Editor’s Note: The author of this piece, Travis Vining, told his story to Lovefraud readers back in 2008. He is the son of a psychopath, and wrote about how confusing it was to know that the man was his father, and also a murderer. Travis’ previous blog articles are listed under “True Lovefraud Stories.”
Travis helped get his father, John Vining, convicted of three murders. The Orlando Sentinel recently published a three-part series of articles about Travis and the murders. You can read the articles here:
Part 1 of 3: In ”˜o4, killer’s son recalled dad admitted to 2 killings
Part 2 of 3: Plan by killer John Vining’s son involves betrayal, lies, audiotape
Part 3 of 3: Search for killer John Vining’s 4th victim ”˜not over’
Since I first wrote for Lovefraud in October of 2008 my life has become a series of extraordinary events and real life miracles as A Witness to Healing. It is astonishing what can happen when we realize that we really are not alone, ask for help and become honest with ourselves and others.
In January of 2010 I was finally able to help cold case detectives solve one final murder that my father committed in 1987. It was his first victim, the one that started it all. After months of “pressure” I was finally able to convince my father, who is still on Florida’s Death Row, to give a written confession that included the location of the body. Although the remains have not yet been recovered, the confession and details about the crime are enough to close the case. I have now been able to bring closure to three unsolved murders that my father committed.
I have also written a book that is soon to be published (Son of Terror—A Confrontation with Evil Reveals the Truth about My Father”¦and Me) and become an inspirational and educational speaker. I speak to dozens of groups a year, detailing my experience with sociopaths and the 17 months when I was my father’s “trusted confidante” as he planned and murdered four people. This journey may have started in hell, but it ended in heaven. My story is really about overcoming life’s tragedies. My hope is that this book will inspire readers to transform their own challenges and tragedy into peace, joy and a deeper understanding of divine wisdom.
In 2009, I was given the opportunity to team up with Toni Furbringer, PhD., a licensed clinical social worker and founder of Heartwork to introduce “Victory Through Peace,” a project dedicated to helping people and families affected by similar devastating relationships and experiences, as well as anyone suffering from addiction, compulsive behavior, depression or trauma. This wonderful relationship and project have turned the liabilities of my childhood and early adult life into one of my greatest assets.
More importantly, I have come in contact with the children of three of my father’s victims and it has been a truly extraordinary experience. It is through these relationships that I am beginning to see true healing, in ways that I never thought possible. These events that have occurred are not by chance and cannot simply be explained away as “coincidences”.
If I use my experience with my father as a measuring stick I should no longer question circumstances in my life or try to label them as “good” or “bad.” Those 17 months with my father looked pretty bad at the time. In fact, it seemed like the end of the world. And today? It’s one of my greatest assets. It is a gift. A gift of experience that seems to provide others who are suffering in life with inspiration, hope and a willingness to believe that all things do work out for the better, maybe even helping them take a step closer to our creator.
If you don’t believe in miracles, imagine this for just a minute. All that evil stuff that my father did in his life is now helping people who are suffering find their way to a higher power that can help them bring meaning, peace and joy into their lives. My father”¦he wanted to harm people and now his story is helping people find the very peace that he tried to destroy. He tried to take life and now his story gives it. This is what happens when we become willing to ask for help, and more importantly, accept that help.
Sharing my experience with sociopaths openly in the right forum and finding others that have had similar experiences was one of the most important steps towards recovery. It helped to teach me about the importance of true forgiveness. That forgiveness led me to a life that is full of peace and happiness. Much of it started with my writing on this site. I am grateful that Donna Andersen provides this forum. It is an extremely useful service for those of us that have had experiences with sociopaths. And for that”¦I am forever grateful.
Travis F. Vining
Buttons says:
“…The second one was with regard to having one’s spirituality damaged by their experiences. I think, up until the past half hour, I’d lost my belief that there’s something greater than myself out there ”“ that everything that I’ve experienced from the ex, to the son, to the stalker, to the Trooper, to the “friend,” just happened because I hadn’t been wise enough, smart enough, sharp enough, or intuitive enough to peg someone for what they were.”
Oh Buttons. I remember those feelings so well.
I gave up on God, gave up myself, gave up on everyone. I withdrew into myself, not feeling I can trust anyone else but not being able to trust myself either! I was so defeated.
I kept searching, thankfully, and I’m finding my way and am enjoying life again. I know I had to go through all the things I did for a reason and I’m grateful – now.
Give yourself time, you will find your way, when you are ready. Until then, please don’t be too hard on yourself. Please be kind to YOU. You’ve been through enough already, don’t put yourself through anymore. 🙂
Leapblog, thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I’ve been experiencing a number of events, recently, to bolster my courage, resolve, and healing, and I really, really believe that it’s divine intervention.
What is best is not always what I would wish for, and I’m feeling very, very grateful this evening. I’m going to be okay and I want to thank everyone, again, for their very kind encouragement. You’re all a part of that light of hope.
Hi – it feels awfully good to be back on this site. Great to see OxDrover is still offering help and inspiration to others.
I was most touched by Buttons, but appreciate all the posts here. What you (Buttons) are feeling and experiencing is real. At least that was my experience. I love what happened to me because it took me to a place that I could begin to feel something bigger than myself, guiding me.
I found others that were willing to help and it began to restore my faith in man (and ultimately a higher power)…this is a wonderful place.
The key for me was forgiveness and I needed others to show me the way. Forgiveness is a powerful thing.
Courage? I did nothing extraorinary, I only realized that something was more important than fear. It was love. All I really did was pursue that. The one thing that my biological father could not teach me turned out to be the key to freedom. My dad taught me everything I needed to know about what life is like without love and for that I am forever grateful.
“I only realized that something was more important than fear”
Travis, it’s been almost a month since I read your article, and I revisit your experience, often. It reminds me that healing, growth, and more healing requires just what you said with regard to fear.
Excising the spath from the Self was, indeed, a fearful thing. Would it hurt? Could I make it on my own? Was there anything of value that I had to offer? And, so on… The one thing that was always in the forefront was this simple mantra: this situation is sick. In order for me to reach any level of potential, I would have to either face down that fear, or continue down the spiral and end up a husk with no soul.
Life without love – agape – is something that I cannot imagine. Before the spath, I had a clear understanding of agape. During the spath, I believed that agape had been torn away. After the spath, agape reappeared bit-by-bit and, to my amazement, had never really been torn away, only buried.
Travis, you did do something extraordinary and your experiences are a beacon of hope. Again, thanks for your article and brightest blessings to you!
Travis, thank you! I just now saw your last post. I’m glad Buttons brought the article back up. She is right, you are extraordinary! Coming to grips with our own fear, and realizing that we must and can overcome that fear I think is a key to so much.
Life without love is a very bleak landscape—life without a spiritual guide is also a very bleak landscape. Your father and my sperm donor I think are very much alike. I’m glad you were able to secure justice for some of the victims of your father. I gave up securing justice for mine’s victims on this side of life, but I know there will be justice in the next life. Though he did not go to prison as your father did, his life was always empty, and he was never satisfied with what he had. That in itself was some punishment, self inflicted I think.
Peace and joy, Travis! God bless.
this boy was accused of killing his sister, protested his innocence and was imprisoned. i would like to see the documentary and see what he is; to understand his family, who never stopped supporting him; and to see who the murderer is revealed to be. i think the son is still in prison, if that is the case, he either did it or was an accomplice.
i listened to an interview with the film maker and he was deeply moved by his time with these folks and this subject.
http://www.hotdocs.ca/film/title/life_with_murder
Does he still come around here from time to time?
I am curious about those 17 months, but I guess I need to read the book for that part.
I loved when he said this: “Sharing my experience with sociopaths openly in the right forum and finding others that have had similar experiences was one of the most important steps towards recovery.”
I agree with him. It was a turning point for me and my healing.
THANK YOU LF, Donna, and all the great people here. Oxy, Skylar, One/Joy, Constantine, Milo, Kim, and the others I am slowly getting to know.
Sometimes I feel like a walking accident or an awkward looking piece of human being. Emotionally, it’s like hobbling around on one leg, and that gets exhausting. When I come here, people understand. It’s like air!
Good Morning from Germany and take care all!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1YNU8yu9Kk8&NR=1
so this sociopath calls her and asks if she has forgiven him.
she said yes.
I think he was full of s**t and just wanted to know if he had won.
am I jaded?
Skylar, look at the first part of his statement:
“I cannot live the rest of my life without knowing….”
It’s still all about him. That’s why it sounds unreal. He still doesn’t care about how he hurt her. He just wants to know if he has been forgiven. After he took her family from her, now he wants to benefit and take from her humanity, too. Then he tells her that her father was a good man who didn’t deserve what he’d done, as if she didn’t already know that. Forgiveness is perhaps good for her, but to tell him that he’s forgiven is perhaps just to tell him that she never fully grasped what he is, which could give him the satisfaction of knowing that he could have the mother of a little girl murdered in front her and still convince that little girl that he’s not a bad person. Which communicates to him that she STILL cannot see beyond his mask, hence he won. He can set off bombs and have her family killed, and then all he needs to do is cry on the phone and she’s granting him mercy.
That sounds spathy to me.
And why in the HECK did they let this guy out after 1 year!?!?!??! Don’t tell me he went and tried that “I found Jesus” crying routine on everyone!
Sky, you’re not jaded. You see past the mask.
We both know from experience that when a Spath asks to be forgiven, they are just checking to see if you are still stupid.