Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call “Lisa19.”
We met at my best friend’s 5-year wedding anniversary party. He was a friend of her husband. She is a trust fund kid, and worth multi-millions. My ex had clearly come especially to that party in New York, from his home in Virginia, to find his next target, while still technically married to his 2nd wife.
I was “the best friend,” who happened to be single. He was charming in the extreme and I practically fell in love with him that night. He sunk his claws in exactly on purpose.
We had a 1 year long-distance relationship which consisted primarily of him visiting me at my condo in Florida. Once he proposed, I moved to Virginia. It was a culture shock, since I’m Jewish and had grown up in NYC, lived in LA, and Miami, and not in a conservative, uptight suburb of Washington DC.
I made the best of it and tried to fit in. He had imported me, probably because he had burned a lot of local bridges, and needed “fresh meat” supply, and someone who would believe the entire BS image he was conveying to me. My parents paid 40+K for a wedding in their club in NYC. I paid for the honeymoon, wedding bands, IVF, and got pregnant with triplets!
When they wanted me to “reduce” to 1, my husband took me to dinner, held my hands, looked into my eyes, and promised to take care of ALL of us. He never did that. He was a liar, fraud, con artist from the start. He bled me dry of every last penny I had, and continued a lavish, debauched, addicted lifestyle behind my back, and the backs of our children.
He did this while using very expensive couples counseling as a cover for his sordid life, that he continued to lie directly into my face about, and pretend to a whole slew of new 20-something/ partying friends that he had this “crazy wife.” There is not a crazy bone in my body. Oddly this was confirmed in writing by my psychiatrist who prescribes my ADHD medication, when we were in therapy.
He refused to submit to an evaluation. Always did. He owes $2M, including 200K to me, yet just bought an LR4 Range Rover. This is 100% a sign of being an emotionless sociopath. Zero savings for his 11-year old triplets, but constant trips to “his” bartender at the Mandarin Oriental for drinks, a boat, the new car, frequent trips; like New Orleans for Mardi Gras, while refusing to pay for 4 days of summer camp.
I have primary custody, and have to work full-time to support my kids who he sees every other weekend. I have to bite my tongue so they can maintain a good relationship with their “Facebook Dad.” He just uses them for photo ops- so he can save face/ look good to friends who keep buying his fake facade.
He uses people for money, or sex, or something business related. He used me and gaslit me until there was nothing left.
I have triumphed and am flourishing, but having to co-parent with him is infuriating because he still tries to pull his same old sh*t. I’m patiently waiting for Karma to come.
There are so many vile back stories/ tangents etc., this could be a multi-espisode horror series. Running a legal services business while dabbling in whores, porn, multiple affairs —including one with my friend/professional organizer— who attempted to elbow her way into all my friends…, buying cars for college students, gambling at MGM, coming home wasted at 3-5am nightly for years, …….. yet BLAMING ME!!!!! And telling me later down the line that I was even WORSE!!!! I did nothing other than be a patient, long-suffering wife, mother, maid, cook, cleaner, + full-time real estate agent — because he could never actually pay all the bills!!!
The only reason I haven’t blown the lid off his life is for the kids and the fact that he now pays alimony, child support, and $1000 a month towards the 6-years overdue 200k loan, while I carry 1,000s in high-interest credit card debt……… and need I remind you he just bought an LR4……. and I drive a used minivan………he needs to have his nose broken, as sociopaths have no emotions, no shame, no remorse, no morals, no sense of common decency, or basic social responsibilities. This condition cannot be fixed.
He was dating a female sociopath – no wonder he is confused
Sociopath, psychopath, narcissist and others?. I am not sure what we are exactly dealing with in my husband, but I am sure it is not love for us. The beginning of our relationship could be discribed as him being charming and a prince on the white horse. All what woman want from her man. We married just two of us and two witnesses. We have two beautiful children. Our life was affected by my disease and nonstop fighting for my life to be here for them and the love kept me going forwards for years. We kept love for us but I knew there were others. The disease was the answer for all changes in our life, including our relationship which started to crumble. We still traveled and been together, and talked about all. I loved him for standing next to me, paying the treatments and loving us. But……..One day changed it all. With a cold voice I was told he has a baby with another woman and she run away. I had a message popped up on the screen which says it all. Say it like that it was like written by a devil. Then he was in denial.She is not, child is not but my family knew as he told them. Still in denial. I was ready to forgive and take the lie as a lie, she is not. But….. I went to a psychic to learnt the true. The baby boy is, she is and loves you both. My heart was broken but I was ready to forgive. I told him about the psychic but I should not. Then Bad things started to happen and I learnt is is a emotional, psychological, physical and sexual abuse. Two years of hell. During that time of loving me he turned our kids against me, bought a flat in abroad for them to be there one day but I was told Fucked that baby. I learnt that his manipulation, pathological lying, silent treatment and being extremely nice MUST have something to do with his heart and mind. All to be his way and only answered my prayers when I found about bipolar and narcissmus personality disorder. Studied books and tried to help him. Let me go but he does not. Let her go, but he does not. Let us go, but he does not. Manipulation, possession and evel doing is nothing to do with a love. Real love forgive, but if the lies and manipulation carry on, the love starts dying and is replaced by a fear and survival mode. I hope my husband one day find the love for God and love for his family. Not only a love for himself and his ways. Call it narcissmus, personality disorder or his behaviour changed because of the life experience I do not know, but what I know it is a horrifying experience when the family goes through it and the children are involved. I tried to involved social services for the sake of the kids but found the assessment was not honest, playing with words and not telling the true. One Of the true is my daughter almost died but the place in the assessment was discribed as happened in a different country. To this day I blame myself, my husband and his mistress for what happened to my daughter. I should be with her as a mother and not talking on the same floor with my husband to save our relationship. Now I know talking does not help. The action, divorce is the only answer but…….he does not want the divorce. Now answer this?!