Research has suggested that some sociopaths may experience something like “sociopathic burnout,” characterized by a reduction in their antisocial behavioral output as they move through middle and older age. (This is a type of decline in production to be glad for.)
What this does not mean is that sociopaths “outgrow” their sociopathic orientation, anymore than a career thief outgrows his thief’s mentality.
“Sociopathic burn-out,” let me stress, is not to be mistaken for something as chimerical (and unrealistic) as the sociopath’s “personal growth.” One might be tempted to regard the aging sociopath’s “mellowing” as a signal of his perhaps, finally, “growing up;” of his acquiring perhaps, finally, a more mature grasp of his priorities; of his having learned, perhaps at long last, finally to appreciate and value his blessings (including you).
Don’t be deceived. The aging sociopath’s “mellowing” will have nothing to do with a maturation, genuine repentance or self-discovery process. In the end, it will be about “burnout,” and nothing more.
And “burnout” really isn’t so complicated. We all burn-out. All of us, as we age, lose energy, requiring, over time, that we grow more selective in the allocation of our decreasing energy reserves.
Accordingly, we might find ourselves, gradually, apportioning less of our energy to activities and behaviors that failed to tax us in our younger, indefatigable days.
And let’s not kid ourselves: The life of the exploiter is energy-draining. It may take a sociopath to chronically exploit others unconscionably, but it also takes a considerable toll of energy.
And so the sociopath, whose energy is as finite as yours, tires. As he moves past his prime, he finds that his shenanigans now come with a cost, a price, just as, at 40, or 50, you find that recovering from a bender isn’t as easy, as painless, as when you were 20, or 25.
Like the veteran Hollywood stunt man, the aging sociopath finds he can no longer pull off stunt after stunt without confronting an emerging reality: the satisfaction he gets from his outrageous stunts no longer necessarily (after all these years) supercedes the cost to himself, which grows bit by bit as he “ages” not out of his shallowness and lovelessness, but his energy.
The sociopath, in other words, hasn’t been humanized by age, merely depleted by age of the energy levels necessary to sustain his flagrant, sociopathic machinations.
And so, sadly, the aging sociopath will not, finally, come to love or genuinely respect you; he will not “evolve” a true, belated appreciation of everything you promised him that he foully besmirched in his previous immaturity.
Rather, increasingly fatigued and/or dependent, he will only value, as always and now perhaps more than ever, the convenience (if he’s lucky) that your companionship affords him in his now “mellower,” but really just more tired, incarnation.
(My use of “he” in this post and others is merely a convenience, and not meant to suggest that males have a patent on sociopathy. This article is copyrighted (c) 2009 by Steve Becker, LCSW. Thanks to TC for inspiring it.)
shana – you ARE right about revealing more. i have since learned to read profiles with my spath specs. i can see how i marked myself as prey now.
i was online about 2 weeks when i met the spath. arggh.
i met an N online about 4 years ago. that one was crazy making, and i didn’t understand what the hell happened (until i got here) but not the ‘doozy’ the ppath was. I here ya!
shana – do you have a url for that article…i googled and got, you got it, dating websites.
One-step, thank you for responding. One S trait is sexual promiscuity and I assumed it develops in those clubbing days, their youths in the 60s, 70s.. I am sure there are more youths who do NOT go out sleeping with someone different each weekend. It’s a culture, a peer thing, I guess.
Being frail and older is a wonderful mask for DSMsufferers. Little old lady next door is a sharp thorn under the grey hair. When she’s dolled up, it’s a little amusing. One ugly looking duck with shiny youthful nails. She relies on her enablers – the people she spends a lifetime lying to. I suspect she can be herself with them as they are her puppets and dont pose a threat as she has them in a safe place.
It never ceases to amaze me they are capable of remembering their lies. OR they deny the lie to begin with.
What amazes me is their recollect for EVERY thing you have ever said. My memory is not one of my assets, and I just thought he was remarkable with his. Perhaps this could be somewhat of a red flag with the way they are so intent on learning you? or maybe do I just need some ginkgo biloba? 🙂
Shana31, I have a memory like a steel trap – I can remember the date, time, and circumstances when I demanded a divorce.
What happens to our memories is that our perceptions are deliberately altered by the spath – THEY cause us to feel as if we cannot trust our own judgement, therefore we cannot trust our own memories.
Some ginko might not hurt! 😀
Dunno where to put this but could it be sociopathic equals male? most males? I read women think emotionally..men think logically…
Certainly, men and women are hardwired quite differently. Most men that I’ve known during my lifetime weren’t interested in remembering dates, quotes, exact circumstances. But, in the context of the spath, we question our own recall because we have been brainwashed into believing that anything that we say or do is questionable.
Yes Buttons..But arent men not supposed to be monogamous but women are?
I will submit firther that the long term effects of this type of abuse often leads to thyoid and reproductive hormone functions. If you are not female, you are without the ability to understand what impact thiese efects can have on the ability to think clearly but they are very, very real. And physical in nature.
The SPATH takes advantage of what is observable.
As far as logic vs. Emotion goes, that is a crock. And its a crock dumped on women so frequently that even some believe it.
The 46XX is hardwired to respond viciously to any threat to safety or security. That is true. And should in all species be best respected….
silvermom I thought it would be the case and it makes sense because nature would see child bearing in the predicament we are in as dangerous I suppose and as for the thyroid it makes sense that having had our mental well being bombarded it would kinda get worn out….