By | February 2, 2011 55 Comments

Almost drowning with the con man Andrew J. Harper

Editor’s note: Andrew J. Harper, who conned multiple women in Australia, was sentenced yesterday to nine months in jail. Here’s what we hear from one of his victims, Rochelle Fisher.

“Rebecca Bell was there, she said the magistrate gave him an absolute drilling, and was not falling for any of his crap. She said the fact that the victims had children made him very angry.

“Also, his lawyer said that he didn’t get any financial gain from his victims, that they were along for the ride and enjoyed it, like staying in hotels etc. And the magistrate said ‘Yes, but, they would not have paid it if he had told the truth.’

“He has been ordered to pay back 22k to victims and hotels, but there is nothing to enforce that order, so he won’t pay it.”

With Harper going back to jail, the women feel vindicated. Still, it’s difficult for them to explain to friends and family how they got into the situation to begin with. Rochelle, who posts on Lovefraud as “Rozzieoz,” wrote the following piece in an attempt to describe the sensation of almost drowning with the con man.

The Beach Where He Said He Would Love Me Forever

By Rochelle Fisher

“Step onto my beach,” he said.
“Your beach?” I asked, in amazement.
“Yes, my beach, I own it. It is all mine but you can share it.”
“Why me?” I asked, “Why am I so special?”
“Because I have been alone for a long, long time and there is nobody else like you,” he answered, as he took my hand and pulled me roughly onto the sand of his beach.

I looked around for other bathers, but we were totally alone. The waves crashed in the distance, seeming to move ominously closer. I decided to ignore the waves and looked at him instead.

“We don’t need anybody else, it will be just you, and me, forever,” he said as he gazed deeply into my eyes, and I chose to believe him.

We walked along the beach, moving further and further away from civilization, closer and closer to the water.

“We don’t need anybody else, it will be just you, and me, forever,” he said, as he pulled me into the shallow water.
I felt nervous.
“I am not sure if I can swim with you.”

I wanted to dive into the water with him and swim forever.

“Yes you can,” he said, “It will be just you and me forever, I will help you swim, I will protect you,” as he pulled me deeper into the water. I chose to believe him. I ignored the waves and looked at him instead.

His eyes mesmerized me, I forgot about the waves, the water, the missing people on his deserted beach, I chose to focus on him.

Because he chose me.

As he pulled me deeper and deeper into the water, the sand beneath my feet started to undulate. Nothing seemed to be very stable anymore.

“I am sinking!” I cried out.
“No, you are not” he smiled at me, all the while pulling me deeper.
“I’m not? Are you sure?”
“Of course not, this is our beach, why would you sink, it is just you and me forever, I won’t let you sink.”
“The sand is moving!” I felt a knot tighten in my stomach as panic set in.
“No, it’s not. Don’t say that!”
“Are you sure? It feels like it is moving.”
“Of course I am sure, it will be just you and me forever and I will protect you.”

I chose to believe him.

The only other option meant sinking into the sand, or drowning. So I clung to him, as the waves swirled around me, faster and faster, spinning me around and around until my head was muddled and I felt dizzy and ill.

“Help, I really am going to drown!” I screamed out to him.

I felt his hands gripping mine, he was my only salvation from certain death.
“Why would I let you drown, I chose you, remember? I could have had anyone, but here I am with you, on our beach, forever.”

He smiled down at me as I floundered in the water, but it was only his mouth that was smiling, his eyes were cold. I gripped his arms, clinging on for dear life, he was the only thing standing between me and certain death.

“Why aren’t you drowning, why aren’t you sinking in the sand ”¦ why?” I looked up at him, my hands still gripping his arms, desperate for him to save me. He was not moving, he stood firm and strong.
I felt my head going under the water.

“Don’t worry, I will save you. I love you, remember, it is just you and me, forever.”

I did not notice him smiling.

Water covered my head. I felt his hands wrap around my wrists and for a second I felt safe. Until the weight started pressing on my head. I struggled against it, but the weight kept pressing, pushing me under. For a second my head came out of the water and I realized ”¦ no ”¦ it could not be ”¦ it was HIS foot pressing on my head.

I tried to cry out, but I could not talk, every time I opened my mouth it filled with water so I coughed and choked.

He stood above me, staring at me with cruel callousness, as his foot pressed my head deeper and deeper under the water.

I sank into unconsciousness. I wanted to close my eyes and sleep forever. I was drowning, on his beach. The beach where he was going to love me forever.

Just as it felt like the last breath was going to exit my body, the pressure and weight lifted and I shook my head out of the water, gasping for air.

I crawled up the beach, dragging my exhausted, battered body onto the sand. If I could just make it onto the beach, he would be there to save me.

I coughed up water for a long time, lying on the beach shaking, spluttering, crying and afraid. Finally the exhaustion overcame me and I fell asleep.

I woke up on the beach. It was empty.

He was gone.

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Thank you for allowing me to share 🙂

Ox Drover

Dear Roz,

Thank you FOR sharing! I think your “beach” analogy is a good one for us all that we can relate to, I know I sure can!

That gaslighting and telling us we are not drowning, telling us they are NOT the ones pushing our heads under when we can FEEL their hands. Oh, how I can relate to that!

I am so glad that he got at least a few more months in jail, and though I know he will not pay the money back unless there is some way of enforcing the court order it may be that when he makes no attempt to pay it back, possibly you can get the prosecutor to file a contempt of court order against him for failure to follow the court order. Some places here in the US they will do that and some places not. Just depends. Might be worth a shot anyway, all they can do is say “no” they can’t do that. LOL

Thank you Ox Drover 🙂


This is sooo spine chilling.

Dani S

rozzieoz~ That was the best piece of writing I had read for a very long time on Sociopaths! Thank you for sharing.

my ex H spath is also Australian and I hope Andrew Harper’s court case has made some sort of precedence and my ex ends up there.

It is so frustrating the court ordered amounts. Mine was ordered to pay me $22,000 and I will never see a cent. It already cost me over $20,000 to take him to court many times for property settlement and I am not going to spend another $20,000 I dont have to try to retrieve what he was ordered to pay which I still would not get from him anyway!

If the courts order $$$$ to be paid they should have a time frame or lock them up as it is just stupid and a waist of time ordering a Sociopath to pay money back!!!!
And further frustrating to the victims who have a glimmer of hope that they may see some of their money return for a small second. Even knowing they will not see their money, being a court order is just seems like another victimization!

Dani, we were thrilled, yesterday was an incredible day, we all felt very victorious. Even though he is not being jailed for the fraud etc against me, I still feel vindicated.

Since Diana and Rebecca started working together to stop AJH, they have been in it together. Any other survivors who come along become part of a very close group. We share every tear and every success.

It would be wonderful if our experience can start to change the way the justice system views this sort of crime.

Ox Drover


I can’t open the long thread so can’t read what you are posting just that you are posting, but didn’t want you to think I was ignoring you, dear! If you want to talk to me you have to post on a shorter thread! LOL (((hugs)))) Hope you are doing better, I know it hurts to think you may have found THE guy and then he turns out to be THE DEVIL himself! I sure found that one out the hard way with my own P X-BF and I know that many others here have too, so you are NOT alone. Also, this is NOT your FIRST RODEO so it will go faster this time than last I bet you, I’m getting to where now that the rodeo rides are MUCH less bouncing and terrible than the first few were. I think as we experience the rides we get to where they are not nearly as fearsome as they were the first time or two. ((hugs))) and God bless


Ox Does that mean you getting jaded or maybe thick skinned? I agree with you to a point. But Meg is like most of us here, we DID love the jerkface. After so long a journey to heal from his betrayel I have to honour myself with that fact, even tho it was toxic, what I felt inside was true to a point. Like I have said before “It is better to have loved and lost than live with a physco the rest of your life” or maybe even never loved before. So I lock my door’s and my gate and my hopes that he ever comes back, because if he did I would have to send him away because I loved him and lost. You dont win with these people but you can move past it.


Dances….i loved my psycho’s dick, too 😀
What a waste of dick


well yeah but dick’s are a dime a dozen if that’s what we want…


Dances, some are little
No bueno

Ox Drover

Dear Henry (Dances)

Of course I’m getting jaded, cynical and tick skinned, but that doesn’t mean that I am not having an easier time each time I get “bucked off” in the rodeo-of-life.

The first time or two I got bucked off, stomped on and kicked in the head, I was totally surprised and gobsmacked, but now I am realizing that “friends” do betray us, “family” does stab us in the back, and so on, it isn’t a BIG SURPRISE any more.

Think of a sweet little kid 3-4 years old who loves puppies and she goes up to a strange dog all smiles and so glad to see it and goes to pet it and the thing bites her hand off! DUH! That was ME!

Over and over and over, and each time I was SURPRISED that the damn dog bit me! Now though 1) I don’t stick my hand out to strange dogs 2) even dogs I know I am aware that they CAN bite 3) I’m not totally surprised when even a dog I know bites me 4) if it is a 4 legged dog that bites me I will shoot the SOB and 5) if it is a 2-legged dog that bites me, I will stay as far away from it as I can and won’t spend a lot of time crying over the fact that it bit me, it just won’t get another chance to do it again.


Ox I have vision’s of you shooting a four-legged dog and saying ” I sure loved you, you SOB’


Oh, Rozzie, loved your beach story. That really resonated. Red flag after our second date when he sent me a text saying he would “protect me forever and always.” WE HAD JUST MET 4 DAYS PRIOR!

I’m lying on the beach now, trying to breathe after nearly drowning, alone save for LF team. My best friend refuses to understand what I’m going through, she has her own struggles but is such a man-hater in general. She thinks they’re all a**h***s. I don’t think our friendship is very healthy, either, and may not survive this transition I’m in. I’m not the same person anymore…

Oxy I’ve learned my lesson now about petting dogs (and people)!


well done babe – still gives me goose bumps

Ox Drover

Dear Dances (Henry)

Yep and wouldn’t even flinch when I pulled the trigger, the SOB shouldn’t have bitten me. I’ve butchered several oxen that kicked or hooked out of malice and any cow or bull that acted aggressively (unless she was protecting a baby) went to the great barn in the sky! (My freezer!) Got the BIGGER N’ MEANER RULE around here, if some’n is Bigger AND meaner than I am, it goes to the the great beyond! Don’t want nuttin on the place that is TRYING to hurt me. I’m the alpha dawg around here! Gonna stay that way too! Not even feel guilty about it at all either.

That little “set to” in Texas shows me that I have grown a pair of cajones in the last couple of years and I’m beginning to believe that’s a good thing.

I don’t ride the broncs like I used to, got more sense than that now, and am taking a few precautions now, but when I DO get bucked off it doesn’t come as any big surprise to me any more and I don’t get my feelings hurt like I ust’a do.

Back when I was in the wild animal business people would ask us “does that ______(whatever kind of animal) bite?” and our answer was, “If it has a MOUTH IT CAN BITE!” So I have finally come to realize that as long as people are people they can betray you or let you down, so just trust with CAUTION and don’t be totally surprised if you get bitten. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and climb back on the fence.

Dani S

Well Done Roz, I am so happy for you all and your victory. I too have a little group of ex’s that have really helped in the recovery. No one understands what we have gone through except other victims and no one understands more than the ones that have shared the same experience with the same person 🙂

Oxy hope you had a wonderful xmas new year. I have had a wonderful break moved house and been away a lot. I have also been off the cigarettes and wine for a while now and feel like I new person. I have put on more weight but not really that fussed as I have kicked two really big bad habits and if I can do that dieting cant be too hard? Maybe! lol

Oh don’t talk about dieting, I put on SO much weight over christmas/new year.


I’m going to do like Dances…oh my *
I want a pair of cajones too. They’re bigger than a pair of cojones.

Oxy, i also want to grow a pair of them. How should i do it?
I’m very coward and just have a couple of olives at the moment. 🙂

Ox Drover

Dear Rozzie,

Well, darling the diet and life style change was brought on because (as the usual health care professional) I neglected my own health while telling others how to take care of theirs. LOL

I put on a bunch of weight, about 75 pounds, after my husband died and I quit smoking as well, but most of the weight gain was before the smoking stopped. I quit exercising (I was always active) and upped my eating, both in amount and in higher salt (sodium) content and just went into denial about the weight gain, “Oh, it’s only another pound” and “Oh, it’s only another pound or two”—but my blood pressure and blood sugar started to go up and I started to feel bad so I HAD TO DO SOMETHING or get sicker and sicker.

Well, the first BIGGIE was the cigarettes and instead of a half hearted effort to “quit” I ACTUALLY STOPPED THEM and made a real vow to myself I would NOT go back and I haven’t. It’s been a couple of years I think, can’t actually remember when I quit, but it worked and I’ve been tempted a time or two but have NOT given in. Actually, it doesn’t bother me 99.9% of the time, but I know I am a nicotine ADDICT so one slip could be enough to trip me up.

The same thing with the dietary changes and exercise and getting the weight off….and the lower sodium. I have a CHOICE, if I don’t get the weight off, if I don’t stay with a low sodium diet, I will suffer one or all of the following: loss of eye sight, loss of my kidney function, heart attack, stroke, loss of limbs, pain in my feet and legs along with loss of actually sensation in them, loss of independence, loss of life, loss of meaningful life, faster mental decline for old age, and I could go on with the list, I haven’t completed the REASONS for me to eat well, exercise and keep my sodium down and stay away from cigarettes.

But the MAIN REASON TO is not the things I would lose, but the things I HAVE ALREADY GAINED with the loss of just 28 pounds. I FEEL MUCH BETTER ALREADY. I don’t cough any more at all. My feet don’t swell and hurt. I have more energy. I feel better emotionally. I sleep better and more restfully. My mood is brighter. I HANDLE STRESS BETTER THAN I DID. That last one is a BIGGIE.

Eva, if you take care of yourself and learn to set boundaries, THEY WILL GROW, I promise you. That’s the only way I know to grow a pair! (((Hugs)))) LOL


I’ve been thinking and i’m afraid i don’t do well either of these things: taking care of myself and setting boundaries.
But i need to grow a pair of cajones….i’m tired of the couple of olives. Tired and bored. And fed up of psychopaths and by-products. I need that pair of cajones. Hugs to you and un besito!

Dani S

Hi Oxy did you read my post to you above re: ciggs? lol

Roz I am hearing you, Christmas and new year were evil for my booty! I am trying now to kick sugar out of the diet, oh god the pain of it all! I am addicted to Sugar~

Oxy well done on getting hold of your weight and ultimately your health! That is terrific! 🙂

Ox Drover

Congratulations, Dani, giving up cigs is worse than cocaine I think (from what addicts of the cocaine tell me) I’ve never done coke so can’t testify to that but I know it is more difficult to get folks off cigarettes than anything I’ve had to deal with.

Salt is another “addictive” substance, but now that my tastes have “adjusted” to lower salt, I am not craving it so much. So I find that the more progress I made the easier it is to make progress.

Keep up your focus on moving toward the “light” and the “right!” It all helps!

Dani S

Yep so true! I was lucky my mum never cooked with salt and we never had it in the table so I never developed a real taste for salt but mum was never far from a bag of lollies and that was our reward and her guilt for working 6 days a week. Lollies are comfort for me but if I can stop smoking I can do anything, I think.
I loved smoking and it was hard giving up but not as hard as saying good bye to my kids if I got sick. And I would be so annoyed with myself if I got sick because as you know I would then risk my little ones father coming back into her life and for me to protect her of that is enough to keep going on the right path as hard as it is…Hope you are well 🙂

Ox Drover

Well, I liked smoking too, started when I was 15, everyone in the family smoked except my grandmother…it meant you were an “adult.” My husband didn’t smoke but I never quit though he wanted me to so badly. I “tried’ several times, even for months at a time (well not really very hard!) but a couple of years ago I just SET MY MIND to do it and did it. Got immediate relief from upper respiratory problems and have felt much better since. I think I am fortunate to have good genetics, or I wouldn’t have been able to so abuse myself without worse consequences I think. Long-lived family, sperm donor smoked unfiltered by the 4 packs a day since age 10 lived to be over 80, egg donor smoked except for 10 years she quit once then went back, but shes 82 soon and still kicking… some of grandparents smoked or used tobacco in some form. Unless the women died in child birth or shortly after it from infections, all my ancestors back quite a ways back, but 1 or 2, lived LONG lives in pretty good health and were active and productive. Most 80+ and even a couple that were nearly to or over 100 in the days before antibiotics which was REALLY quite rare then.

I have squandered a great deal of my life I think making bad decisions, and other parts of it I’ve done well with, but I’m trying now to BALANCE my life, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, socially and physically. In the past it seemed there was always some crisis to take care of and not time or effort left to work on other things, now I see that the balance is to me the most important thing so I am TAKING THE TIME to balance it better. Making myself if I have to to do what I KNOW IS RIGHT, even if I don’t so much want to do it. Speaking of which I need to go ride my exercise bike. See ya later.

Dani S

Good for you and lucky for good health genes… I too have squandered and wasted a great deal of my life on bad decisions and I too are in the stage of reclaiming my life and my health! I was either the fun girl or the fix it girl even nicked named Mother Hen! well not anymore there is only one person in my life that needs fixing and that is me. It maybe a selfish act these days but I dont give a dam, those people I spent my life trying to help/fix are not even in my life now so the only true person I need to worry about now is myself…. My mother said she has noticed that I am much more relaxed and calmer now. I m feeling so much better,emotionally, spiritually and physically. I have bad allergies and had to have a Ventolin puffer and I just released I have not used it once in a month.
I dont know if it is turning 40 or being that little further down the track in recovery but I have been taken the past demons by the horns. My brother that I have mentioned before the alcoholic is also a catalyst in my taking control of my life. My brother is now the same age my dear father died of liver failure. I remember feeling that Dad must not have loved me enough to want to die, I didn’t know about addiction then as I was young, except for Lollies of course but I dont want my children to feel the way I did. I would not forgive myself if they thought I chose cigarettes over my health and ultimately them. Have fun on the exercise bike, now I must go and do something to burn some fat 🙂


This was absolutely perfect. Great way to capture a sociopathic relationship in a poetic nutshell. Thank you for this. I will be sharing.


Thank you wiserheart 🙂 I found writing it very cathartic, so glad it is beneficial 🙂 When I wrote it, I did not know the term “gaslighting” or what it is.



That was an amazing story. I have to share something with you all. Before the breakup of my marriage but while having an online internet affair, every Saturday Night I would watch the movie Phantom of the Opera. (the internet guy who I never met in person was probably BPD/NPD and married.) I didn’t meet him on a dating site but on a Christian Forum.

I kept trying to analyze the Phantom story. Who was the good guy? Raoul was the hero but was rather boring. The phantom was more interesting but I had to keep reminding myself that he was a killer.

I kept wanting my husband to save me and at least tell me to stop talking to internet guy. When it crossed the line and he started calling me my husband said “What did you let into our house?” I told him, Why don’t YOU tell him to leave me alone?

Cristine was apparently more talented with the Phantom pulling her strings or so she thought. He needed to control her. Raoul tried to save her, but in the end Christine had to save herself.

It seems that one relationship after the other I had tried to analyze with that movie. Everyone loves the music of course. The interesting thing, though, is that after my husband left my autistic daughter looked at me in horror one night when I turned that movie on. I realized that it had affected her also. I have never watched the movie again.


I think I need to watch it, thank you for sharing 🙂



I am new here, about a month. Just want you and others to know that it wasn’t the online affair that broke up my marriage although that is not something I am proud of. It was a type of seduction that I was vulnerable too because my husband was off doing his own thing. In reality he was the spath I was married to for 25 years. He had an actual affair that I know about, but was more into compulsive shopping and hoarding. My story is on the 3 types of marriage masks threads.

In the entire 25 year marriage it was only towards the end that I succumbed to what I just considered a fantasy. It jumped off the computer screen and took on a life of it’s own. However, my husband had an actual affair in which I helped him get rid of girlfriend, or at least he led me to believe i did.


Hello Rochelle. I am an Ozzie too and met my sociopath mate on the beach. He literally spoke all those things to me on our first meeting. e.g. Love found you, you didnt find love!!!!!!!!!! I choose to believe him as I was in need of someone like him in my life at this time. I have written many songs about my 10 years with him. Yes, when I woke up he was gone and still is. We dont exist to these horrible people. They set out to destroy us and I am on his persuit. He is doing it all over again with a well meaning person who is enfactuated with him. How can we save these people from their lies and bullshit? There should be a data base. It would not be difficult to substantiate their track record.
I love this blog as I know i am not alone.


Hi frankie –
I plan to eventually set up a data-base in Australia. I’ve already set up a blog, but have not invited traffic to it, as yet.

I wanted to get my court case (Property settlement in the WA Family Court)out of the way first, because then I’m dobbing him in for insurance fraud (once the property is settled, I can no longer be held accountable for his sins, whereas until that happens, any judgement against him can be taken from my share, as our asset pool is still considered to be shared in a legal sense).

This should happen before the end of this year.

When it does, I’ll let everyone here who is in Australia, know about it.

The AJH girls have already got a blog about AJH but I want something that’s more generic – where multiple people can post and compare notes about multiple con-artists.


Hi Everyone! Im like TB, Oxy, Creampuff,Dist. Gran. and many others in that the 2 spaths in my life,{well, they are now OUT of my life thank God!are my daughters . One is a Narcissist, the other is a Narc/.Sociopath.the pain these 2 have inflicted on me over the last 30 years is beyond belief, I am still wading thru layers and layers of SHIT!and gaslighting.
The older one, now almost 47, destroyed my Art studio and trashed many of my Paintings and valuable art books, many of which were prizes from Art school.One painting, a commissioned work of “Christ in the Tree of Life,” an 8 ft. by
5 foot panel, she painted “F–ing Bitch!”in letters one foot across in balck paint.She beat me up witha bamboo pole leaving purple welts on my leg.Sh e has never ever said sorry for these things nor will she.
The other spath,C, now 45, I havent seen since Feb. 1993,{her choice.} I emailed her wrote, sent gifts, flowers, cards, nothing made any difference. She has three lovely kids Ive never ever seen, not even as tiny babies. I confess to looking at pics of the girl, Rebecca, now13,{I think} on Facebook. she is a lovely looking girl, and doesnt even know I exist. The second spath, C, is married to a very rich jewish boy whose Mum pays for everything, the 4 million mansion, all the school fees at an exclusive Jewish college, the nanny, the cars, everything.My daughter still loks good but is a s hard as nails, money is her god, she despises poor people, my 2nd husband and I have basically been :”NOTHINGED”. ie, treated as if we are dead.
Sh e has at least done better financially than older spath D,who, at 47, lives in a rented room in a shared condo, picks up work where she can, all her stuff is in store, her ex hubby has FT custody of her 3 kids,{whom I havent seen in over 2 years.}She is a liar, a thief, a con artist,a user,a vampire, who will suck you dry and move on to the next victim. I finally,{around $10,000 poorer,} pulled the pin on her over a year ago for my mental, emotional, and financial survival. i owe her nOTHING more. I no longer miss her, whats to miss? But I do miss not seein her 3 kids, and I still grieve for the other Ds 3 kids whom Ive never seen. God knows what lies they tell their kids about me!
I sure drew the short straw with my 2 daughters.
If I had my time over ,I would not have kids,they basically use their own kids to torture me with.
Forgiveness I still find hard, its easy to forgive but forgetting is a nother matter.Especially as I had to “Stuff” all my anger for over 15 years,, just to get to see my Gkids.The price was way too high.
Love, Mama gem.
I see there is a nother “Gem” here on LF!Ill put Mama gem in future so as not to confuse.


Hi All – am too busy with work to post, but i want you all to know you are in my thoughts, and I wish us all freedom from the pain and damage wrought by the s/p/n who were in our lives.

..and you are right gemini girl – the cost is way too high.


Mama Gem,
hmmmm…. art is a subjective thing isn’t it?
hearing you describe what you’re spawn did to your art work gave me an idea….you should paint what you have suffered. That art work would be the most provocative art, the one with Christ and then the F-Bitch on it. You could do an entire show that would reveal sociopaths through the eyes of an artist…. just a thought. We are given our gifts and our crosses for a reason…

Hey One Joy,
hugs and kisses to you. I should be busy doing work but have been too depressed. I’m a spoiled rotten child indulging in my depression because I’m a spoiled rotten child.
The spath has slimed me. Avoidance whatever. I look up to you for how you handle your life.


Sky, Ive finally got the small prints of a lot of my psychic paintings enlarged, and they look terrific! My adopted son, Abbas took pics of them, and sent them to me as a n attachment. Then Jeff, our computer wizz, put them on my Facebook.I sent them to hens, and Oxy,{did you get them Oxy?} if you give Donna your email and ask her to give it to me, I can send them to you if youd like.
I only have one of these paintings left now, the one of the Seagull. Some I sold, some I gave to friends,some were destroyed. The huge mural panel my spath D defaced was actually a commissione d piece for a Monastery. They had previously bought one panel for a monastery in Melbourne.
of the Resurrected Christ. This panel was called “Christ in the Tree of Life,” and when it was defaced, I was never able to finish it.My ex cut it up, and it was burned. the horrible negative energy from my bitch D filled the whole studio, it felt like an attack from satan, which in a way it was.Love, Mama GemXX

Dear Roz…..This has touched me so deeply. If only I could have put my hell into words….this is it. You are brilliant and I am sharing this with the world. I know EXACTLY what this feels like but the S that I left still steps on my head and doesnt stop…I left him over a year ago…God bless you and thank you for this analogy…I hope “regular” people can digest this the way us victims have lived it….XOXO


Just a reminder to the Aussie peeps – we have a facebook support group


it is a closed forum, but a very safe place to purge, share and support


Wow. That’s an incredible story. Anyone else meet “Charlton” who now goes by “Alex”? He claims to have lived in England (obsessed w/ it) for many years and fakes a British accent? If so, run. This analogy above runs true. He, too, was “alone a very long time waiting to meet” me. He misrepresented everything. So happy I left him after uncovering he was a fraud – and never looked back.

Ox Drover

Dear Smartprofessional,

Congratulations! Glad you dodged the bullet!

We have a blog at where people can submit a photo and details of their con.

We have a Facebook support group for Aussie victims of cons. Through that, I am in the process of compiling a database of Australian conmen. The database will not be for publication, but will be an excellent reference.

If there had been something like that after AJH left me, I could have sent his photo in, and would possibly have found co-victims a lot faster.

For the database, I need the con’s name (or the name he was using with you), a brief summary of the con- for eg in my case the worst part of AJH’s con was the fact that he had my entire industry believing that we were making a TV show, he pocketed the cash and left me bankrupt.

A photo would also be really great for the database, so that if a con is using an alias, he can still be cross-matched with photo’s on file.

I stress, the database will not be for publication.

I should add, if anyone would like their con included on the Conned Down Under blog, you can email me the details to:

[email protected]

We are finding that a lot of victims are happy for their stories to be told on the Facebook support group, because it is a closed group and private, but there is a lot of fear when it comes to putting something out there on a public website.

That is why we decided to create both the blog and the Facebook group.

Ox Drover

Dear Roz,

You say it “will not be for publication.” What does that mean exactly? How would someone access it if it is not for publication? So how would it be of benefit to others looking to see if their con man/person was on that list if no one could access that information?

Ah…ok. What I mean is, it will not go on the blog without their permission. The plan is that the database would be held with Diana, Rebecca and myself and a victim can email a central email address with their story and photo. I will be handling most of that, since I am the one out of the three of us with the most time- my job is very flexible, I am extremely lucky! And of course- I never sleep lol.

So…using our story as an example, i would have sent AJH’s photo to the email address and asked if anyone recognises him. Bec or Diana would then receive an email with the photo, asking them to confirm if it is AJH. I would have received an email back saying that yes, we know who he is and I would have been put in touch with Bec and Diana.

Hopefully, this way, we can bring victims together who can then support one another.

There is a lot of fear associated with going public, and we are fiercely protective of people’s privacy.

If you have any suggestions I would be more than open to hear them, we are flying by the seat of our pants here, all we can do is use our experience to help where we can.

Through the support group, we are actually seeing some really positive results, helping people deal with the media, the police and of course the recovery process.

I would be LOST without LoveFraud though!

Ox Drover

Dear Roz,

I see what you mean—the only problem I see with that is that it is more or less just a connection source to you guys and if at some time you guys don’t keep up (or aren’t able to) the connection, the information goes away or access to it does. I don’t have a “better” idea, just understand the problem with privacy etc.

There are some “don’t date him girl” web sites that people can check where a man’s picture and so on is posted for the world to see, but I don’t know if that is such a good idea either.

Oh, there is a woman here named CATHIE who lives in OZ that should be contacting you, her 60+ year old recently widowed mum is being attacked by a con-man and she is very concerned. I told her about you guys and she will contact you when she gets home from work today she said.

Part of the problem with real life “support groups” is we would need a stadium that would hold 100,000 people in each country! LOL You guys are doing an amazing job though and I hope that you succeed in keeping the sucker in prison for a while longer. My own fighting kept my Psychopathic son in prison for another three years but after that the fight is on again as he goes back to the parole board three years from December 2010.

If there ever comes a time where we are unable to keep up, a suitable plan would be put in place. We will apply for government funding or go after corporate donations etc if we have to.

I am committed to this for the rest of my life – I understand what it is like to fight this fight alone and how much it means to find people who totally understand.

It is never over, is it Ox Drover. I feel for you *hugs*

Ox Drover

Nah, it isn’t ever over as long as they are breathing…they are either out after some other poor sucker, or they are after you for revenge.

Unfortunately, my P-son will eventually get out of prison at some point in time, my guess is in the next 4 to 10 years, in spite of the best I can do to prevent it. Unfortunately, as well, my P son is one of the higher level psychopaths with a lot of rage and very little fear of anything…I told my other son the other day and I firmly believe this, if P son knew there were nests of machine guns protecting this house, if he were out he would come, even if he felt sure that he would get killed in the process if he thought he could kill my son D and/or me, even at the cost of his own life, he would feel he had “won.”

His sense of being a “success” and being “the center of the universe” of being a “big shot” or “winner”, given his circumstances of being such an utter FAILURE at crime just doesn’t make any sense to me at all, and yet it does.

In the letters he wrote to his ex-cellmate friend he sent to infiltrate our family, he was pontificating about how to manage us and the family finances, and then informing his friend (who had as little experience in managing anything on the outside of prison walls either as he had spent his entire adult life in prison as well) how when he got out and “came home” HE WOULD TAKE OVER AS CAPTAIN OF THE FAMILY SHIP! LOL To this day, I shake my head in wonderment at the grandiose ideas that he has, when the REALITY is so different.

As I was reading on your blog the list of claims of fame and fortune your psychopath made, I got the same sense of wonderment at his sense of ownership and entitlement to the “good things” in life that he wanted but had no idea how to get. I sometimes wonder if they don’t “half-way believe” the things they say. (head shaking here! LOL)


that is fascinating that your son said those words, “Captain of the family ship”.
My own spath brother who lives in the parents’ basement in a storage room, told my mom that he knows that spath sister wants to get rid of him because she thinks he is going to end up inheriting the house. Then he said, “I don’t want this house, I’m going to win the lottery and BUY this house!”

It’s spathspeak! LOL!

The spaths seem to have some kind of obsession with taking over their parents homes. I think it’s a need to wear the skin of the person they see as having the most authority (mommy or daddy) and the house is a symbol of being mom or dad. It’s like an Oedipus story. How freaking bizarre these spaths are!

Ox Drover


Whatever the reason, it is GREED—I actually laughed at your brother saying he was going to WIN THE LOTTO—that is their “plan” for success—win the lotto or get some kind of job that pays a million bucks a year! LOL

There is a book written in the 70s or so called “The Felon” which is a book about the psychology of prisoners and how they view themselves (now keep in mind that 25% of felons are FULL psychopaths (score of 30+ on PCL-R) and the average score for all prisoners is 22 (normal is less than 5) so these people are all leaning toward psychopathy, but the research this guy did showed a TOTALLY UNREALISTIC IDEA OF WHAT THEY WOULD DO WHEN THEY GOT OUT….they all envisioned that they would get a REALLY GOOD LOOKING GIRLFRIEND, a HOT RIDE, and a GREAT JOB making lots of MONEY. The REALITY however, was the best “job” they could get was flipping burgers, the best woman they could get didn’t have a full set of teeth, and the best ride they could buy was a bus ticket, and that they mostly would go back to crime and be back in prison before long, because their UNREALISTIC IDEA OF LIFE ON THE OUTSIDE WAS ONE BIG FANTASY that reality wasn’t going to even come close to.

I first read this book back when my son was first arrested for murder in 1992, and read it again here not too long ago just to see how MY OWN VIEWS OF THIS BOOK HAD CHANGED as I had come to know psychopaths and my own P-son in particular,, and when I first read it I thought HE would be the exception to that book’s view of what prisoners thought—because my son IS very smart and had family on the outside to support him through college, etc. but you know, the years have PROVEN TO ME that my P-son has EXACTLY that kind of “fantasy future” that he sits in his cell and dreams about HOW WONDERFUL LIFE IS GOING TO BE WHEN HE GETS OUT AND GETS CONTROL OF ALL THE FAMILY ASSETS—and the thing is that if he got out and I gave him a barrel of cash with 10 million bucks in it, he would still go out and get involved in something illegal and criminal. He has to have this HIGH RISK, and exciting (to him) activity, no amount of money would satisfy him, no amount of real success would make him feel OK, he has to be out conning, robbing or scamming and have an AUDIENCE of people who are either afraid of him or look up to him because of his “smarts”—well you can only imagine the kind of low-life that actually LOOKS UP TO HIM. ROTFLMAO SNARK SNARF, SNORT, they have got to be pretty stupid and dumb as well as criminal. LOL

Sure, some of the other convicts who are stupid and low lives themselves may believe his tales of his “super rich grandfather” (that was true, his grandfather was super rich—but wouldn’t have given him a dime if it meant saving his life) and some of the other cons may believe his tales of his exciting life on the outside, but it is all fantasy, none of it is real—but because some 20 year old illiterate street thug that is in prison with him “looks up” to him doesn’t make him a “success” in the eyes of anyone except himself. But he is so egocentric that he actually believes he is a “success.” Talk about self delusion and fantasy!

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