Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call “Verna21.” She’s a mental health counselor who was deceived by a psychopathic co-worker.
I worked at the Department of Corrections as a mental health counselor. One of the officers targeted me after my grandmother died and after I had gone through two years of abuse trying to stay in D.O.C. after I stood up for myself and asked for a group of officers to be held accountable for their sexually inappropriate behaviors.
D.O.C. would not be responsible and they made accusations against me and although I was told that there was no proof or evidence of any behaviors on my part, it didn’t matter because the officers had put out a story about me being in the wrong and so hell rained down on me from every level in D.O.C. The warden on down, because if they took accountability, they could be held liable.
I had a rape threat letter and a bag of condoms snuck into my office and placed in my stab vest. I think it was to get me to leave. When i turned this over to D.O.C. nothing happened and no explanation was ever given to me.
Trauma and abuse history
Two years of being harassed and mistreated pased and I survived. In comes the psychopath / sociopath who pretends to need my help and asked me to help him with his trauma and abuse history. I thought we had this in common so I finally didn’t feel alone. I did not realize that he was mirroring me and watching me closely so that I felt that I had a true friend and for once, I wasn’t alone that way.
He started to show his true colors when he began to gaslight me and say things like “you know your memory isn’t good,” when I knew for sure that I said something. He pretended to care and be misunderstood, but he could not keep up this act for long and his other side started to surface.
Learn more: Explaining everyday sociopaths
He tried touching me in my office and I went along with it. It was like he was checking out my body and I just felt as if I was in a daze. I would often check out mentally when he talked to me and could not remember what had happened. He was pushing for sex and I knew that underneath that’s all he wanted to do so finally when I would not do it, he ghosted on me.
We went through a couple years where he would re-show up and apologize and when I tried to tell him he hurt me and how I thought he was my friend, he would see my crying and say “I didn’t come here for this.” He also stood in one of the offices at D.O.C and put his arm up to block the door while talking to me which made me feel intimidated and as if he was controlling things.
He treated me then like I wasn’t worth much. Asked me over to watch movies and hangout aka Netflix and Chill and I was so offended because I had all these b.s. feelings that developed due to his mirroring me. I never went. Time went on, he went to another prison, but got sent back at some point.
Psychopath shows up again
I left D.O.C (thank you God!) and took time off and began work at the County seeing patients in jail. I think 10 months in he began working here too. He made himself known to me within the last year.
He initially asked me to talk, but at some point, I understood that he has a family, probably another woman and kids around. Not okay with me as he has a life. He started acting like I was annoying or a problem during interactions and one day, I got angry and flipped him off. He said I was “delusional” which was more gaslighting.
I followed him back and confronted him about saying that to someone as it is abusive and not okay to screw with someone mentally that way. He stared to get angry. I ended up leaving. I became afraid of how the interactions would be at work.
I had his number again and I texted that I just want to forget and that I’d like a truce – only because I don’t need extra drama at work. He agreed. I said I had to go and I’ve avoided him since.
I’ve started to have recent issues with some officers over the speaker when I’m trying to get inmates. I don’t know if it’s him sometimes. It gets abusive and controlling trying to interact when I’m just trying to see patients in jail.
My heart was broken
I realize I still have feelings at times and I’ve done a lot of work, but my heart was really broken, because I ended up loving the guy due to the mirroring from the beginning and his lie of childhood trauma so that I felt we were similar. So that’s a fair amount of what happened.
That picture he sent me in boxer briefs instinctively made me feel as if it’s one of the photos he sends the women that he is going to hook up with on those dating hookup sites. And he lies about everything. You can’t believe anything that he says.
He told me once in front of another officer that I was a pathological liar. So I asked him there what do I lie about and he couldn’t answer. Then he continued to try to get me to take his phone number to call him.
Years later when I saw him again here at county jail, I reminded him of what he said and he continues to say that he never said that to me. I know it’s a fact because another officer was sitting right there and heard him.
Learn more: Understanding and recognizing narcissistic abuse
There’s so much more — including that his mother got cancer and was dying, then he said she was dying fast and then that she was gone. After he ghosted me, I admit to looking online and lo and behold, there is his mother with his daughter and her family with a dog and alive and posting. Biggest liar and a heartbreak I just wish would heal.
This has caused me to go into research on narcissism so heavily and I think I should be happy for that information, but the way that I got the information is not something I’d ever want another person to go through. Even as a mental health counselor, it’s isolating and people don’t believe you or don’t understand.
Do psychopaths know what they are?