How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Advice for dealing with sociopaths: Don’t take it personally

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UPDATED FOR 2023: Lovefraud received this note from a reader; we'll call her Allison. She offers excellent advice for recovering from your entanglement with a sociopath: Don't take it personally. I want to thank everyone involved with the Lovefraud website. It is truly a gift. To the brave survivors, I wish you peace. I am a survivor myself. In fact, I'm divorcing mine as we speak. I will write my story another time because this time I only want to give a piece of advice that has helped me the most. When I was able to do this, the rest was easier to get through. I stopped taking it personally. It was not an easy task. I read everything I could get my hands on and while I learned his actions …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Hyper vigilance and PTSD

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Editor's Note: Lovefraud received this story from the member who writes as "Duped." She describes her hyper vigilance — and how it worked against her. In hindsight, I remember questioning the little green things on the dinosaur nuggets he prepared for dinner. I was surprised he'd made the effort, in response to much nagging about not pitching in. It was late and I'd just returned from teaching an evening class. An overload to pay the bills since he quit his job. We had been arguing a lot, or rather me complaining; him not working, cleaning, taking care of the kids or pets and not making so much of an effort as to prepare a meal or help me. I had been working my full-time job teaching, o …

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Lovefraud’s 3 Rules of Dating

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Most of us want to have a significant relationship in our lives. Even when we have plenty of friends, a wonderful family and a fulfilling job, without a partner, we often feel lonely. Sociopaths specialize in targeting loneliness. Anyone who is looking for a romantic partner is, by definition, vulnerable to being targeted by a sociopath. So how do you protect yourself from predators AND find real love? By following Lovefraud's 3 Rules of Dating. Here they are: Rule #1: If they lie to you about who they are or their life story, dump them The whole point of an intimate relationship is to be authentic and honest with someone, to reveal your true self, and to be loved for who you are. …

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Letters to Lovefraud: The coldest man I’ve ever known

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Editor's note: The following story was submitted by a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call “Marsha” about the coldest man she's ever known. I just wanted to write and share my story. I did some research on all the characteristics of what makes someone a sociopath. My father is a psychologist and knew my situation. He had mentioned the concept that my ex-fiance was a sociopath after everything that happened to me and I didn't think to ask him more about what that meant. After exploring this site with the symptoms, I realized that my dad was 100 percent right. Here's my story: When I met my ex-fiance, it was through a mutual friend. He was charming, funny and seemed to be very witty and sma …

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To escape a sociopath, trust your perceptions

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Some sociopaths are really, really good at maintaining their charade. They can present themselves as an honest, caring, loving, church-going, salt-of-the-earth man or woman — as long as they deem it necessary to hook you. That's why it's so important to trust your perceptions. H.G. Beverly referred to this in her post, Gut instinct is not enough. She described the way her ex, Wyatt, treated her during the seduction stage. With the sweet words that came out of his mouth, who would not interpret his behavior as authentic love? She writes: The red flags we expect — like little signs of a deceitful nature or callousness or flakiness, or even what we call love-bombing — these red flags are not …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Female psychopath turned into a snarling, spitting monster

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Editor's note: A Lovefraud reader, we'll call her Betty, sent her story. It's a tale of a run-in with a female psychopath who likes to destroy people for the fun of it. I got divorced and moved from Texas to California. I was 45 years old, and was hoping to transition from my career as an RN. I'd worked in the newborn nursery and the increasing numbers of drug dependent newborns were breaking my heart -- I was experiencing burnout. I tried physical rehabilitation for adults, but that too brought me in contact with awful suffering, and I didn't have enough to give my patients. I had a painful divorce and a painful career, and made the decision to pull myself together and start over. That's …

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How knowing the truth about sociopaths changes everything

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Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Louisa." She learned the truth about sociopaths the hard way. I was in a relationship with someone that constantly cheated, and cried and begged me back. Five years of thinking we were "working through problems," sharing every detail about myself, supporting him and bailing him out of his obligations while struggling with my own. It all ended a couple of weeks ago when I found out he was molesting my 10 year old daughter and her friend... I'm feeling devastated. Reading all I have and looking back I'm resentful to myself for staying and thinking it was my best friend and soul mate. I paid a price beyond what I ever …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Child of an undiagnosed sociopath

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Editor's note: A Lovefraud reader, we'll call him Allen, tells his story of being the child of an undiagnosed sociopath. I know the story starts way before my time with my dad, so I can only tell you what I saw growing up and what I now see in hindsight. I think the biggest thing that I see in him is that he takes no personal responsibility for anything. Somewhere in his late 20's he “found God” — whatever that really means to him — and it was right around the time that my mom finally left him because of physical abuse that he denies to this day. He says that he never laid a hand on her and then when I remind him that I was there that day and saw everything he still denies it. He claims …

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