UPDATED FOR 2024. My sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery, had a collection of photos of naked women. The photos were not of me.I discovered the photos one day while he wasn't home and I was looking for a phone number. I opened his desk drawer, and there they were — no faces, just pictures of certain body parts.Stunned, I threw the photos in the trash. When Montgomery came home, I confronted him."I found your photos. Who are these women?" I demanded.Montgomery was nonchalant. "They're from my past. Nothing for you to worry about.""Why do you have them?" I demanded."I look at them from time to time. It helps me stay faithful to you. Where are they?""I threw them away."At this Montgomery b …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Final words to the sociopath
UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received this e-mail from a reader who we'll call “Judith.”I hope you read this, you know who you are.I have remained silent for too long. I never used my voice to express how I felt about your actions toward me. I stayed quiet while you stalked and harassed me when I chose to cut all ties with you. I was too worried about what would happen if I spoke up. During that time, I thought no reaction from me would be best and it was. I've since changed my mind and I have determined that there is a difference between "reacting" and using my voice to heal myself.In the last few years, I've done well. I never went back or got caught up in your drama, despite …
Even though we break up, we continue to see each other
When I was 45 years old and fresh out of a divorce, I started an almost 3-year long distance relationship with a man that is 18 years younger than me. It was supposed to just be fun and it was until it wasn't. We met on airplane, both of us going to work. He is an officer on a tugboat and I an administrator of a private independent school. We had 30 days of getting to know each other over text, phone calls and FaceTime while he was on the boat. Once off the boat we decided to meet and we met up every time he got home the entire course of this relationship. The first year was a situationship. He led me to believe there was no one else, yet we had not defined the relationship. Three …
Even though we break up, we continue to see each otherRead More
10 facts about your romance with a sociopath that you must believe, even though you don’t want to
UPDATED FOR 2024. You're shattered. You thought you finally met your soul mate, the person you were waiting for all your life. This charming, charismatic and attentive romantic partner swept you off your feet in a whirlwind romance. It was good — no, it was fabulous — until it wasn't. Now you know you had a romance with a sociopath. What does this mean? Perhaps you were subjected to the "devalue and discard" routine. Or you discovered that your partner wasn't the person he or she claimed to be. However it happened, you are heartbroken. I talk to a lot of people, both men and women, who are, or were, romantically involved with sociopaths. They're devastated, of course. But what is truly min …
My journey through NPD abuse and the fight for my children
For over 15 years, I endured profound abuse at the hands of my ex-husband. His manipulation and control were pervasive, leaving me and our children in a state of constant fear and instability. When he finally left, he did so in a manner that ensured our suffering would continue. He abandoned us in a broken-down trailer, neglecting to pay rent for six months and placing a lien on our only car. With no money and no means to improve our situation, I was left with $20 in cash and the daunting task of figuring out how to survive. He took everything of value, including our tax money and all our savings, and told me to "figure it out." This was not just a financial blow but a calculated move …
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Dan Jones explains how to protect yourself from Dark Triad manipulators
“The ends justify the means” — this is the basic philosophy Machiavellianism, and I heard the statement multiple times from my psychopathic ex-husband. Machiavellianism, psychopathy and narcissism are the three personality disorders of the Dark Triad, and my colleague, Dan Jones, recently gave a TEDx talk on how to spot and deal with them. Dan is a psychology researcher and associate professor of management at the University of Nevada, Reno. He specializes in the Dark Triad, particularly Machiavellianism. This is a personality trait characterized by manipulativeness, deceitfulness, high levels of self-interest, according to Psychology Today.Niccolo MachiavelliThe trait is named for …
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A mother asks: ‘What is my responsibility toward my sociopathic adult son?’
Updated for 2024. Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call, "Margaret Louise." She has a sociopathic adult son, and asks about her responsibilities regarding him.Please point me in the direction for good advice about recovering from heartache caused by my adult son, who is a sociopath. And, help me realize my responsibilities as his parent.Joshua is 33 years old. He has 3 children by 3 different women. While he is in the relationship with the women, I am blacklisted from contact with my grandchildren. As the relationships fall apart, and the mothers realize they’ve been duped, I can begin to have that cherished relationship with my grandchildren and fortunately w …
A mother asks: ‘What is my responsibility toward my sociopathic adult son?’Read More