Editor’s note: A reader who identified himself as a sociopath recently posted this comment on the Lovefraud Blog, and sent it to me in an email. I am posting this piece because it provides a good description of how sociopaths view themselves, and explains why they are quite comfortable taking advantage of the rest of us. Be sure to read the question I asked him, and his response, at the end.
We are uniquely gifted
“Sociopath” is a misleading word: it implies a disorder, something wrong and unnatural with the person, and this couldn’t be further from the truth. We, the people you refer to as sociopaths, have nothing wrong with us. We are instead, the uniquely gifted. Our gifts have been mischaracterized and maligned and it’s time someone set the record straight.
What the experts call superficial charm, I call having a natural ability to win friends and influence people. What experts call manipulative and conning, I call an affinity for persuasion based upon an innate ability to pinpoint others personality strengths and weaknesses. What the experts decry as a lack of compassion, I call pragmatism and clarity. What experts call a “problem with authority”, I call embracing personal power and celebrating the independent spirit. What experts call “delusions of grandeur”, I call self confidence and optimism. What experts call “shallow emotional affect,” I call freedom from the tyranny of irrational emotions. And finally, while the experts say that guiltlessness is a disorder (because it is the lack of guilt that separates the sociopath, psychopath and Machiavellian from the general population), I say it is the enhanced ability to do the things that build civilizations and keep societies going, the very things that the guilt afflicted shy away from. It is no coincidence that our lack of guilt so often comes with abnormally high intelligence and charisma.
We are born to lead and many of our traits support this conclusion. We are born knowing this and the rest of you know it when you see us. It is these very traits that make us necessary for the survival and success of the human species, especially since the dawn of civilization. It’s why you elect us, follow us, and often give your very lives by our command. Though we are found disproportionally in prisons we are found with even greater frequency in your governments, your corporations, your military. Who else but someone devoid of conscience could order thousands of soldiers to die, regardless of how noble the cause? Who can fire hundreds of workers to save a company from bankruptcy and then sleep peacefully that night? Who can so elegantly tell the lies that must be told, to protect the very people to whom the lies are told? It takes one of us to make those calls, the calls that the rest of humanity cannot make.
And yet a distressing number of us become the very thing you fear us all to be; criminals and abusers. This creates a cycle of ignorance, as all the “sociopaths” identified by the news are killers or wife-beaters, and so we identify this collection of gifts as evil, as pathological, and thus those of us in our proper roles feel the need to disguise ourselves for fear of being labeled evil. A similar cycle of ignorance has kept homosexuals oppressed for decades; homosexuality has been associated with child molesters and perverts, drug use and disease, and it was called “evil” for this.
We are not evil; you simply do not recognize the “good” ones as the same phenomena. Google “sociopath” and all you find are ways to recover from contact with a sociopath, information advising you to run from relationships with sociopaths, and misinformation that will claim that “sociopaths cannot feel love” or that we “cannot think of others as human beings” or that we are “parasitic”.
It is very distressing to discover, for a child who has always known that he was different, that he is a monster… that he is doomed to live a loveless life and become a criminal, that he will never be able to hold a job or raise a family. Indeed, one must wonder how often do one of us accepts the mischaracterization of our abilities and instincts as things to be repressed and rejected due to ignorance? How often do the young among our frequently demonized minority discover what he is, buys into the paranoid misinformation and simply does what he is expected to do, withholding from society the very qualities it needs and secretly wants to maintain itself and imprisoning himself in a state of confusion and needless pain as a result?
What is the so called sociopath? A sociopath is one of your potential leaders, labeled by the fearful and unreasoning masses as something sick and evil. “Sociopath” is a negative label which only serves to further alienate people who simply need to be allowed to embrace their gifts. Getting rid of this misleading term should be the first step towards fully understanding who we are and the role we play in this world. We are not the embodiment of a pathology. On the contrary; we are instead the uniquely gifted.
Editor’s note: I sent the author this question: “How do you justify lying and deception?” His reply:
Justify? Did you forget the “no guilt, no remorse” part already? We have no need to justify the lying, as we don’t see anything inherently wrong with it. Deception is merely a means to an end. Nor is it necessarily malevolent. We simply act in our own self-interest. We know what we want and the easiest way to get it. It’s a gift.
Disgusting. But very informative. So they rub there chest and think being deceptive and getting over on people is a GIFT. Great I’ll be under the bed for awhile before I decide to trust again.
This is no different then a heroin dealer that destroys people and has no remorse..oh and most people in mental institutions also think of themselves as NORMAL..
I have to thank this person for so eloquently laying forth the credo of the sociopath. I won’t, however, be doing so in person.
The creepy part of this, for me, is indeed how normal some of these traits are; I have always maintained here that this is the reason we “fall for it.” That’s precisely why sociopaths are so dangerous. Wasn’t it just yesterday that a man’s chivalry was suddenly interpreted for me, on this very blog, as “love bombing” and therefore a “red flag”? In hindsight, it was very much a red flag; but when you’re there, experiencing it in real time, it’s just a nice guy who wants to paint your living room for you.
Sure, who hasn’t been deceptive in the service of something good? I know I have. No details here, but I once saved someone’s life with a simple lie, when I was young and innocent.
So it’s that second paragraph about “what experts call” manipulative or what-have-you, he calls leadership, that gets me. There is indeed a very fine line between Winston Churchill and Warren Jeffs, yes? But a very important one.
If this were just a site to expose a-holes, it would have lasted a week and been boring as hell. This is instead a place where people try to make sense of that very paradox described here — we try to find that fine line, and it isn’t easy sometimes. Sure, you can call that “leadership” or “charm,” but examine the wreckage. Anyone claiming this is for the good of humanity is clearly deluded.
This post further raises a big, elephant-in-the-room question when it touches on sending “thousands of soldiers to die, regardless of how noble the cause.” And how society secretly desires this. All too true, but hardly a good thing. Don’t we aspire to something better than that? Or do we so cynical that we really believe the propaganda of, say, our current election cycle, where the race to the bottom continues?
Can America be kept “No Contact” from its own leaders? Its own dark desires?
If you doubt what this person says about sociopaths in positions of power, I recommend a little homework reading:
http://pathwhisperer.wordpress.com/2010/08/10/search-are-bankers%C2%A0sociopathic/
http://www.aquariuspapers.com/astrology/2011/11/study-finds-corporate-psychopaths-and-sociopaths-run-the-banking-industry.html
And this one is really good, on the Swiss banks, which are no longer run by the Swiss. They’re run by an international organized crime ring and maintain an openly spathic workplace. Not to mention, slush funds to bankroll assassinations. Their favorite way to control their own kind is to know their sexual perversions and threaten to expose them when they don’t do as they’re told:
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=a9b_1307471895
A book called “The Holocaust Industry” outlines the ’90s assault on the Swiss banks pretty well. They are now clean of allegations of holding “Nazi loot” but dirty dealers in everything else. Amazing — they can even exploit compassion for Holocaust victims to further the same kind of spathic cause that victimized them.
“Economic hitmen” are, simply, spaths for hire. CEOs have climbed the corporate spath-ladder to get where they are. And who are our presidents and congressmen, really? Run through Richard Nixon’s late-night rant to David Frost in “Frost/Nixon” if you need a refresher.
C’mon, admit you love it, America. You chose it. By focus group, even. I thank this person for raising that “red flag” for us. . . . But no, I’m not having dinner with you.
I saw this when he/she posted it, and read the part down to “uniquely gifted” and quit reading and moved on….I read the entire thing this time.
This particular person is “uniquely gifted” with intelligence. That is nothing that he/she/it did to gain this, but a gift of DNA from one or two parents who were also gifted with high intelligence.
The vocabulary of this person is also quite high, so I would think the person had a pretty good education and probably came from a privileged background, though it is possible that the person self educated from a middle class or lower back ground. Again, though, without the high intelligence given by the DNA they inherited, that would not have been possible.
“High functioning” socio/psycho-paths do “dwell” iin the top corner offices of our CEOs, military, politicitcal and business leaders. That is definitely true. It is also true that people with a normal amount of empathy might have some problems doing the things that would be required in jobs done by these highly functioning psychopaths.
All that said, that doesn’t mean that having a relationship with a psychopath is going to benefit the individual in any way, shape, or form.
The high level of narcissism exhibited by the psychopathic poster reminds me very much of the one who comes here from time to time who calls himself “Michael.”
The entire blog/e mail, whatever you want to call it, doesn’t give me any information that I didn’t have before…only that this person is very narcissistic and self aggrandized beyond belief, but I already knew that from reading Dr. Hare’s works.
Thanks for this, Donna – it’s a glaring, steaming, stinking reminder of why there should be a remote South Pacific Island where all identified spaths can be safely corralled. Give them seeds, a few livestock animals, and let them sort it out amongst themselves.
Leaders? Really? Affinity? Really? Well, this survivor has an “affinity” for calling a spade what it is, and the original poster has gotten the attention that it craves by baiting, luring, and stirring up the proverbial poo.
I have no use for the original poster – he/she/it is (and, always will be) a predator, and that’s the bottom line.
When I read that post, I thought to myself “yup, that is how the SP thinks”: self delusion, entitlement, evil and they live among us. To be foretold is to be forewarned. If we have any inkling that we’ve encountered one of these, steer clear and avoid.
If there had been misspelled words in this post I would have sworn it was my ex that wrote it! It just drips with all the authority and justification that pumps his pompous ego.
I would like to ask the poster of this email “do they feel ANY kind of connection to a spouse or their own children since they are incapable of the true meaning of LOVE”?
Are we to applaud and recognize the traits, as listed in the link below, as ‘normalcy’? Where is the sense of virtue and appreciation for others? There is none. While that may be an acceptable ‘trait’ to some, to others, such as myself, it is not. Not and be more than an user of life to a means. It must be a very sad thing to journey through this life and have no feeling, no emotion nor remorse and or joy nor sorrow. To be void of emotion. However, I believe, as I always have, that we all have choices in our lives as to how we shall be to others. The only difference between me and this poster (and I say this all the time) is that I HAVE CHOSEN TO LIVE MY SORROW DIFFERENTLY. I HAVE CHOSEN TO CREATE GOOD FROM THE BAD AND NOT PERPETUATE IT BY INTENTIONALLY HARMING OTHERS. There is no two way street empathy with these kinds of individuals because they are not built that way. IF I CAN CHOSE DIFFERENT, after having grown up with ppaths about me, I do believe and always will believe that it is a choice what we do with our lives and that we all are accountable for the things we do. Sooner or later, we are all accountable.
Thank you for sharing this. It is actually quite sad, if you think about it but don’t let yourself linger there too long – it becomes a time bomb as well, as everything seems to be with them. Did my ‘x’ write that email???
Empathy? Yes, I have immense empathy for people who are labeled ‘psychopathic’; just immense, if I did not, I would not have found myself in my fifth year of post traumatic stress nor major depressive disorder because of the experience! I can ‘understand’ all I want to but what about THEIR ‘understanding’? They have none. It shows in their actions and words. We are not to be chastised for giving that ‘understanding’ and then ‘punished’ for it as well? And that is the cycle of the personality itself. YES: I have compassion and I ask: “Where has been mine?” If you call having your life threatened numerous times, ‘compassion’, then I suppose I would rather just be alone. I am not giving up the goodness that exists in this life for the sake of an evil intention.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hare_Psychopathy_Checklist
(what would you label them if they have ALL the traits and then some that weren’t even listed?)
Sociopath is labeled as a disorder because that is exactly what it is, sir. There is something wrong and unnatural about you despite your pathetic attempts to justify your behavior, just as all sociopaths do. How do you call destroying people’s lives with your deception, lies, and manipulation a gift? In the same way Hitler did, I suppose. And to be characterized as Hitler-esque and be proud of that is precisely what makes you so disgusting and dangerous.
I would hardly call manipulating people with the facade of a person you create in order to worm your way into someone’s life a natural ability to win friends and influence people. In the end, you have no characteristics whatsoever that anyone would look for in a true friend. It’s all part of the game you play to convince people that you’re something that you’re not, that you have things in common with people that you don’t, that you have the same morals when you have none.
Being a caring person is not a weakness, for your information. The fact of the matter is that you hate yourself and your inability to feel what all the rest of us are capable of feeling. To you love is an irrational emotion. Pain is an irrational emotion. Your lack of guilt and remorse is the most concerning facet of your illness, for what you don’t seem to be able to comprehend is that there are people equally as intelligent and far more intelligent than you’ll ever dream of being that feel love, pain, guilt, and remorse. And those are the very people that have made a positive difference in this world that we live in, not mentally ill people such as yourself.
You weren’t born to lead. You were born innocent and were corrupted due to whatever environment you grew up in. You were corrupted by the people that raised you. You’ve learned from them to lift people up with false promises and control and then pull the rug out from under their lives once you get them where you want them.
Unlife you, I can survive just fine without lying to people. I can survive without punching and choking people. Those of us without the misfortune of living with the mental disease that you seem so proud of will be just fine without you, thank you very much. We need people like you in our society like we all need huge, gaping holes in our heads.
To insinuate that people like you are needed in this world is insanity. As time has marched on and we’ve learned our lessons as people, as the human race, you have now been discovered and exposed. At the time, nobody knew what was wrong with Attila the Hun, Abdullah Khomeini, Idi Amin Dada, Pol Pot, Vlad Tepes, Hitler, Stalin, and Hirohito, just to name a few. Now we do. Now we are intelligent and educated enough to know how dangerous a sociopath has been proven to be.
So you can scream from the top of a mountain that you’re okay and there’s nothing to be afraid of. You’re not okay, and there’s much to be afraid of. We all see you for what you are now, and you’re just not going to get away with everything you’d like to as easily as you have before any longer. Technology and the ability to spread the word about people like you is your enemy. Deal with it.
So you just go on living your life with your head held high sleeping like a baby every night. The fact is you have no conscience. Your ability to feel anything meaningful is nonexistent. What you feel when you use and manipulate people is not happiness. It is not joy. You are inacapable of feeling those things, and I am. Therefore, I am more intelligent than you are. I am more evolved than you are. I don’t spend my days trying to figure out how to bring people down. I do the opposite. And that is what has enabled the human race to continue on, not your distorted rantings of this sickening reality you’ve created for yourself in order to convince yourself you should keep breathing every day.
You, sir, have no business whatsoever attempting to engage in a relationship with anyone. You are completely aware of this, but you do so anyway over and over and over and over. This is precisely why there is a hell. You turn the earth into hell while you’re here in order to prepare yourself for what will come for you in the end. Therefore, those of us not afflicted with your mental illness have no reason to feel anything other than pity for you. What is the point in hating someone that hates themselves more than anyone else possibly could? That is why you do everything that you do to others, is the lack of respect and regard that you have for yourself.
Sociopaths imprison themselves and live in a state of confusion because that is the result of this disease. Those of us not afflicted with your illness did not cause that to become your life. It is a natural result of the behavior you consciously choose to engage in, for everything that you do is orchestrated and intentional. There are no “mistakes” that you make.
I agree with you on only one point: And that is that we should get rid of the term “sociopath” and go back to what it truly has always been and will always be, a psychopath. What’s ridiculous is the way your disease continues to be sugar-coated. It’s un-PC to call you a psychopath, so let’s try sociopath. Oh, no, wait, how about borderline personality disorder? How about NO. You’re a psychopath, plain and simple. Accept that and live in a world alone or get help just like anyone else should that has something wrong with their brain.
Lying is not a survival tactic. I’m terribly sorry for whatever dysfunction you were exposed to as a child, but it’s not my problem or anyone else’s. Take your anger about that out on your parents, not everyone else you happen to come into contact with for the rest of your miserable life. They are the ones that created an environment that resulted in the likes of you. Who should you be angry with? Them, not people that you falsely convince to love you when you have never deserved that from anyone.
How arrogantly distorted. To play with other’s minds and hearts is pure evil no matter what the short term gain or so called “contribution” to society- ha!
I see very clearly why Jesus said to pray for your enemies after having dealt with the likes of a sociopath. Very warped with hearts of stone and I can only quote the Bible in Ezekiel 36:26 –
“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”
So sad and pathetic for them while hurtful and abusive to their prey. And their reward will be hell indeed if they do not awaken from there corrupted consciousness.
I believe their victims will eventually become stronger after healing from the trauma- thank God.