It’s wonderful to hear, “I love you.” But if the words are coming from someone you recently met online, maybe what they really mean is, “I’d love to exploit you.” Is this person for real, or is your online love a scammer?
The FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3) recently released its 2023 report, and cybercrime continues to climb. The report states:
“In 2023, IC3 received a record number of complaints from the American public: 880,418 complaints were registered, with potential losses exceeding $12.5 billion. This is a nearly 10% increase in complaints received, and it represents a 22% increase in losses suffered, compared to 2022.“
Included in those totals are 17,823 complaints of confidence and romance scams 2023. These are situations in which people believe they are in a relationship — family, friendly or romantic — and are tricked into sending money, personal and financial information, or valuable items to the perpetrator.
Warning signs of a scam
According to research with readers of Lovefraud.com, here are five warning signs that your online love is a scammer.
1. You feel like you met your soul mate
You seem to have the same interests, the same ideas and the same desires. This is because your new beau has studied you on social media, figured out what you want in a partner, and then made himself or herself into exactly what you are looking for.
2. You’re in a whirlwind romance
Your beau showers you with attention and affection. He or she contacts you all the time and quickly makes plans for the future. You think it’s love, but actually it’s love bombing — feigning affection in order to achieve an objective. What’s the objective? To get you emotionally hooked before you escape.
3. Your beau proclaims trust in you
Human beings are naturally inclined to reciprocate when they feel trusted. According to psychologist Paul J. Zak, “Social interactions engage a powerful brain circuit that releases the neurochemical oxytocin when we are trusted and induces a desire to reciprocate the trust we have been shown—even with strangers.”
So when your new partner says you’re the only one who can help them and they know they can count on you, it’s to soften you up and get you to trust them. When they feel you’re sufficiently primed, they’ll ask for money.
4. You never actually meet the person
Your new beau keeps making plans to see you but then doesn’t show up. Usually they claim something terrible happened — like their mother died — which might lead them to asking you for money.
5. You don’t even see the person
You ask to Skype or Facetime with your new beau. He or she stalls, then says there’s something wrong with the camera. If you finally do have a video call, it’s so dark that you can’t see what the person looks like at all.
If you’re seeing any of these behaviors in someone you met online, they could be warning signs that your online love is a scammer. Put the brakes on the romance immediately.
Protecting yourself from a romance scammer
If you’re single and looking to make a connection, it’s important to understand that con artists specifically target lonely people. The minute you create a profile on a dating app, you are advertising the fact that you are lonely. You are setting yourself up as a target.
Then, if you include information in your profile about what you are looking for, you are providing con artists with a road map for seducing you. They simply tell you what you want to hear, and you feel like you found your soul mate.
Beware of communication that is mostly written — text, email or online messages. Research shows that 65% to 90% of the meaning in human communication is nonverbal — facial expressions, tone of voice, body language.
If most of your communications with your beau are written, that means 65% to 90% of the meaning is missing. So what do you do? According to psychiatrist Dr. Ester Gwinnell, you assume that the messages mean what you want them to mean. You fall in love with your own fantasy.
Finally, it’s best to avoid long-distance relationships. If someone lives too far away to see in person on a regular basis, you can’t really to get to know them. Even if they’re calling you every day — well, you don’t know what they’re doing between phone calls. Besides, the whole point of romance is to be together. It’s much easier if your partner is nearby.
Unfortunately, millions of scammers pursue relationships not for love, but for exploitation. By knowing the warning signs that your online love is a scammer, you can protect your heart — and your wallet.
Learn more: Dating again after the sociopath
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I was dismissed with a shrug