I am not sure if I will continue to post each week. Many of the stories carry the same theme and I think most of you on this site know what a sociopath is capable of, how much destruction they leave in their path and how we all felt once we discovered the truth.
For me, it’s really about the road to recovery. The first and most helpful tool I was given was Martha Stout’s book The Sociopath Next Door. It helped so much to see it in writing, the same behaviors, manipulation and the different types of sociopaths. Lovefraud provides the best resource I have found to date (thank you Donna). Then it was all about acceptance. I needed to accept that my father never loved me. That one took a while, but I began to understand that “he couldn’t give me something he didn’t have”, which was love. Once I accepted this it was easy to forgive him, another key for me.
I have had other sociopaths in my life; in fact I think I was attracted to it as a result of being raised by one. Only now I recognize that uneasy feeling I get from being around someone I cannot trust. It’s like background noise, almost unnoticeable, but it’s there. Today I trust those feelings and do what I have learned from others and books. I cut my losses and move on. It has been my experience that the only option is to remove yourself from any and all unnecessary contact with a sociopath.
Someone once told me that the past is for inspiration, not limitation”¦and I believe that today. I started to focus on the things in life I was grateful for, not where I thought I was “cheated”. Experience in this life is the thing of supreme value if we are willing to learn from it and then use it to help others. It then becomes a gift. That’s how I see it today. As odd as it may sound I would not change my experience for anything. I wouldn’t want to do it again I assure you, but today I am grateful for it.
Wini Wini Wini – The other two sleep with me as well – I was referrring to Harley as my MAN – Crickit and Posey are females and it is so cold here, tonight is going to be a three dog night for sure…. Iwonder – I agree club’s and bar’s are just meat rack’s – I am sure there are exception’s – and I am 54 with white hair and everyone is so young in the nite club scene. They look at me and think they have found a daddy~~~!! Not too long ago I went to this sleasy little place and as I was walking in two guy’s looked at me and one said to the other “Not bad – for a old man…’ I am not one of those queens that die’s his hair and dresses like he is 21. I do occasionally go out just to be among other’s like myself but always say too myself “I have not missed anything here!!’ I really don’t have a clue as to where to meet decent available men. I mite consider joining a gym but then you have to deal with the hunk’s that worship themselves. Indigoblue is right about the club scene they are interested in 3 things – what do you drive -how much money do you have and how big is your ___. And it seem’s it is no better in the online dating websites – they all want someone 19 and hairless. Yes the gay comunty seem’s to be jaded and all about sex. So sad….I am a misfit tho – I never fit into the gay world or the straight world. And when I tell gay men I have children they look at me like I have two head’s. Indigoblue – are you into older men?
Henry,
It sucks for women too… At 46, I don’t do the bar/club scene, I work with children, (and all my co-workers are women) and I met the X-S on Yahoo Personals, so I am weary of online dating too…and I know exactly what you mean about gym “narcissits”…
Indie does sound HOT…Too bad (for me) he’s gay…LOL
Stormee:
Hey! I have first dibs on Indie! That is, if he switches teams. lol!!!
Oh yeah! Great! Everybody goes for the gay guy!!! What am I? Chopped liver? Well, actually I guess i kinda am. along with a chopped heart, chopped soul, chopped ego etc etc…….
Though, I do have to admit, I like Indigo, he is cool.
I am not even thinking of dating anytime soon. If it happens it happens but I am staying out of situations where it could happen.
Heck though, maybe I should turn gay, that way all the women would chase ME!!
Hi BigDude,
I’ve been out on 3 dates since my ex split 6 months ago. Last night’s date was ok…except…I have a question for you guys. Why, why, why do you have to end the first date with a kiss?? What is that for? I mean, this guy doesn’t really know me…I don’t know him. A kiss on the cheek would have been fine. I was taken back somewhat by this.
Big kisses BigDude: Whmeeeewwwahhhhhhhh!
Iwonder: It’s called “do the two of you have chemistry”.
Get a grip … will ya?
Bigdude, they are all saving you for me!!!!!!
Wonder woman! I’m so glad your date went well. I’m glad you are feeling ready to date again too. And like Wini says, whatever happened to having friends?
For me healing is not so much about looking at the traits of the other person and making sure he’s not a sociopath. I’m having to dig a little deeper. I’m looking at my reasons for being with these men and ignoring the glaring red flags. It’s brought up more grieving, but it seems like a good thing. It’s pretty clear that I’m not really ready to date right now. It doesn’t stop me from being on a dating site, but I only advertise for friends, and this is what I’m finding right now.
Wini:
I like him so far but to me, I really need to go out a few more times to see if we “click” like that. Hey, what he doesn’t know is I gave my doggie a kiss before I left the house. Ewww! If he only knew!
Words of “wisdom”:
what you find in a bar, leave in a bar
if it’s too good to be true, it usually is
once burned, twice shy
Be careful on the dating sites-I don’t trust them. Dating services are out there to make money. I tried Matchmaker, it was a complete waste of money.
I’m waitin’ for the prince-I think I’ve had my share of the toads!