Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call, “Brenda.” All names have been changed.
My story is very, very long and sickening. I have not quite been able to write my timeline of events of abuse yet, until right at this moment. The pain of reminiscing to tell my story has been far too great to bear.
I went from an independent strong young and beautiful young woman of 23, business owner since 18 years old, renting my own apartment, full time student, etc., to now owning NOTHING but clothes on my back. Living literally on the streets of California, 32 years old now.
August 2018 I had an Antique 1910 Baby grand piano, a sewing career that I just won 1st place at Costume Convention International. I had my music business going. Just moved into a 2 bedroom apartment, I had been waiting for for years with a view of the Pacific.
I just found the guts to leave Jehovahs Witnesses, after faithfully practicing it for 30 years. Seeing a thereapist at Kaiser for help with my PTSD from Julian, the Psychopath/sociopath and Covert Narcissist.
I also had full custody legal and physical of our son Trevor. The most important person and love I have ever cared.
How was Trevor brought into existence in this story? From Julian Sanchez (Married man by the way) Raping Brenda, ME. I chose to not get an abortion for noble reasons. We can go into that later.
So the present of this story is this:
- Julian Sanchez Rapes Brenda
- Brenda births Trevor
- Julian Sanchez denies Trevor is his son.
- Brenda gets a Paternity test
- Results: Julian is the Father of Trevor
- Being A Jehovahs Witness means you dont SUE “Brothers”
- Yes, Julian is a Jehovahs witness male.
- Julian uses and abuses every rule and Elder in the Jehovahs Witness community. Everyone fears him.
- His parents fear him and so does his wife. Although they will never admit it. everyone looks the other way. I was the one who said, “The emperor is NAKED!”
So here I am shunned. He even got my own MOTHER to kidnap Trevor from me and now Julian has temporary physical custody of our son. and is raising him since March with his wife Lisa Sanchez inside the same house as Tammy Sanchez and Roberto Sanchez and Monica Sanchez. Extremely sick.
You may not understand why it is so sickening yet. But when I relate the gory disgusting details of this family and the life I had been forced into for 8 years… then you will understand but a human being will never UNDERSTAND because that’s like understanding the mind of Hitler and genocide. You will just puke.
I hope that this real account (not a “story”) gets someone’s attention. Because there will never be justice without the media for me or my son. The courthouse and laws don’t account for sociopaths that are part of a cult. Trevor is being trained by Julian to do the same sick things to women in the future.
This has been a struggle from the day I was raped. I decided to keep my son (Trevor), even under the pressure to have him aborted.
I have been tortured as A Jehovahs Witness (JW) my whole life. I recently jumped-out and my life has been hell, as I have been shunned by my family and Julian (my rapist) and his family. I thought the JW infrastructure was going to be my support system. Ha! Rude awakening.
I had an agreement with Julian that he would pay for rent as child support, as I took care of Trevor, even though Julian was (and is still married to another woman).
I am ashamed that Julian now has custody of my son (Trevor), as I have been essentially homeless (home-free, as we say in this arena) since February, 2019.
Mike (my now fiancee) helped pay my and Trevor’s rent for 3 months. As a result of Julian’s deception to the court and not caring about me and my boy (not paying that rent), both Mike and I lost both of our condos.
Mike and I both moved to Colorado to start a new frontier. We are extremely happy here (with the exception of not having our sons; yes, Mike is going through a very similar situation).
We are not lying down!! We know our value on this earth. We have both had success. Not sure if we want that “American Dream” again. Perhaps a tiny home somewhere with a dog and our boys in the same place. It’s that simple.
I feel that both Mike and I have been wronged (not poor me, but simply telling it like it is), as we would be in a fine place, if it were not for Julian’s sucking up of all my resources.
I hope this helps you understand just a tip of our iceberg/mountain/hill to climb situation. It is not going to be easy.
However, we are determined to get our sons back into a safe environment and reunite them with their other loving parents.
What a sociopath says, and what he really means (according to his ex)
Brenda, your story is so heart wrenching💔. I am so sorry that you have suffered so much. Yes, the courts are absolutely clueless about sociopath and sociopaths victims. The court cause more trauma for victims also.
When I read your post, I read strength. I know right now it does not feel that way for you. But, you are very strong in the mind, especially freeing yourself from a cult filled with sociopath/psychopaths leadership and a separate psychopath. I am glad that you are educated on the Jehovahs Witnesses, is a cult.
You should be so proud of yourself for not only escaping a cult run by psychopath/sociopaths but, also freeing your mind from this other sociopath who abused you. I don’t know if you know of Steven Hassan of Freedom of mind Resource Center. org. He is a cult expert, who was manipulated into a cult when he was in college (The moonies cult). With the help of his family & ex cult members they were able to free his mind.
Steven Hassan returned to college where he completed his masters degree in Counseling & has been helping victims of cults for over 30 plus years. He has several books. If you go to the top of Lovefraud and do a search on his name, Donna (site creator or love fraud) has written an article about his book. Not sure what the title is of his latest book (His old book was Freedom of mind). This is a must read book for anyone that has been tangled up with a sociopath. Especially, a cult like JW. On Steven Hassan’s site he does list the JW as a cult!! SO, look at his site. Your local library may have his books.
In addition, Donna just completed a course program with Steven Hassan (look up at the top of LF for more info) on this very informative interview.
I would recommend with regards to your PTSD, which most victims of psychopaths & sociopath suffer from that you focus also on your health. The stress that a sociopath puts their victims up literally fatigues the victims adrenal glands. Look into Adrenal fatigue and the symptoms. Short list of symptoms included: anxiety, depression, mood swings, sleeping issues, panic attacks etc etc it’s along list.
Google:
Adrenal Fatigue. org & Drlam. com for more info. Look for symptoms on those sites and google Adrenal fatigue for more info. Lucky for me, a friend guided me to a Endocrinologist doctor who tested me for:
vitamins & mineral deficiency (which is very common with stress & with most adults)
cortisol levels
Thyroid t3 &t4
hormonal imbalance
and other blood work
My doctor gave me Dr Wilson’s adrenal vitamins & progesterone natural not man made hormonal replacement. Within 4 hours my anxiety was half. I believe this is the missing link to really healing from trauma & abuse by a psychopath.
If you have thyroid issues you also have adrenal fatigue. According to Dr Wilson’s book, he states you MUST heal your adrenal glands first prior to healing your Thyroid. Otherwise you can damage your thyroid.
Have you thought about contacting your local abuse center for help with a apartment? This is one of the services they help victims of abuse with. If you are in the USA you can call 800-799-SAFE for local abuse center numbers.
Love that you & Mike have met & are healing together. I love you tube Tiny house tours channels (have you watched them? There is one that I love, a guy named Bryce from Australia who travels the world to tour tiny houses on his channel. I think so many of us that have been in the web of a sociopath end up broke. This is so heart wrenching on it’s own. To be conned out of our handwork & paycheck by a sociopath only for the courts to suck up what little is left.
I think it is great that you & Mike are thinking about was to have a beautiful home over your head (Tiny home). There are many people that are living in converted vans & campers so that they can get ahead & put money in the bank.
Here are a few free on you tube that I watch:
Max & Lee plus Occy
Bec & Eamon
The Indie project
Keep posting here at Lovefraud it really does help to connect with others that have endured the same nightmare. Maybe post over at the “Forum” section of love fraud for others to add comments for you to read & know you are not alone. .
Sending you huge hugs!!
Wishing you all the best!!💜💜💜
Thank you so very much for reading my story. Thank you so much for giving me such useful and needed tips to recover my health. I needed that so seriously. I have finally gotten to see a therapist again. I have only seen him 3 times now. My anxiety is getting a little better. From unbearable to unbearable! LOL just 3 weeks ago we took ourselves to a crisis center because my PTSD was so bad and panic attacks and nightmares. They sent me to Respit here in Boulder, Colorado. Two weeks i got to see a therapist 2x a day or more if i so desired. One counselor was raised Mormon and so had an understanding of my unique trauma of being a former JW. Most therapists Ive had do not quite understand the monumental seriousness of being raised as a JW for 31 years. Extremely sheltered, and naive, and not even knowing that I was allowed to have boundaries! Respite helped me stabilize somewhat. I am forever grateful.
Being homeless, I am malnourished and lacking a lot of vitamins I need. Homeless you get what your given and as a female we have unique needs. I have literally been learning to choose food on what little money i get from SNAP or food banks based on the food pyramid/vitamin/minerals. Sometimes,,, well usually i go hungry because buying the food I NEED is not as cheap as getting full. Ive lost 45 LBS. I walk a lot, a lot, a lot. And I dont have enough food. Its pretty sad and depressing but I try not to think about it.
I would not wish this punishment on even my worse enemy. Although, my ex and Jehovah’s Witnesses do, I would never wish them (those who have ruined my life) this misery and suffering. The biggest of which is kidnapping the love of my life, my son. (7 years old now). Whose birthday was October 13. Somehow I keep going. And my fiancee helps me too. And I help him.
Wisdom wanted and Welcomed,
Brenda
ps just wanted to add that eating healthy also helps heal the adrenal glands. Here are a few things that helped me.
Google;
Super juice me documentary free on you tube
Jason vale juicing you tube
Eat to live by Dr Joel furhman (your library may have this book)
You tube channel “Living Big In A Tiny House” (Is Bryce’s channel with over 2 million followers)
Brena- Sprry to hear of your very bad experience. I will just say I have known some nice Jehovah’s Witnesses so in any group there will be good and bad. Pray for your healing.
SG
Thank you for you care, Sunnygal.
I agree with you, I was a nice Jehovah’s Witness myself for 31 years. I truly believed in it. I was very active. I pioneered, (Volunteered 70 hours every month free!). I was regular at every Kingdomhall meeting. I love the Bible. I was extremely studious. I knew every song and listened to it because I enjoyed it. I went out of my way to befriend the elderly. Most of my friends were 70+ and i would go to their homes and clean their houses for free. Help them for free. I was saddened to see so many faithful JW elderly ones lonely, and in filthy houses! I was a new mom and I would go to their home with my baby strapped to my back and clean. It tears my heart apart. I befreinded the disabled and mentally handicapped. I befriended the mentally ill, emotionally damaged, the “unpopular” ones in the congregations. I partnered up in Field Service (door to door) when NO ONE ELSE WOULD! Why wouldnt anyone out of 50+ members of any given congregation NOT partner up with them? The excuses and “reasoning” i got was: “Their weird…” Seriously. I kid you not. Imagine sitting in a classroom and its time to go door to door and the elder leading asks: “Is there anyone that can pair up with this Sister/Brother?” And NO ONE RAISES THEIR HAND…. CRICKETS…
I raised my hand tho. To see that sister or brother cry while out in the MINISTRY bc they are so grateful I wanted to help them by going door to door or whatever we were assigned to do… I cannot fully describe the INCREDIBLE UNBELIEVABLE AMOUNT OF SUFFERING i witnessed from a very YOUNG age up to 31 years old. JW members/ elders (EVERYONE) would always tell me: “Humans are imperfect and will make mistakes blahhhh blahh blaahh. I believed that for 31 years. Until FINALLY i said to myself and to GOD, this is ENOUGH! And I prayed a lot…
Then the story popped into my mind and i couldnt shake it. “THE EMPEROR’S NEW CLOTHES.”
The emperor was naked and it took a child to call out the “elephant” in the room. The emperor is NAKED. JW preach (i preached) LOVE. Jesus said LOVE GOD and LOVE your neighbor as yourself. ALSO LOVE your enemies. Teaching preaching speaking LOVE is what Jehovah’s witnesses do. Actually being clothed with LOVE? I can say that ‘We’ were Naked like that emperor. But now Im NOT naked and in shame anymore. On this journey of 14 months, I have learned and am still learneing what Jesus meant by Love God, Love my Neighbor and finally to Love my enemies.
Jehovahs witnesses do not love their enemies. They shun them. I am not even disfellowshipped, im merely “inactive” because I havent turned in any “time” to them from preaching work….
I believe in the almighty. Maybe his/her name is Jehovah or Yaweh…But I know that God is Love.
Being nice is not always right. I was nice to my abuser… it wasnt right. Im learning this and meditating everyday.
I love Jehovah’s witnesses. They are/were my community, my family. I was heartbroken. It hurts to be lied to. For your free will to serve God sincerelyl and honestly was abused. I will never get those 31 years back. I plan to do it right as best i can for the rest of my life whats left.
I love them even if they dont love me. Love does not shun. The mistake I think most “ex-JWs” make, is they fall into the same trap that the very ones their condemning are accused of. Love does not shun was the banner on a plane at the Regional Convention of Jehovahs witnesses last May 2019. Love does not shun, love would help. Because I believe as the Bible says: ” Love Conquers ALL” (which so happened to be the them of the convention in San Diego CA). I showed up bc I wanted to be wrong. I really did. Unfortunately, I was proven correct. There is no love there. I can share that story with you another time though. I desperately wanted them to show love. and We got the absolute opposite. I cried….
Anyway, point im making is I am scared FOR Them. And I want to do anything that I can to help all 8 million of them worldwide. Only way to do that is with Love. Bc I believe thats what Jesus meant. “Who really is my neighbor?” And thus the illustration of the Good Samaritan….
Jehovahs witnesses are the MODERN DAY PHARISEES AND SADUSEES of Jesus Christ’s day. Jesus tried to help them but they refused to change to be humbled. Narcisists. I pray everyday for them that they dont end up like the Pharisees. Why? Because I dont desire ANYONE to be destroyed or to suffer. I cry for them. Im not angy. I am concerned for them.
Thank you for reading. Telling my story is theraputic for me. and empowering. All I can speak about is the “things I have seen and heard.”
Love you all,
Brenda
*To clarify, the banner on the plane was from what JWs call “apostates” people who left JW and go against the organization of JWs. So some former JWs will picket at Conventions with signs and banners etc they get really creative. JWs are taught to not ever look at the signs or talk to such persons. I never ever did for 31 years until May 2019. That is how “faithful” I was. I realize now that if you have “THE TRUTH” and you are honest hearted, no person or sign can shake your faith. Because its the truth its not counterfiet. If you have to shelter education and information and expression SO HEAVILY and with FEAR tactics then its not the truth and really( Im just realizing as im Writing this) its NARCICISSM! (SHIT LIGHT BULB MOMENT FOR ME GOD!)…. Sigh… ive got some more meditating and praying to do… growing pains 🙂
It reminds me of how my ex abuser used to isolate me….hmmmm… sigh…. sucks to realize more and more each day how I was lied to. Im going to go cry some more now… Healing is a journey.
Sadly, there is a thing as “religious abuse,” in all religions. No religion is exempt from it. Sociopaths often find churches and other houses of God happy hunting grounds!