UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a woman who we'll call, “Cybil.” She was married to a sociopath, and is now raising two toddlers, paying 75% or more of their support, and being run into the courts, stalked, threatened and harassed.Today I was thinking about this comment I get a lot from the supposed "resources" I have. What I have found is that there really is not much in the way for resources out there for abused women. Even my family, who have been helpful and are starting to "get it" little by little, can be a little backhanded in their support.The comment goes like this: "Well, you chose this guy. You chose to have kids with this guy." It is a …
Dancing as treatment for depression
If you’re feeling depressed — and if you’re involved with a sociopath or narcissist, you certainly have reason to be depressed — how do you overcome it? Many people turn to therapy or medication, but research shows that physical exercise may be just as good. Dancing as treatment for depression is particularly effective.A new study published by the BMJ (formerly British Medical Journal) analyzed multiple previous studies with the objective of identifying the optimal dose and type of exercise for treating major depressive disorder, compared with psychotherapy, antidepressants and control conditions.“Exercise is an effective treatment for depression, with walking or jogging, yoga, and strength t …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Trying to expose the sociopath made matters worse for me
UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following from a reader who we'll refer to as “Tanya” about her experience of trying to expose the sociopath.I was 35 when I met my sociopath — we'll call him Dave. I was in a top twenty graduate business program — a magnet for narcissists and sociopaths, by the way! A culture that so prizes appearances, financial accumulation, and power must seem irresistible to people with those disorders.Dave seemed so great at first — attentive, interesting, intelligent, open, honest, fun. My friends warned that he was too flirty — but I only took that as a sign that he was desirable and, hey, I won him over when others had failed.We were off and on …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Trying to expose the sociopath made matters worse for meRead More
How the messages we hear all our lives keep us vulnerable to sociopaths
UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a woman who signed it "Tired of Being Targeted." Her letter is an opportunity to explain why we are all vulnerable to sociopaths. My son's wife sends me nasty text messages and leaves insulting voice messages. Then she complains to her husband I'm being rude and disrespectful to her. It's crazy making and she's clearly projecting.In the past I took the high road and didn't tell him but all it got me was year after year of estrangement from my son. With nobody to speak in my defense and expose the truth and her unfounded slander habit, I finally decided to send him a long letter and copy him on all her text messages. …
How the messages we hear all our lives keep us vulnerable to sociopathsRead More
Shocked by the lies, even though I lived them
Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call Laura24. She was shocked by the lies her boyfriend told her over their years together, even though she lived them.I spent 12 years in a relationship with a sociopath. In the 10 years that we lived together, he had convinced me he owned his own business, had a bachelor’s degree, and that he was financially stable.Stunning revelationsSome of the revelations that still shock me today even though I lived it:As far as I'm aware, I'm the only person he had ever dated other than the 18-year-old girl he was sleeping with. I'm not sure how much she knows about him.Learn more: Maybe you're not codependent — you're traum …
How disordered motivation explains psychopathic behavior
UPDATED FOR 2024. Why do they do it? If you've ever tangled with a psychopath, you've certainly asked yourself that question. Why do psychopaths engage in harmful and destructive behavior?Most psychopathy researchers explain the nasty behavior of these disordered individuals in terms of deficits. They say that because psychopaths lack empathy and impulse control, they engage in antisocial behavior.To Lovefraud author Dr. Liane Leedom, this makes no sense — it implies that if it weren't for empathy and impulse control, everybody would be a psychopath. Deficits don't cause behavior, she says. Motivation causes behavior.Human motivational systemsIn a chapter that she wrote for the book P …
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Running for my life
Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we’ll call Charlotte24. She is so terrorized by the sociopath that she says she is “running for my life.”I am about to lose my freedom. He has destroyed my life and is still trying. I have received 4 CDVs (criminal domestic violence charges) in one year. He has so many other prior charges — assaults on females — and CDVs, including one assault charge with me, because he cut my clothes off me and left me on side of road 3 hours away from home and never came back to get me. He has come and hunt me down and he would be crying and begging for me to go back knowing that I have a no contact order with him. I would be dumb …
Vocabulary 101: 10 terms to help you name your experience with a sociopath
UPDATED FOR 2024. One of the reasons why it's so difficult to explain what happens when you're involved with a sociopath is that you don't have the words. Because of the general lack of awareness about personality disorders in society, and the lack of education about it, for years there was no generally accepted terminology to describe various aspects of the experience. But descriptive language has evolved among online communities of survivors. Here are 10 terms to help you name your experience with a sociopath. When you can name it, you can begin to recover from it. 1. Love Bombing When sociopaths set about reeling you in, a key seduction strategy is love bombing. They shower you with …
Vocabulary 101: 10 terms to help you name your experience with a sociopathRead More
Mental, physical, and emotional abuse in my marriage
Editor's note: This Lovefraud reader, whom we’ll all “Marily24,” describes the mental, physical and emotional abuse in her marriage to a sociopath.I experienced mental, physical, and emotional abuse in my marriage. I thought he was made in heaven for me but found out he was the devil all along. I did see a red flag right away in the beginning. But I dismissed it because I didn't know quite how to take it. He had called me one night in the middle of the night. All drunk and wanted to see me supposedly. I had to work the next morning— I managed a hotel. So I got out of bed and got dressed, and then tried to call him to find out where he was at. Some hotel with this family. This is wha …
Mental, physical, and emotional abuse in my marriageRead More