Editor’s note: A reader who identified himself as a sociopath recently posted this comment on the Lovefraud Blog, and sent it to me in an email. I am posting this piece because it provides a good description of how sociopaths view themselves, and explains why they are quite comfortable taking advantage of the rest of us. Be sure to read the question I asked him, and his response, at the end.
We are uniquely gifted
“Sociopath” is a misleading word: it implies a disorder, something wrong and unnatural with the person, and this couldn’t be further from the truth. We, the people you refer to as sociopaths, have nothing wrong with us. We are instead, the uniquely gifted. Our gifts have been mischaracterized and maligned and it’s time someone set the record straight.
What the experts call superficial charm, I call having a natural ability to win friends and influence people. What experts call manipulative and conning, I call an affinity for persuasion based upon an innate ability to pinpoint others personality strengths and weaknesses. What the experts decry as a lack of compassion, I call pragmatism and clarity. What experts call a “problem with authority”, I call embracing personal power and celebrating the independent spirit. What experts call “delusions of grandeur”, I call self confidence and optimism. What experts call “shallow emotional affect,” I call freedom from the tyranny of irrational emotions. And finally, while the experts say that guiltlessness is a disorder (because it is the lack of guilt that separates the sociopath, psychopath and Machiavellian from the general population), I say it is the enhanced ability to do the things that build civilizations and keep societies going, the very things that the guilt afflicted shy away from. It is no coincidence that our lack of guilt so often comes with abnormally high intelligence and charisma.
We are born to lead and many of our traits support this conclusion. We are born knowing this and the rest of you know it when you see us. It is these very traits that make us necessary for the survival and success of the human species, especially since the dawn of civilization. It’s why you elect us, follow us, and often give your very lives by our command. Though we are found disproportionally in prisons we are found with even greater frequency in your governments, your corporations, your military. Who else but someone devoid of conscience could order thousands of soldiers to die, regardless of how noble the cause? Who can fire hundreds of workers to save a company from bankruptcy and then sleep peacefully that night? Who can so elegantly tell the lies that must be told, to protect the very people to whom the lies are told? It takes one of us to make those calls, the calls that the rest of humanity cannot make.
And yet a distressing number of us become the very thing you fear us all to be; criminals and abusers. This creates a cycle of ignorance, as all the “sociopaths” identified by the news are killers or wife-beaters, and so we identify this collection of gifts as evil, as pathological, and thus those of us in our proper roles feel the need to disguise ourselves for fear of being labeled evil. A similar cycle of ignorance has kept homosexuals oppressed for decades; homosexuality has been associated with child molesters and perverts, drug use and disease, and it was called “evil” for this.
We are not evil; you simply do not recognize the “good” ones as the same phenomena. Google “sociopath” and all you find are ways to recover from contact with a sociopath, information advising you to run from relationships with sociopaths, and misinformation that will claim that “sociopaths cannot feel love” or that we “cannot think of others as human beings” or that we are “parasitic”.
It is very distressing to discover, for a child who has always known that he was different, that he is a monster… that he is doomed to live a loveless life and become a criminal, that he will never be able to hold a job or raise a family. Indeed, one must wonder how often do one of us accepts the mischaracterization of our abilities and instincts as things to be repressed and rejected due to ignorance? How often do the young among our frequently demonized minority discover what he is, buys into the paranoid misinformation and simply does what he is expected to do, withholding from society the very qualities it needs and secretly wants to maintain itself and imprisoning himself in a state of confusion and needless pain as a result?
What is the so called sociopath? A sociopath is one of your potential leaders, labeled by the fearful and unreasoning masses as something sick and evil. “Sociopath” is a negative label which only serves to further alienate people who simply need to be allowed to embrace their gifts. Getting rid of this misleading term should be the first step towards fully understanding who we are and the role we play in this world. We are not the embodiment of a pathology. On the contrary; we are instead the uniquely gifted.
Editor’s note: I sent the author this question: “How do you justify lying and deception?” His reply:
Justify? Did you forget the “no guilt, no remorse” part already? We have no need to justify the lying, as we don’t see anything inherently wrong with it. Deception is merely a means to an end. Nor is it necessarily malevolent. We simply act in our own self-interest. We know what we want and the easiest way to get it. It’s a gift.
Darwinsmom
The accident with all those kids was so sad. I remember when my daughter went to Belgium with the school. I just felt so lucky that she got there and back safe when I read it.
Yes-above spath has serious problems with reality.
STJ
xxx
Darwinsmom,
That is so tragic. I can’t imagine what the parents are going through.
It does seem that the only thing that could have been done differently is the tunnel design. That turn off should not have ended in a solid brick wall, it should have had a gradual re-entry back into traffic.
All the other stuff, which contributed is more like human error in judgement and ability. The driver was apparently distracted and made poor choices as people sometimes do.
I agree with your statement above, especially about leadership. Leaders have power and they take responsibility. Spaths, like infants, only want the power. Then it’s never their fault that they shit their diaper and someone else should clean it up.
It’s so sad… I choked up during our little minute of silence abroad, and then when I finally saw the first news images of their coming home today, I just couldn’t stop crying about it… all those coffins in the hangar. In its silence and without sensationalism those 28 coffins were just heartbreaking to watch. So many young lives, and the four adults who leave behind partners and children. It also reminded me of any parent anywhere in the world who lost their child at a disheartening young age, whether through illness, accidents, or murder. I know at least several people (a neighbour, a friend, …) who must have been reminded of their tragic loss in its most excruciating form today during the mourning silence for the bus tragedy victims.
Yes, the tunnel design is what seems to have been the deadly silent force in it all. Not sure about the driver yet. The DVD distraction was a rumor for a while and has been negated by Swiss investigators.
Never felt it was so important to get our teens safely to their destinations and back home again. We sent pictures I took of the trip to a colleague back home each morning to upload on the school blog, so the parents could see there kids were safe and well.
You know, it disturbs me HORRIBLY the number of people who TEXT AND DRIVE at the same time…..any distractions are bad, but TEXTING for Ggodness sake!
I know this crash didn’t have anything to do with Texting but it just reminded me of people doing it. UGH!
I don’t know if you are the uniquely gifted but I agree with you that you are not sick. “Sociopathic” is your state of being. You are a separate species from the rest of us. I also believe you are the descendants of the nephilim as many folks in the metaphysical community believe and also as many of your kind believe.
In the pre-flood days the nephilim ruled the earth while the rest of us were under their control. They were the kings in the days of old. The flood wiped out many but you remain a part of them hidden in the human race as they adapted and mated with our kind to appear human like.
So yes, in this day and age many spaths become leaders, dictators, rulers, etc. It is because you can change like chameleons and wear many masks.
Should you marry? Maybe you should but with your own kind. You’re not compatible with our kind. Maybe you should police your own and destroy those who would bring attention to your kind and give it a bad name.
I’m sure there are those of you who are high functioning.
As for myself I prefer to stick to my own kind now that I’m aware of your kind.
“We are not evil; you simply do not recognize the “good” ones as the same phenomena.”
I suppose there is “some” merit to this statement…and I will explain. I do not believe that all sociopaths are “evil” all of the time, towards all people. The difference is, who the sociopath has chosen as their “target” or “victim”. If you are not a current target, then you are safe…temporarily. But let’s face it, sociopaths keep people around in the event that they will have a use for them. They do not have the ability to form honest, loving relationships. So any “good” that may be seen is just a mask until they decide to USE you. So yes…sociopaths can be “good”…but the true undercurrent is self-serving…with no care or concern for anyone else…so evil, may be a bit irrational…but the behaviors inflicted on good people…in the end…are evil.
To keep someone around until they can “use” them IS evil.
It devalues the person. Even if you don’t know you are being devalued, the spath does.
Each time the spath devalues a human being, he does evil TO HIMSELF. That’s just as bad as doing evil to others, because he makes himself less and less empathetic. He disconnects himself more and more from humanity. This is how he becomes a monster.
Trla and skylar: I so agree with both of you.
I am so happy that I have LF to come to every day and extract the courage and determination that I need to ‘hold steady’ and firm in denying the evil I have had confronting my life.
I went NC again, as of yesterday, unannounced this time, to him or anyone else. The degree of ugliness I had encountered on this, (um, let me see, I think FIFTH time around), ‘experience’ is so ‘over the top’, I couldn’t even adequately define nor explain it properly. Only THIS TIME just about all the chakra holes are filled. I still have a little more ‘tweeking’ to do but I am almost there.
The depths and degrees to which this ugliness presents itself is absolutely overwhelming in the lacking of anything that is virtuous but everything that is ugly and evil.
I learned this last time, (and this is why I am implementing NC again)…this whole ordeal has been relatively ‘safe’ for me because he has been almost a thousand miles away and our communications had only been by texting, over the internet), the only allowable form of communication that exists now, or did, until yesterday afternoon. THAT is even gone now. The ugliness comes right through the texts, even; trust me!!!!!!!!! There has been NO physical visits for almost a year now and that part: PERSONAL RESTRAINT has remained in effect, the entire time this past two months we have been texting. It will always remain in effect, irregardless of his ‘pleas’ to ‘straighten everything out’ so he can come by and visit. NO. There will be no visits. He is not allowed here, in this City, or he will be removed. Period. There is no ‘trusting’ him to NOT do something violent, it’s just the way he is ‘wired’ and he idolizes the Fort Hood shooter, saying that THAT’s what happens when you mess with people ‘like us’! There will be NO MORE visitation. EVER. Permanently now. I didn’t make it that way, HE CHOSE it that way…not me.
During this ‘last little reunion’, after two months of texting, and after 9 months of previous NC, during this ‘last little reunion’, not only did I encounter all the ugliness…I mean over the top, ugliness, THROUGH THE COMPUTER SCREEN, mind you, I also heard the glorification of satan, cat sacrificing and a host of other truly insane and off the hook things.
IS THAT “GIFTED”? I thought that being ‘gifted’ meant that you used your forces and powers to bring good with it, not evil. Those who do evil must eventually own up to their sins, sooner or later. If not in this dimension, perhaps in the next, but the power and the strength of all that is good and righteous will win out in the end. I thought being ‘gifted’ meant that you did good things for good people. Not evil things to the good people.
While ppaths do from time to time reach their beek out and extend the goodness and the kindness that they use to love bomb us with…even though that may happen from time to time, with them it is not the norm…when they stick their ‘beek’ out like that, reaching out in kindness and in what you think is sincerity…which it is only for a brief fraction of a moment…and then it retreats again….that is or may be sincere at that exact moment but it doesn’t stick around – not long…they suck our energy and our strength like vampires drinking blood. It gives them strength and power like one of the Mario Guys on that game…
I am so sorry for these lost people. I pray every day that they will find their way and see the light before they die so their souls can be truly set free. I have been learning on my journey that even though we wish for something so much, with all of our hearts, doesn’t mean we will ever get it. I think most of us here has thought, just like me, that ‘love’ and ‘steadfastness’ and ‘believing in someone’…that would just make everything alright. But it doesn’t. All you do is sacrifice yourself and your life for someone who does not care one bit for you the same way you have for them. They are deceitful users.
I guess I have a little ‘experience’ in the matter, however, being raised by sociopaths…CHOOSING different for my life, THAT is what is different about me and the rest….
Inside each of us there are two beings: the one who does good and the one who falsifies. Which one do you feed? That is the question and that is what sets everyone apart from one another. “The works of a man is the worth of his soul.”
I so completely agree with you, skylar…they are all about ‘devaluing’…they want to see you crush yourself while they walk away laughing to themselves what stupid fools we are to believe in them, much less the feelings we have in our hearts.
Just wanted to drop in and let you all know that for the fifth time NC has been made to happen. Completely BLOCKED from my life now. Not even a text….Imagine that. And, more importantly: no tears and no regrets.
I am finished being abused even long distance, over the internet. And that is exactly what my little experiment was…a constant conditioning of my emotions…a playing, a ploy…all of it. All of it designed to abuse and use me because now there is no where else to go…the ‘good old standby, consistent’, she will always be there….she loves me….she’ll be there.
I am not there anymore. The safety net is gone and I know there is nobody else in his life right now but himself and a male friend who doesn’t tolerate all this too well. Soon, he will be one of America’s finest, wandering the streets, homeless, sick, and there is no way to contain him – that has been very difficult for me to walk away from. THAT used to be MY BEST FRIEND and now it appears as though he wishes to be my EXECUTIONER. WHY? Because I am allowing this ugliness! Not no more. It is over and finished.
“Disconnects himself more and more from humanity…”
Yes…just as “I” am now ‘disconnecting’ myself FROM HIM …
It’s a very sad circle, however we all must save ourselves first or we have nothing.
Thanks for reading and for listening.
Sorry so long..
Dupey
I can’t help but feel empathy for any creature who is suffering. And being hungry and homeless is a tough place to be.
But it is simply not a problem I can fix.
Because these disordered people will hurt me. Financially or worse and suffer not at all for my misery.
I am sad that they end up that way because it is hard to see and think of.
But, fearful for my own safety, I wouldn’t go near any of the gifted ones who linger on the streets.
I don’t know how they can be effectively dealt with. I understand that they don’t see a problem. Its just that there is a problem with the lying, cheating and worse which is attributable to these at the far end of the spectrum.
They are dangerous in many cases and when they are further and further out on the limb, they are further and further from the possibility of doing anything about them.
I can’t help but wish there were better answers. But if there are I can not find them.
We have to take care of ourselves. You are spot on about that.
And when there is nothing we can do, it may be the best to do nothing….
silvermoon: thank you. you have validated me and I appreciate your words so very much.
Sometimes all we CAN do is save ourselves.
We are left with no other options.