It took millions of years for our species to evolve from apes to modern humans, and during those years we spent a lot of time fleeing for our lives. Our very survival depended upon being able to sense danger from predators. We still have the ability to sense danger, although today it comes not from saber-toothed tigers, but from human predators, aka sociopaths.
This protective sense is our intuition, which is part instinctive knowing, and part physical reaction. Our bodies tell us when someone or a situation poses a threat. Here are eight ways that our bodies warn us of danger:
1 . Fear. This is the ultimate warning sign. If you are ever suddenly gripped by fear when someone is in your presence, consider it the strongest possible warning.
2. Chills. If someone looks at you like you’re the next meal, and the hair on the back of your neck stands up, you could be reacting to a sociopath’s predatory stare.
3. Difficulty breathing. When you find it hard to take deep, even breaths around the person, it’s probably because something about their behavior is profoundly troublesome.
4. Crying. When your interactions with this person frequently bring you to tears, know that this is not normal. It’s a warning that something is terribly amiss.
5. Pounding heart. This may not be excitement or attraction. It may signify that deep down, you’re afraid.
6. Upset stomach. If you feel nauseous around a person, or when you think about certain interactions that you’ve had with the person, perhaps your internal compass is sending you a message.
7. Nightmares. If you have bad dreams while involved with a person, or you have difficulty sleeping, pay attention. Something is interfering with your rest.
8. Nagging feeling. You have a sense that something is wrong, but you can’t identify what it is. Your inner self knows there is a problem, and is trying to get your attention.
Pay attention to physical warning signs
The key to escaping sociopaths is to pay attention when you experience warning signs like these. Unfortunately, we often don’t listen to ourselves.
One Lovefraud reader told me that a stranger walked into her office, and she was immediately terrified. Instead of recognizing the internal warning, the woman berated herself for being paranoid. So rather than avoid the man, she accepted his overtures and started dating him. Well, he was a sociopath, and the relationship turned out to be a complete nightmare.
Most people experience warning signs early in an involvement, but don’t know what they mean. In the Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey, I asked a question about this. I asked, “Did you have an intuition or gut instinct early in the involvement that there was something wrong with the person or the relationship?” An astounding 71 percent of survey respondents answered yes. But 40 percent of respondents ignored their intuition and continued with the relationship — much to their later regret.
So if you instinctively have a bad reaction to someone, don’t chide yourself for being judgmental or paranoid. Don’t tell yourself that everyone deserves a chance and you should be open-minded. There is a reason for your reaction, even if you don’t know what it is right away.
If you can’t avoid the person altogether, at least be wary. Your intuition is probably trying to warn you of danger.
What warning signs did you experience?
Did you have physical or internal warnings when you first encountered the sociopath? If so, please share what you experienced by posting a comment below.
Dangerous Liaisons: Is his goal to break me?
Mine was: Upset stomach, my gut was not in balance, telling me something is wrong, and so many doubts afterwards. All this I ignored as was in some situation with a job, and not take attention.
goodwoman – at least now you know how your body is likely to warn you. If you feel these symptoms again, you will know to pay attention.
I am a janitor at a major facility in my area. Part of my job is to go into offices and pull their trash. When I go into this one man’s office, I suddenly have a difficult time catching my breath. I have changed my route to experiment with this. I never had difficulty breathing until I got to his office. So I have him last now. He talks to me here and there, mostly in the employee break room when there’s no one else around. I get a nervous feeling and avoid eye contact on these occasions. He doesn’t ask very personal questions. Mostly small talk. He seems like a nice guy. Very quiet and not extremely social. I should mention that there seems to be a bit of attraction from both of our parts. I am wondering, in my opinion, if my reactions are signs of attraction or a warning. All of the signs I have experienced are difficulty breathing, nervousness, avoiding eye contact, increased heart rate and that “lump in the throat” feeling.
lperk10 – It sounds to me like your body is warning you of danger. I think you should pay attention and keep any interaction with him to a minimum.
I got out of a 13 relationship with a nassisict person.
I was really drained and did was he had control of me in every way possible. I found comfort with someone else and found out he wanted money and things did not feel right with him.
No again I am in a relationship and again he keeps twisting ways in taking money from me. Despite me telling him my mind is in a delicate place at the moment he shows he cares but then throws in the conversation that he needs money.
I have been reading stuff of on nassisict people and love bombing and I feel like he did love bomb me and gave me so much attention and now does not he gives me an excuse of his work.
But things don’t seem right I already gave him alot of money and he keeps talking to me to get married and how we have a connection but something does not feel right.
I keep getting myself into these relationships with men that are really needy they all seem similar in many ways.
I am confused please experienced people help me. 😢
Trusting your instincts is a learned art. So many of us have been told all our lives “You shouldn’t feel that way.” “You are overreacting”. “Don’t be so dramatic.” We learn to stuff down those alarms and feelings and gut reactions in order to “fit in” or “get along.” But looking back we realize – much too late – that we were right. It takes courage to trust yourself when all your training says not to. It takes strength to say NO. And it takes time to learn how to do that. Your gut is working just fine — you see the red flags. You recognize the boundary-crossing. Now you have to find the strength to run. Take time out from dating. Get away from the temptations. Work on your inner self for now. You are healing from a huge trauma – being mentally abused for 13 years. You need to work through the pain and grief and shame and self-doubts. Keep reading the stories and advice on this forum – it WILL help. One day you will wake up knowing what you know — that you ARE courageous. And strong. And wise. And ready to find your One – the one who respects your boundaries, who gives you space, who guides but does not demand, who offers himself as a companion and helpmate, not as a dictator and sponge. Stay strong and take the time. Blessings.
I have more examples (to my regret..). I’ll give one of them.
This was with a woman I fell deeply in love with (ofcourse) in my mid-twenties. She was all over me heading right to her target; me.
All the passion was there and the ‘deep’ talks we held about eachothers past and dreams.
What concerned me a bit quite soon were her ongoing, very negative stories about her parents. People I never met at the time. I told her I was eager to meet them anyway if they and she were ready. For now we were getting serious a meeting could not be avoided in the future, whatever the outcome was my reasoning. She told me they were not interested in meeting me and objected her relationship with me profoundly. Telling her I must be a liar, manipulator without the real faith.
This way she kept me away from meeting her parents for nearly half a year.
Till her mother (and father) send me a very nice letter where they invited me to have dinner at their home as means to get to know eachother.
My ‘lover’ was startled with the letter and objected a lot, stating this was only a trick from her parents to fool me about who they really were and to set me up
It felt strange. But I insisted on excepting the invitation with the obvious guarenty I would never let her down in front of anyone, including her parents.
She had to give up her resistence.
So there we went for diner with her parents. The first time I met them after ~8 months in the relationship. I recall they were quite nervous but very gentle and accepting to me. My ‘lover’ seemed not nervous at all which wondered me.
She had dressed-up very sexy for the occasion with high-heels, net-stockings, a mini-mini skirt and a very provocative purple shirt with many holes in it which almost covered nothing. I sensed this was all very wrong and opposed but I promised to stay by her side supporting the way she liked to handle this meeting.
What a grave mistake ofcourse.
The moment we walked in to her parents house this way I felt kind of embarrased. I’m sure her parents felt the same. In this instand she had us all where she wanted us to be. Submissive, embarrassed, totally confused and so in complete control.
Then the dinner started. Her farther started with his prayers to the Lord.
While doing this she put a foot between my legs under the table pushing and turning, while ‘praying’ with closed eyes. I was completely confused. I ‘knew’ her by then for ~8 months and I knew her sometimes strange sexual quirks which I loved in a way also. But this was something else I didn’t like at all.
She was obviously playing the situation (in hindsight) to keep the rest of us utterly confused. The situation got very tense. She’d got us all on a string. No-one dared to speak up. Too confused.
Then the final shocking devaluation/manipulation occured. Her mother served us a pan with sausages. She immediatally shouted; ‘What the fuck are you serving know! A bunch of dog-penisses?!
I was completely shocked. Chills ran over my spine. Couldn’t accept the reality of what happened. Completely confused by this woman I ‘knew’ for ~8 months.
Complicated excusses and explanations from her followed but her behaviour became even more eradic. Seducing my younger brother to make nude pictures of her without my consent. Steeling all kinds of stuff in shops just for the fun of it and then show me with pride. There’s a lot more to mention.
But I hanged on to her for almost another year after the ‘dinner’.
I had to stop this relationship because I realized I would go insane if I continued. Not because of awareness of psychopathy/sociopathy.
I knew deep inside I had to cut her off clean and simple without any further specific explanation (I tried so many times before discussing with her). So I did. I gathered all my courage and went to her home. Just telling her I was done with her/us. I couldn’t take anymore. Plain and simple.
She reacted by throwing herself at me with her body, telling me she loved me so much. It was hard. Then she started to undress herself naked offering her body to me. This was probably the hardest test for she was so beautifull and knew all my sexual ‘weak spots’.
I refused and left her naked on the bed she presented herself on. I remember I gave her a kiss on the forehead as a last goodbye then walked out of her house.
The next thing I remember is she yelling at me by her opened window how a loser and sucker I am while walking to my car.
Underway I called her parents to give them the news and to keep an eye on her for I was still worried what she could do. She had threatened with a theatrical suicide-gesture before.
But all in all what happened I found out very soon later..
Right after I left she called my younger brother. He came right over and stayed the same night. Two days later they declared to me they had a relationship now.
This was the psychopathic bitch revenge to me. I didn’t let provoke myself by her or him. I went into a deep depression for several excruding months. Than slowly climbed back. Their relationship ended after my brother found out she had used his money to pay for a vacation to Hungary with a friend she never had talked about (either the vacation or the friend).
When he confronted her with this she just disgarded him without any remorse or explanation.
She did an awfull lot of damage. Me and my younger brother never found connection anymore. Her smear-campaining in my social circle at the time has been so effective that even today I feel the consequences around me at times.
She’s still around and sometimes I see her. Her precense is just the same; entitled look, extravert appearence, craving attention and playing the ‘victim’ when it suits her. It still works for her as it worked on me and others.
IMO a typical psychopath in hindsight.
I missed cutting her off after that ‘dinner’ right away. All my gut-feelings and objective observations told me I had to quit afterwards. But I didn’t listen.
It has cost me dearly even when it only lasted ~1 1/2 years.
If you are not aware a psychopath/sociopath can destroy in much lesser time.
torro2006 – what a painful story! I am so sorry for everything you went through. I hope the information here on Lovefraud is helping you to heal.
Thank you Donna. I found your excellent site again and was again gripped by some stories I read.
This one example of mine happened many years ago. I just liked to share to give your readers an example of the kind of tactics a sociopath can use. I would call her’s; ‘shock-tactics’. I’ve learned many of these psychopathic types use this tactics one way or the other. ‘Love bombing’ could also be considered a kind of ‘shock-tactic’ in my view.
It’s quite deliberate behavior with the goal to sweep people of their feet, to confuse them. Leaving them speachless and defenceless at the time. To keep- or gain control over them.
I also learned (much later) my vulnerabiity for being targeted by those types and to tolerate their absurd behaviour far too long, stemmed from my upbringing for a great deal. Being raised by a psychopathic mother.
In my recent comment to ‘Matt’ I explained a bit about this.
Also this comment was only meant to validate and give an example.
‘Matt’ showed tremendous courage, empathy and wisdom in her story.
To me her story is also a good example how ‘live-saving’ the validation and explaning of an expert can be (in her case a psychiatrist).
Not many victims are (were) that lucky to encounter such a ‘saviour’ in time (which is still mostly too late, but better late then never..).
I also learned that ‘healing’ in it’s true sense, is a mission impossible in these cases. The damage inflicted on you is like an arm being shot off during a combat. Sooner or later you’ll have to accept you’ve lost your arm and it will never ‘heal’. You’l have to make the best of it now and avoid any ‘combat’ like this in the future.
Maybe it’s a suggestion to do a topic on ‘Shock-tactics’. I believe most sociopaths/psychopaths use this tactics by default.
Maybe you’ve done this topic before but I cann’t find it on your site.
In my view it’s a hallmark of sociopathic/psychopathic behaviour/manipulation.
Than again. Thanks for your validating, live-changing/saving efforts with your excellent site.
I had a nagging feeling something was wrong but decided to shrug it off since he was a kind, benevolent, single father to his girl. We’d met years ago while working overseas, and he was my hero. He is a university professor and entrepreneur.
In reality, the man uses his kid for public kudos and to get arm candies. He disappeared mid-conversation with photos of me and my 5-year-old daughter that he got by mirroring me. He used this tactic together with feigning ignorance and hoovering several times throughout our correspondence to gather as much data about me as possible.
When I was hooked, he abruptly withdrew affection and subjected me to a prolonged silent treatment. When I called him out from sheer desperation, he attacked me with my personal information, making it clear that if I speak up he’ll ruin my reputation. Although he still holds incredible power over me, I am grateful to my friends for protecting me from this man.
Chris2601 – so many people have done what you did – overrode the warnings they were receiving from their bodies. We aren’t taught to trust our intuition, which is a shame, because our intuition is our best protection against sociopaths. I hope this experience helps you learn to trust what your body tells you.
Wow great topic!
Yes I had several intuitive warning signs.
The very first time I saw my husband he was sitting at a bar with his back toward me. I had not seen his front side and never had had any interaction with him. He was a random stranger sitting with his back to me at a bar. My first instinct was “what an asshole” before any interaction and before he even turned around and noticed me. Of course I pushed it away and forgot immediately once he turned around and I saw how handsome and charming he was.
Also during the last year or so of our marriage I stopped getting my period. I took a pregnancy test but it was negative. I went to see my doctor and she said maybe you need a break from the pill so I did and we used condoms instead. Later I found out he was cheating on me with prostitutes, sometimes multiple in a day. The condoms ended up protecting me from STD’s.