How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Three miserable Christmases with the sociopath, and how to heal from the memories

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UPDATED FOR 2024. I spent three Christmases with my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery. Every one of them was stressful, unhappy, worrisome and bereft of joyful holiday spirit. Now, however, I've recovered, and my Christmases are happy and loving. You, too, can recover. I promise. Here are my stories of Christmas Past: Christmas 1996 We had known each other for five months. We'd already had a secret wedding in Australia with his friends and family. For friends and family in New Jersey, we were planning another wedding in January, complete with bridesmaids, a fancy reception for 60 guests and a six-piece band. Montgomery had already blown through $50,000 of my money and credit, …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Listen to your inner voice

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader. She learned the hard way how important it is to listen to your inner voice. When I met my husband, 14 years ago, I owned my own home, had two children, a great job and life was great. I wasn't looking for a relationship, however, he would not take no for an answer until I went out with him (1st red flag). He presented himself as financially secure, a family man with a daughter, and who told me family is everything . He was very charming and giving to my children and I. After 5 months of dating, he started telling me how much he loved me and wanted to marry me. I said that I wasn't ready to jump into …

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3 steps to prevent a sociopath from taking advantage of your vulnerabilities

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UPDATED FOR 2024. "Is it really a vulnerability to respond to somebody (apparently) liking and desiring you? Is that not just a basic human need that we all want to have fulfilled?" The Lovefraud reader Dorabella asked these questions on a story that I posted previously, The sociopath as your soul mate. They are great questions. The answers are: Yes, it's a vulnerability to respond to someone desiring you, and yes, it's a basic human need. So although these are vulnerabilities, they are also normal human qualities. To be human is to have vulnerabilities. A vulnerability is a weak point, and whenever we want something, that creates a weak point. Most of us want a romantic relationships, so if …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: My biggest regret is that my girls were forced to do what I decided

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: The Lovefraud reader who posts as “Missymooz” sent the following e-mail. She describes her biggest regret with a man whom she now realizes is a sociopath. I also was married to a sociopath!! For 15 years!!!! We had 4 children together, bought homes together etc., etc. I just left (for the third time) 2 months ago. I would like to tell my story, just in case it may help someone else out there. I feel very stupid to have stayed for so long. But here goes: I met him briefly when I was only 16, but we both went our separate ways. I married another guy when I was 19. This marriage dissolved when I was 25, and guess who was there to lick my wounds??? It a …

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Here’s the absolutely best way to protect yourself from sociopaths

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Yes, you can avoid letting a sociopath into your life. All you have to do is listen to your intuition. Security expert Gavin deBecker, who wrote The Gift of Fear, explains that intuition evolved within us over the millennia for one reason: To protect us from predators. Sociopaths are predators, and our intuition will warn us about them. The key is to pay attention. Sometimes the warning is blatant — one woman told me about feeling instantly terrified when a man approached her. But instead of heeding her internal warning, she berated herself for being judgmental — after all, the man had done nothing to her. She talked to him; they became romantically involved; he was, in f …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: He is not Prince Charming; you are not Snow White

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: This Lovefraud reader, who posts as "Snow White," previously wrote an article called "The heart thief." Here's what she says about your sociopathic partner — no matter how much you want to believe, he is not Prince Charming. Fairy tales — the fantasy of every girl. A story of fantastic forces and beings. A tale of improbable events that will lead to a happy ending. Or perhaps — a more sinister story designed to mislead. Any woman would have to agree that when someone comes along who is completely and totally smitten with you, showers you with affection and attention like you've never experienced in all your life, you start to think that maybe this is the pe …

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