I remember the last Thanksgiving holiday with my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery.
We were fighting. He kept telling me money would come in from his business venture, and it wasn’t happening. As we drove to my family’s house for Thanksgiving dinner, I was still steaming. The thought popped into my head, “All I want is my money back, and then I’ll get a divorce.”
I surprised myself. It was the first time I thought about divorce.
I never did get my money back. In fact, with all that was taken from me, I had to declare bankruptcy. Still, on this Thanksgiving Day 19 years later, I have much to be grateful for.
I am grateful to know the truth.
My ex-husband is a sociopath, my entire marriage was a scam, and I was just one of his many victims. The truth is painful, but it is much better than being in the dark.
I am grateful for wisdom.
I now know that sociopaths exist. I am now armed with the knowledge that up to 16% of the population have serious personality disorders, and I am vigilant to keep them out of my life.
I am grateful for love.
I was shattered by my ex-husband’s betrayal. But what, exactly, was shattered? My mistaken ideas and internal defenses that kept me from finding love. With my recovery, I was able to truly love, and my new husband, Terry Kelly, and I have been together for 16 happy years.
I am grateful for all of you.
Lovefraud gives me purpose; it makes everything I went through worthwhile. I am honored to be of service to you, and I thank you for your support.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Overcoming the residual fear from sociopathic abuse — two steps forward, one step back
yes, grateful for the truth.
I am grateful for you, Donna, and this site.
Thank you.
I could never have made it this far into my recovery without you and Lovefraud. I am forever grateful. Hugs to you, Donna.
Thank you all so much for your kind words. Knowing that Lovefraud helps so many people is very gratifying.
I am happy, that you not only healed your life, but that you found a new,trustworthy, faithful love, which has lasted 16 years. I’ve been divorced 17 years. I have learned to ‘see’ others who are either psychopath themselves, or just plain ‘jerks’ to be avoided at all costs. I have yet to find (or be found) by someone who ISNT psycopathic or a jerk. I may be lonely at times, but I will NOT be fooled or taken in again. Life is too short to go ’round that racetrack’ again.
but, my Thanksgiving this year, was dinner by myself at a steakhouse. and, later in the day, a phone call from an oldest son, who was going to his brother’s house for a family gathering that I didnt know about, or was invited to. it hurt very badly to hear him say that. I did, however, ‘call him out’ and asked WHY I wasnt notified. His responses were vague, but at least I called him out. Im NOT stupid.
It’s understandable that it was hurtful to you that you weren’t included in the gathering. Did you let your sons know before the holiday that you would have liked to join them? Perhaps they weren’t aware that you didn’t have plans. You might consider that there may have been some complexities in their TG dinner arrangements involving other guests and space limitations. You might keep in mind that others do have the right to include or not include whom they choose, just as you have that right in your life. It may not be a kind choice on their part, but it sounds like your son cared about you to call. It sounds like he didn’t think it would be helpful to go into the details of why you were omitted.
Maybe you could host a gathering for the holiday so that you can enjoy the company of those you’d like to spend time with. If some of the people whom you’d like to invite have plans, you might schedule your gathering before or after the actual TG day.
Or, you could invite other people who may be at loose ends on the holiday to join you in your plans, even if you don’t know them very well. I’ve found that reaching out in that way has sometimes led to lasting friendships, and even if not it was usually a good time. If they didn’t turn out to be good company I still had the benefit of knowing I made their holiday better for them.
I am also very grateful for Donna and lovefraud. It has been tremendously helpful in dealing with toxic people. I spent thanksgiving with friends and had a very nice time.