second

So, I loaded up the car with Jennifer and the kids, and went home with them. I took the kids outside, and Lee and Jennifer chatted for a couple hours. Jennifer had won Lee over. At least that was what I thought, because this is how they both acted. When Lee had to eventually go into a nursing home, Jennifer would go visit her during the day, while I was at work. She played board games with her, and rubbed her feet for her. She seemed like a godsend for everyone.

I was still having trouble with the Effexor, as I never got off of it. In the unit they decided that I was better off staying on it.

Under a bipolar spell

Jennifer wanted me to move into her apartment with her, and by this time I was all for it. She was an angel sent by God. While living with her I saw her bipolar rear its ugly head. She would have bouts of anger. It didn’t last long, and I was able to help her get past it. I really didn’t have any concerns about it. After a time we decided to buy a house together. Truth be told, since I was on the Effexor, and very agreeable to most anything she said, I think it was really her idea. Since I was unemployed at the time I had lots of time to look for a house. Jennifer and I had a blast looking at houses. Some of them were empty, and we were able to get into them and look around. In August 2006 we found a house that was an old church that had been converted into a house. It needed LOTS of work, but Jennifer assured me that she was very good at carpentry and drywall. I was good at carpentry, electrical, and plumbing, But I had a bad back, and told her it would be slow going. We were capable of fixing the house up.

We made an offer of 10k. I had this money in a 401k, and figured I would take it out and pay cash.

New house: my money, her name

Here is the part that was alarming, and would have made anyone else run away fast. Prehistory: When Jennifer left her first husband she went to a battered woman’s shelter. He mother, who herself was a sociopath, held the mortgage on the house. She told Jennifer that if she didn’t get back with “Justin” she was going to foreclose on the house, which she did.

We got to the closing on our house, and when I was putting pen to paper to sign the papers, Jennifer snatched the papers out from under my pen and stated “I am not moving unless my name is the only name on this deed.” I was stunned, and so was the lawyer. Being on the Effexor I could not even form a response to this. All I could think of was, if I got up and walked out, they would sue me for breach of contract, and take my 10k, the only money I had at the time, other than unemployment.

I relented, and she signed the papers. We then got the key, and started to clean the house out. We were so excited to get the water going, and the electricity on, so we could start spending the night there. In my mind I was buying this house not only to live with Jennifer and the kids, but it was back in the kids’ old school district and near their dad and grandparents, who I thought they needed to be near.

Divorced

At that time, when we first moved in, the divorce between Lee and I became final. It was in August. Lee and I still celebrated our anniversary in October, and I was on the phone with her every day. We both said, that in our hearts we would always be husband and wife.

Married again

With both of our divorces being final, we ended up getting married in December 2006.

No wedding, just the magistrate, and no family in attendance but her kids.

It was after we were married that things between us started to change. The sex was still great, and she was still loving, but she started to get sarcastic with me, and cut me down from time to time. Now, after we got married is when she told me that she also suffered from borderline personality disorder. I had no idea what this was, and looked on the web to see what it was. I was astonished. It still didn’t really bother me, you know, the Effexor. Also, I never saw any signs of it, and figured it was her meds that took care of it. I have horrible back problems, and am on pain meds. I figured that her meds “fixed” things, like my pain meds and Effexor did. Boy was I wrong!

The next year, 2007, my daughter had my first grandbaby. I was able to get Lee to the hospital for this, and we have pictures of her holding her grandbaby.

First wife dies, daughter move in

Three weeks later Lee died. My children were devastated, and so was I. Her death brought everything that I had done to the surface. The guilt was unbearable, but I had to hold it together for MY kids. Before Lee died, but when we knew she was close, Jennifer visited her, and supposedly told her not to worry about me and the kids, that she would take care of us.

My daughter, her baby, and her fiancé moved in with Jennifer and me. The fiancé was to get a job, and they were to stay until they got on their feet. My daughter had postpartum depression, and of course depression because of the death of her mother. They moved in at the beginning of May 2007. By June the fiancé moved with his parents to Florida. My daughter was on the phone with him every day. He had his own bag of crap, and was playing her heart. Braking up with her every other day.

One day, in August, I was out. Jennifer went out to the store, and left the kids home with my daughter. She fell asleep, as she was exhausted. From my experience depression makes you sleep, a lot!

Daughter out; Son in

Jennifer got home to find her eleven year old daughter playing with a candle and a lighter on the sidewalk. I arrived about ten minutes later. Jennifer was furious, and was in the middle of kicking my daughter out of the house. She told her to make arrangements and that she had a week. I tried to intervene, but to no avail. She played the “this is my house” card, and you can leave too. This was a theme that would be played out many times during our marriage.

Well my daughter moved out, and a few weeks later my son moved in. It was Jennifer’s idea. My son was also suffering from depression. He had no clue he was, but Jennifer and I could see it. Jennifer talked him into going for counseling, and made him an appointment. She was taking him to his appointment, but supposedly went to the wrong office, in another little town near us. My son had no clue that was what happened until she realized it. Again, she was furious, and blamed my son, as he “should have known where his appointment was.”

Son out

Again, an adult child of mine was given notice to move. And again, the “my house” card was played. I felt like a neutered dog. I could do nothing. Jennifer knew that I was livid, Effexor be damned.

It was at this time that she started to lavish me with the attention that she used to first snag me. Life went on, we had ups and downs. She was still manipulative, and I was oblivious.

In 2010 I started to go to counseling. I wanted off of this Effexor, so that I wouldn’t feel so numb all of the time.

So the shrinks P.A. Took 75mg away, and replaced it with Citalopram, the generic for Celexa. I started to feel normal again, and eventually got off the Effexor completely. Jennifer was beside herself, because once off the Effexor I grew a pair. I was the man of the house, and she wasn’t having it.

Step-daughter stealing and selling meds

To make matters worse, her oldest daughter, 16 years old, started to steal my pain meds. I noticed them disappearing. I told Jennifer, and she didn’t want to hear it. She said I was either forgetful, or giving them away to someone. So, I bought a combination safe. I am not really good at remembering combinations, so I kept it in my wallet. I think that one day while I was in the shower, my step-daughter got into my wallet, and copied it down. Keep in mind, this child has been stealing from family members for years. She would deny it, even when caught red handed. The apple doesn’t fall very far from the tree.

She ended up stealing 15 days worth of Oxycontin, and half a bottle of Percocet out of my safe. I had to take half the dose of everything, and was going thru serious withdrawal. Jennifer still stuck by her daughter, even when we found an Oxycontin in the top of a decorative candle in her daughter’s room. Sue accused me of setting her daughter up.

One day she said to me “I don’t want to hear another word about your meds again… One more word and you are out of here”.

Step-daughter drama

Her daughter heard her say this, as Jennifer was yelling at the top of her lungs. I went up to our bedroom a little while later, and my safe was open. Nothing was taken, but this was her daughter’s way of trying to get me out of the house I guess. Her daughter and I started to argue. Jennifer got so upset that she went into our room and cut herself with a razor blade. You know the inside of the forearms. Her daughter flipped out! It was nothing serious, just enough to draw blood. Another manipulation.

A few days later, she got busted at school with a few of my Percocet. I was so relieved. We had to take her to court, and she got probation and restriction to her home. While talking with the probation officer, she was still trying to tell her little story, something like this, “Philip left his meds out on the kitchen table! There were a couple left on the end table!” and on and on. When she was done, the officer said, “Well that was a nice little story, but I don’t believe a word of it. First off, no matter where these pills were, they were not yours to take. Secondly, every student that has been caught with these pills has pointed the finger at you as being the person they got them from.”

Jennifer started to bawl, hysterically. Now I am not sure if she was crying because her image as a mother was being tarnished, or, she was crying because she thought that it was appropriate for the situation.

We ended up having to go thru all kinds of family counseling, and my step-daughter ended up cutting herself and going into a psych hospital.

All this time, my wife NEVER apologized for all the crap she did while she was trying to blame me for this.

We ended up splitting up for a few days. I came up to my family’s house and she stayed home. Within a day she was begging me to come home.

We are both Christians; well at least I know I am. I quoted a bible verse that said “Be still, and know I am God”.

Basically I was saying, relax, don’t do anything, things will work out.

She couldn’t relax, and ended up putting a deposit on a rental house in a town close by. She told me that I ought to have my house, since it was bought with my retirement money.

I have no clue what was going thru her mind, but I knew that this was a crock. I ended up coming home, big mistake; I should have let her move. We worked things out, and said, it won’t be long, and our daughter would move out when she was 18. She had that number in her head as to when the children had to leave.

While her daughter was in the hospital, things were so nice and quiet.

Step-daughter kicked out

When she got done with all of that, she only had one more year of school. After she graduated she turned 18. The money that Jennifer got from social security for her stopped. I could tell that she was antsy about not having that money. A month or two later she kicked her daughter out of the house, under the excuse that she had been dating a boy behind her mother’s back. Dang, the girl was 18, right?

Again, life was quiet, for a while. Jennifer started to gaslight me.

More health issues

I was already having some small memory troubles, and she took advantage of that, and played it up. I was also having issues with vision etc. I got an MRI, and they found a small cyst behind my left eye. It was causing ocular seizures, where everything would get really bright, colors more enhanced, and a split second of “where am I and where am I going”. Medication helped a lot with that, but she was still gas-lighting me.

She was also on a big devaluing campaign with me. The things she would say blew my mind. Everything she did that was unacceptable she blamed on herself being mentally ill. By this time I was seeing a shrink at the VA.

Ok, this has been a very long story, and I will get to the present day.

October 2012 I got my social security disability, as I can no longer work due to my injuries, and the things going on with the cyst. I hate not working, it really sucks. So, we needed a roof on the house, and I got one put on with the back pay you get.

Things getting worse in the house

At that time she started another campaign. This one was to turn the remaining two kids against me. She started by arguing with me whenever they were around. It didn’t get too serious, as Christmas was coming up, and I was always very generous at that time of year.

Her son and I were very close, and did lots of things together and enjoyed each other’s company.

After the holidays it started up again in full force; however she stopped once she found out that the kids were to go to NYC with the band and show choir. Once I had paid that, it started up again with a vengeance. I have no clue what she was saying to them when I wasn’t around, but you could feel the chill in the air.

The end of May 2013 I had a collision with a deer. Where we live, in the country, it is a very common occurrence.

My Saturn Vue was totaled. I was already suffering a depression again, due to the treatment by Jennifer, and the cold shoulder from the kids, who I still love very much.

The Vue was under both our names, and when we got the insurance check, she seemed to want the money. I got 1200 dollars more than what I paid for the Vue, and she wanted the difference for some reason. I am a car guy, and I love shopping for a car. I figured that it would be two weeks at the most that I would have a car.

She made this process so miserable that it took me to the beginning of August to get a car. It was one I didn’t even want, but my wife saw it, seemed to like it, so I bought it to shut her up. It didn’t work.

She was still arguing in full force in from if the kids. One day in August she just piped up and said “I want you out of this house! If I have to move someone else in to get you out I will!”

We had been thru the “get out” thing before, and I refused, as usual. However, this crap of hers was affecting the kids, so I told her I would go to my daughter’s overnight, so as to bring her some stuff for her kids. During all of this time she was packing stuff up that belonged to me, screaming that I didn’t do anything around the house. By this time I was not just depressed, but physically ill. I could only eat poached eggs and yogurt. I had to get a scope down my stomach in Erie at the VA, and she wouldn’t go with me. I had an appointment with my shrink that she wanted to go to with me. I had no problem with that.

She didn’t go, because she conveniently scheduled a doctor’s appointment for her son at the same time.

Divorce papers filed

She then filed divorce papers, and told me that it was because I was sick, and wouldn’t get help! I was dumbfounded and pissed!

To this day, thru all the legal stuff we are going through, it is still her reason for the divorce. She seems to think that I should just leave, and get nothing out of the house except what is directly mine.

I know that I will be MUCH better off without her, but I do understand that she is my addiction. It is very easy to be on guard against her when I am away from her. We had mediation this week, and I just broke down crying, because I still love the woman that she pretended to be. The mediator was just supposed to mediate. No legal advice or anything. When she got done with him, he was giving her advice right in front of me. He didn’t want to hear anything about my offer to her about the house, and basically told me that if I didn’t take the offer that she and he had worked up, I would have to pay Spousal support.

I am so mad that I am beside myself. I am having trouble showing her for who she really is. The only light at the end of the tunnel is that the Law Master who is presiding over this divorce has already seen her as a liar.

The deal is that she gives me 10k for the house, which is what I had offered her back in August. The catch is, she will give me $1,000 upfront, and that she will make a good faith effort every year to get a mortgage, and in the mean time I get $1,000 a year! I was not in my right mind at the time, as I was just bawling like a baby at the finality of it all. I know that I did nothing to deserve this. She even told the mediator that I was a WONDERFUL attentive husband! Go figure. You can’t fix crazy. I am filing against the agreement, and filing against the mediator with the Pa bar association.

I have done some bad things against my first wife thru all of this. I am ashamed of what went down with Pam, and sometimes feel this is my comeuppance.

Fighting against a sociopath

How do you fight against a sociopath during a divorce? She has been able to play the sympathy card, even though she has admitted to why she is divorcing me, and that I was a wonderful husband.

If any of you have any advice, I sure could use it. Please don’t judge me. It has been a long hard road. Oh, and I have been there for my kids, helping them whenever I could. We are closer than ever.

 


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gwenn39

Hi Philip. I am sure that divorce is not easy. This “Jennifer” person did you a hudge favor by filing! Manipulation was her strong suite! I love how you are standing your ground with the attorney and the yearly payments!!! No such thing as “good faith” payments when dealing with a heartless wench! You are handling this situatiin correctly! You sought help to get off of the meds. You are in therapy. Your head is clear and Jennifer is so transparent! You can see right through her now and I am certain that she hates that. She sounds callous and heartless (unlike you, Phillip…)…Stay on your path of clarity, for this wench will make attempts to cloud your vision! Get your 10grand back, change the name on the deed, change the locks on YOUR HOUSE, purchase a firearm, change the interior decor of YOUR HOUSE, and last but not least THANK THE LORD THAT YOU ARE RID OF THIS “JENNIFER” PERSON………….The mother of my/our child has issues! She is loving and nurturing to our daughter but she is also a compulsive liar/and a class A manipulator! She even got pregnant on “the sly” and lied about being pregnant. I found out when she was 7 months along. I know, how could I not have noticed, right? Well I did notice and kept asking her from 3 mo on….This woman has told me countless lies. I have long pulled away from her intimately, sexually…etc. I cannot and will not attempt to over shadow your personal trauma Phil. I just want you to know that you are not alone! You have taken your situation in to hand and delt with it. Me personally, I stay with her because I cannot stand the thought of someone else raising MY daughter! Selfish I know….I hope to be rid of this situation (being my daughter’s mom) one day. …..I envy you Phil….My heart is invested in my daughter, for I have been there since day one…..

Phillip

I have always wondered if you can prove to the court that she is who she is, can you get her put out of your daughters life? When my wife first left her ex, he and his parents tried to take the kids away from her. Keep in mind, only the youngest child was his. The other two were from two other men. He loves them all like they are all his own. I can respect that. SHE manipulated everything and she kept the kids. The courts need to start looking at the trend of damaged children in these cases. Personally, I think that my wife should have lost her kids at that point in time. I also think that the only reason she has been able to keep them is because I was there.
As far as the house goes? Yesterday she spent teh afternoon trading emails with me, trying to make me think that she would let me buy her out, for the same 10k. THEN she says, “can you scan the appraisal and email a copy to me? I want to show it to the contractor so he can understand his estimate.” I was like, Huh????
I told her, sure hun, as soon as we come to an agreement. She hit the fan, called me all kinds of names ect. So, I told her, “I’m sorry hun, I didn’t mean to upset you. Give me the name and number of the contractor, and I will make arrangements with them to get a copy to them.” Again, she hit the fan. She sent me an email making threats, and accusations. I kept telling her, “Hun, take the money, be done with it, you will be happier in the end.” So, today she sends me an email telling me that she is hiring a realtor, and is going to sell the house and i will get my 10k. Well, I told her that I appealed the decision. I asked for a modification to the agreement. One, we still have to come to an agreement with the contents of the house. Two, if she can’t come up with the 10k to pay me in full, then I get my crack at buying her out at the same 10k. If neither of us can buy the other out, then we sell the house and split the proceeds. She has proven herself to be a liar, manipulator, and greedy in the eyes of the law master. So, when I appealed, I reminded the judge that I am disabled, and a veteran. I need to have money to start over with, so 1k a year isn’t going to do squat for me. So I let her know about that. It hit the fan again. Then, I told her that I sent the divorce agreement and the order of law to her bank. I sent a letter along with them telling the president of the bank that I need to be notified if she applies for ANY loan, and that if she doesn’t use that money to pay me, then she will be in contempt. I also told them that since I have notified them of the situation, that if they allow this, that I may have recourse against them. Now, I probably don’t, but this bank will take the high road when ever they smell something in the air. I told her all this, and she stopped emailing me. I am looking forward to getting her next one. I can see the smoke coming out of her ears while she is trying to figure out how to react to this. I am not trying to be mean, but I think the only way to protect myself is to play her game better than she is at this point. The angrier she gets, the more mistakes she makes. I know this is long, but I am feeling like I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Phillip,
I’m not divorced,so cannot give you advice there.As I was reading your story,I thought,”Oh boy,do I ever understand ‘caregiver’s burnout’!”

My husband(who I often refer to as spath)does indeed have health issues;but they would only improve with weight loss and by following Dr’s orders….no reason to be bedridden or wear me down!It was the PITY PLAY.My mental,emotional and physical health suffered greatly.Even so,I was most concerned that this man who knew his responsibilities,not only as a husband,lover and spiritual leader,did not care enough to carry thru.We’ve been separated for a year,and the rest is helping me to recuperate!I’d forgotten what it is like to be happy and to laugh!

When I read that Jennifer only wanted her name on the deed for the house,that was a HUGE RED FLAG!Though sociopaths have different ways of manipulation and causing chaos,they’re experts at it,and will do it as long as they feel they can get away with it…that is their thrill.One of spath’s expressions was “it makes my blood boil!”

cannh

Phillip…

I bought a house after I got divorced. The sociopath lived with me a good portion of the time and invested money into remodeling my home. I paid the entire mortgage and expenses. Because of his investment, he either wanted me to put his name on the mortgage, or sell the home to him. I realized how much he invested and often thought I should sell my home to him, thinking all along we’d still be together.

So, I signed an offer to purchase through his real estate attorney. Then, things started to change. He was gone on long weekends, I caught him in more lies….so, with the guidance of family and friends, I backed out of the deal. When he found out, his response to me in a phone call was, “I see you mean to do me harm”. I told him that was not the case at all, but I needed to protect myself as something was going on. So, he stopped by to see me and said he would never treat me poorly ever again…that he was very sorry. We talked, and I was under the impression that we were going to try to work things out. I totally got sucked into believing what he was saying. Turns out that it was all joke. I resigned the offer, sold him my “home” and on the day of close, he said to me….”I was nice to you right up until close because…(as he looked me straight in the eye, he said)…I play this game better that you.”

Turns out he was seeing someone months before. He knew if he told me he was involved with someone else, I’d never have sold him my home. I was played masterfully.

I was devastated at the end, but have since recovered and moved on. At this point in time, he means absolutely nothing to me. I’ve found the inner peace I so longed for. As far as I know, he is still with his other “victim” and has moved out of the country to be with her.

Stay strong. Find your inner peace. Things will get better in time.

carolann

Jan7

I don’t really see where your second wife is a sociopath…you state that she lived in a women’s shelter after she left her first husband because he was abusive…my guess is she has PTSD from the abuse that she endured from that relationship not the other disorders. PTSD can be easily triggered with a new stressful situation such as a new relationship with a man that is doing things like her abuser and PTSD most often over looked as the real issue of a women coming out of a abusive relationship.

I am wondering how you were able to pay your new house mortgage to your house with your second wife since you were unemployed at that time when you signed your mortgage papers…I am guessing that your new wife is the one that paid the mortgage and you put down 10k on the home and I can see why she wanted her name on the deed. I am also wondering why you did not use this money to help your your first wife pay for a home care nurse when you were still married to her.

It seems reading your statement that you brought a lot of chaos and drama to both of your marriages. Women do not file for divorce from a husband unless they are at their wits end after years of trying to make the marriage work with their husbands and have finally come to the conclusion that he will never change his negative ways….especially a women who is dying of cancer that is the last thing she wants to focus on when she needed to focus on trying to survive the cancer. Sociopaths do not usually file for divorce because they want to continue to milk that spouse for everything they can get out of them.

Some of the drama you brought into the relationship includes getting a divorce and still celebrating your anniversary with your ex wife while all along you had a girlfriend (or new wife) how do you think your new girlfriend felt about this? Im guessing not good, you taking pain killers for a pro long time, pain killers are the fastest growing drug addiction that clinics see now a days and they are extremely addicting for men, your step daughter then was taking the pills that you brought into the home plus it is clear your kids have not had stability in their life for a long time and clearly everything you have done had affected them dramatically.

I would highly recommend that you be honest about your actions and get into long term counseling with your kids plus look into adrenal fatigue for your health issues. Your kids need a stand up father, it’s time for you to be that man.

As for your 10K…let it go…it’s only 10K it is not worth dragging a divorce on for that amount or fighting for it.

Phillip

Hi Jan7,
First off, there was no mortgage, because 10k is what I paid for the house. Period. It was a 100 year old house, out in the country, that the estate couldn’t get rid of. It was a real “fixer upper”. Also, I was not unemployed through our whole marriage, as you seem to think. I was unemployed for the first few months, which was not a big deal. I had good resources and felt I had no need to discuss them in this letter. My first wife and I didn’t “celebrate” our anniversary out in “Public”. We marked it in our hearts. Celebrated by phone calls, cards, flowers ect. Nothing for anyone else to notice.
My second wife ended up in the battered woman’s shelter because it was the all part of the act she was putting on at her first husbands expense. She is VERY good at playing the game, and making false statements sound true. When we first got together she had all kinds of horror stories to tell me about her first husband. I found over time that most of it was a lie. The big one was that she had told me she ran from the home with the children because he was violent, and had punched a hole in the wall. HE was as about as violent as a six week old puppy. Never punched a hole in the wall. That was actually him slamming a cupboard door shut in frustration. That is something I can really relate to. My wife had mad skills in getting a person as frustrated as she can. One thing that she did, that really blew my mind when I found out was, when she had left him, and went to the shelter, she took some time to drive herself, and the kids to a city that was 5 hours away, in order to meet a man she had met on the internet. She had explained this to me as an old friend that her and the kids went to see just for a break from the shelter. One day, when my step son was about 8 years old, we were driving down the road, and out of the blue he says, “Phil, why did my mom sleep with that guy in $&#*$&?” My jaw dropped. I had no idea what to say, let alone to say some thing that would comfort my step son.
His children have all inadvertently told me the truth about all the things that really happened during their mothers marriage to their “father”. I put father in quotations because only the youngest is his child. The other two are by two other men.
Sociopaths do file for divorce when they feel that they have picked the vine dry. Do I own some of this? By all means I do. Had I just signed that insurance check over to her, and got the “shrink” to put me back on effexor, which is what she wanted, I am sure I could have saved my marriage, thru at least another round of holidays. Then the cycle of abuse would have started all over again. In August I stopped enabling. I started to say no to her requests for money to cover her poor choices. Even when we were before the Law Master for our first meeting in the divorce, she complained that when she threw me out, that I didn’t leave her with any money to get school supplies and school clothes for her 14, and 17 year old.
My wife doesn’t have a pot to piss in. Mostly because money burns a hole in her pocket. Plus, the casino is only 30 minutes away. Right now since I have been gone, she has been spending money on things that she cannot afford. The only assumption I can come to is that history is repeating itself, and there are untrue stories about me being told to some poor schmuck that is having wonderful sex with my wife.
Also, you have to understand. This letter has been edited, and some things left out. On top of that, I left a lot of things out as well, feeling that the general message had been given. This letter I sent to Lovefraud was eight pages long. One thing that I noticed that they edited out of my letter is the fact that I stated that I am a Christian. Now the flood gates are open, and we can start getting the anti Christian letters that will tell me what a “Bad Christian” I am for being so human. Sorry, but it is expected. As time went on, my relationship with Jesus got stronger. I tried to lean on Him, and spent much time in prayer. I had spoken with both of my pastors, looking for support thru all of this. After all the crap that happened between my first wife and I, I was determined to make this marriage work. I did everything a “good” Christian husband should do. I followed the word of God for direction within our marriage. My wife professes to be Christian as well. However, she only uses the verses in the bible that further her current agenda. You can imagine how frustrating it is to try to follow Gods word, only to have your wife telling you how wrong your interpretation of His word is.
I can understand to some degree how you may not think that my wife is a sociopath, but living with her all these years, and being away long enough for my head to have cleared, I am telling you, she is the genuine deal.
I do find it interesting that you seem to give a psychological opinion of my children, and the situation, as well as an opinion on my pain meds, from just one quick, edited letter to love fraud. Are you sure that you aren’t a medical professional?

Stargazer

First I want to say that I’m truly sorry for all the suffering you have been through, especially with your wife, and I’m sorry for your loss. I can understand the guilt you feel, especially since you and your wife separated mainly for financial reasons. I have never done the type of care taking that you have, but I do feel compassion for your burnout and how you would crave physical and emotional nurturing from another person – it is not my place to judge you for that. I hope you can forgive yourself some day. We are all just human. There was a famous film many years ago about a man who was deeply in love with his wife who was dying of cancer. I can’t remember the name of the film (I think it was called Love Story?) but the song “Sunshine” is featured in it. Toward the end of his wife’s life, he had an affair with their best friend. The wife found out and forgave him because she knew he needed love. It sounds like your wife forgave you too. No one can understand what it’s like to be in your situation until they have walked in your shoes.

I am not convinced reading your story how Jennifer is exactly a sociopath though it does sound like she has some serious issues that might be equally as toxic. Sounded like both of you started a relationship from rather codependent place, and this is a set-up for failure with or without a sociopath swooping in for the kill. Relationships are such hard work even for two people who are healthy and self-aware.

Your physical symptoms sound like a manifestation of prolonged stress, which hopefully means there is hope for recovery. I truly hope you can start taking care of yourself so you can recover some of your physical and emotional health. Western medicine and pharmaceuticals “can” definitely be helpful at times, but they are not the be-all and end-all. In the end, it up to you to use judgment and discernment with your treatments and your doctors.

I’m very saddened and angry that there was no affordable health care system set in place to help you and your late wife. In a way, you are a casualty of a faulty system. In spite of this, in order to recover, you will need to take full responsibility for your own life and the decisions you made in spite of everything.

My very best wishes to you.

Redwald

Quote: “I don’t really see where your second wife is a sociopath”

Technically she isn’t. But she does have borderline personality disorder, and that can be every bit as bad. Bipolar disorder, which she also has, is frequently behind pathologically abusive behavior as well. But borderlines can be hell to live with, and are often physically violent. They’re especially well known for being manipulative, which is exactly what Philip was saying about “Jennifer.” Some counselors don’t even like treating borderlines because they are so manipulative.

I didn’t know borderlines would engage in gaslighting as psychopaths do, but apparently it was another of Jennifer’s little tricks. So we learn something new every day.

Quote: “you state that she lived in a women’s shelter after she left her first husband because he was abusive”

That’s not what Philip said about her first husband. He said the opposite: that he eventually got to know “Jennifer’s” first husband, and found he was a good man. He found this guy had been “played” by Jennifer in the same way that he himself had been.

Jennifer did SAY “horrible” things about her first husband, but that doesn’t mean they were true, since she was using this as a sob story to gain sympathy.

Of course, I expect there was conflict between Jennifer and her first husband, because she would have been constantly provoking conflict the same way she did with Philip. Borderlines do that, as other abusers do. What’s more, I’m sure that in her own twisted mind Jennifer would have been blaming her first husband for the conflicts she caused, just as she blamed Philip. Borderlines do that too. Blameshifting is a standard part of any abuser’s repertoire.

If she also confusingly said the opposite at times—that Philip was a “wonderful husband”—that too is typical behavior for borderlines in particular: the bewildering alternation between “praising” and “demonizing” a partner.

Philip did say later that she went to a shelter when she left her first husband. Of course, she could have told them anything about her husband at the shelter, and it didn’t have to be true. They wouldn’t have checked her story. They take too much for granted in those places.

Quote: “my guess is she has PTSD from the abuse that she endured from that relationship not the other disorders.”

But there’s no credible evidence that she “endured” anything at all. It’s a case for Occam’s Razor: the other disorders, which she actually admitted to, are the simple and obvious explanation for her behavior.

Quote: “Women do not file for divorce from a husband unless they are at their wits end after years of trying to make the marriage work with their husbands and have finally come to the conclusion that he will never change his negative ways”

I hope you were joking when you wrote that! Women file for divorce for all kinds of reasons, including (but not limited to):

– Because they got hot pants for some other man;

– Because they got married too young and hadn’t had any fun yet;

– Because their pigheaded husbands frittered their money away on rent and food instead of buying their wives a $10,000 fur coat;

– Because they were just plain incompatible with their husbands;

– Because they let their controlling, interfering mother wreck their marriage (I know people like this personally—and what’s more, we’ve heard that Jennifer’s mother is a “sociopath”!);

– Because their career took off and suddenly their husbands were “not good enough” for them;

– Because they found marriage “boring”;

– Because they found the responsibilities of marriage “too onerous”;

– Because they withheld sex once too often and their husbands went looking for it elsewhere;

– Because they withheld affection and emotional support and their husbands found those elsewhere;

– Because they saw an opportunity to marry a richer man (this is called “Trading Up” and someone actually wrote a book on it years ago);

– Because they had a sudden urge to go off and “find themselves” (like Mrs. Michael Cooper, aka “Elizabeth Gilbert”);

– Because their husbands wanted children and they didn’t;

– Because they wanted children and their husbands didn’t;

– Because they’re promiscuous and found monogamy “too confining”;

– Because their husbands couldn’t afford their wives’ vodka and coke habit;

– Because their endless nagging, whining and carping drove their husbands permanently out of the home;

– Because they “had better things to do than being a mother to little Johnny” (as seen in “Kramer vs. Kramer”);

– Because they can get lots of money by ripping off their husbands in a divorce “settlement”;

– And now and again, because they got hot pants for some other woman!

That’s just off the top of my head, without even mentioning the many cases where the wife has a personality disorder, like this “Jennifer.” I’m sure people could add plenty of other reasons to the list! 😀

Phillip

Redwald,
Thanks for the back up on this. The depth of deception that my wife practices is something that I wish that NO ONE would ever have to deal with.
The alternate Good husband bad husband stories that come out of my wife’s mouth is very confusing to me.
One thing that was left out of my letter is the fact that she hacked into a mutual friends facebook account and was monitoring our conversation. My friend was letting me vent. She was not talking to him anymore because she was mad at him for telling her that she was making a big mistake, and that I was the “real deal”. We had our conversations in the late evening, as I was only getting about 2 hours of broker sleep a night. This was the third week, and I was off my rocker with hurt, pain, and broken hearted. I had called the V.A. Crisis hot line at least three times a week at that point. It got to the point that they put me on a watch list, and called me everyday to check on me.
So, we talked at night, and she read our conversations during the day while our friend worked.
Apparently she must have been enjoying the pain I was exhibiting through these conversations.
One night I was really angry due to the betrayal and everything else. I went of, and called her every name in the book. Some names I had never even heard, but came flowing onto the keyboard effortlessly. These words were for no one, just me as a way to release pain. It was so bad that night that I had to call the crisis line again afterwards.
The next day or so I got an angry email from her, with parts of THAT conversation pasted into it. Can you believe that she actually did that? And acted like she had done nothing wrong, and that she was entitled to that conversation.
My wife has this really strange attitude that she is above the law. She also has a very large entitlement mentality when it comes to the end of our marriage. She thinks I should just go away, and leave everything I worked for there at the house for her. She uses the kids as a reason for this, but the kids actually have a home at their grandmothers/fathers house. She made them do that as part of the custody agreement that she fashioned for her ex.
Thanks for backing me up, and thanks for giving me the opportunity to add these details that had been edited out.

Phillip,
Your wife was cyberstalking you and harassing you.That’s serious!Someday she’ll find out she’s not any more above the law than you or I.But it won’t be a pleasant sight.

4Light2shine

Philip, you have survived an ugly and grueling chapter. We all make choices and the consequences of those choices are inescapable. Whether we were deceived, duped, and defrauded like many of us here (Men and Women by the way), or we made poor choices oftentimes under duress, extreme stress, exhaustion, … Here we are. Moving forward, learning from the experience, adjusting false belief systems, taking accountability for things we personally have done; which your comments indicate you are attempting to do. This is our task. This can be much more exhausting than it would be under normal circumstances when you have been the primary target of 1 or more accountability evaders and multiple proxies who are vested in dumping all the accountability on you,” the victim ” if you will, while applying as many coats of accountability Teflon to their precious Entitled One, or in my case Ones. This can make us bitter, but we need to fight through it, to own and put our professed values into action. Thanks for sharing your story with us. Redwald, thanks for the clarifications. I was thinking the same things, although you probably articulated it better than I could have. While this Jennifer may not fit into the neat box of sociopathy, many do not. Because these people are so masterful at manipulation and deception it’s hard to get a read on the true character. There are some really good articles in the archives on the narcissiopath, the almost sociopath, the borderline as a temporary sociopath, ect. that help explain some of the gaps. Deception, refusal to take accountability, entitlement, exploitation, gaslighting, …I could keep going. Normal people don’t act like this. These are cluster b, toxic to deal with. Keep the cluster b far from me !

Phillip

Thank you for articulating that. This is why I had/have ended up so confused, as there were times when everything just seemed so normal. I had a wonderful life, a loving wife, and loving step children.
But with the kids, it was like she owned the switch that turned them from loving to stand offish.
I pray for my wife, and my step children daily. I am very worried for the kids. All of whom have mental health issues of their own.
I have told her that her decision had far reaching effects other than me and her.
My grandchildren, whom my daughter has said that she will never let her anywhere near without me. The 2 youngest don’t have a relationship with her, but the oldest, 7 years old, is the one I worry about, because she used to love to come to Poppa and Mimi’s house to spend the weekend.
She doesn’t know yet, and I just don’t know how she is going to take it, or what I should tell her. “Mimi got sick hunny, and she asked Poppa to leave”. I mean, what do you say to the light of your life?

Phillip,
Our grandchildren truly are the lights of our life!They give us the love we need;the hugs & kisses and knowledge that we’re needed and appreciated! 🙂

Explanations vary as their ages allow them to comprehend.
Your explanation is enough to satisfy her as the two of you continue to have a good relationship.As she gets older and takes in more information,she will apply it to her memories and life experiences.Take care of yourself and Best Wishes!

kaya48

Yes normal people do not act like this. But what is “normal”? Sometimes when I look back through my crazy making experience for the past 20 years, I thought it was all normal and I adapted to it. Now I realize how wrong everything was. How I was manipulated to almost me thinking that I was insane. When someone tells you over and over that you are crazy after a while you believe it. I am so thankful that this other woman appeared out of nowhere and took my husband away. I honestly think I would have ended up dead or locked up in a mental institution. I know those 2 options were my husbands ultimate goal. It was very easy for him because he is a deputy. Who are the authorities going to believe? They sure will take the police officers side. I am glad I filed for divorce. He can abuse her now. She is younger and stronger than me. She can handle it. I don’t feel sorry for her. She initiated the affair and knew he was married with a family . I do not blame her at all. Instead I thank god every day for putting the two together. In their misery they can find whatever they are looking for. I know it’s not love because he is incapable of that.

cannh

Phillip….

I posted a comment above about being manipulated into selling my home to my former spath. Like you, that is only a small portion of my story. These people know how to lie, cheat and manipulate to a point where our heads are left spinning. One minute things are fine, the next….we have no idea what just hit us.

I’m very sorry for what you’re going through. As you continue to post, to read, to learn and even to cry….you will become stronger. It takes time….and different amounts for each of us.

Keep posting and learning. Stay strong my friend. You are not alone in this…

carolann

Viewpoint

Years back, I told my father of the mess I was in and how it had come about with the “This happened and then this” etc… It was a god awful and goofed up mess. After he had listened to the whole yarn, he said crisply “It’s not going to play to well in Peoria”. Later, in the divorce/custody business the judge was overheard to say “They’re both crazy”…
My father and that judge were correct. And when that did sink into me, I took one thing that I knew, if I accomplished, would give me back some self respect. It wasn’t a great/grand thing that I took on, more a mindset kind of thing that I would not let be derailed no matter the temptation.
What jumps out at me in your story is the chaos in each circle and you a common denominator in each. If my observation is something you recognize, it would be a most suitable vow to not feed or enter chaos. In order to live up to the vow, you’d have to examine every action you are about to take in light of it’s effect on chaos…Realistically (As in be real)examine every action before you take the action.
Chaos had a life of it’s own until it sputters out on starvation. You might question yourself about the actual financial value in pursuing your $10K capital investment when it will cost you near that in legal expenses to recover it and the only way would be the sale of the house. (I’m assuming 2nd wife has been too busy doing her own chaos to be credit worthy or have a viable income.) Instead, you might simply negotiate with her to establish a lien on the property that you can recover when it is sold… anticipating that she won’t be able to afford living there for too long. You might, too, restrain from contact with her if you’re vow is to stay clear of chaos and not perpetuate it.
Chaos leaves carnage in it’s wake. That is what you have before you… The only thing valuable in that rubble really are your son and daughter:That’s where you fight the good fight because that’s worth every effort. It sounded like their situations weren’t stable either to have them returning to live with you, who had moved on to another woman in the midst of their mother dying.
That they both were of little help in the demands upon you because of your wife’s disease and decline, suggests there is even more for you to explore and discover as you make your way to having pride.
I know this website has consoling elements however, it will be of little consolation to you because you’ve taken the huge and critical step of owning how you mishandled your beloved wife’s terminal illness. You can only overcome the guilt you feel about that by what you do to become the person that you would respect. I daresay you will need professional support and guidance if only for your protection because you would not be a sympathetic character with lay persons. That’s not a condemnation; it’s a caution for you.
Another thing that jumps out at me is how seemingly grandiose (or overestimating capabilities) you and your second wife appeared to be by all you two took on in the midst of strains every which way. And those endeavors became blow up kind of messes which could have been anticipated. It would be a worthwhile exploration to find out why you did take on another family when your own was dissembling, why you bought a house when your financials were crumbling and why you took in people when your own circumstance was fragile… Sometimes, we’re drawn to making mayhem to avoid something too painful or frightening to face. Could this have been the case for you? Had there been in your life similiar examples?.

sunshinejan

It’s only in the acceptance of our own responsibility in our own tragedy, and not allowing ourselves to be blinded by the swirling chaos of our victimization and desire for “justice” that the clarity to recover emerges. Sometime Justice removes her blindfold to help us honestly assess and accept and move toward picking our battles.

Jan7

Hi Phillip, I apology for not being sensitive enough to you situation. I learned the hard way by ending up in abusive marriage to a sociopath that you must listen to a story without getting emotionally involve…the reason for this is that my ex h was a master at pity play although at first I did not buy into it over time he conditioned me to accept it…so now I step back and see the facts first about the situation. I can see that details would be left out from the long version of your story, something that I did not realize at the time. So again I apologize to you.

As for the fact that about your ex wife’s husband being a good guy…I can tell you that my ex is loved by most people and no one would believe that he terrorized me for over 12 years nor that he conned business associates out of money etc…if you met him you would immediately like him and believe everything he has to say until the day you figure out that you too have been conned by him, even his own father knows he is a pathological liar and has cut him out of his life for good.

You have been though so much and the stress clearly has taken a toll on you like the rest of us…I would highly recommend that you check into adrenal fatigue…sites like Drwilsonadrenalfatigue.org and drlam.com plus google. Your breakdown originally from the stress of having your wife sick with cancer most likely was caused by adrenal fatigue.

Our adrenal glands regulate our blood pressure, blood sugar, cortisol levels, adrenaline, cortisol and over 50 hormones including all the male/female hormones. Under continual stress such that you were under the adrenal glands ends up burnt out and can not function correctly causing our body and mind to not function correctly, with prolong cases of adrenal fatigue it will cause a stress breakdown. According to Dr Wilson’s 80% of adults with end up with adrenal fatigue during their life time. See the symptoms list on each site above.

I would also suggest you google “Dr Amen PBS you tube” he is a therapist/brain specialist see his book on anxiety/depression plus other books, his site is amenclinic.com. google “Dr Fuhrman PBS you tube” his book is Eat to Live see his site too. See Mia lundin you tube video.

As for your kids and you seeking therapy, if you have dealt with a sociopath you need help to sort out your mind to get back to your old self (most everyone coming out of a relationship with a sociopath has PTSD)…it’s just fact. Donna Anderson’s books are excellent at explaining everything…Steven Hassan’s book Freedom of mind will explain the mind control side of things..his site is freedom of mind..if you go to the upper right hand corner read the bite model.

As for you situation…I would suggest that you put in court papers that your ex get a bank loan for $10,000 and pay you immediately with the funds and then she can pay the bank a monthy payment that way you will be free from her and have no connection and will be able to heal.

I wish you nothing but the best. Again I sincerely apologizes for my lack of sensitivity to your situation.

Phillip

Jan7,
Thank you so much for the reply back. It was very kind of you. It’s too late, I am already a sufferer of PTSD. My father was an alcoholic schizophrenic, and he directed a lot of his rage towards me. I was the oldest child, and the only boy, so I guess I am glad he didn’t go after my sisters. I am already in therapy. My children have been resilient. They understood what was going on long before I did. They can not stand my wife, but kept quiet out of respect for me, as they thought their father was happy. I thought I was too. Funny now, looking back.
I am filing an exception to the court today. In it I am offering that either she give me the money up front in full, or I give her the same amount and she leave the house to me. If neither of us can get a loan, then we sell it and split the proceeds. I can’t see a fair judge rejecting that. She has done nothing but fight communication about our divorce. The court does not know this, but I am going to make sure they understand it. She filed, threw me out, changed the locks on my house, and the phone number. The only communication is thru email. She said so she has a record. It has backfired on her, because I now have a record of her being difficult thru the whole process, while I have been trying to negotiate.
Fun fun.

Jan7

p.s. if she can not get a bank loan you might just want to let go of the money and move on because fighting her will just continue to emotionally drain you and also because it is very hard to break even with a sociopath, they are masters at playing cunning games. You must weight the option of fighting for the 10k vs having peace in your life.

kaya48

Jan7
When I first read Philips story I did want to write something in return. Then I read it over again. Sometimes it is difficult to understand being a “victim”. I am so used to being the victim and I am a person full of empathy and emotions. I find myself trying to find fault in every person.My sociopath husband taught me this over the past 2 decades. It is unbelievable how much damage they cause. As far as the money. It is 10k and I would fight for it. Be strong, keep your head “above the waves”. Good things happen to good people .

Jan7

I think what got me reading with his post was the fact that when his first wife and kids needed him the most he walked out and instead of getting help for himself so that he could go back to his wife and kids he choose to be selfish and find another women to take care of him. This was a red flag to me, the fact he was having an emotional intimate relationship with his first wife and with his second wife at the same time seemed to be another red flag, the fact he was taking pain killers was another, there were many red flags…sorry but that is what I thought reading his post. On top of it I did not read much about how she had specifially conned him..when you have been with a sociopath boy do you have a long specific list of things they have done to you, their co workers, their family, friends etc.

One thing I have learned is never waver from your gut reaction and never ignore red flags. The book Gift of Fear by Gavin Debecker is a excellent book to remind us to always follow your gut…google “oprah gavin debecker you tube” and watch two of Oprah short interview clips where she is talking with the author about following your gut…something I did not do with my ex as I had no clue how quickly a sociopath can suck you into their game.

Phillip

Jan7,
I don’t blame you for your gut reaction. Looking back, and even when it was happening I knew what kept me from going back. The “friends” my wife and I had, that stopped coming around after she got sick, rallied around her, now that they had a “cause”. It was really pitiful. They got their noses into things they had no right to be involved in. They were at my house constantly. I had them trying to mow my lawn, chase me away. All kinds of stupid stuff that I sure hope that they don’t do to someone else. Thank God I have friends that didn’t get on the kill Phillip train. At the funeral all I had to say was “thank you to all of you that came and took care of my wife while I was gone, but I have one question, where the hell were all of you when I needed you?!”
As far as my second wife goes, I figured why go into detail on how she hooked me. We all have read, and know how a sociopath works. Sex, flattery, and worship. She made me feel like a king. I could do no wrong, and was the “MAN” in the relationship. Boy did that change. I’ll tell you tho. I really think that if I had not been on the effexor, things would have been a lot different. That crap just made me numb to everything. when I say that, I mean that my moral compass was damaged, due to the numbing effect of the effexor on me. It made it easier to leave. I think that my second wife needed to approach me with such intensity. If she hadn’t, I would not have even gave her a second thought, because the effexor was numbing my mind and emotions so much.

kaya48,
Isn’t it true how the sociopath creates so much destruction in our lives that it’s hard to trust again?!!!!! I find myself measuring people up against the red flags…then I realize how insecure I still am,and I feel bad!

Jan7

dont sweep the red flags under the rug…that is your gut reacting telling you to watch this person until they earn your trust. If you see red flags then you have a good radar system, trust it.

kaya48

Jan7. I thought the same as you did. Being in a place where my husband started an “emotional affair”, continued with a real affair and then left, it was hard for me to read philipp left the wife who was terminally ill. I now understand that maybe he was at a very vulnerable time of his life.
Blossom, yes it is very difficult to trust anyone. I am constantly looking out for warning signs. My attorney mentioned something interesting. He said “isn’t it better to rather be alone then being with someone who lies, cheats and betrays ?” I thought a long time about this comment. And it is so true. Often I am wondering what I have done to deserve being played like a fool. But everything in life happens for a reason. Sometimes we don’t see it right away but later find out why this all happened. I know it would just kill me if my don would cut me out of his life. But I guess narcissists do not feel the emotion and pain of losing someone. When I dear friend of mine passed away last year , my soon to be ex’s reaction was “get over it, people die every day.” Not a hug, not a comfort, nothing. To me this part is still uncomprehendable.

Phillip

Kaya,
My pastor said the very same thing about being alone vs being abused. My wife’s mother passed away in 2008. She has tears about it all the time. It confuses me. However, her mother was her tormentor, and I think that she feels about her mother, the way I felt about her when she first kicked me out. “How can I live without her?” As angry as I am with my wife, I still feel sorry for her, because she will never know love they we non-disordered folks do. She will also always be tortured by the memory of her mother. She actually told me one day that she hears her mothers voice in her head telling her what a failure she is, and telling her what to do. I didn’t know what to say to her about this. She has a lot more going on besides being a sociopath.

kaya48,
I thought about what you and Jan7 said…you’re right…people should rightly earn that trust;it shouldn’t be expected to be handed to them on a silver platter as if it were owed to them!

And I think about how shattered I was to find that my marriage was a sham;to know that my children and I would be scarred for years while my husband could care less.Though it’s been a hard road,I feel stronger and happier than ever in my life!

sunshinejan

PPPPPPPhttt! My rule of thumb was always, “would I ask such a ridiculous thing of HIM under the same circumstances?” Um, no.
The warping they are capable of is amazing, but once you’re able to put it in objective perspective (and counseling, boards like this, talking to NORMAL people helps), you’re able to easily spot the manipulation tactics, and call them on them immediately. This also helps you measure whether other relationships are “reasonable” or not in that fragile healing time. If it’s any consolation, the paranoia and ptsd is very common and gets better.
May I suggest “Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing” by George Simon to help spot, even in retrospect, these tactics.

walkinginlight

Jan7
When you said you ‘listen to a story without getting emotionally involved’ I realized this is something I do all the time, but I did not recognise where this behaviour had come from until you said it. Thank you for that clarity.

Jan7

your welcome Walkinginlight…I think it is a balance…if you are with a trusted friend or family member then yes you get emotionally involved in their story because they have proven to you time and time again that you can let your guard down without being taken advantage of…it’s new friends or business associates that you have to watch getting emotionally involved until they have proven they are trust worthy, you dont know if someone is using pity play to suck you into their con game yet so you have to protect yourself.

how are you doing?

walkinginlight

Yes, I totally agree with you – because I don’t feel this way around everyone, there are people I would feel emotionally involved with. But I realized when you said that comment, that this is the way I would automatically be with people I don’t know very well or don’t trust, and I didn’t realize it until that moment. It shocked me. Then it made sense, as to the reason why.

I am ok. Doing a lot of thinking (wish I wasn’t, lol) and reading, especially the blogs you recommended. Think things are becoming a bit clearer in my head. Thanks for asking.

Jan7

Hi Walinginlight, one thing that I found very helpful especially with settling the mind after leaving my husband was finding a good hormonal specialist. The stress of our relationships messed up our adrenal glands and in return our blood pressure, blood sugar, cortisol levels, adrenaline levels and hormones and the hormonal specialist can help with this along with a good diet, vitamins/minerals etc will help you to calm your mind. to find a hormonal specialist ask your friends and/or google “compounding pharmacy” with your city name then call them for a list…Mia Lundin’s book is excellent at explain how stress effects our bodies and minds.

It does get better hon, I was just thinking last night about how I felt emotionally when I first left, the first few months till now…I actually had to really think about emotionally and physically how I felt. I also think a good therapist who is extremely knowledgable with domestic abuse is equally as important as finding a hormonal specialist. Sandra Brown author and counselor runs the Saferelationshipmagazine.com she does phone consulttions and healing groups both by phone and at her retreat..she might also be a good option for you to heal.

sunshinejan

Interesting. That had been brought up to me before, but my insurance wouldn’t cover the testing and treatment (and still won’t). I haven’t had a period in years despite being 42 and normal horomone levels (ie non-menopausal). I feel like my body took on the anguish and it just got fried.

Jan7

sunshinejan, mia lundins book might help as well as Dr Christina Northrop’s (her books might be at your library), also getting your adrenal glands working correctly again by a diet such as dr fuhrman’s eat to live can work too you, you might be able to find this book at your local library..see his pbs special on you tube and Dr Amen has a book for women only too (see his site amenclinic) plus the site womentowomen.com and drchristinanorthrup.com (she has been on the Oprah show countless times talking about hormones/adrenal fatigue, you can find some of her interviews if you go to OWN.com then do a search with her name under the video section). Are you sure you are not menopausal? for some women it can start as early as their 30’s but the avg. is around 40-50 years.

The hormonal treatment is not expensive its either cream or pill form of hormones. you can even buy cream hormones at your local health food store (once tested)

I know you don’t have the money but I really think coming out of a abusive relationship get vitamin/mineral, hormonal imbalance and cortisol testing really should be done…according to Dr Wilson adrenal expert he says that the biggest issue for PTSD is adrenal fatigue and it needs to be healed to have a healthy body and mind. A high percentage of women coming out of abusive relationships have PTSD.

I know what you mean about “my body took on the anguish and it just got fried”…that’s the truth!! spending out of pocket for these test and a good doctor really is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, at least it was for me. Talk to the doctor and explain that your insurance does not cover the testing and if he can adjust the price of the test to suit your budget. Also check with your local govt heath center and tell them that you were in a abusive relationships and need assistance with these test they might be able to direct you to a place you can get them at a reduced cost or free.

sunshinejan

Thanks for the reply, Jan. Yes, ptsd. I didn’t recognize it for what it was, my therapist and family md did. That constantly overdrive of mind and body, racing thoughts (up in the middle of the night as you can see from the time stamp), rigid neck and shoulders… But all the horomone tests were “normal”. My contention, however, is that my individual”normal” may be different from someone else’s “normal” and my cortisol might be normal simply because it’s on its way down from being jacked up for 15 years, (more, if you factor in childhood and young adults trauma).

Phillip

Hi Jan7,
What has worked for me, is playing music. I am a musician, and I guess you would call it music therapy. The main thing has been God. Lots of prayer. I pray for my wife, myself, and her children. I don’t pray for reconciliation. I pray for healing, and for peace. I really need people to pray for her children. I tried for years to be a good example or a parent to them. I only hope that some of what I tried to instill in them will stick. The don’t have a real good emotional outlook for adulthood. Honestly, they were scared when I got there.
I have been doing a lot of changing over the last week. The pain, that was replaced by hate, and then just nothing, has turned into the peace I have been praying for.
I am now trying to get her to communicate so we can get this divorce finished. She had cut all communication with me. Really silly, because neither of us has a lawyer, so she is stuck dealing with me. She has pretended to communicate with me, telling me what she thinks I want to hear, and then slipping something into the conversation, that is her real goal. I finally told her, “Hun, if you need the appraisal to get a mortgage to buy me out, then why didn’t you just say so?”
I wish I could just post all of the emails between us. They are a really good example of communication with a sociopath.

sunshinejan

This is an interesting story. It would be informative to hear the perspective of other people in the situation, but unfortunately, at least one of them is no longer alive. I feel badly for you, but I must admit some of ways in which you relayed your experience also made me uncomfortable. I don’t know if that’s because of my own individual experiences or legitimate instincts or a combination of both. One thing I have learned over the years having been married to a psychopath and being raised by a borderline mother is that two (or even 3, 4, 5) people can look at the same situation and have completely differing takes on it and sometimes though they don’t match, they are each legitimate in their own right (more often it’s the case that the outsiders’ perspectives are legitimate along with the victim’s because they don’t have all the information and are still under the sway of the psychopath). The other factor is that relations with a psychopath actually change the structure of our own personalities sometimes. I found (and still find) myself exhibiting the very symptoms that the psychopath claimed I had (confusion, oversensitivity, paranoia) in my effort to survive psychologically. The great thing is, though, that with time and distance, things begin to clarify. I wish you that clarity and recovery.

Phillip

You are right about your personality changing. I am lucky that the normal ME has a very strong personality. Being away from her these past three months, I have been bouncing my old self back a lot quicker than I thought I would.
Every now and then, when I go to do something, or purchase something, I get a little twinge, like, crap, she is going to be so mad. Then, as fast as it came, it disappears. I think that this means I am healing.
I can now talk about this, email my wife, and deal with this with out the pain and hurt that would bring me to tears. I can now deal with her manipulative emails, and just chuckle at her tries at getting me worked up. It doesn’t work anymore. And now that I can deal with her, I have gotten the upper hand on the situation. After todays legal rigamarole I can imagine her in the corner of the living room, curled up in the fetal position. She has to have control, or she looses it, and today is the day total control had been taken from her.
I still feel bad for her, but not so bad that I am going to let it dictate my actions to protect my interests with our property. So, for people reading this, I have to say, it does get better, and it happens like a thief in the night. 🙂

sunshinejan

I would also like to add that part of my recovery has been (and this came after the anger/shock phase) admitting that I had personality traits that predisposed me to my ex’s exploitation and had to embrace my own responsibility for the tragedy. I had to made amends to my children AND myself for my own failures (even if they were made in good faith) to provide protection. It was hard! No one wants to hear that they bear some of the responsibility for their own emotional rape! But remember, each one of us bears responsibility only for what we KNEW and willingly CHOSE to do, not the entire disaster. Place the fault where it belongs, let the chips fall where they may. Twelve step programs offer a great guide. Admit this was all largely beyond your control. Make amends how you can. Part of the amends may be simply admitting to your kids that you failed them and unfortunately you will never be able to completely undo the harm, but from this point forward, you are dedicated to becoming the person they (and you) need you to be. There are things I’ll never make up to my kids, but I’ve moved heaven and earth. I entered recovery after years on opiates for chronic pain, despite medical advice, so I could be clear-headed and make the right decisions. I didn’t know how I’d do it, but every time I looked in their faces, I knew I had no choice. He was swallowing me alive and the only way I could save them was to pull myself out.
I did so.
I’m not saying this is your mission. But what I found was that what I feared so much, the pain, the fatigue, the inability to cope…was so much less than I thought it would be. I was tougher than I thought! In fact, I was a damned tough cookie!
I say all this not to find fault, but to tell you where I’ve been and what worked for me.
You are tougher than you think and you can take control.
I hope it helps in its own time.

kaya48

Swallowing me alive. This comment fits so correctly. This is how I felt for the past 20 years. The constant criticism, the belittling and anger outbursts. So often I was sitting in my closet when he screamed at me in his drill seargent voice. My heart pounding, blood rushing through my veins, shaking and crying. All the while he got pleasure ou of this . I heard remarks ” if you want to cry , get ouf this place and cry somewhere else.” I was completely losing myself in this misery and often questioned myself if I was going crazy. For sure nobody who claims to Iove and protect me would do this. And then I came to the conclusion. It was me, I deserved to be treated like this. After all us was getting older, I did gain a little weight, maybe I was boring. Every day was a struggle not to upset him. Even the pets could be doing something to put him in his rage. My son could have acted not according to his so called standards. Life became a nightmare, the walking on eggshells. But I stayed, I was the best mother, homemaker and wife I could be. It wasn’t enough. He needed someone young, sexy , thin and fun next to him, so he would look good . And with that came my rescue, my way out. Because one night he left with the words “I don’t love you anymore”. I was devastated, in denial, begging him to change his mind. He went on and left after I just was discharged from the cardio ward at a hospital. He left me, my son, 2 dogs and a cat to fend for ourselves while he carefully planned the future with the mistress. Oh, the reason he left me was that I am a crazy psycho bitch and he had no other choice. That’s what he told everyone and his family. Sometimes I believe he has to believe this to justify his selfish actions. Because I know deep inside he knows how guilty he is. In the end he lost his precious family, his home and his life. Once again his narcissism, sex and porn addiction was worth more than the love of his wife and his only child. Sorry I don’t have any empathy for his situation. Even though he is playing the victim in the divorce, he knows he a worthless piece of garbage who destroyed so much. How he could ever live like this is not something I will ever understand .

satya

OUCH! What a horrible decade it’s been for you! The only advice I can give you is to be grateful that she herself decided she has had enough of you, which means you are free to live the rest of your life away from that manipulative parasite. Trust me, she’s doing you a favor. I would insist and expect her to pay you back and to follow through on any legal course you do have, but only because I’m a firm believer in consequences. Considering you have a medical history relating to stress, perhaps it’s better if you just let her go. No contact, that is. It’s only money, and peace of mind is priceless.

Phillip

You are right, it has been one hell of a decade. We have a final hearing on Friday. This was brought about by my filing a motion of appeal, and a motion for a stay in all actions in this divorce. After filing these, and trying to communicate with her about these things, she just shut down and started pointing her finger, lobbing stupid accusations at me. She likes to hide behind the word of God. The last email I sent, and I did not read the reply, told her that I was sickened by her trying to hide behind Gods word. I told her that even satan knows the word of God, and that she is the proof of it. Oh, I have been tempted to read it, but I know better. After Friday and the resulting follow thru on the judges decision, I will be rid of her forever.
I have actually thought of going to a hypnotist to see if any memory of her could be erased from my mind. I know this is impossible, but if it wasn’t, I would pay any price.

Good Luck Philip! Be prepared for her to lie, cry, plead, play the victim – do not react. It might help not to look at her.

sunshinejan

I love Donna’s advice. Never let ’em see you sweat. Nerves of steel, nerves of steel. Easy to say, hard to do. One thing helped me was to use his own tactics against him (ignoring, de-personalization, etc.) I might not try that for the first time in court. Just remember, it’s an official legal proceeding, basically look at it like a business arrangement and separate yourself from the emotion. Easy, right! Lol. Treat yourself like your own client. Treat her mentally as a patient. Bone up on all the tactics they use (for example, DEMONIZING, as you described) so you can spot it, label it, and mentally disregard it. You’ll be surprised at how well you’ll do. We’re thinking of you!

Phillip

Dear Viewpoint,
Thank you so much for your comment. You make valid points, that I will take to heart.
I have owned all of what I have done. I have no one else to blame but myself for my own actions. This I know.
As far as guilt goes, I am a Christian. My God has forgiven me, my Wife forgave me before she died and both of my children have forgiven me. Something I once heard in a teaching from a radio pastor was, “if God can forgive you, who do you think you are, not to forgive yourself”?
It has been a long hard road to that forgiveness, but I have been traveling it for a long time. I think I am almost to the end of that road.
i know that to forgive my wife of this, it is going to take a lot of time. It will happen. No don’t get me wrong. Just because you forgive someone does NOT mean you have to let them back into your life.
The 10k is going to happen. The judge ordered her to pay it within 45 days, and she is doing the paperwork for a new house and selling the old one. The money I lost is a very small price to pay to gain my sanity back. I have a new place to move into, and am really excited to start my new adventure.
I still have to be in her presence one more time, to get the rest of my things out of the house. I refused to put my stuff in storage, and my thinking was, why pay for storage when I have a perfectly good house to keep them in. I half wish I had moved them out, then I wouldn’t have to go listen to her lies again.
I want to thank everyone on this site for their support and kind words. I consider myself a “good” man, but even a good man can make horrible mistakes. I am glad that I was married to a “good” wife, and have god children. They are my saving grace.

Vision

Hi Philip,

You talk of forgiveness in the above post, both of forgiveness of yourself and now your present/soon ex wife….

You said: “It has been a long hard road to that forgiveness, but I have been traveling it for a long time. I think I am almost to the end of that road.
i know that to forgive my wife of this, it is going to take a lot of time.”

Well, Phil, I happen to be a songwriter and if those phrases you coined are not a great beginning to a great song then you could hit me over the head with a tin cup ….

In fact, this morning I was listening to Wille Nelson sing those very same words….I was thinking back to how hard it was to forget my ex….easy to forgive…hard to forget….

Please give a listen to the song and remember to keep reading here at LF, applying what you learn, post a lot, cry if you want, and know it does take time…Be kind to yourself there fella, you have been torn apart and you don’t need to keep beating yourself up….

So kick back and listen to this song, you are not alone in this…

http://youtu.be/u0kYf9KG9QA

Phillip

HI Vision,
Thanks for the comment. Things are getting better for me. Thanks for the song. Yes, I do love the woman that my wife pretended to be. I have my up and down days. A particular hard time I am having is a prostate cancer scare I am going thru.
The day I got my second results of my PSA’s, (they had gone up again), all I could think of is that my wife should be taken care of me. Of course I did what a normal person does, I reached out to her in an email, and told her what was going on, and that I needed my wife, but she was no where to be found. That was an emotional laps on my part. Her reply was less than sympathetic. She actually suggested that the PSA’s were increased because of me having loads of sexual activity, which I am not. Transference anyone?
So, I have to go get the rest of my stuff from the house on saturday. It is going to be hard, because the kids will be there. I raised them for over half of my 14 year old step son’s life.
That is going to be the hard part, plus all the good memories I have in that house with my family.
I told my wife in an email that if I could get hypnotized to forget the past eight years, I would. I do not want one picture of her. I do not need to remember the woman that she pretended to be.
I will pray to God to give me the grace to forgive her, but that does not mean I need to have her in my life. The sooner I forget her and move on, the better I will be.

Phillip

Oh, By the way. I am also a musician, and a song writer. However, I am not going to make this a subject of any song. She does not deserve to have a song written about her. She doesn’t deserve the effort I would have to put forth to write a song about this. Forgetting is better. I will write a song about renewed freedom if anything.

Vision

Phillip,

I hear ya….I wrote two songs about two different men where love didn’t work out but they weren’t sociopaths, just plain stupid….I wouldn’t write one about my ex either.

A freedom song yes indeed. Write it and youtube it for us all.

I am sorry she doesn’t give a hoot about your cancer scare. For all the support we gave them, we don’t even get a crumb…I broke my wrist and severely sprained my other one and got a big Zero. And yes, he blamed me saying that’s what I get for fighting with him and breaking it off with him….I was at work when it happened. I had told him off a few days before telling him he was a liar…etc…

There have been many articles and comments here at LF on forgiveness. It doesn’t have to be that we actually excuse them but the forgiveness is a letting go…letting them be….letting them have their corrupt life without us….and for others it means giving them up to God….It brings us peace. Willie Nelson sings: “Cause I believe forgiving is the only way that I’ll find peace of mind”……..

forgiving ourselves is sometimes harder….

Hang on…or better yet Hold on and don’t expect any empathy nor sympathy…from her…

From us for sure…..I do know sometimes the count is up on the prostrate readings but it does fluctuate. Keep up the faith..When you get the rest of your stuff stay strong, be kind, and show love for the kids, be the best person you are, and realize you are going to be okay….and you will, trust me and us here at LF….you are okay….everything will be okay….

I found that writing provides a release. It forces you to make sense of the feelings and flush out the reasons behind the reasons. What we experienced of a predator’s behavior had underlying twists and turns that are hard to grasp through rumination. Once they’re written down, we don’t need to go over them in our minds any longer and we’re released from the burden of carrying them in our hearts.

So whether your means to write is poetry, songs, a book, a story, an article, or whatever, it could be an important part of releasing you from the pain you feel. On the other side of writing, there’s a sense of peace; hard to get to but extremely worth the journey.

JmS

Phillip

Well, it’s all said and done. I will never have to se her again. I picked my stuff up this past Saturday, as agreed upon. When we got there she would not let me in. I had to call the police. They got there and she still wouldn’t let me in. They screamed at her, because she was so infuriating. I have no idea what was in half of the boxes. I have no idea what I have lost and what I have. All I know is that most of it is replaceable, and my sanity is more important than any of that stuff. The part that broke mt heart was my 14 year old step son, yelling at me that they are afraid of me. The hate in his eyes just broke my heart. Yes, she has screwed those kids up for life.
I sent her the link to this site in an email a week or so ago when she was giving me crap. She wasn’t happy about it. I wish I could tattoo sociopath across her forehead, but she isn’t even worth my time anymore.
I just thought you all would like to know.

Vision

Dear Phillip,

All that drama….I am glad you called the police. At least they can witness her performance for future reference if need be….I sounds like you kept calm enough under the stress….I am sorry your stepson had to witness this and blame you…

But all is not lost forever when it comes to the kids…Its surprising the way they know whats going on in reality and how you might find out later that the hate you thought you saw or did see, was a hate of the situation she caused etc….just saying…my step daughter was taken from me by her crazed father…

I had taken care of her from age 4 to age 8. She called me Mommy…and I was her mother…we had custody…or he did…The day they left, I held her in my arms, kissing her goodbye…her big blue eyes stared in sadness and inner horror at being taken away for good..

I ached for years…she tried to find me through letters to friends but all communication was severed by her Gestapo like family…

But when she turned 18, she moved back to the area and emailed me as my other daughter had contacted her in Facebook..well….we connected, she let off some anger issues, then we picked up where we left off so to speak…with the same love she never could forget…

Hope it helps…all is not lost with the kids….even though mine is a different situation, I know of teenagers coming around…It must be so hard on the boy, knowing he lost again, his anger might just be for her but being he needs to be loyal to his mother, he might be directing it at you…kids always suffer the most in my opinion…

Now, work on you….you know what to do…keep reading and commenting…I have been off and on the site for 6 years now….first I just read…then commented….I have had some more time for myself after my upsets and contribute when I can because that’s my way of giving back to all those who helped me after they healed….

and it helps me too as I continue to heal and on my journey to reach my Nirvana…!! LOL….

I found some photos of my ex sp in the computer files…It seems those photos are still in various places I didn’t expect….I decided to look at him…I was able to look at his face and remember why I was attracted to him…what I had liked and loved about him….felt sad a bit that he was who he was….told myself I had loved him, the guy I thought he was or his potential had he not been an sp, let it go and said out loud for only God to hear: ” I did love you and I forgive you and I let you go..” shed a tear or two…

You are stronger then you know…You are alive..You will survive…and you will heal…oh, and yes, I felt revengeful and you can read that in my post on “Acceptance” I just posted yesterday on my feelings of revenge…good article for you to read now…please do…

Big HUG and yes, I am glad you let us know what happened…

Dave

Hi Phillip,

Your wife sounds almost identical to mine, well our ex wives lol.

Mine also had the house and our business in her name, and kicks me out at least once a year, while keeping the kids (I have them right now for Christmas thank God)

I feel horrible for you, cause my situation is almost identical except I wasn’t with someone else when I met mine, I rarely cry but have shed one too many tears because of this woman. I seen her lastnight for the 1st time in 3 weeks when I picked up the kids, I was a nervous wreck, nothing bad happened, but half of me wanted to kick her in the butt, the other half wanted to hold her.

I haven’t spoke all my story, some of it is private, but Donna if you want to put this on the story blog its ok with me.

When I was 19 I committed some felonies, I wound up doing 14 months in state prison, im 34 now and have been squeaky clean since. I was engaged with a baby on the way when I finally got locked up (the girl knew I had legal problems when we met) after 8 months and the baby born, she left me, moved back to Indiana (im in ohio) and married another man and put him on the B-certificate, I got it legally changed to my name after paternity, however he was threatening me on the phone and I was on parole with 3 years hanging over my head so I left it alone and sent the grandfather b-day cards for my daughter and called to check on her, somehow the husband wound up adopting her from under my nose, she is 13 now and ive never seen nor spoke to her.

In 2003 I contracted herpes because I was thinking with the wrong head like a 23 yr old man often does. In 2004 I met the SP woman on a herpes dating site, after 3 weeks we met, she lived 100 miles out, so I came up on weekends, I quickly fell in love, she pulled me out of the pit I was in, hard to find jobs with 4 felonies, and not seeing my child, I was angry/depressed, this woman took it all away and I fealt like me again, and the sex was out of this world, and our time together was awesome, I loved just having her in my arms and smelling her hair.

She had been in the military and went awol, she told me this, however she said she turned herself in and got discharged this was a lie as she got pulled over with me and arrested and while getting out the car she said “thanks a lot David” I was the only one who helped her, I went and got her from for knox and on the way home we agreed to move in together, she then became pregnant with our 1st. 3 days after moving in I noticed a HUGE change in her personality,,particularly towards me. A few months later, physical arguments came about on 3 occasions, all 3 she initiated as I don’t lay hands on women unless in extreme self defense. She even tried to choke me one night, pushing/shoving/grabbing/finger poking, we have never actually hit each other but I wonder how much longer before it happens. I was not working when we got our house so could not be put on the loan, so she put house soley in her name and never put me on the deed no matter how much money I paid or how much work I did.

In 2008 we got into a physical fight, the cops were called, she wanted me out and they wouldn’t kick me out she had to evict me, she then told then that I broke her ribs, obviously I didn’t and was never charged with anything, I took the cops advice and left for a few days, she filed a protection order on me, and refused to let me and my family any access to my son for almost 3 months, during this time she dated a old highschool boyfriend whom I caught her several times speaking to behind my back on the phone. Things didn’t go as she planned, she calls me one night out the blue wanting to talk, still claiming I hurt her, I asked for medical documents, she provided them and there was no proof on there she sustained injuries, she went to battered womens classes and showed me a pie graph of signs your man is abusive, I pointed out that half the graph was things she had done to me, she was irate!!!

Every year after she kicked me out, usually lasting about 1 month, and for some reason 90% of the time its right around the holidays just like this time. I wanted to start a business cause my record was still a thorn in my side, she said no, that I would not sit in her house making a business while she worked and payed for everything.

Fast forward to now (and 2 other men ive found evidence of possible foul play with in her phone, to which she finally locked the phone out lol) she wants to start this business idea of mine. She put in most the money and half the research, I helped market it, did the routes on software, and ran the routes, (its a dog waste removal/recycling company called green scoop) we launched in april 2013, we now have over 60 customers already, I signed a no compete clause with a rival company so could not have this in my name until feb 2014, so it went in her name and she now refuses to put me in as a co-owner unless I pay her a bunch of money. Im often told I do nothing while she is this hard worker (actually she is pretty hard worker, shes obsessed with working) I would take the kids to school, run the company route, pick the kids up, do dishes, laundry for 4 people, cook dinner, mow grass, haul and chop firewood, clean floors, grow a vege garden in spring, ( I think you get the point) only to be told I don’t do enough and that im living the good life off her hard work. She even went as far as to say im living her dream cause I was working the business and she still had a day job (excuse me this business was MY IDEA) I have been called a loser/piece of s##t/a zero/pathetic/ don’t care about her or my kids/ a bum/ a mooch/ just using her ect ect…..

My parents have hated her for years, and now hers are starting to hate me. Our kids are 5 and 8. My daughter misses me horribly as I was mr mom for 3 years of her life and spent mass time with her.

Last year I worked all year and she illegally claimed me as a dependant as I made too much money, thankfully my mother caught this and we amended the taxes. I often get screwed out of my 50% share of what the kids generate.

She has an ex named Dan whom she stayed friends with for 15 years after they split up, 1-2 times a year she goes out to dinner with him while I watch the kids, which infuriates me to no end as its total disrespect. I don’t believe anything is going on with them otherwise they would meet up way more often, but still,, its just wrong. The night I left 3 weeks ago (well got kicked out) she tried to hurt me by saying Dan loved her, I said yeah as a friend, she said little do you know, I bit the bait. She said he loved her more than a friend and told her he wanted to be with her again ( I believe this was a lie) I asked when this happened and she couldn’t quickly give me a response (which told me even more its a lie).

I believe she found her perfect target in me, down in dumps, hard time finding good work, missing my child, and very loyal, it hurts to look at her cause I still see the woman I fell in love with and I see so much potential in her, but she refuses to tap it.

When fighting, we often go 2-4 days ignoring one another, only for one night she will hop in the shower with me like nothing ever happened. She wont apologize or even address the problem at that point, just flaunt sex in my face so ill shut up and be happy. It makes me feel used. And the things she whispers to me while making love which obviously are not true hurt even more, that is your most intimate moment with your lover, to tell a lie at that point is just plain evil. I have been told during love “please never leave me” “this feels so right, I missed you” “we have to make this work cause we just cant be apart” “your so gentle, nobody is like you, I love you” Ok enough of that im getting pissed off now.

Im far from perfect, but dammit im one of the most loyal men a woman will ever meet, it sickens me to see these women stay with these loser crap men, yet good men like us get abused (this is no knock on you ladies, I know there are plenty of crappy men too)

My self confidence is shot, I get nervous around women now because I think they look at me thinking im a loser or a nobody. And the fact I have this STD makes my dating options limited, im broke and living with my mother with a 95 car that’s bout to break down, and she has everything. I want to vomit in my mouth right now.

So Phil trust me when I say, I feel your pain, and I wish to God you didn’t have to go through this. Just keep trucking man, and God willing one day you and I will meet a decent one.

Take care of yourself man.

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