Editor’s note: Lovefraud recently received this email in response to a previous article written by a self-proclaimed sociopath.
I’ve read the article titled A sociopath claims, ”˜We are the uniquely gifted,’ and most of replies to it.
First of all I’d like to make clear that the author of that letter is narcisisstic and quite delusional as he thinks himself some kind of superhuman. But apart from that, most of the things he said are true.
Wouldn’t you use the so called ‘gift’ of manipulation if it ensured you got what you wanted if the goal was otherwise unattainable? After all, it is you who let us manipulate you.
From replies you can clearly see that people are afraid and that’s the first sign of weakness a sociopath would spot. And I must say I’m disgusted by comments such as this: “I say put ’em all together on a tiny little island and they can lie as intelligently as they please and prove how gifted they are to EACH OTHER!!!” Is this what I’m supposed to show pity to?In reply to the comment I say that most sociopaths are clever enough not to try it on each other. Even if we do, it’s more of a game than anything else.
Second of all, saying that we can’t feel love is a shameless lie. We are capable of loving, only it’s in our nature to be suspicious, so it takes time to form a real relationship. Only because you haven’t proven to be worthy of it, doesn’t mean someone else won’t. Claiming that we’re uncapable of being in a relationship or being parents is offensive.
And making a group that demonises us doesn’t exactly give us a reason to ignore our abilities so you could lead happier lives.
Other than that I believe that the idea of us being ruthless, merciless and such, unfortunately comes from our own circles, as some individuals, such as the man who wrote the article, can’t help but brag about his ‘gifts.’ Highly functioning sociopaths won’t let you know what they are, nor will you be able to recognize them in a crowd.
I don’t understand why you put criminals, killers and lunatics as an example of a sociopath and psychopath as most of us are intelligent enough not to ruin our own lives by 1st exposing ourselves and 2nd engaging in a criminal activity. Most of those criminals have far worse diagnosis than sociopathy and psychopathy to go along with these.
And lastly, why should we change? I always looked down on people my age, and as a result I used to read 5 books a week from when I was 10. I still read a lot and am working on improving myself as well as my ‘abilities’ as I admit I have no respect for today’s society in which you’re judged as a freak as soon as anyone realizes you’re too intelligent to watch ‘Big brother’ like the rest of the ‘normal’ crowd.
Aparently this moron doesn’t understand the concept of manipulation!! LOLOLOL!!! The whole point of manipulating someone is to do it in a way that they are not aware of so how can “WE” allow you to manipulate us. That was clearly a telling statement in and of it’s self and just so typical. Blame the victim……… That’s like saying it’s someones fault they got mugged because they weren’t strong enough to defend themselves…….they allowed themselves to be mugged?? SERIOUSLY? Dumb.
Rebuttal to : “After all, it is you who let us manipulate you.”
This statement reflects the “reasoning” skills of a disordered person.
“After all”, in their mind, allows them to feign a cover of plausability. As though everyone else is a dupe for them to use and abuse without concern for any damage they might cause.
“It is you who let us…”, as though we, who are kindhearted are nothing more than the targeted fools who they pull all their phony stunts of abuse and manipulation on because …”we LET them”… abuse us by not seeing through their sly con game of various forms of abusive attacks upon us.
“…You let us manipulate you…”, as though we are standing by, waiting and hoping that some horribly messed up, personality disordered goofball will come along and “entertain” us with their high drama dysfunctional behavior.
Oh, yah, kook guy. That’s us alright. NOT.
Plus, in your letter you mention someone is a narcissist but not a psychopath. Easy enough because a narcissist does not have to exhibit psychopathic behavior but a psychopath will exhibit narcissistic behavior.
The range of the disordered in this model rates mild kooks as narcissist, medium level kooks rate in as sociopathic and full blown, out of control sleaze tards can be thrown in the psychopathic dust bin of wasted living choices.
By the way the question is not why should you change. The question is when will you get a freaking clue and just stop being a jerk?
Babs-
The relatively low ratio does not portend the large amount of devastation they carry out. KIM- they behave in a serial fashion. They don’t just harm one person; they harm many.
Unfortunately, the adult morally disordered person is unlikely to change. They see no need….. they hurt others, they see those “others” as fools, and when found out, they just cut bait and move on to their next “vic.”
So the means to stem the growing dynamic is two fold, warning the adult community of how they function, and focusing on the development of the younger generation. It’s imperative that society become aware of how to instill “affective” empathy in our children, and the peril of not doing so.
As a parent, I realized my son lacked empathy. It was apparent to me very early on, but I thought it was simply a “maturity” issue and it would change. No mental health professional I took him to advised me of any concerns or means to build empathy in my child.
One morning, he came into my room when he couldn’t have been older than 4, and said, “Joey’s dead.” That was his pet rabbit who I’d just seen bouncing around in his corner a couple of minutes before. I said, “I just saw him, Honey. He probably just went back to sleep.” “Nope, he’s dead,” he said in a tone that completely lacked expression. “Will you make me some pancakes for breakfast?”
We used to keep Joey on a long metal leash in order to allow him greater run than sequestering him in a cramped hutch. Rabbits are notorious for eating anything and everything, including electric wiring, so giving him free reign in the house was not an option. I walked over to his area and saw him lying on the stairs with his eye dangling out of it’s socket and blood running from his head. He was definitely dead.
I turned to my son in horror and said, trying to be as non-judgmental as possible, “what happened to Joey?”
“I just wanted to see what would happen,” he replied.
I took a stuffed animal from his room and put it into his hands. “Show me what you mean,” I said.
My little guy held the toy by the neck and pounded its head into the wall.
By the time my son completed high school, he’d worked with at least 4 different mental health professionals. His oppositional/defiant behavior was off the charts, and he was placed by the board of ed into a special school, presumably where he would get the help he needed. As an adult, it’s my belief that he has Borderline Personality Disorder.
If I knew back when he was young that his father’s genetics and abandonment could affect my little boy as it did, I could have done something to intervene. Now, all I can do is thank my lucky stars that I gave him enough structure and caring that he didn’t turn into a Ted Bundy. He could have. He’s mean, he’s abusive, and he’s gone. I can’t begin to express the pain of losing my son to this disorder.
My only consolation is that he doesn’t chop people up for lunch.
There are things that can turn the tide for these children. We have to get the message out. That’s one of the reasons I wrote my book, “Carnal Abuse by Deceit.” ……to open people’s eyes to this problem.
Joyce
Yes, I stated that point: that although there are relatively few psychopaths in the population, they commit most of the crimes.
Thanks for agreeing with me!
I also agree with you that the quality of having empathy or not having empathy for other living creatures, either animals or other children, shows up really young. I could see actual compassion and empathy in my nephew when he was not quite three yet. He’s grown up to be a wonderful young husband and father himself, and loves playing on the floor with his own small children. I hope that better interventions and treatments can be developed for very small children who show those specific callous, unemotional, unempathetic, cruel behaviors, so that there might be hope for them to develop real, affective empathy and avoid growing up to be psychopaths. My heart goes out to you, RE your son.
-Babs
Joyce, I am so sorry to hear about your son’s difficulties. It must be so heartbreaking. Without all the good you did for him, he would be much worse off. How old is he? Change may be possible, but it is difficult to repair the damage done to a son by his father’s abandonment.
I still think the earlier term “moral insanity” is a more appropriate description for this disorder than “psychopathy” or “sociopathy” or “antisocial pd”. The latter are too mild, too clinical.
And I still think that its very interesting that the author would not find it agreeable to be placed in a “colony” consisting of nothing but other psychopaths. Psychopaths actually want to live in an agreeable, orderly, compassionate, ethical and empathetic culture and society as much as the rest of us do: they do not wish to live exclusively among their own kind.
That is because they KNOW it would be like… being a piranha fish living amongst a school of other piranha fish. If one piranha fish is slightly nicked and their blood seeps into the water, the other piranha fish savagely turn on their fellow and rip and shred him to death, instantly, eating him while he’s still alive. That is what would happen to a psychopath living only amongst other psychopaths.
They don’t like that idea at all.
Psychopaths want to benefit from living in an evolved, altruistic, compassionate, empathetic society where the injured and ill are looked after… but they also perversely want to exploit and misuse the altruism and generosity and goodwill of such an evolved society.
Well, my point is that you can’t have it both ways, my dears. If our society becomes overrun by psychopaths, by the morally insane: if the psychopaths increase to more than 2% or 3% of the population, then we are ALL doomed, *including the spaths.*
I am addressing the psychopaths directly now: Don’t kill your hosts, spaths. Don’t be a stupid parasite that totally sucks your host dry. If your host dies, the host’s parasites die too. So STOP REPRODUCING, spaths: limit your numbers so that all of us, spaths and non-spaths alike, can manage to survive, somehow, in spite of your counter-productive, toxic, destructive existence.
You know I think my personally favorite part of his diatribe is that just because they didn’t love US doesn’t mean they can’t love. It’s that we weren’t lovable enough for them.
The last morally bankrupt man I got tangled up with was a master at making women feel they just weren’t ‘all that’. He was right up there with the that crazy ex-husband of Christie Brinkley.
Show me a super-model, rocket-scientist, heiress, or anyone else…. and I’ll show you a psychopath who is tired of her, and thinks it’s all her general lack of ‘fill in the blank’ that has made him lose his ‘loving feeling’ for her.
We are labeled gullible, an easy target, not smart enough, fat, trusting, naive, or whateverotherbullsheet.
The point is us-taking-responsibility.
Not them.
Period.
Babs,
Very well said. I totally think this true. They would definitely not thrive without us. Deal is they don’t care about themselves as a whole. Only as individuals. Sick thought. They are probably quite capable, as are the viruses among us, to destroy the very ideologies, systems, and individuals that make their existence possible.
This is the sad, and larger truth, about the morally bankrupt among us. They will take the whole ship down if they think it means they won.
Wow, Debbie Downer here…
The point is, really, besides my own beliefs, that given this possibility we need to find our way to as much awareness and good mental health as we can afford ourselves. This gives us the greatest advantage, both personally, and as potential bearers of offspring who can further ‘goodness’ in the human race.
Our relationships to each other bear the greatest potential for changing who we become, as a species, than any other factor (in my way of thinking, which is of course not super scientific, but is well-meaning). I believe, for whatever reasons, that our tenderness, compassion, and kindness to each other, and especially to our newborns, is a tremendous influence on our genetic and behavioral evolution.
So, though I do not hold out a lot of hope for some immediate change, I do believe there is the possibility of influencing very long term changes in the behaviors that can potentiate the human race as pro-social survivors. We may be able to influence how many of us are born and nurtured, cherished really, into being capable of cooperation, caring, tenderness, altruism, and compassion.
I think I may have ‘said’ too much here. I cannot really substantiate any of this. It is my version of hope.
Did you know that a person can murder without ever touching that body?! Yep.It is possible.Mr Sociopath that doesn’t see the need to change and who has read so many books that your brains are fried…Can you tell me how that’s possible?!!
Really,it’s very simple.Wear that person to a frazzle.Show no kindness.Show no thoughtfulness.Play mindgames until the other person truly thinks they’ve lost their mind between sleep deprivation,not having the time to eat right or get the rest they need.Then deprive them of socialization and make them go stir crazy.If you wait long enough they might save you the trouble and take their life.If not,well,atleast you’ve got somebody to continue torturing and laughing at until they figure out how to find the door and walk through it!Oh shoot,they did!BAD DAY!
“It is you who let us manipulate you.”
LoL what a classic way to deflect responsibility. Thank you, Donna, for this segment… Talk about seeing the same pattern of ridiculously recognizable arrogance and smugness whipped right out of my past. It feels empowering to be able to ward that type off.
After years of suffering I established NO CONTACT whatsoever. It feels like the power has switch from the predator to the victim. So far it’s been 2 months. I get phonecalls – ‘private caller’ and also ‘out of area’ which I suspect is him. I just don’t answer the calls. I ‘unfriended’ him on Facebook and don’t post anything on there. I don’t contact any mutual acquaintances. It feels like he’s desperately trying to find out what I am doing. There was an ‘out of the area’ call at 1:30 am and another at 2.50 am today when I was in bed. Those calls didn’t irritate me because I had a good idea who it was. It feels like empowerment has replaced depression. I might have lost a lot of money, been bullied and manipulated mercilessly and had my heart broken, but I’m starting to live well. It seems like NO CONTACT is the only way to stop the abuse and to feel any kind of empowerment and control of our own lives.
I see psychopaths as adult bullies and I believe their numbers are sadly growing due to our current society’s changing value system. My 5 children left home as beautiful young adults in every way and I was proud to release them into this world. However, due to their father’s inherited genes and society’s worshipping the mighty dollar and what it can buy, in their adulthood, they all became psychotic.It wasn’t until 2011 that I was finally told to go NC with them by Mary Ellen O’Toole and my attorney after my children finally said they would all “commit” me! Good luck with rehabilitation in today’s morally depraved society!