Research has suggested that some sociopaths may experience something like “sociopathic burnout,” characterized by a reduction in their antisocial behavioral output as they move through middle and older age. (This is a type of decline in production to be glad for.)
What this does not mean is that sociopaths “outgrow” their sociopathic orientation, anymore than a career thief outgrows his thief’s mentality.
“Sociopathic burn-out,” let me stress, is not to be mistaken for something as chimerical (and unrealistic) as the sociopath’s “personal growth.” One might be tempted to regard the aging sociopath’s “mellowing” as a signal of his perhaps, finally, “growing up;” of his acquiring perhaps, finally, a more mature grasp of his priorities; of his having learned, perhaps at long last, finally to appreciate and value his blessings (including you).
Don’t be deceived. The aging sociopath’s “mellowing” will have nothing to do with a maturation, genuine repentance or self-discovery process. In the end, it will be about “burnout,” and nothing more.
And “burnout” really isn’t so complicated. We all burn-out. All of us, as we age, lose energy, requiring, over time, that we grow more selective in the allocation of our decreasing energy reserves.
Accordingly, we might find ourselves, gradually, apportioning less of our energy to activities and behaviors that failed to tax us in our younger, indefatigable days.
And let’s not kid ourselves: The life of the exploiter is energy-draining. It may take a sociopath to chronically exploit others unconscionably, but it also takes a considerable toll of energy.
And so the sociopath, whose energy is as finite as yours, tires. As he moves past his prime, he finds that his shenanigans now come with a cost, a price, just as, at 40, or 50, you find that recovering from a bender isn’t as easy, as painless, as when you were 20, or 25.
Like the veteran Hollywood stunt man, the aging sociopath finds he can no longer pull off stunt after stunt without confronting an emerging reality: the satisfaction he gets from his outrageous stunts no longer necessarily (after all these years) supercedes the cost to himself, which grows bit by bit as he “ages” not out of his shallowness and lovelessness, but his energy.
The sociopath, in other words, hasn’t been humanized by age, merely depleted by age of the energy levels necessary to sustain his flagrant, sociopathic machinations.
And so, sadly, the aging sociopath will not, finally, come to love or genuinely respect you; he will not “evolve” a true, belated appreciation of everything you promised him that he foully besmirched in his previous immaturity.
Rather, increasingly fatigued and/or dependent, he will only value, as always and now perhaps more than ever, the convenience (if he’s lucky) that your companionship affords him in his now “mellower,” but really just more tired, incarnation.
(My use of “he” in this post and others is merely a convenience, and not meant to suggest that males have a patent on sociopathy. This article is copyrighted (c) 2009 by Steve Becker, LCSW. Thanks to TC for inspiring it.)
Outlier
Matt and Henry, are you both females? I do read your posts, but your names confuse.
Which brings to mind this: are there posters on here who can identify gay sociopaths. I know this isn’t the place for that; I’ll search for it. Do gay sociopaths abuse their lovers?
Buttons
Outlier, one of the most underreported groups of domestic violence and abuse (after men) are homosexuals. The violence and sociopathy among the gay community is pretty high in percentage.
“Identify gay sociopaths” is the same thing as identifying a heterosexual that fits the profile. Sexual orientation has nothing to do with sociopathy – one does’t preclude the other. Look for the RED FLAGS. Do they fit the profile? Bingo.
one/joy_step_at_a_time
outlier – many of us have found that the ppaths sexual orientation runs to ‘anyone they can con.’ many women here were married to men who were also sleeping with others, including men.
there are gay posters here, myself included, and our ppaths presented as gay and were also sleeping with women and other men.
again, ‘anyone they can con.’
Outlier
I appreciate it is not relevant in the slightest to highlight ones ethnic/religious/sexuality. But I’ve not been aware of posts between same sex relationships on LF (unless I’m not reading carefully enough). Sincerest apologies if my post carries ignorance.
Sociopaths single out ethnic/religious targets. The psychiatrist DSMer claims to have many ethnic friends just after expressing racist views in the same sentence.
one/joy_step_at_a_time
outlier – there are at least three of us here. all candid.
i see no ignorance whatsoever, but a rather lovely, formal approach.
spaths are largely chameleons. and i suspect that in general they target people in groups that are at some disadvantage in society – we probably carry more shame than those who are not – and are easier to threaten and manipulate into silence.
the ppath of my acquaintance is constantly targeting queers. i wish she would pith off; the queers have enough problems to deal with. what she is herself i have no idea. i know she is married (aka has a male slave at home at worst, an enabler at best), and has a ‘helper’ of some sort also. a woman. god knows what that relationship is. what i do know is, when i think of that household it creeps me out considerably.
Outlier
My poor aging computer needed a restart. It’s 2am here, but I wanted to acknowledge your 2 posts I didn’t spot in the pc freeze, one_step. So it makes no difference: a sociopath is a sociopath is a sociopath is a soci… the same behaviour either way. It makes no difference. Sociopaths are exist in every creed, colour, makeup. It is educational to learn the above statistics. The gay community are no more promiscuous (as may be perceived) than heterosexual (see weekend clubbing behaviour here in the UK for instance); I did wonder if young people can hook up with anyone different each weekend, are they themselves exhibiting S traits?
This may be of interest to you, and in fact anyone (like me) who loves contemporary dance:
“I feel love”, from Lloyd Newson’s DEAD DREAMS OF MONOCHROME MEN (1989), created and performed by Lloyd Newson, Nigel Charnock, Russel Maliphant and Douglas Wright, directed by David Hinton.
“I was left with an endless search through the soul-destroying pub scene and its resulting one-night stands … passing faces and bodies, the unfulfilled tokens of an empty life.
A house is not a home and sex is not a relationship. We would only lend each other our bodies
in a vain search for inner peace.” Dennis Nilson. DV8’s latest work for four men, explores through non-narrative dance theatre the interwoven notions of loneliness, desire and trust. The men enact private rituals which become disturbing in their familiarity. When does the ordinary become extraordinary? Their actions push the boundary of naturalism to the extreme, the space becomes a landscape of loneliness where “nature makes no provision for emotional death” and men are left to resurrect their own lives.
9 or 10 in the series. A sociopath preying gay clubs. http://www.youtube.com/user/SeejayLurtzmann#p/u/90/Hkr_LZbQklc
Dear Ms Anderson, if this is URL is not allowed, I’ll put it in my profile and can be accessed from there. Can I also introduce you to this too lovely for words classic piece: http://www.youtube.com/user/SeejayLurtzmann#p/u/90/Hkr_LZbQklc
Enjoy the remaining Sunday evening. (very sorry for dereailing the original thread).
one/joy_step_at_a_time
Outlier – i don;t believe the hook ups you are referring to are a display of sociopathic traits. Rather, a trend that has been seen for several decades now and one that has been steadily escalating, amongst a large number of youth, regardless of creed, race, gender, gender orientation, sexual orientation.
each culture, in each country has it’s own tendencies, but by and large this trend has been going strong since the 60’s, and especially since the advent of the birth control pill – which marks its 50th anniversary today.
i’ll watch the video when i get home and have better bandwidth. certainly, those of us who are recovering from relationships with spaths are left to resurrect our own lives.
shana31
Haven’t read through all the posts yet, but I’m just wondering if as they age, they do experience burnout and consequently a mellowing, if more of an anger would set in as a result, from still having the same thoughts and feelings, but not the energy to act on them? I think I’d like to believe that as opposed to thinking they would somehow find the comfort, sense of security and peace that I thought I had found with him.
one/joy_step_at_a_time
shana31 – that’s a good question.
i think that the slowing down in some is connected to a lessened drive as testosterone levels drop. so, that might speak to a lower frustration level than expected. mind you, if they are incapacitated by illness that might be a different thing altogether. as their ability and drive would be at odds.
i don’t think they are depleted in energy in the way the article suggests – that it takes a lot of energy to con folks – i think this would only be true of people who respond in an ordinary way chemically, and i don’t believe spaths do.
the ppath of my acquaintance is a female – 58 and going strong – she’s just moved on to the internet – takes waaaaay less energy. they are adaptive creature; just like cockroaches.
my two cents worth. 😉
shana31
one_step–
Regarding the internet…I found a great website with an article titled Online Dating Changes People. It was part of my initiation into the world of S/P’s. Since finding LF and just recently posting for first time, I have given a lot of thought to how, in an attempt to “sell ourselves” on dating sites, we give up way too much information too soon, from writing the perfect profile to beginning to correspond with a new prospect. In real life, we would never divulge the things we do online in the first hour of meeting someone. Of course, you can meet any P,S, N on any given day as you go about your business, but the internet just increases the risk tenfold as we lay ourselves wide open. I saved a quote from another article that said, “online is a haven for the liars, the married, the drunks, the serial daters and the emotionally wrecked.” I do agree that it is a haven and one I have chosen to remove myself from. I said the last time would be the last time, but I had no idea of the doozy it would turn out to be!