As human beings, we all want love and companionship in our lives. It’s a basic human need, right up there with the needs for food, water and shelter. When we are lacking an intimate relationship, most of us try to fill the empty space. That leads to dating.
Here is what you need to know about dating and predators.
1. Evil exists.
What the evil is called—psychopath, sociopath, antisocial personality disorder, narcissist—really doesn’t matter. There are evil people out there, and they can be found in all segments of society—rich, poor, male, female, all races, all religions, all communities. They look like everyone else, but they are predators.
2. If you are dating, you are a target.
As an unattached person, you’re probably feeling a bit lonely—that’s why you’re looking for dates. This is natural and understandable. What you need to realize is that predators specialize in targeting lonely people. They know exactly how to find this vulnerability and exploit it by seeming to take the loneliness away. They shower you with attention, flatter you and promise you a lifetime of happiness—exactly what you’re looking for.
3. Meeting people on the Internet is extremely dangerous.
Yes, there are normal people on dating sites. But there are also predators, and communicating via the computer you do not have the tools you need to spot them. Most of the true meaning of conversation comes from nonverbal cues—voice, facial expression and body language. None of that is available in an e-mail. So what do you do? You fill in the missing pieces with your imagination, and the person becomes what you want him or her to be. You fall in love with a fantasy. For more information, see Internet Threat and Online Seduction on Lovefraud.com.
4. Predators are often charming.
If you meet someone who is glib, charismatic and has a quick answer to every question, be aware that these traits may indicate excellent social skills—or a psychopath. Pay close attention to what is actually being said. Are there gaps or inconsistencies? Is the person evasive? Does the person change plans or break promises—and always has an excuse? If you’re nodding your head, proceed with caution. For more information, see Key Symptoms on Lovefraud.com.
5. Watch for the pity play.
According to Martha Stout, author of The Sociopath Next Door, the best clue that you are dealing with a sociopath is an appeal to your sympathy. If you’re dealing with someone who tries to make you feel sorry for him or her, blaming other people or “the system” for his or her problems, consider it a warning that the person may be a sociopath. For more information, see The Pity Play on Lovefraud.com.
6. Predators are often great in bed.
Many people who were involved with sociopaths have told Lovefraud that the sex was amazing. Sociopaths are often skilled lovers for two reasons: First, with an excessive need for stimulation, they are hard-wired for sex. Second, they get a lot of practice, often with anyone who comes along. In reality, sociopaths want only two things: sex and power. They do not feel love.
7. Do not ignore red flags.
Maybe something seems wrong but you can’t put your finger on it. Perhaps there’s a nagging feeling in your gut. Pay attention. Do not let him or her explain away your doubts. Do not tell yourself he or she has gotten a raw deal and your love is the solution. To avoid becoming the victim of a predator, your instincts are your best defense.
behind_blue_eyes
Ox;
Its all part of their predatory nature. Certainly, one can’t be serious about meeting somebody for a relationship when every detail in your profile is wrong, accept for your Zodiac sign, lol!
Thus, I have to believe he is either simply looking for quick sex and that whoever he meets will forgive these transgression of facts and photos, or he is just online chatting with no real intention of meeting anyone.
I don’t get these people. I certainly had no problems with his appearance when I met him.
Louise
I absolutely believe the wife should know. If it were me, I would want to know. And like EB said, the main point is that she knows and then it’s up to her to do as she wishes with the information. What everyone said here is true. Sometimes she may not make a move right then, but years later could end up leaving the spath usually after she ends up catching him herself. Sometimes they still never divorce, but there again, it’s up to the wife if she wants to stay or not. It’s her decision and her marriage, but at least she will be informed.
zimzoomit
Hello, again LF friends..just checking in. Any of you checked out the registered sex offenders on http://www.homefacts.com/offender-detail/? I would send that link to as many of your friends as you can, so they’ll know how many registered sex offenders are in their area. As I read the newspaper this morning, about how Catholic priests (Philadelphia area) are going to trial, I then went to the homefacts.com site, to see how many registered sex offenders were in Philly. Turns out, twice as many as in D.C…almost 2,000. Wonder how many of those were sexually abused as kids, by priests?
zim
Ox Drover
Zim, good to see you.
Most of the people who are abused do not become abusers, only some do. Thank goodness.
What’s up with you? I tried your link and it didn’t work, but I will see if I can go to home facts dot com and get their lists.
Ox Drover
Zim, I went to http://www.homefacts.com and then went to their offenders page and ZAP it brought him up along with 91 other offenders in his town.
behind_blue_eyes
Regarding Internet dating, although this really could be true of any dating, be on guard to men who either by choice or profession spend a lot of time at home. The concept of a “homebody” may seem at first attractive but it also enables a lot of free time to prowl the internet.
A real red flag would be the “homebody” male who does not seem to have many interests, hobbies, or organizational involvement.
Also, maybe this falls under the “maybe something seems wrong but you can’t put your finger on it. Perhaps there’s a nagging feeling in your gut…” category but I think “evasiveness” should be a red flag unto itself.
The Internet predator is evasive about personal details. The can be so evasive that it extends to non-Internet situations. For example, you meet an Internet predator at a party and in the course of the conversation ask where he lives. A normal person would respond with specific detail “Main Street near Maple.” The predator will say “the south side’ or might even lie in person.
skylar
BBE,
well women naturally are evasive about telling people they don’t know, where they live. It’s just good common sense!
Still, a predator, depending on his plans for you, will lie and use the 180 rule. He’ll say south side if he lives to the north.
Their lies are 180 degrees the opposite of the truth. It’s amazing how spaths do that. Everything about them is backwards.
silvermoon
The more interesting the explanation, the less likely it is true!
Lol!
behind_blue_eyes
Skylar;
I was referring more to men, who typically are not evasive. I have never in my life met a nonsociopath who was evasive regarding his residence.
But in the last three years I met two people who were evasive and both are sociopaths.
behind_blue_eyes
I musr laugh at your 180 degree comment and north vs south side as my ex spath does exactly that.