You probably have financial assets — bank accounts, credit cards, a good job, your own home, investments or pensions. If you’re also looking for a dating partner, know that having financial assets makes you a nice, juicy target.
Sociopaths often hook up with romantic partners specifically for the purpose of draining your financial assets. Even if you’re not wealthy, and you just have regular income from a job, Social Security or disability income, these lowlifes will try to take whatever you’ve got.
I learned this the hard way. When I met my ex-husband, who was age 55 at the time (although he lied about his age), I owned my home, was making good money from my writing business and putting money into my stock account every month. In two short years, my ex took $227,000 from me, wiping me out.
How? He presented himself as a war hero and entrepreneur who just needed a little help to get his big business plans going. He said he loved me, we made a great team and we were investing in our future together. I fell for it.
Unfortunately, I’m not alone.
Losing money to disordered partners
For my Senior Sociopaths book, I conducted a survey to gather data from people who believed that they were dealing with over-50 sociopaths. I define sociopaths as people who have serious personality disorders in which they manipulate or exploit others. This includes people who could be clinically diagnosed with antisocial, narcissistic, borderline, histrionic or psychopathic personality disorders.
A total of 2,120 people answered my survey, including 512 respondents who described dating relationships. Of those who became enamored with these charming and charismatic individuals, 59% lost money. Plus, 30% of the survey respondents who dated the sociopaths went on to marry them. They lost the most money.
The following table clearly shows that financially, dating a sociopath is bad, and marrying one is worse.
Money lost to disordered partners — comparing dating and marriage relationships (N=253)
| Amount lost | Dating | Married |
| Under $5,000 | 47% | 15% |
| $5,000 – $9,999 | 20% | 17% |
| $10,000 – $49,999 | 20% | 27% |
| $50,000 – $99,999 | 6% | 13% |
| $100,000 – $499,999 | 5% | 22% |
| More than $500,000 | 2% | 8% |
Financial parasite
Many respondents to the Senior Sociopath Survey shared details about their experiences.
One woman revealed that a business colleague suddenly became interested in her and quickly proposed marriage. Soon she figured out why.
“He married me as he thought I had money,” she said. “Sponged off of me, lived in my house and never paid for anything, including food. I helped him remodel his house for free; his final words to me were, ‘Well, you didn’t have to.’ He tried to involve me in more, such as business debt, IRS problems and other loans. I wised up just in time and left him.”
Chaotic finances
Chaotic finances are a hallmark of sociopathy. They aren’t all broke —plenty of sociopaths have careers as stockbrokers, corporate executives, doctors, lawyers, government officials and other high-paid professionals. But many feel no obligation to honor commitments, even when they have money.
Others can’t keep a job or prefer not to work. They no longer have credit cards because they don’t pay their bills. They owe taxes to the government, child support to former partners, and are about to lose their homes because they haven’t paid the mortgage. They’re looking for someone to cover their expenses — or, as they age, to take care of them.
Protecting yourself
Sociopaths target vulnerabilities. So if you are single, understand that your desire for a romantic partner makes you vulnerable. If you’re using a dating app, know that you are broadcasting your vulnerability to thousands, or millions, of sociopathic con artists.
So how do you protect yourself, and your financial assets?
Three steps for protecting your financial assets
- Understand that sociopaths exist — millions of them live among us.
- Educate yourself about the warning signs, such as telling you everything that you want to hear.
- Trust your intuition. If you get a bad feeling about a person, situation or transaction, that is the most accurate warning that you’ll ever get. Make sure you pay attention.
If you become romantically involved with a sociopath, sooner or later this person will break your heart. Unfortunately, he or she may empty your wallet as well.
The narcissistic serial bully 
Yep this was actually the worst aspect of my marriage to a sociopath. The financial damage. I still have not recovered from that after all these years. In my case there was extreme dissipation of marital assets to support his double life of hookers and drugs and crime. I don’t even know how much money he embezzled because it was all so chaotic and secret. It could very well be hundreds of thousands of dollars. I wish I had gone to court to pursue the financial harm but at the time I was too trauma bonded and submissive and weak from the abuse to stand up for myself.
For the future I am very aware that sociopaths can target my finances. I do not trust anyone in the dating world. Especially when you are an older woman (I am middle aged now) you have to be realistic that most men will target you for money, not for genuine romance. Be aware and protect yourself financially.