As human beings, we all want love and companionship in our lives. It’s a basic human need, right up there with the needs for food, water and shelter. When we are lacking an intimate relationship, most of us try to fill the empty space. That leads to dating.
Here is what you need to know about dating and predators.
1. Evil exists.
What the evil is called—psychopath, sociopath, antisocial personality disorder, narcissist—really doesn’t matter. There are evil people out there, and they can be found in all segments of society—rich, poor, male, female, all races, all religions, all communities. They look like everyone else, but they are predators.
2. If you are dating, you are a target.
As an unattached person, you’re probably feeling a bit lonely—that’s why you’re looking for dates. This is natural and understandable. What you need to realize is that predators specialize in targeting lonely people. They know exactly how to find this vulnerability and exploit it by seeming to take the loneliness away. They shower you with attention, flatter you and promise you a lifetime of happiness—exactly what you’re looking for.
3. Meeting people on the Internet is extremely dangerous.
Yes, there are normal people on dating sites. But there are also predators, and communicating via the computer you do not have the tools you need to spot them. Most of the true meaning of conversation comes from nonverbal cues—voice, facial expression and body language. None of that is available in an e-mail. So what do you do? You fill in the missing pieces with your imagination, and the person becomes what you want him or her to be. You fall in love with a fantasy. For more information, see Internet Threat and Online Seduction on Lovefraud.com.
4. Predators are often charming.
If you meet someone who is glib, charismatic and has a quick answer to every question, be aware that these traits may indicate excellent social skills—or a psychopath. Pay close attention to what is actually being said. Are there gaps or inconsistencies? Is the person evasive? Does the person change plans or break promises—and always has an excuse? If you’re nodding your head, proceed with caution. For more information, see Key Symptoms on Lovefraud.com.
5. Watch for the pity play.
According to Martha Stout, author of The Sociopath Next Door, the best clue that you are dealing with a sociopath is an appeal to your sympathy. If you’re dealing with someone who tries to make you feel sorry for him or her, blaming other people or “the system” for his or her problems, consider it a warning that the person may be a sociopath. For more information, see The Pity Play on Lovefraud.com.
6. Predators are often great in bed.
Many people who were involved with sociopaths have told Lovefraud that the sex was amazing. Sociopaths are often skilled lovers for two reasons: First, with an excessive need for stimulation, they are hard-wired for sex. Second, they get a lot of practice, often with anyone who comes along. In reality, sociopaths want only two things: sex and power. They do not feel love.
7. Do not ignore red flags.
Maybe something seems wrong but you can’t put your finger on it. Perhaps there’s a nagging feeling in your gut. Pay attention. Do not let him or her explain away your doubts. Do not tell yourself he or she has gotten a raw deal and your love is the solution. To avoid becoming the victim of a predator, your instincts are your best defense.
Coping,
yep, me too. I’m a fixer, trying to learn to get over it.
One day, I’ll learn to just let go and let God.
Milo,
I understand your concern about Grand. Personally, I doubt I would have come up with that plan, being the control freak that I was.
J doesn’t use drama at all. In fact, he is so quiet and withdrawn that it seems like he’s just a lump on the couch with no thought going on at all. I think the genius in his plan is that he pretended not to care about anything. He never shows any emotion. He just shrugs and tokes on his pipe and sits in his chair.
The kid is in his 20’s now and he’s a great kid, really good looking and a hard worker. The only thing his dad complains about is his computer addiction.
This is the kid whose birth delivery I paid for when they were broke in 1986.
Well done, sky!
Skylar,
Wow! it’s all I can say. God Bless you!
I recently read a chilling website about an author named Anthony D. Parnell who exhibits narcissistic sociopathic sex addict traits. It’s http://www.anthonydparnell.com. This website should be read and passed to all women who date online or live in the Los Angeles or Pasadena area.
http://www.anthonydparnell.com
Anthony D. Parnell
It’s funny that someone should mention the “rope” theory. That’s what I’m thinking will happen in the cause with my son’s gf. If was all give her enough rope, she’ll hang herself. I’m allowing my son to do all the talking to me. I have not told him anything that I’ve learned about this girl’s history or pattern of behavior.
I honestly don’t know for sure how the situation with the baby will be handled now that she is in treatment. I did learn that she isn’t in treatment only on Wednesdays but has to go to the treatment center every weekday and is there from 8:00 to 12:00. I know this particular treatment center has a special program for expectant mothers. I HOPE that she is receiving counseling in addition to medication to get her off the drugs. She has also lost her job which explains why my son keeps talking about how he can no longer afford this or that. He told me that he has quit smoking cigarettes because he can’t afford them…which is a good thing.
I’ve also started to reconsider taking the baby unless I am approach by child services about it as they approached us when we assumed custody of my husband’s brother’s kids for a few months. That was a totally different situation and basically boiled down to a teenage girl in a attempt to escape adhering to any rules set for her by her parents. Another little spath in the making? Thank goodness, the judge saw what she was up to, returned her and her younger sister to my husband’s brother and wife and warned the teen that her next trip wouldn’t be to her uncle’s or grandma’s house but straight to a juvenile detention center! So far, she’s been on good behavior and following the household rules. I hope she learned a lesson.
I’m just going to wait this thing out. I, too, have a life to live and for now, have to trust that my son really is on top of things with the gf and will call on us if he should need legal help or parental advice with the girl out of the pic. I can’t really see the girl fighting too hard for the baby. A baby would be a huge inconvenience to her lifestyle and she has no family support…they have washed their hands of her.
Tami, where you say you can’t see her fighting too hard for the baby, I can see her fighting for the baby as a possession and as a way to get pity and money…milo’s daughter doesn’t want the Grandson either, and doesn’t want the 2 year old she has, and MiLo will not take on the 2 year old, but yet the dtr comes back and comes back saying she WANTS visitation, custody, etc. of the Grandson, just to keep the drama stirred up.
The DRAMA RAMA is important to them and she will use that poor child as a ticket to play the GAMES….otherwise she might not be the center of attention that she craves to be.
This is how they keep connected to us by children or other family members that we love and care for, it TIES us to them unless we can sever that tie which in some cases is like cutting off a limb with a rusty butcher knife.
Some psychopaths will go away, but Ones like the woman you have described will most likely NOT go away…a baby wouldn’t cramp her style..she would just neglect it and go on with her life the way she wants to live it. She wouldn’t care. YOU would care if a baby were hungry or wet, or cold or scared, but SHE wouldn’t even realize it much less care.
Oxy ~ Yep, yep and yep. Look at Casey Anthony, she never let that little girl get in her way. She didn’t kill the child to get her out of the way, she did it to HURT her parents. Otherwise, she would have just given the child to her parents.
I agree with you Milo, don’t know if you remember the one where the black girl had 2 babies, and she smothered them, put them in her car in car seats and drove her vehicle into a creek, then said she accidentlly drove into a creek and poor babies drowned (Al la Susan Smith) but of course no water in their lungs….she did it it turned out because HER MOTHER TOLD HER SHE WASN’T A GOOD MOTHER AND SHE SHOULD STEP UP AND BE A GOOD MOTHER TO HER KIDS….DUH! I mean WOW!!!! So she decided to get rid of the kids the “easy” way and she wouldn’t have to “be a good mother.”
I agree with you on why Casey killed her daughter, but I also think that Casey’s mom is highly disordered as well. Not sure about the father, but I think that the Casey/Mom relationship is a GASOLINE AND FIRE ONE of two disordered people vying for CONTROL and the kid was the pawn in the control game.
If you look back at Scot Petersen’s mom, I think she is just as disordered as he is, and he decided he didn’t want a “family.” My guess is, and I have no proof of this, that BEHIND the scenes, that he was very abusive to Laci, and Laci was trying to keep up the pretense that “we have a lovely relationship and marriage” because that was SO IMPORTANT to her. I think she was big time in denial and may have confronted him and set him off in a rage the day he killed her. It is also possible that he planned the killing in advance (making the weights out of concrete etc) but he is such a typical psychopath I think from reading his sister’s book, and the other things I’ve read…his plans to flee, his playing GOLF the day she was being searched for (proving to me that he didn’t GET how to act in a situation like that)
Oxy ~ I do remember that case, just because the mother was putting pressure on her to do what she should be doing. I believe that is just what Casey Anthony’s mother was doing just prior to the killing. I think she was telling Casey to quit depending on her to babysit and take care of her own kid. There was a point where we tried that with my daughter, thinking MAKING her take the responsibility, instead of us, would MAKE her be a mother. That had the same kind of results as with Casey, she simply took him along, left him with whoever had a pulse, etc. It was the worst thing we could have done.
I do agree with you, I think the whole Anthony family is disordered. He was in law enforcement very close to us and I have heard rumors that he was not at all liked and given a choice to leave or get fired. Don’t know if it is true. I would not trust any of them. I bought the book by Jeff Ashton, the prosecutor, “Imperfect Justice”. I haven’t been in the right frame of mind to read it yet, but it keeps staring at me. I see so many similarities to my daughter, it is creepy.
Then there are all these babies and toddlers disappearing out of their cribs, car seats – I know the media is all over these like never before – but – I am wondering if it is not the “Casey Anthony Effect” – they actually believe they can get away with it. The one I heard of last night – Mom has 6 kids and just ready to give birth to twins – 3 year old missing out of crib – mom drives around looking for her for over 2 hours before calling police – give me a break.
Milo, Yea, those crafty 3 year olds that run away from home! Have to drive around to find them walking the streets with a joint or going to a dance or trying to steala car.
You might be right about the “casey” effect….
What you talked about your daughter leaving Grand all over the place reminds me of one where a woman that I think was a P had a daughter I definitely believe was a P, a known drug addict too, left her daughter with some drug buddies to go out to score, and one of the drug buddies put a tube up the 2 year old to get CLEAN URINE for his urine test….when the parents came back to get her she was bleeding from between the legs and they took her to the ER where she was seized by CPS and the parents arrested…then later the drug buddy was arrested, and the kid’s grandmother was SCREAMING about how bad CPS was to take the kid away. It is difficult for us to fathom the mindset of these people, at least it is for me. This same woman has another son who is in prison….