Editor’s Note: The author of this piece, Travis Vining, told his story to Lovefraud readers back in 2008. He is the son of a psychopath, and wrote about how confusing it was to know that the man was his father, and also a murderer. Travis’ previous blog articles are listed under “True Lovefraud Stories.”
Travis helped get his father, John Vining, convicted of three murders. The Orlando Sentinel recently published a three-part series of articles about Travis and the murders. You can read the articles here:
Part 1 of 3: In ”˜o4, killer’s son recalled dad admitted to 2 killings
Part 2 of 3: Plan by killer John Vining’s son involves betrayal, lies, audiotape
Part 3 of 3: Search for killer John Vining’s 4th victim ”˜not over’
Since I first wrote for Lovefraud in October of 2008 my life has become a series of extraordinary events and real life miracles as A Witness to Healing. It is astonishing what can happen when we realize that we really are not alone, ask for help and become honest with ourselves and others.
In January of 2010 I was finally able to help cold case detectives solve one final murder that my father committed in 1987. It was his first victim, the one that started it all. After months of “pressure” I was finally able to convince my father, who is still on Florida’s Death Row, to give a written confession that included the location of the body. Although the remains have not yet been recovered, the confession and details about the crime are enough to close the case. I have now been able to bring closure to three unsolved murders that my father committed.
I have also written a book that is soon to be published (Son of Terror—A Confrontation with Evil Reveals the Truth about My Father”¦and Me) and become an inspirational and educational speaker. I speak to dozens of groups a year, detailing my experience with sociopaths and the 17 months when I was my father’s “trusted confidante” as he planned and murdered four people. This journey may have started in hell, but it ended in heaven. My story is really about overcoming life’s tragedies. My hope is that this book will inspire readers to transform their own challenges and tragedy into peace, joy and a deeper understanding of divine wisdom.
In 2009, I was given the opportunity to team up with Toni Furbringer, PhD., a licensed clinical social worker and founder of Heartwork to introduce “Victory Through Peace,” a project dedicated to helping people and families affected by similar devastating relationships and experiences, as well as anyone suffering from addiction, compulsive behavior, depression or trauma. This wonderful relationship and project have turned the liabilities of my childhood and early adult life into one of my greatest assets.
More importantly, I have come in contact with the children of three of my father’s victims and it has been a truly extraordinary experience. It is through these relationships that I am beginning to see true healing, in ways that I never thought possible. These events that have occurred are not by chance and cannot simply be explained away as “coincidences”.
If I use my experience with my father as a measuring stick I should no longer question circumstances in my life or try to label them as “good” or “bad.” Those 17 months with my father looked pretty bad at the time. In fact, it seemed like the end of the world. And today? It’s one of my greatest assets. It is a gift. A gift of experience that seems to provide others who are suffering in life with inspiration, hope and a willingness to believe that all things do work out for the better, maybe even helping them take a step closer to our creator.
If you don’t believe in miracles, imagine this for just a minute. All that evil stuff that my father did in his life is now helping people who are suffering find their way to a higher power that can help them bring meaning, peace and joy into their lives. My father”¦he wanted to harm people and now his story is helping people find the very peace that he tried to destroy. He tried to take life and now his story gives it. This is what happens when we become willing to ask for help, and more importantly, accept that help.
Sharing my experience with sociopaths openly in the right forum and finding others that have had similar experiences was one of the most important steps towards recovery. It helped to teach me about the importance of true forgiveness. That forgiveness led me to a life that is full of peace and happiness. Much of it started with my writing on this site. I am grateful that Donna Andersen provides this forum. It is an extremely useful service for those of us that have had experiences with sociopaths. And for that”¦I am forever grateful.
Travis F. Vining
I read all the articles with great interest as I did Travis’ posts and articles here. I am glad that Travis has been able to turn his trauma into a useful and beneficial thing, not only for himself but for others. In many ways I can identify with Travis, in that not only my biological father (“sperm donor “–because he never earned the title “father’ ) but my biological son, are psychopaths who have murdered. My son is in prison for his murder, but my sperm donor lived out his long life, free of the legal consequences of his crimes, murder among them. Unfortunately, the two murders I knew about were not ones where there was any evidence collectable and were both committed outside the US so I was never able to prove or even have legal verification of the crimes. That distressed me for a long time, but no longer does. There are or were others who knew, others that believed, and I came to be able to validate myself and my knowledge and no longer feel I was “crazy” for what I knew, what I believed. The family of my sperm-donor, and his first cousins, who knew him and believed my “crazy” tales as well as one of his ex-wives, who also believed, helped me to overcome my own guilt for knowing and being unable to seek or find justice for these victims or their families.
Being the child/offspring of a psychopath is a terrible burden, but it CAN be, as Travis did, turned into a gift of understanding. I am glad that Travis has found peace with what his father is and did, and has turned it into a healing process. That is my goal for myself and for other victims.
I too thank Donna Andersen for making this site possible, from turning her own trauma into a healing, for not only herself, but for others as well, not only one or two, but for hundreds, thousands of other FORMER victims who are now SURVIVORS.
As I sit here…a newbie to this site….I have tears streaming down my face. I so desperately want to feel that my experiences may have some better meaning. I want so desperately to feel the closure and sense of accomplishment that Travis expresses – to feel that Some Good can be made of such experiences.
I look forward to the release of your book, Travis. God knows, we all could learn from you.
I echo your thanks, OxDrover. Donna – it takes courage and mettle to survive, and you’ve turned your survival into a light of hope.
Wow…..I’m reading this and re-reading Travis’ courage, and I’m a wreck. I cannot stop crying, and I have the nerve to think that my experiences were devastating.
Buttons:
Hugs to you…..I beleive we ALL have it in us to make a difference in the exposure and elightenment and making good out of our encounters with cluster B’s.
To some, this is part of the process of healing…..
Don’t ever devalue your experiences…..
You have a lot to offer so many…..don’t question that!
Let me wipe your tears…..heres a hanky and a hug……
🙂
TRAVIS…Travis, Travis…..
What strength you have darling! Enlightenment, awareness, Balls, strength, courage, compassion, empathy and the willingness to make a difference in our world!
You have come so far……I bow to you!
I look forward to your book……Will it come out in CD version also?????? Puleeeze!
I am very pleased with how you have turned this around….for you AND others!
XXOO
EB
Dear Buttons,
Get and Read a book by Dr. Viktor Frankl, a survivor of the Nazi death camps in WWII. It is called “Man’s search for meaning” and is THE book that turned my soul around. This is not just a gorey book on the actual abuse they suffered there but an emotional look at that abuse and what it did to people.l How he, Dr. Frankl, SEARCHED FOR AND FOUND MEANING in his years in that PLACE OF HORROR, and he shows that man’s suffering is not BIG OR SMALL, but TOTAL. Each of us has TOTAL suffering, so your trauma or my trauma is not bigger or smaller than anyone else’s it is TRAUMA TOTALLY. This book was wonderful, and it put me on a SPIRITUAL PATH toward healing that I could not have healed without. I think man is a spiritual being in a human form, and I realize that there is true EVIL in this world, but there is also true GOOD.
Your tears of compassion and understanding are cleansing and good. You can identify with Travis, and I DO BELIEVE that there is a greater power in the universe than just ourselves, but even if I am wrong about that, believing that won’t hurt me, but support me. It has opened up my soul and my own spiritual healing. I think we almost HAVE TO find some positive meaning in this nightmare. It is that bright light that shines to us from the path toward healing that keeps us going. That makes us VICTORS not VICTIMS. Stay on the path. There are others here who know hhow difficult it is. Each has to walk it for themselves, but by encouraging others encourage ourselves. What I write to others reinforces what I need to know myself. (((Hugs)))) and God bless.
I don’t know how crazy this is going to sound, but I think that I found this site by divine design. Oh, yeah…..I’m still bawling, but I don’t think it’s a “bad” thing.
I’d posted a couple questions, previously. The second one was with regard to having one’s spirituality damaged by their experiences. I think, up until the past half hour, I’d lost my belief that there’s something greater than myself out there – that everything that I’ve experienced from the ex, to the son, to the stalker, to the Trooper, to the “friend,” just happened because I hadn’t been wise enough, smart enough, sharp enough, or intuitive enough to peg someone for what they were.
I just found a tendril of my spirituality, again – I found this site by divine design. Thank you all…thank you, thank you.
(((((Buttons)))))))
WHEW………okay…….. I have to finish my firing and start feeling great. I honestly, honestly feel the support, encouragement, and candor on this site and I wish that we could all gather together to throw a party to celebrate our survival together. Campfire, s’mores, rants, and laughter. Brightest blessings……one, and all.
Buttons: You do feel the support and encouragement! I definitely agree with you. I just joined about two weeks ago.
Travis: Oh my God! I”m so glad that you guys wrote a book. There are many people around the world who have experience similar to yours. Except each one is unique and should be shared to encourage one another. I may have to pick up that book one of these days.
I agree dealing with a sociopathic parent is the hardest. Especially living with them. Sometimes you don’t want to accept reality. I still want to believe that my dad truly cares and loves me. In reality, he doesn’t and it hurts. But writing about it helps me a lot.