Finally, you realize what is wrong with your romantic partner: He or she is a sociopath.
Finally, the behavior that was so confusing makes sense. The person you loved, and who you thought loved you, has a personality disorder. Now you realize that anything your partner told you could have been a lie. Now you know why your partner could be so cruel, then tell you how much he or she loved you, practically in the same breath. Now you realize that there never was any love, that your entire relationship was exploitation, and nothing more.
Now what do you do? How do you move forward? How do you recover?
Many of your friends and family tell you, “Just put it behind you. Get over it. Move on.” You are particularly likely to hear this advice if you were “only” dating the person, not married.
The friends and family dispensing this pithy advice probably were never involved with a sociopath. They don’t understand the depth of the betrayal. When you split from a sociopath, it is not a normal breakup. The intensity of these relationships makes the end incredibly painful.
Relationship and addiction
The sociopath initiated this intensity in the beginning of the relationship by showering you with attention, wanting to be with you all the time, claiming that you were soul mates, and painting a glimmering picture of your future together. You, never having experienced such adoration, believed that he or she was head over heels in love with you. Even if you felt misgivings, you suppressed them and focused on the promise of happily ever after.
Then, sooner or later, the sociopath did something to make you feel fear or anxiety. Perhaps you caught your partner lying or cheating. Perhaps he or she suddenly became enraged—you weren’t sure why—and threatened to end your relationship.
Whatever it was, the bliss that you felt in the beginning was shattered, and you wanted it back. You asked what was wrong, tried to work things out, perhaps even apologized for something that you didn’t do. Eventually the sociopath relented, and you kissed and made up.
Then, the whole cycle started again: Intense attraction. An incident causing fear and anxiety. Relief. Around and around it went.
This process has a profound psychological effect—it actually makes you addicted to the relationship. That’s why it’s so hard to break up with a sociopath. You’re not breaking off a relationship—you’re breaking an addiction.
Choose yourself
Addictions don’t just go away. Anyone who has quit smoking, drinking, drugs or any other addiction knows that it’s hard work. You must choose yourself, your health and wellbeing, over the addiction. Then you must work on your recovery, day in and day out.
A relationship with a sociopath is the same. You cannot simply “put it behind you.” You cannot fully recover by locking your internal devastation into a closet, never to be opened, while attempting to go through the motions of living. If you try to do this, you simply end up with an emotional cancer within you, eating away at your life force.
The solution is to choose yourself. Make a commitment to yourself that you will recover, and then work it, day by day.
Steps of recovery
The first step is No Contact. Get the person out of your life. Stop seeing and talking to him or her. Block emails and text messages. Don’t visit his or her Facebook page.
This will be difficult in the beginning, because, remember, you are breaking an addiction. You’ll feel a compulsion to contact your former romantic partner. But if you do, it’s just like an alcoholic falling off the wagon. You’ll be back at square one, and you’ll have to start the recovery process all over again.
The secret to breaking the addiction, as they say in 12-step programs, is to take it one day at a time. So commit to yourself that you will not contact the sociopath today. Then you make the same commitment tomorrow, and then the next day.
The longer you stay away from the sociopath, the stronger you become.
Deeper healing
Getting the sociopath out of your life is only the first part of your recovery. The second, and most important, part, is healing whatever made you vulnerable to the sociopath in the first place.
We all have vulnerabilities—it’s part of being human. We have internal fears, doubts and injuries from our past. Or we have dreams and ambitions—these, too, in the practiced hands of a sociopath, can become vulnerabilities, when he or she promises to make them come true. But generally, the sociopaths target our weaknesses, because that’s the easiest and most effective way to hook us.
Usually the weaknesses boil down to a subconscious belief, deep within us, that we are not good enough.
We rationalize that our mother ignored us, or our father abused us, because we were not good enough. We assume that an earlier romantic involvement failed because we were not good enough. These ideas may have been deeply buried, but they still caused pain, and pain created vulnerability. Sociopaths can sense vulnerability like a shark senses blood in the water.
Releasing the pain
How do you recover from these deep wounds? You acknowledge that they exist. You look at them and allow yourself to feel the associated emotions—pain, disappointment, fear, anger, rage, numbness—and then you let the emotions go.
This is a process, and is best done in private, or with the help of a competent therapist. You’ll find that you have layers and layers of pain, and as you release one, another rises to take its place. You may find yourself crying, wailing or stomping to release anger. You work your way through the layers of emotions, acknowledging, feeling and releasing.
You can’t do this all at once—it’s too draining, and you still have to live your life. In fact, you should intersperse these sessions of releasing with times of treating yourself well, and feeling joy at whatever goodness you experience, no matter how small.
True recovery isn’t easy, fun or instant—it takes work and a commitment to yourself. But the rewards are so wonderful: Release from old traumas. Life lived with peace and lightness. The opportunity for true love and happiness.
It all begins with making a decision to recover.
Sick@heart
The basic unifying characteristic of character disorder is lack of “affective empathy.” As victims, it’s not really important to figure out whether they were a narcissist, a psychopath (used interchangeably with sociopath,) a borderline, or anything else, because basically, their ability to harm you with no remorse is pretty much the same. Their finesse may differ in various ways, some are overt, some are covert, but it’s like trying to determine whether the truck that ran you over was a Ford or a Chevrolet. Your job is to recover.
I know you’ve seen all the efforts to train victims to have NO CONTACT with the predator that harmed them. There are some very good reasons why that’s so. You experienced a change in your brain chemistry as a result of this relationship. You produced oxytocin and other neurotransmitters that made you feel good and trusting around your love interest. The immediate cessation of those chemicals will make you feel longing for the object of your affection. It is these chemicals that you are reacting to. Having NO CONTACT with him will enable you to regain chemical balance.
Other things you can do to get relief are: do anything and everything that makes you feel good about yourself. Surround yourself with people who care about you. Engage in activities that build your self esteem, such as volunteer work or athletics.
Expect to ruminate. Expect to think about him. Know that it’s your brain chemistry hard at work doing exactly what it was designed to do, cleave you to your love interest. Know that this ability means that when the right person comes along, you will be able to connect. Just be sure you don’t give away your heart before you are absolutely sure you have not been fooled.
Even the smallest relapse in contact can get those chemicals re-stirring in your brain. Avoid doing so.
Wishing you a speedy path to recovery!
JmS
AMEN Jms….I’m really seeing very strong very valid very well written advice from you….I do agree with every piece of your post. The only thing I wish to add is that the hurt is sometimes so painful that seeing a doc to take the help of short term meds helps with rumination and anxiety.
Keep safe and keep strong safe@heart!!!
Sick@heart
Remember…every time you go back it will get worse. He will do even more hurtful and bizarre things. I have backslid many times. Now I am just telling myself when I even think of him that it was all fake and what I am dealing with now is the addiction. I can beat this addiction with no contact with the drug.
Imara-
You’re 200% correct about meds and therapy! Been there, done that! And would wholeheartedly encourage others to do so as well.
There are some methodologies that have recently won support by the the therapeutic community as well. EMDR which is eye movement desensitation and reprocessing and tapping as well, which Donna recently introduced on the blog.
Often folks who have experienced our issues have trouble securing validation from friends and family. Therapists are especially valuable when that occurs. And my reccommendation on that front is to find someone experienced in working with PTSD and conversant with the behaviors of psychopaths.
Best-
JmS
Not sure if this site is only for women dealing with sociopathic men but I am a man dealing with a sociopathic woman. Ive known for years something wasn’t right, but when I looked up all this stuff she fit the bill 100%
Have been with her for 10 years and have 2 kids and a house, and we even have our own business now (even though its in her name and she refuses to make me a partner and im the one doing most the work)
We split up at least once a year, I always go back, a few times she has called me, but mainly I get guilt tripped into thinking I messed it all up so I will beg my way back then she “reluctantly” takes me back with a new list of rules and regulations. She is never wrong, she never apologizes, the few times she has it was not sincere (actually like it made her mad she had to say sorry) Its always all my fault, I never do enough, even though I run the customer route for our business, take the kids to and from school, do dishes, cook dinner every night, do laundry, haul and chop our own firewood to save on heat bill, mow grass, grow a vege gargen ect ect..
Im constantly told that im a bum/lazy/a zero/ a piece of s##t/ a loser/ pathetic, that im just using her for all her hard work (she has a day job outside the business) everything is in her name, the house, the company, custody of the kids (cause we not legally married) she kicks me out and I have nothing at all to show for any of it, have to move in with my parents for a month or two, while she knows im dying to come back and get to my life with my family again.
I am 34 years old, male, im a bit of a manly man, but I have feelings too, all I ever wanted was a friend/partner in life out of a woman, and now I sit here in this situation yet again while my kids are on the phone with me everynight asking where im at and when im going to pick them up from school while being stuck in my mothers basement like some overgrown child. All the while my heart aches as I sit here and wonder how I can possibly still love and miss this woman.
sick@heart, she did to me in the beginning what yours did to you,,she was so nice and charming, I was down on my luck as I did a stint in prison when I was 20 yrs old, she built me back up then tore me down the instant we moved in together. I too have seen the text messages from other men while she states “hes just a friend” “your trying to control me”
she even goes out to eat with an old ex 1-2 times a year while im home with the kids and thinks this is ok behavior, yet starts WW3 with me if I forgot to wash one dish in the sink.
“Whatever it was, the bliss that you felt in the beginning was shattered, and you wanted it back. You asked what was wrong, tried to work things out, perhaps even apologized for something that you didn’t do. Eventually the sociopath relented, and you kissed and made up.
Then, the whole cycle started again: Intense attraction. An incident causing fear and anxiety. Relief. Around and around it went.”
THIS^^^^^^^
Last time we made up I was told if I messed up again she would get a protection order against me to keep me away for good, its been over 2 weeks and she has not done it, obviously cause shes expecting me to come begging my way back again. Everytime we get back together we have extreme love making with all kinds of goodies whispered in my ear, we cuddle a lot, we don’t fight, but it only last a month or two, the the routine starts again, the constant complaining and giving me fear of being kicked out again. Yet I sit here making excuses to go back,,,WHY????
Dave – welcome to Lovefraud. Yes, we do have men on the site who are dealing with sociopathic women. Or other people who are dealing with sociopathic women. To read their stories, click the “Female Sociopaths” button in the gray menu bar at the top.
What you are describing is typical sociopathic behavior – it is essentially the same, whether the sociopath is male or female.
The reason you keep going back is because you are NORMAL, and you have developed a love bond with this woman. She, however, does not develop a love bond. Instead, she hijacks the natural human bonding process in order to exploit you.
We have many articles on Lovefraud that may help you understand what is going on. You may also want to read my book, “Red Flags of Love Fraud.” You’ll probably see the woman in the descriptions.
Thank you Donna, its hard to talk to friends and family as all they ever say is “your stupid if you go back, just move on” they have no clue, I mean I understand cause if I was them and I heard this story I would think “whats wrong with that guy is he dumb”?
I know I love her,,more than any woman I ever have, but how do I still feel that strongly about her after all the years of abuse and pain she has caused me and my children?
Dave-
If the children are biologically your offspring, you have rights. If they are not, you need to speak to an attorney regarding what type of relationship you can retain with them.
A sociopath will not change. Expecting her behavior to stop is not realistic. Obviously, you will have financial issues if you separate so you need to plan. It may be best for you to set up an income stream that has nothing to do with her. It could mean finding separate employment. Doing so would give you the ability to live independently.
Nothing in life is ever granted us permanently. Sometimes we need to step backward in order to go forward. But living with someone who is incapable of a loving relationship is not a life for anyone. And it’s unlikely that your children are unaffected by it.
Best-
JmS
JmS,
Yes they are biologically mine, 5 and 8, boy n girl. Only once did she attempt to keep me from one for a couple months about 6 years ago. Since then when we split up she lets me speak to them on phone and pick them up occasionally, but that only last a month then im back in the house where she claims I “forced my way back in” I go back thinking I did wrong, and apologizing, while she claims she does not want me back, only to take me back and sleep with me that very night. I know I can get visitation rights in court im not worried about that, I just need to get back to work where I am now and try to not go back, as I have a feeling if I don’t beg my way back here soon, she will attempt to “wanna talk” especially now with the business as im not running it now, she is having to call off work to service the customer routes, which means she will only want me back so I can save her the trouble of missing work for this or risking losing her job for calling off so often. Its just really hard especially with this business, it was my idea, she sunk most of the money in, and lots of research, I took the phone calls, routed out the routes, helped market it, and service all the accounts, it was my dream to own my own business and be my own boss, and she even took that from me as now she is my boss in life and at work.
I sound like a broken record. This woman has ruined my self confidence.
Dear Dave,
Since finding this site I have been doing nothing but reading and visiting other sites to help make sense of all the terrible things this man did to me. Please keep coming here as it has helped me so much to know I am not alone. I am posting some thoughts for you and please remember that this can be for a female/male situation. Either way it will make you ask yourself some questions. It did force me to have to go deep inside myself and ask why I would put up with all the lies and betrayal.
cut from http://www.esteemology.com
When a Narcissist is getting to know a potential new target, he tends to overvalue his new source of supply. He lays on the charm and tries to sweep her off her feet. He is attentive, loving and everything she needs him to be. If while he’s in this hot phase, the target chooses not to engage and does not offer up the much needed supply, the Narcissist will become extremely emotional. Obtaining new sources of supply is difficult and a great source of anxiety for the Narcissist. Because they fear rejection vehemently and their entire sense of self-worth is dependent upon external sources, if abandoned at this early stage the Narcissist will become depressed, stuck and fixated on his lost target.
Most targets are not so lucky, often falling for the Narcissist’s fake charm and magnetism. In her book Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl, relationship expert, Natalie Lue lists the following behavior patterns:
He blows hot and cold ”“ one minute he’s really into you, the next minute he’s gone. There are usually pockets of time that he disappears, then reappears offering little to no explanation
He future fakes ”“early on he talks about his plans for the future, which always includes you. He may even go so far as to talk about love and marriage. He uses this technique to let you think there is a future, so he can get what he wants in the present.
He manages down your expectations ”“ he passive-aggressively appears to be on board, but as soon as you start to expect something from him, he will always disappoint. Soon he will manage down your expectations until you expect nothing from him and your relationship starts to resemble nothing more than a booty call.
His words never match his actions- he will make promise after promise, but will deliver nothing. He is one big walking excuse.
He takes no responsibility for his actions ”“ when you call him on his behavior he will often resort to turning it around on you.
He liberally presses the reset button- when he breezes his way back into your life after blowing cold, he resets the relationship to the point where he feels the most comfortable. He disappears for just long enough so he can force out the memory of his past misdemeanors.
He relies on lazy communication ”“ he prefers to communicate via text and email. This allows him to keep an emotional distance.
He’s resistant to involving himself in your life ”“ he adamantly refuses to meet your family and friends and will impede the normal progression of a relationship.
The relationship is all on his terms ”“ everything is on his terms, it’s all about him, his wants, his needs. He shows up when he wants to and he disappears when you start to expect anything from him. He lives on Me Island.
If you find your nearest and dearest displaying these behaviors, isn’t it time you started asking, what am I getting out of this relationship. Putting up with abusive behavior does not prove how much you love someone. What it proves is how little you love yourself. Resist your desire to be a doormat and put foot to pavement and bounce.
The biggest mistake a lot of women make is they stick around way too long in their relationships. Many people absolutely dread the idea of breaking up and moving on, instead they prefer to hang on like the proverbial dog with a bone.
Often we get stuck thinking, no one else will want us, or we convince ourselves that we won’t feel the same way about someone else, or perhaps we are financially dependent, but the price we pay for being involved with someone who continually mistreats us, is our self-esteem.
If someone is being disrespectful or they’re blowing hot and cold with you ”“ that means that they are not committed to the relationship ”“ flat out. They are showing you with their actions that they are not willing to put in the effort to keep you. They may like the idea that you are hanging around and are there for them whenever they want, but they are not interested in, or capable of giving you the relationship that you want. If you leave they may put in a little more effort to get you back, but eventually things will go back to the status quo.
I often think of the song by Percy Sledge, “When a man loves a woman can’t keep his mind on nothing else, Spends his very last dime tryin’ to hold on to what he needs. He’d give up all his comfort; sleep out in the rain, if she said that’s the way it ought to be.” That’s a little extreme, but we all know women who have men in their lives that absolutely adore them and will go to great lengths to keep them happy. So why are we so willing to sell ourselves short?
All too often we get thinking that being with someone, regardless of how miserable we feel, is better than being alone.
When our emotions are involved our judgment often gets cloudy. When someone is mistreating you or showing you a lack of respect you know it, but we usually end up making excuses. But here’s the reality, if you are being disrespected it’s an indication of their lack of interest. Many women excuse the behavior telling themselves, “Well he’s got problems, he wouldn’t behave like that if his ex-wife or his boss wasn’t so difficult,” or whatever other lame excuse comes to mind.
Its mind boggling to think of the lengths people will go in the name of love. It sounds like such a romantic notion, but time and time again that love is one sided or incredibly dysfunctional. Many women believe that the more you suffer for your guy the more it shows them just how much you love them, but what is actually being registered in their minds is, “Can’t she see that I don’t care, she mustn’t think much of herself if she’s putting up with all my shit,” and you enter into ’being taken for granted country.’ In our minds we are thinking, “no one else loves you as much as I do, or no one else is going to put up with this, so you should appreciate me,” and we get angry and upset when we get mistreated again. All the while they keep thinking,” My behavior must be ok with her, because she’s still here.”
“Putting up with being mistreated doesn’t prove how much you love someone, what it proves is how little you love yourself.”
Let’s put this into perspective, if you had a guy in your life, who allowed you to walk all over him again and again, what would you be thinking and feeling? Would you suddenly get an epiphany that this is the one for you? Or would you think this guy is a doormat and has some major self-esteem issues? The truth is you wouldn’t have any respect for someone who continued to lay down so you could keep kicking them, so don’t expect the men in your life to think any differently when you show them that you don’t respect yourself.
A Broken Down is A Broken Down
You can usually tell a broken down when you see them, but sometimes it’s a little more difficult. Broken downs are those attractive, charming users and manipulators, with some serious emotional baggage. They usually have trouble keeping employment, or money in the bank. They are often dependent on others for their keep- their mothers or other women. They may have many different children with many different women ”“ none of which they are supporting financially. They are angry most of the time. They are incredibly irresponsible. They may have substance abuse problems etc.: Broken downs are not capable of having healthy relationships, because well”they’re broken. If you are supporting a guy, paying all the bills and doing all the work, while he sits and loafs around day after day, you need to rethink your situation and start asking yourself ”“ what am I getting out of this really? If sex is your only answer, you’ve got some serious decisions to make.
If you are wondering whether or not to stay in your relationship answer the following questions:
Am I miserable more than I am happy?
Am I being consistently disrespected?
Am I putting in all or most of the effort?
Am I constantly expecting to be let down?
Are my needs and wants usually ignored or not even considered?
Is everything always all about him/her?
Does he/she often act like they just do not care?
When I need something can I always count on being disappointed?
If you’ve answered predominantly yes ”“ run don’t walk. You need to start asking yourself why you are settling for so little and hurting yourself in the process. Being alone and celibate is a much better trade off than having someone blow hot and cold and be down-right disrespectful to you. When you allow someone to mistreat you, you are subconsciously reaffirming your belief that you aren’t good enough and you aren’t worthy of being loved and treated with respect. In order to get healthy you need to change the script that you keep telling yourself and break those self-destructive behaviors. And you do that by stepping away from something or someone that is not serving you, so that you can look at it objectively.
Once you do, you will see that ’just having someone there’ isn’t worth the emotional rollercoaster and turmoil you’ve been putting up with. There is an incredible amount of freedom, peace and serenity that comes with being free from the drama, being completely emotionally and financially independent of people that just aren’t worth your time.
I’d rather feel good all time ”“ either with someone or all by myself ”“ thank you very much. When you start putting your happiness and your needs first you’ll make better relationship decisions and the broken downs in your life will no longer hold any interest for you.
Once a partner does manage to break free and gain the much needed emotional and physical distance, either by choice, necessity or abandonment, they are often left with some devastatingly painful questions like ”“ Did he ever love me? Did I mean anything to him at all?
What one must always remember is that Narcissists do not love. They do not form normal, healthy, attachment bonds to anyone. To a Narcissist, their partners are objects, a source of supply, nothing more. And coming to terms with the fact, that you meant nothing, to someone who meant so much to you, is incredibly painful. Realizing that you were lied to, duped, conned and manipulated all along, is enough to send even a saint into a psychotic rage.
I think the hardest thing to get over is the deliberate mind screwing, the psychological warfare that the Narcissist uses to keep his victims emotionally invested in him.
Narcissists are generally angry, miserable people and they love to project their misery onto those closest to them. Once the honeymoon phase is over and their true colours emerge, their victims are saddled with trying to understand what’s happening in the relationship. Why are they pulling away? What did I do? Why is he treating me that way? Why are they ignoring me?
This kind of emotional torture is exasperated by the Narcissists hot and cold routine. The mixed signals of I love you one day and hate you the next, has women not only questioning their sanity, but their sense of self-worth as well. They are pathological liars and will lie about even the most insignificant things. If their partner catches them in a lie, they will often, either spin another set of lies or fly into a Narcissistic Rage and even put the blame on you, to keep you off balance.
They use a form of psychological intimidation, called Gas Lighting, where they present false information to their victims, which makes them doubt their own memory, perception and even sanity. They will often say something, then sometimes even in the same conversation state that they didn’t say that.
A Narcissist will take no responsibility for anything. He will criticize your appearance, abilities and your very existence. Everything has become your fault and you cannot ever please him despite your best efforts. The closer you try to get to him the further he pulls away. Then once you start to pull away, he will turn up the heat and start his pursuit once again. This constant beat down erodes their victim’s self-esteem leaving them feeling completely confused, off balance and drained of all their emotional resources.
Everything is all about him, always and this consistent pandering to his every need and want, often pushes his targets into Co-dependent behaviors. These women get so wrapped up in the relationship and trying to fix it, that they lose themselves. They have stopped thinking about their needs, their goals and their own happiness. All of their energy is spent on trying to win back the man they fell in love with. What most fail to realize is that that man never existed. The Narcissist pulls the old bait and switch. The man they met in the beginning was an actor and the man they are with now, is the true man behind the mask.
Many get caught up in seeking the emotional validation of ”“am I good enough ”“ from someone who will never give it to them. This validation seeking can go on for a long, long time. There is nothing more soul destroying and degrading than jumping through hoop after hoop trying to prove your worth, to someone who will never see or acknowledge it.
Keep reading here and when you find your strength Dave you will know it.
“He blows hot and cold ”“ one minute he’s really into you, the next minute he’s gone”
This is exactly what she does, at times she states she wants this more than me, or says things like “please never leave me” then hates me the next day and wants me to move out.
“your relationship starts to resemble nothing more than a booty call.”
We have a great sexual relationship, but it seems like 80% of the time its the only thing holding us together.
“He takes no responsibility for his actions ”“ when you call him on his behavior he will often resort to turning it around on you.”
All day everyday, this is her, I have even taken the blame for a couple times ive caught her speaking on phone with another man behind my back.
“The relationship is all on his terms ”“ everything is on his terms, it’s all about him”
Again all day everyday this is how she is, while in the meantime she proceeds to tell me that actually this is how I am.
“The truth is you wouldn’t have any respect for someone who continued to lay down so you could keep kicking them”
I believe this is the main reason she disrespects me so often.
“They are pathological liars and will lie about even the most insignificant things. If their partner catches them in a lie, they will often, either spin another set of lies or fly into a Narcissistic Rage and even put the blame on you, to keep you off balance”
ugh the more I read the stupider I feel.
“They use a form of psychological intimidation, called Gas Lighting, where they present false information to their victims, which makes them doubt their own memory, perception and even sanity. They will often say something, then sometimes even in the same conversation state that they didn’t say that.”
Good lord im beginning to think this site was dedicated to exposing my ex lol. Several years ago she lied to me about 1k dollars on the tax return concerning what the kids generated which we were supposed to split 50/50,,i found out, she got so mad she left work and threatned to call the cops on me, several months ago I brought it up and she said “I don’t know what your talking about, that never happened”
“A Narcissist will take no responsibility for anything. He will criticize your appearance, abilities and your very existence. Everything has become your fault and you cannot ever please him despite your best efforts. ”
Yup, I got criticized because im not “mr. fix it” and she thinks im less of a man cause of this, tells me shes smarter than me, and that I put no effort in.
“All of their energy is spent on trying to win back the man they fell in love with. What most fail to realize is that that man never existed”
That’s what I keep hoping for, is to find that woman I fell in love with that pulled me out of that pit I was in so long ago, but I don’t believe she exist.
” There is nothing more soul destroying and degrading than jumping through hoop after hoop trying to prove your worth, to someone who will never see or acknowledge it.”
truer words were never spoken, I feel like a failure in life, I feel so un-confident around women because I feel less than a man anymore, and feel like every woman that sees me knows this.
TY sick@heart for posting this, was a good read, I know I need to read this stuff, but the more I do, the sicker it makes my stomach to get this reality check.