Suddenly he says his mom died — a sociopathic seduction strategy

You’re chatting or texting with your new romantic partner. You make plans to get together, and suddenly he says his mom died and he has to break the plans. You react to the tragedy with shock and sympathy. Of course, you understand, and you’ll be there when he needs you.

But what if it’s not true? What if when he says his mom died, he was lying?

This happened to a Lovefraud reader whom we’ll call Charlene22. Her story is below. Names are changed.

Lovefraud reader’s story

I met Rick on Tinder in early January. We sent only a few messages back and forth before he asked for my snapchat so we could communicate there instead.

We continued to talk every day for about a week, and had plans to meet up that weekend for the first time. I never heard from him all weekend and then on Sunday night he called explaining that on Friday he had to get on a flight to California because his mom had passed away. He said he was on his way back and would text me the next day.

That following morning he reached out and we talked all day and into the night. This continued every day. We again made plans to hang out that coming weekend. Friday night he texted me and said he was getting on another flight, this time to Arizona, because his brother had committed suicide. He was flying down to be with his sister in law and their three children for the week.

I was devastated for him. I couldn’t imagine suffering that kind of loss twice in less than two weeks. We were in constant communication every day; he would even send videos and pictures of him with his niece and nephews.

Read more: Online seduction and the dangers of online dating

At this point, the connection that we had developed was very intense and happened very quickly. He constantly told me that I was the reason he was able to get through everything, that he wanted to be together and was falling for me. Constantly reassuring me that he was the real thing, would never break my heart or leave and even started saying he wanted to start a family with me. I knew he had been married previously, but he was divorced because he caught her cheating.

He started driving an hour out of his way every morning to pick me up and drive me to work, just to spend a few minutes with me. He told me loved me every day, asked me to move in with him and even told me about a job promotion that he was offered and it might require him to move, and wanted me to go with him.

He was seemingly perfect. The nicest, most attentive, caring and honest man I had ever met. He was there for me on the bad days, would spend hours telling me that he’s here for me, and my problems are his too because he loved me. I was convinced that a real love had finally found me.

But I ended up in a nightmare.

We were supposed to spend the weekend together this past weekend. I called him Saturday morning, he didn’t answer, which I didn’t think anything of. But, he never reached back out. By that night, I decided to dig a little bit and did a background check.

That’s when I discovered everything. He wasn’t divorced, very much still married, and the pictures of his niece and nephews he sent me, were actually his children. Everything he had told me was a lie.

I have never met someone so evil in my life. I reported him to Tinder, Facebook and cut off communication. I discovered what a fraud he was before it was too late, but what if the next victim doesn’t, or how many have there been before me? I don’t want him to get away with it anymore.

He is the literal definition of a psychopath. No conscience, no remorse. Does not care who he hurts, and just leaves a trail of destruction. People who manipulate other people to the degree he has are terrifying. I thought I knew this man, deeply cared for this man, and I know now that he was nothing but a stranger.

Effective and intense

Claiming someone has died, especially someone close like a mother, is a common excuse that sociopaths use when they blow you off. It’s effective for several reasons:

• With such a tragedy, of course you understand why he had to suddenly break your plans.
• You can’t imagine someone lying about the death of his mother, so you don’t question it.
• You react with sympathy, not realizing that the story is just a pity play.

Then after the tragedy — another tragedy! Now you are really sympathetic, doing your best to offer comfort and consolation. This increases your emotional involvement in the relationship and makes it more likely that you’ll go along with whatever the sociopath wants. The relationships quickly becomes, as Charlene22 experienced, intense.

My experience with dead mothers

I personally experienced this situation with two sociopaths. I was involved with a small-time con artist before I met my sociopathic ex-husband. This guy took about $6,000 from me, and claimed that he couldn’t pay me back because his mother died and he had to pay for her funeral.

Then, my ex-husband said he just had spend thousands of dollars to fly to Australia because it was his mother’s last Christmas. I’d met his mother; she was fine. So I asked him, how did he know she was going to die? “I just do,” he said.

Watch for romance scams

Dead mother stories — or similar tragedies — are common in romance scams, the ones where con artists are trying to get money out of you.

If you are communicating with someone online, you haven’t met this person, and suddenly he says his mom died and he needs money, don’t send it. You’re probably dealing with a con artist. Break off all communication.

Learn more: Sociopathic seduction — how you got hooked and why you stayed

Obviously, as you can see from Charlene22’s story, some sociopaths use dead relatives as an excuse when they aren’t trying to get money from you. If your new beau fails to show up as planned and suddenly he says his mom died, he could be a sociopath who’s playing you. Even though it feels callous, you might want to be suspicious.