Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a woman whom we’ll call “Carlotta.”
I started out close friends with a man married to a sociopathic woman, which later turned into a romantic relationship.
This woman was evil to the core. He attempted to divorce her multiple times, but to no avail.
She always used manipulation to get him back. Once back, she wipes all the money out that I helped him save. She took every, every penny he had and left him with nothing.
He made very good money, plus got a pension to boot. She would take everything for herself. His bank accounts never had more than a few dollars in it. She took out multiple loans in his name (she conned him into signing for them), which he never saw a dime of.
She keeps him locked in the house. He’s only allowed out to go to work, where she times him on when he gets there and gets home. He’s not allowed to leave work for lunch, as she gives him a jar of peanut butter to last him for the month. She’s constantly telling him how ugly he is and what a bad person he is.
I helped him escape and get away. I helped him open up his own bank account. (The other one she had her name on it.)
I helped him get his own apartment and save money for himself.
I even helped him get an attorney to go after all the money she has taken from him over the years.
But within a few months, she manipulated him back. She pretends like she accepted everything, then she calls him constantly at work crying about how much she misses him and can’t live without him.
She even says she will kill herself if he doesn’t come back.
Once back, she wipes out his bank accounts and all the money I helped him save.
She also uses sexual seduction to lure him. She then goes ahead and puts her name on there and continues to take everything he earns leaving him with nothing.
He left her 6 times over a year and a half, with my help, but she doesn’t let go.
She’s tries every manipulative tactic out there. She’s nice for a few weeks until she gets him hooked again.
She also controls everything he does ”¦ what he eats, what he wears. He did not even know how to dress himself when he left her. I had to prepare his clothes.
He did not even know when he got paid as she had so much control over his money.
I’m also believing he’s a little sociopathic himself. After all I’ve done to help him, he left suddenly for no reason or explanation when I was at the store. That morning he was saying he wanted to marry me.
He never even told me why he left. He won’t even speak to me now, and I did nothing. I was always very good to him, and only wanted the best for him.
I helped his save thousands after only a few months. He would go back to her and she would wipe out everything.
He would come back to me sometimes with $10 or $12 (the cycle happened 6 times over a year and a half). It’s very sad.
But he would become like her once back with her. He would become very evil. The only communication I have had with him since was when he brought his sociopathic wife to my apartment that I share with him to antagonize me.
The police were called multiple times, who told him to keep her away and get a police escort if he wants anything, but he kept on bringing her back even as the police warned him not to. The police were called again and again and again.
There were always different police officers every time. But because there was no restraining order, and he was technically on the lease, there was nothing that they can do, but keep her outside if he wanted to get anything.
He would also send me very rude threatening text messages when all I did was help him away from the abuse.
He makes $14,000/ month, and she takes everything for herself. She also maxed out the equity of the house of hundreds of thousands of dollars of loans and second mortgages, which he never saw a dime of, but he still owes.
He used to get $100/month allowance, but now he only gets a few dollars if he’s good and obeys her while she keeps him prisoner in the house.
I know this sounds like a made up story but it’s really the truth.
But what I can’t understands his that he escapes and has a chance at a normal life with a decent person, but he always runs back to her, only to want to escape again.
He is also at retirement age, and doesn’t even have a savings account even though he makes over $200,000/year. She takes it all for herself.
He actually just contacted me yesterday wanting to get back together and I just can’t do it anymore.
This woman doesn’t let go, she’s like a leech and I’m the one who’s constantly getting hurt. I’ve taken him back six times in a year and a half.
He doesn’t really want to be with her, but he says he doesn’t know what comes over him she just gets control over him and lures him back and then he realizes he made a mistake.
I’m sure I’ve met sociopaths through the years, but to see one up close is just truly mindboggling. Such an evil monster.
Donna Andersen responds
Carlotta,
Unfortunately, your friend is under mind control. All of the strategies his wife uses are right out of the mind control playbook. These techniques are typically used by cult leaders, and this woman leads a cult of one person her husband.
I doubt he is sociopathic, but when he is under her influence his behavior may look that way.
In order to leave he will need competent psychological support.
Once You’re Hooked by a Sociopath, Expect Double Standards–Remember It’s All About Them
Have you corroborated what his wife is doing from another source? If the only source of information about what she does is from him, it may or it may not be true.
Keep in mind that he walked out on you when you were at the store, and that he sent you a threatening text. He keeps cycling through leaving his marriage, taking your time and money, and then going back to the marriage.
Consider that if you are getting hurt and he is not really being helped by your involvement, that it may be best for you not to give him your time or money. You might consider not getting involved in a romantic relationship with him unless he has been out of his marriage and on his own for a year or so. If he is using the age old scam of bad mouthing his wife to his extra marital relationships, backing off for awhile will help protect you.
If you recognize sociopathic traits in him, he is probably not good for you. Most important is that in the long run he is not contributing to your well being.
I feel your pain and I’m sympathetic. I know it hurts.
But you’re placing the blame on this man’s wife for your difficulties with him. You have his side of the story. Maybe hers is a little different.
He’s married and he’s cheating. So he has zero credibility. He’s mean to you. It’s not a healthy relationship. You deserve a nice man who doesn’t have 1 foot out the door.
I hope that you can put a period here and move on. You deserve so much better.
Girlfriend, I think, instead of worrying about why he’s going back to her, you should concern yourself with why you are even remotely interested in him. He is not healthy and you are probably codependent. The definition of insanity is continuing to do the same thing expecting different results. You’re pointing it out for him, but you really need to look in the mirror. Not trying to be mean, just trying to wake you up. He’s toxic. She’s toxic and you’re addicted to it.