Editor’s note: A reader who identified himself as a sociopath recently posted this comment on the Lovefraud Blog, and sent it to me in an email. I am posting this piece because it provides a good description of how sociopaths view themselves, and explains why they are quite comfortable taking advantage of the rest of us. Be sure to read the question I asked him, and his response, at the end.
We are uniquely gifted
“Sociopath” is a misleading word: it implies a disorder, something wrong and unnatural with the person, and this couldn’t be further from the truth. We, the people you refer to as sociopaths, have nothing wrong with us. We are instead, the uniquely gifted. Our gifts have been mischaracterized and maligned and it’s time someone set the record straight.
What the experts call superficial charm, I call having a natural ability to win friends and influence people. What experts call manipulative and conning, I call an affinity for persuasion based upon an innate ability to pinpoint others personality strengths and weaknesses. What the experts decry as a lack of compassion, I call pragmatism and clarity. What experts call a “problem with authority”, I call embracing personal power and celebrating the independent spirit. What experts call “delusions of grandeur”, I call self confidence and optimism. What experts call “shallow emotional affect,” I call freedom from the tyranny of irrational emotions. And finally, while the experts say that guiltlessness is a disorder (because it is the lack of guilt that separates the sociopath, psychopath and Machiavellian from the general population), I say it is the enhanced ability to do the things that build civilizations and keep societies going, the very things that the guilt afflicted shy away from. It is no coincidence that our lack of guilt so often comes with abnormally high intelligence and charisma.
We are born to lead and many of our traits support this conclusion. We are born knowing this and the rest of you know it when you see us. It is these very traits that make us necessary for the survival and success of the human species, especially since the dawn of civilization. It’s why you elect us, follow us, and often give your very lives by our command. Though we are found disproportionally in prisons we are found with even greater frequency in your governments, your corporations, your military. Who else but someone devoid of conscience could order thousands of soldiers to die, regardless of how noble the cause? Who can fire hundreds of workers to save a company from bankruptcy and then sleep peacefully that night? Who can so elegantly tell the lies that must be told, to protect the very people to whom the lies are told? It takes one of us to make those calls, the calls that the rest of humanity cannot make.
And yet a distressing number of us become the very thing you fear us all to be; criminals and abusers. This creates a cycle of ignorance, as all the “sociopaths” identified by the news are killers or wife-beaters, and so we identify this collection of gifts as evil, as pathological, and thus those of us in our proper roles feel the need to disguise ourselves for fear of being labeled evil. A similar cycle of ignorance has kept homosexuals oppressed for decades; homosexuality has been associated with child molesters and perverts, drug use and disease, and it was called “evil” for this.
We are not evil; you simply do not recognize the “good” ones as the same phenomena. Google “sociopath” and all you find are ways to recover from contact with a sociopath, information advising you to run from relationships with sociopaths, and misinformation that will claim that “sociopaths cannot feel love” or that we “cannot think of others as human beings” or that we are “parasitic”.
It is very distressing to discover, for a child who has always known that he was different, that he is a monster… that he is doomed to live a loveless life and become a criminal, that he will never be able to hold a job or raise a family. Indeed, one must wonder how often do one of us accepts the mischaracterization of our abilities and instincts as things to be repressed and rejected due to ignorance? How often do the young among our frequently demonized minority discover what he is, buys into the paranoid misinformation and simply does what he is expected to do, withholding from society the very qualities it needs and secretly wants to maintain itself and imprisoning himself in a state of confusion and needless pain as a result?
What is the so called sociopath? A sociopath is one of your potential leaders, labeled by the fearful and unreasoning masses as something sick and evil. “Sociopath” is a negative label which only serves to further alienate people who simply need to be allowed to embrace their gifts. Getting rid of this misleading term should be the first step towards fully understanding who we are and the role we play in this world. We are not the embodiment of a pathology. On the contrary; we are instead the uniquely gifted.
Editor’s note: I sent the author this question: “How do you justify lying and deception?” His reply:
Justify? Did you forget the “no guilt, no remorse” part already? We have no need to justify the lying, as we don’t see anything inherently wrong with it. Deception is merely a means to an end. Nor is it necessarily malevolent. We simply act in our own self-interest. We know what we want and the easiest way to get it. It’s a gift.
Oxy ~ According to her, she was diagnosed bi-polar by a court ordered psyc. eval. Then she later denied it. She says she was diagnosed with “almost” BPD, not quite just similar symptoms. You know, I don’t care what she has right about now as long as she has it SOMEWHERE ELSE.
I will be watching Grand at about that age. Just after he turned 5 his psychologist insisted he be tested for mood disorders. Our attorney, at the time, was almost through with her Phd. in forensic psychology. She picked up the phone, on a Saturday and called the head of Ohio State’s psychiatric department, at home. He knew of a drug study at University Hospitals on a new drug for early onset bi-polar in young children. He said the evaluation would be the most complete and comprehensive we could find because they were ONLY interested in kids who were bi-polar. We were interviewed for over four hours regarding everything about Grand. While we were being interviewed, he was allowed to wander around a large waiting area and was encouraged to walk into any of the offices off this waiting area. They were all offices of the pediatric psy. department. Probably 8 different psychologists and psychiatrists were observing him just being him. The next day we were there again for over 5 hours, same thing. Grand was actually running errands for the staff and helping them set up for a meeting. LOL They all loved him. They saw certain signs of RAD and diagnosed ADHD but no to mood disorders. It was a really fascinating experience and for a change cost us nothing.
I understand that the symptoms can develop in his teens so I will watch.
One last thought, I know I can’t mention the arrest etc. to spathy daughter BUT do you think I could make copies and send them to the spathy GAL and tell her to put them where the sun don’t shine? LOL
MiLo,
this is where it gets hard. Resist! lol!
It would be great to tell Spathy GAL but she doesn’t care. The truth is, Spathy GAL probably knows that D is a spath. They seem to recognize each other. D probably suggested all the maneuvers in order to milk you for money and Spathy GAL kicked her a percentage. If you tell SG, she will probably go tell D.
I was just reading that Ted Bundy had aspirations to be a prosecuter and eventually a judge. Don’t know if it’s true, but he was a law student. All spaths crave power so you are very likely to find them in court rooms. My own spath BIL is a cop and a lawyer. Now he works for homeland security. He started out as a meth addict…
Sky – I know. You take the fun out of everything.
robinhood ‘Sociopaths are grown men stealing children’s milk money and calling themselves supercriminals.’
well put. too bad i used to carry milk money.
Milo,
She can deny bipolar all she wants but judging by the “accurate” timing of her episodes….She is manic. Not saying that she can’t have a list of other disorders to go along with it…Lol.
As far as Grand is concerned….Don’t worry about it. If it presents in puberty you will KNOW it!
Milo, Bi-polar is very treatable if the person is willing to be treated, but some of them like your BPD b-polar LIKE THE HIGH of the mania and don’t want the drugs which keep them from having it.
I would not be surprised at all if she were not also BPD as she sounds more like that than Psychopathic to me, but they over lap so much that you just can’t draw a line and say BPD on one side and PPD on the other.
I’m with sky, RESIST!!!!! I know you would like to make that biatch shove it where the sun don’t shine, but it is best to just keep it to yourself for right now. DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT!!!!!
Also you might find out if you can without giving away you know anything WHO was taking care of the little kid while she was in jail, and if her BF or husband or whoever he is has a criminal record and so on, the more you know the better off you are, and the fact that they don’t know you know is EVEN BETTER.
Check out her and his FB and the friends of theirs and anything else you can spy on and find out. It might even be worth a couple of hundred bucks to get a PI to do a complete computer back ground check (they have “private sources”) on her Significant other as well if you think he will be around for a while, or even if not, that way you can show she was with Criminals, A, B, and C over a 2 year period…moved X number of times, etc to show instability.
{{{{{MiLo}}}}}}} I have missed you, sweetie. No, no more from the mommy/little sister combo.
I think my sending their latest to my brother, who has been acting as the go-between, may have curbed them for a while. I’m sure they’ve done their best to convince him how off the wall I am, but when they’ve put what they’re doing in their own handwriting, it’s difficult for them to convince my brother that I am the one who has been lying.
Meanwhile, I realized that the police only saw the “sweetness” in their communications. To me, their messages were obviously manipulative, like my mother sending my son birthday a card asking him where she could mail a check to him. Umm, what was that address you just used? And of course, the bribe.
When I read about your daughter, I thought, “How is one almost BPD? Is that like being almost pregnant?”
My son is doing very well, thank you. He was selected yesterday to be a resident advisor (RA) next year for one of the school’s dorms. He brings a lot to the table, thanks to what my mother and sister did to him, but I’m waiting to see how much his eyes are going to be opened when he learns what others go through. Not every child has an adult willing to suit up and fight off the bad guys. Bottom line, I am so proud of that kid.
Oxy – You’re absolutely right that we have horrible people in positions of power around the world, but their time is limited. Egypt is an excellent example of the change that the Internet and cell phones can bring.
Those with the tightest control will be the last to fall. It may take a while, but elsewhere in the world, people aren’t so quick to buy the spins anymore. Too many have been proven to be lies and the damages and costs are undeniable.
Meanwhile, we can chip away at the ugly the best we can. Last night, I wrote another letter to my town newspaper about the school administration’s refusal to disclose why so many teachers are being put on administrative leave and/or are either being fired or are resigning. The paper has been pushing for disclosure as well.
The latest is a vice principal at the high school, put on administrative leave in February and resigning now to coach wrestling elsewhere. As both my son and the newspaper’s editor pointed out, the wrestling season ended in February. What reason was there to put him on administrative leave if he was leaving under good terms? And why resign in March to coach a sport when its season ended the previous month?
There was also a recent incident of 55-90 teens breaking into an elderly couple’s home, having a drinking party, leaving obvious signs of sex, and trashing the place to the tune of $19,000 worth of damage that was originally presented as the kids knew the house was open (it wasn’t) and things “kind of got out of hand.”
Change is accomplished not by going after the die-hard holdouts, but working with those most willing to listen.
My letter, if you care to read it, is below ….
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It seems reasonable to have educators in charge of (our) public school system. Who doesn’t imagine smiling teachers inspiring eager children? The Administration that supports our schools ensures that the teachers and facilities get what they need within budget. What possibly could go wrong?
The issue is that schools are more than classrooms, administration entails more than education, society is wiser, and we have yet to address that.
Our schools, individually and collectively, are micro-societies unto themselves. As in any society, there are hard-working people with positive values, people with questionable ethics, scofflaws, and those who outright prey on the vulnerable and trusting.
This week in (our town newspaper,) we read that the teen drinking problem may be more serious than assumed. Questions were raised why (our) residents are being kept in the dark about various school personnel. Another article describes how (our) Police Chief is forbidden by state law to access or share certain information.
Certainly part of the responsibility of holding the line rests with (our) school system and I applaud our police chief’s desire to better our community. I understand wanting to avoid public hysteria. However, beyond their immediate fields of expertise, what additional training have they had that permits them to assume that these issues need only their knowledge and handling? It is a fine line, but it has been crossed when one week the information is downplayed and then several weeks later the news is outrageous. Deception does not generate trust.
What if we made decisions pertaining to their children without informing them of the full story? Or if we failed to share information they could use to determine if there are impacts beyond the obvious or within their families? Yes, I pay for them to educate our children, gladly, but what I did not empower them with is avoiding our concerns, and by default, setting our community’s standards.
Incidents happen that leave us wondering. The subsequent information has been appalling. If there is a historical precedent for the “discreet” handling of the town’s issues, there is nothing polite about people or property being harmed.
As unsettling as the silence is for outsiders, it is horribly demoralizing for insiders. Teachers informed me that they have been told not to talk because their jobs will disappear if they do. The lack of professionalism of some co-workers disgusts them, but worse, they are discouraged because although they genuinely care about the students, decisions are being made that enable the unacceptable behavior of their co-workers to continue.
There are teachers, administrators, staff, and public safety personnel burdened by obsolete policies, knowledge, and expectations. How well can they deal with present day issues if they lack the training or tools?
When communities nationwide discover the scope of the lies behind the reassurances that they heard and the costs of dealing with those lies, skepticism is natural.
We must ask what is going on. It is too risky not knowing.
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You might get the newspaper to file a Freedom of information request….are the students who trashed the house being prosecuted? If not, why not?
Well, on the Arab Spring thing….I’m not sure a group as repressive as the one they threw out won’t come in. Women’s rights in Egypt have been better than most Arab countries but if the Brotherhood takes over, that may no longer be true. Will just have to wait and see.
G1S ~ I’m glad you finally saw my post to you, I keep chasing you all over the board here, but you seem to miss it.
You have every reason to be proud of that outstanding son of yours. Give yourself a giant pat on the back. He is going to go FAR.
Keep writing those letters, keep after them. One little step at a time and things will change.
Oh, yea, my daughter is “almost” BPD – lol – translation – she was diagnosed, but doesn’t believe it and/or maybe should not have told mom, so cover my tracks. She is a genuine piece of work.
Take care
We don’t know what is going to happen to the students. We know a few were charged. Most are under 18.
I may be giving myself too much credit, but I think my letter before this one helped the editor chase down more information. He isn’t working with me, meaning he’s never contacted me, but we seem to be playing off each other. I actually wondered if he wrote was he did yesterday partially in the hopes that I might respond or maybe great minds just think alike. 😉
The newspaper prints every letter it gets so I know that one is going to be printed.
MiLo – I am so thrilled to be in touch with you, again. Had to leave that other place. Certain things weren’t sitting right with me.