Many have expressed doubt that a condition as complex as sociopathy can be genetic. The doubters aside, studies of identical twins separated at birth and raised by non-relatives do clearly show the condition is genetic. The question now is, “Just what is inherited?”
Genes interact with environment
Although sociopathy is genetic, it is not inherited in the same way as many other traits, for example, eye color. The genes that cause sociopathy do so by making a child vulnerable to certain environmental influences. A child can have the genes but if he is not exposed to the triggering environment, he will not develop the condition.
Fearlessness an important precursor to both sociopathy and addiction
Go to the park or to the town pool and watch young children playing. You will notice that a small percentage are completely fearless. These children will climb the highest trees or try to enter deep water even when they cannot swim. Furthermore, when they fall, get stuck up in the tree or nearly drown, they are completely unaffected by the experience! These are the fearless children.
An Iowa researcher has identified fearless children by their responses in the laboratory during the first year of life. She has followed them for years and has demonstrated that fearlessness predicts poor conscience formation. The reverse is also true: Fearfulness predicts good conscience formation.
The link between fearlessness, sociopathy and addiction is explained in detail in my book Just Like His Father? and is too long to explain fully here. However, this link has very important implications that parents have to know about.
Fearlessness means little or no response to punishment
Remember that fearless child who nearly drowned because he just had to “swim” in the deep end of the pool? Well, as soon as the lifeguard pulled him from the water, he wanted to go right back in! If nearly drowning has no affect on him, then his mother yelling, “Johnny, don’t do that!” has even less of an effect. Furthermore, Johnny also learns nothing when his parents spank him or yell at him for wrongdoing. Actually though, Johnny does learn something—he learns how to be aggressive.
Many parents of sociopaths raised their children in the usual way
Many, if not most, sociopaths received the same kind of parenting that the rest of the kids in our society received. The take home lesson is that the usual parenting doesn’t work with at-risk kids, and may make them worse. Since fearless children get into a lot of trouble, they are punished often. This punishment does not teach them “right from wrong,” instead it makes them callous and more aggressive. Studies of adoptive parents reveal that even nice, well-intending adoptive parents fall into this trap as a reaction to the child! The at-risk child himself elicits from his environment the very thing that increases his risk for becoming a sociopath!
I was seeking help for my son before he was a year and a half old. When I did get him into a child psychologist, the man gave my son an evaluation, diagnosed him as a ‘fearless child,’ then – after I asked ‘what do we do?’ – said, “you’ve got your hands full, mama.”
And that was it. That was all I got out of that. A letter in my son’s medical records to protect us from child abuse allegations (lots of ER visits with that child) and then we were sent on our way. No advice. No therapy. Nothing.
This isn’t something they outgrow. They don’t learn from pain or (as you described) even near death experiences. If anything, they grow bolder and assume that they’ll escape it all.
I now have a dead son. I got him to adulthood and he died shortly after he took charge of his own life.
He didn’t learn from pain or punishment. He was very smart, but didn’t fear consequences. He wasn’t malicious in the slightest, but didn’t fear loss, had little sense of connection, and couldn’t maintain a relationship.
Why does the psychiatric profession abandon these children and their families? Why aren’t they jumping all over early intervention therapies? Why won’t they even try? Hell, they don’t even act interested.
The neglect of the psychiatric profession toward these children dooms these children in one way or another. I was the most dedicated mother that I was capable of being. I’m not an idiot and I focused on this kid like a laser beam. I tried a thousand different tactics and tried to learn what was effective and what wasn’t. I read every damn book on parenting that I could get hold of. I tried like hell to understand him. We bought land out in a rural area so he could play and explore without annoying neighbors. I gave him a stable environment and encouraged tons of activities that would stimulate him and redirect his more destructive tendencies toward curiosity and growth. I lectured. I taught. I gave tons of both positive and clear negative reinforcement. I don’t know what was left to do.
He wasn’t malicious and he grew up to be constructive instead of destructive. He had a very selective – but very powerful – sense of empathy and a protective drive for anything that was weaker and more vulnerable than he was. (Animals, babies, small children, the elderly, the disabled, and people with severe mental illness) But he was a compulsive, pathological liar. To to glorify himself. Not to manipulate. But to elicit emotion. He was absolutely fascinated by others emotions and loved to try to understand them.
On the other hand, this made him the best person to vent to. If you were mad, sad, depressed, or wanted to share good news, he’d genuinely listen and want to understand what made you feel that way. He couldn’t get enough. If you were emoting, you’d have an appreciative audience. And he wasn’t terrible at getting you out of a funk. He’d make you laugh or drag you out of the house for an adventure and pretty soon you’d be so involved in trying to survive a horrifically ill-prepared camping trip that you’d forget all about your problems.
And I have to count that as a ‘win.’ I still have a dead son, but he never deliberately hurt anyone and he died before he could go to prison, so there’s that. Over a hundred grieving people showed up for his funeral and I was truly impressed as people wandered up to the microphone to share their story of how he enriched their life.
I wish to God that we could’ve found help when he was just eighteen months old and I’m absolutely furious that right now there are parents floundering as I was twenty five years ago.
Parents, don’t quit fighting for your child. Redirect rather than try to crush. I didn’t punish my son for his destructive tendencies. When he took a hammer to a toaster, I asked him to try to understand the inside of the toaster. We sat down together with the ruined appliance when he was just four years old and started working out the parts and how they came together to turn bread into toast. Then I bought him a toaster from the thrift store and a little tool kit and let him figure out how to take it apart. After he deconstructed dozens of appliances, I started giving him broken appliances and told him that, if he could make it work, he could keep it. By the time he was an adult he had a fully functional kitchen with a microwave, food processor, blender, toaster, refrigerator, coffee maker, egg beater, and car. (That he took pride in.)
Don’t try to stop your child from being them. They are as they were created and that’s not wrong. But try to direct these tendencies to the positive.
He also gained a tremendous mechanical aptitude that got him a job earning $25 an hour one week after he graduated high school. He went from a high school student to operating a very complex piece of machinery that manufactured parts for NASA in one WEEK.
… that he lost because he was a compulsive liar and he lost his license and couldn’t get to work.
I succeeded in so many areas and failed in so many others.
Where the hell was my HELP?!
Pepper – Thank you for sharing – and for your heroic efforts for your son. You did really well, and I am very sorry that you have lost your son.
Yes, the psychological profession offers little support for parents in your situation, although I think the professionals know much more now than they did 25 years ago. If you are interested, you might want to look at the work of Paul J. Frick at Louisiana State University. Unfortunately, it won’t help you, but maybe others are being helped.
Again, I am so sorry.