I am not sure if I will continue to post each week. Many of the stories carry the same theme and I think most of you on this site know what a sociopath is capable of, how much destruction they leave in their path and how we all felt once we discovered the truth.
For me, it’s really about the road to recovery. The first and most helpful tool I was given was Martha Stout’s book The Sociopath Next Door. It helped so much to see it in writing, the same behaviors, manipulation and the different types of sociopaths. Lovefraud provides the best resource I have found to date (thank you Donna). Then it was all about acceptance. I needed to accept that my father never loved me. That one took a while, but I began to understand that “he couldn’t give me something he didn’t have”, which was love. Once I accepted this it was easy to forgive him, another key for me.
I have had other sociopaths in my life; in fact I think I was attracted to it as a result of being raised by one. Only now I recognize that uneasy feeling I get from being around someone I cannot trust. It’s like background noise, almost unnoticeable, but it’s there. Today I trust those feelings and do what I have learned from others and books. I cut my losses and move on. It has been my experience that the only option is to remove yourself from any and all unnecessary contact with a sociopath.
Someone once told me that the past is for inspiration, not limitation”¦and I believe that today. I started to focus on the things in life I was grateful for, not where I thought I was “cheated”. Experience in this life is the thing of supreme value if we are willing to learn from it and then use it to help others. It then becomes a gift. That’s how I see it today. As odd as it may sound I would not change my experience for anything. I wouldn’t want to do it again I assure you, but today I am grateful for it.
Henry, Henry, Henry … what do you mean only Harley sleeps with you … where do the other 2 weenie dogs sleep? LOL!
Piece of cake, piece of pie.
Hi Indi:
He’s 6 feet tall. Dark. French accent because he is from France. Speaks French, Spanish & English. A chemist. That is all I know.
Henry,
Maybe meeting guys in bars is not the way to go. I’ve never met anyone in a bar…but then again, I met the ex S shopping because he worked in the store. I don’t know where to meet good people. It’s so hard. I say we write off 2008 and think about relationships until 2009…a fresh start.
There has to be great gay guys out there in places other than bars. Do you belong to a gym? Are there organizations you can look up on-line by you for singles that do things in groups like hiking, biking, going out to theatres, etc? Even if no one there interests you, you make friends and then expand your circle where these friends may hook you up…just a thought.
Iwonder and Henry: Not to burst your bubbles here … but, if our EXs are considered a 10 on the worst scale for dating … 1-10 … what would entice you two to want to go meet #s 1-9? The scale is still entitled “worse” LOL. Just kidding.
Piece of cake, piece of pie.
There are lots of places to meet people ! Thanks ! And Your right ! I am just enjoying no pressure for a time ! Not that I have blinders on But It’s much harder :)~ much more difficult For a 6’4″ 46yr old male to find a relationship minded Male! Ask Henry in our Comunity , if ya Want to call it that , The Majiorty of Gay men are not looking for Love they are looking for a HOOKUP! To me this is absurd , I liked the way Wini said it. If You sleep with a dog , don’t be surprised when you wakeup with fleas! Wait I said that. Wini says; If ya sleep with them than ya sleep w/everyone they ever slept with! Euuu. Makes me shiver! Teach that in Public schools and see what happens.
One of the links that was given on the blog about prisions is a socialist /internationalist site with a sycle/hammer communist logo! I wondered If anyone had seen this?
LOVE JJ
Hi Wini:
Even though my ex sucked the life out of me…I still have a heartbeat LOL!!!
Hey, not every person out there can be evil. What was the
ratio of sociopaths to real people?? 4%?? So, 4 out of every 100 guys I meet are going to be AH’s. Or, 1 out of every 25, correct? How is my math? LOL!
Wini, have you given up on thinking of every finding a nice guy to spend hte rest of your life with? Are you done??
Hey Indi:
Every guy I meet wants to “hook up!” All they want is sex. But, I don’t have to oblige. Indi, have you thought of switching sides?? I will go out with you!
Travis, thank you for sharing.
I am doing SO much better now. I have full control of the business venture my ex-soc and I started, I now have to arrange financing for it. I am going to be the sole owner. I am so glad that she will have no part of it, I plan on hiring special needs employees and they require genuine compassion and understanding. She would have ended up destroying them as well, but not now. I will always miss the woman I thought I knew, but this one? She is so different. It is like an evil twin. Truly. There is nothing inside her except anger and bitterness. It is so horrible. I am still going one day at a time, and some days it is like crawling across broken glass, but I am okay with that because it is for me. I have some plans now, some goals. If the business fails or succeeds it will be up to me.
I am still a wreck, but I am making it. And I owe everyone here so much. Thank you for your love, for your compassion, and your understanding. And I also know something else. One day I will love again, I dont think it is possible for me not to, but I will be wiser, more careful. I will not pay attention to what they say but what they do. I really hope I have learned from this. And a lot of it is because of you my friends. Also, in a way I have to thank my ex-soc. If she hadnt shown me what she truly was, and if it had been later on in our relationship I really wouldnt have made it out alive. I have to rebuild, okay, but I am actually kinda liking what I see inside me. I have made some sound choices so far, and I hope they continue. I trust myself more and more each day.
Once again, thanks to all on here.
My trials and tribulations are on my blog, and it makes for some pretty crappy reading, but here is the link if you want to peruse my deranged ramblings.
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog&Mytoken=36F8D93D-D029-480F-BDCB3FF2AFA52A2290168867
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=13338410
Iwonder: No, I was only kidding you and Indie thinking YOU TWO ARE BRAVE. LOL!
Anyway, check out your e-mail. I sent you a nice mantra tonight.
Piece of cake, piece of pie.
BigDude: I’m glad you wrote that you saw that there is something wrong with them … something bitter and angry. I do too. My bosses, all those co-workers that jumped on the bandwagon … my EX. There’s something wrong … something definitely wrong with all of them.
I think their pain is so great … and it’s kept active with their negative mindset that insists their pain is so sharp … never working it out …hence, ensuring others get worse pain from them… all the time, pain, pain, pain. Mmmmmmmh, and it’s probably really stupid … what they think is so painful.
I bet none of them could change places with any of us … and deal with what they dished out.
Just thinking out loud!
Piece of cake, piece of pie.
So weird … and it doesn’t have to be like this.