I am not sure if I will continue to post each week. Many of the stories carry the same theme and I think most of you on this site know what a sociopath is capable of, how much destruction they leave in their path and how we all felt once we discovered the truth.
For me, it’s really about the road to recovery. The first and most helpful tool I was given was Martha Stout’s book The Sociopath Next Door. It helped so much to see it in writing, the same behaviors, manipulation and the different types of sociopaths. Lovefraud provides the best resource I have found to date (thank you Donna). Then it was all about acceptance. I needed to accept that my father never loved me. That one took a while, but I began to understand that “he couldn’t give me something he didn’t have”, which was love. Once I accepted this it was easy to forgive him, another key for me.
I have had other sociopaths in my life; in fact I think I was attracted to it as a result of being raised by one. Only now I recognize that uneasy feeling I get from being around someone I cannot trust. It’s like background noise, almost unnoticeable, but it’s there. Today I trust those feelings and do what I have learned from others and books. I cut my losses and move on. It has been my experience that the only option is to remove yourself from any and all unnecessary contact with a sociopath.
Someone once told me that the past is for inspiration, not limitation”¦and I believe that today. I started to focus on the things in life I was grateful for, not where I thought I was “cheated”. Experience in this life is the thing of supreme value if we are willing to learn from it and then use it to help others. It then becomes a gift. That’s how I see it today. As odd as it may sound I would not change my experience for anything. I wouldn’t want to do it again I assure you, but today I am grateful for it.
Star
Bigdude is mine:)~
Dear Big Dude,
Being raised on a farm where we butchered our own meat has sort of habituated me to “do what is necessary”–whether that is shoot a dog or coyote preyiing on livestock, or put down a viscious dog, or a sick one. If it is one of my pets, I may cry for a week, but I still “do what has to be done.” I don’t think I could take a human life and not be effected, only a P can do that, but at the same time, while I would have a hard time ever getting over making a mistake in traffic and killing anothe person, even by accident, but as for “putting down” someone who was trying to take my life, I think I could handle it if I had to.
I hope and pray that it never has to come to the test.
I also thought I could never go NC with my P-son or my mother either, but it is amazing what we can do when we are forced to do so by circumstances beyond our control. I will continue to live cautiously but not IN TERROR.
“Just cause you are paranoid, doesn’t mean someone isn’t out to get you.”
A realistic and calm attitude is our best defense. While him being paroled “under the radar” and the parole board not even notifying nis new parole officer that he was a SEX OFFENDER is somewhat of a “shock”–I am over the shock now, and over the initial jolt of adreneline and running on caution now.
With three of us living here and a reasonable electronic security situation it isn’t likely he could sneak up on us here. If he does he will know he has been in a fire fight and the law in this county at least is on our side. OUr no contact order is in place so if he comes here, he has a target on his head, because the only reason for him to come here is to harm us.
I realize I can’t keep my mother from funneling money to my P-son, even large amounts of money, but at the same time, I will do my dead level best to keep him in prison, and I have a big stack of letters from him to the Trojan Horse BRAGGING about his crimes. That should negate any of his “remorse” letters. BTW his last attorney for his first parole hearing said that he had written “the BEST remorse letter she had ever read” in all her years as a parole attorney. So he is a pretty good word smith, but I think the hand written bragadocio letters should counter that one. LOL
Target
Expect more Payless :)~
Thanks, Wini. I will remember that. I most definitely will not gloat. I only gloat here. 🙂 The army dude called me today to confirm our appointment. He mentioned that he would be interested in any pictures or other witnesses’ phone numbers, etc. I told him I would cooperate in any way I could.
Unfortunately, I am not a vegetarian any more, though I have been on and off for a long time. And I cannot tell you how it kills me to have to feed rats to my snakes. If I didn’t already have my babies (snakes) I would not get any, for this reason. I really have to disconnect from my feelings to feed them, even though I feed frozen thawed rats that are humanely killed.
StarG: They will put all the DOTS together … you being a BIG DOT of the lies he’s been spinning.
I’ve been deposed and I know how nerve racking it can be. I would take deep breaths before I answered anything they asked me. The deep breaths kept me calm, plus I could focus on my breathing. Focusing on my breathing cleared my mind … then as the questions were asked I could tell them exactly what happened … I could also recall more answers that I probably wouldn’t have thought of if nervousness took over. I’m just glad not to have frozen. It is like the deer being caught in the headlights … or at least it was to me.
Try to understand my situation … they DID NOT want me to remember anything … this was the opposing team. Many of my co-workers that were illegally fired were counting on me to be calm, cool, and collected so as to be able to recall every detail.
Peace.
I can’t imagine they will ask me anything very complicated. I remember everything that happened like it was yesterday. The army guy did not strike me as particularly intimidating. He was very polite.
StarG: That’s because the army is on your side … it’s your side giving you the deposition.
That was NOT so in my case. It was the opposing side given me my deposition.
That isn’t the point I’m trying to get across to you … what I’m trying to get across to you is answer each question to the best of your ability … even if the questions don’t make sense to you or they are out of sequence … they will put the sequence back in order … that’s not your job. Your job is to answer truthfully anything they should ask.
You are probably not the only person they are deposing. There are probably others who have been in and out of his life.
The army personal will put the DOTS together and catch him in his lies.
Good luck.
Peace.
Wini,
See my other posts on how it went. I answered all their pictures and gave them tons of evidence–pictures, phone numbers, original sworn statements, and let them listen to the voicemails (thankfully I saved them). If it’s his word against mine, I really don’t think he has a leg to stand on (no pun intended, as he’s pretending he can’t walk. lol). However, with 4 other witnesses testifying against him, he’s toast.
I will keep you posted on what they do with him.
StarG: Believe me, you aren’t the only witness they are deposing. There are many others.
Hey, he’s reaping what he sowed.
Peace.
Yes he is. Aside from my 3 friends he met, I gave them the phone number of another woman from the reptile site that he visited and the name of the vendor he bought a snake from. I’m so glad I am feeling so much more detached from it. I’m actually more nervous about a new client I’m seeing later today. She’s a chiropractor coming to my home to get a massage. I have to really impress her in order to get referrals from her.