Editor’s note: Andrew J. Harper, who conned multiple women in Australia, was sentenced yesterday to nine months in jail. Here’s what we hear from one of his victims, Rochelle Fisher.
“Rebecca Bell was there, she said the magistrate gave him an absolute drilling, and was not falling for any of his crap. She said the fact that the victims had children made him very angry.
“Also, his lawyer said that he didn’t get any financial gain from his victims, that they were along for the ride and enjoyed it, like staying in hotels etc. And the magistrate said ‘Yes, but, they would not have paid it if he had told the truth.’
“He has been ordered to pay back 22k to victims and hotels, but there is nothing to enforce that order, so he won’t pay it.”
With Harper going back to jail, the women feel vindicated. Still, it’s difficult for them to explain to friends and family how they got into the situation to begin with. Rochelle, who posts on Lovefraud as “Rozzieoz,” wrote the following piece in an attempt to describe the sensation of almost drowning with the con man.
The Beach Where He Said He Would Love Me Forever
By Rochelle Fisher
“Step onto my beach,” he said.
“Your beach?” I asked, in amazement.
“Yes, my beach, I own it. It is all mine but you can share it.”
“Why me?” I asked, “Why am I so special?”
“Because I have been alone for a long, long time and there is nobody else like you,” he answered, as he took my hand and pulled me roughly onto the sand of his beach.
I looked around for other bathers, but we were totally alone. The waves crashed in the distance, seeming to move ominously closer. I decided to ignore the waves and looked at him instead.
“We don’t need anybody else, it will be just you, and me, forever,” he said as he gazed deeply into my eyes, and I chose to believe him.
We walked along the beach, moving further and further away from civilization, closer and closer to the water.
“We don’t need anybody else, it will be just you, and me, forever,” he said, as he pulled me into the shallow water.
I felt nervous.
“I am not sure if I can swim with you.”
I wanted to dive into the water with him and swim forever.
“Yes you can,” he said, “It will be just you and me forever, I will help you swim, I will protect you,” as he pulled me deeper into the water. I chose to believe him. I ignored the waves and looked at him instead.
His eyes mesmerized me, I forgot about the waves, the water, the missing people on his deserted beach, I chose to focus on him.
Because he chose me.
As he pulled me deeper and deeper into the water, the sand beneath my feet started to undulate. Nothing seemed to be very stable anymore.
“I am sinking!” I cried out.
“No, you are not” he smiled at me, all the while pulling me deeper.
“I’m not? Are you sure?”
“Of course not, this is our beach, why would you sink, it is just you and me forever, I won’t let you sink.”
“The sand is moving!” I felt a knot tighten in my stomach as panic set in.
“No, it’s not. Don’t say that!”
“Are you sure? It feels like it is moving.”
“Of course I am sure, it will be just you and me forever and I will protect you.”
I chose to believe him.
The only other option meant sinking into the sand, or drowning. So I clung to him, as the waves swirled around me, faster and faster, spinning me around and around until my head was muddled and I felt dizzy and ill.
“Help, I really am going to drown!” I screamed out to him.
I felt his hands gripping mine, he was my only salvation from certain death.
“Why would I let you drown, I chose you, remember? I could have had anyone, but here I am with you, on our beach, forever.”
He smiled down at me as I floundered in the water, but it was only his mouth that was smiling, his eyes were cold. I gripped his arms, clinging on for dear life, he was the only thing standing between me and certain death.
“Why aren’t you drowning, why aren’t you sinking in the sand ”¦ why?” I looked up at him, my hands still gripping his arms, desperate for him to save me. He was not moving, he stood firm and strong.
I felt my head going under the water.
“Don’t worry, I will save you. I love you, remember, it is just you and me, forever.”
I did not notice him smiling.
Water covered my head. I felt his hands wrap around my wrists and for a second I felt safe. Until the weight started pressing on my head. I struggled against it, but the weight kept pressing, pushing me under. For a second my head came out of the water and I realized ”¦ no ”¦ it could not be ”¦ it was HIS foot pressing on my head.
I tried to cry out, but I could not talk, every time I opened my mouth it filled with water so I coughed and choked.
He stood above me, staring at me with cruel callousness, as his foot pressed my head deeper and deeper under the water.
I sank into unconsciousness. I wanted to close my eyes and sleep forever. I was drowning, on his beach. The beach where he was going to love me forever.
Just as it felt like the last breath was going to exit my body, the pressure and weight lifted and I shook my head out of the water, gasping for air.
I crawled up the beach, dragging my exhausted, battered body onto the sand. If I could just make it onto the beach, he would be there to save me.
I coughed up water for a long time, lying on the beach shaking, spluttering, crying and afraid. Finally the exhaustion overcame me and I fell asleep.
I woke up on the beach. It was empty.
He was gone.
Ox,
I’ve been thinking and i’m afraid i don’t do well either of these things: taking care of myself and setting boundaries.
But i need to grow a pair of cajones….i’m tired of the couple of olives. Tired and bored. And fed up of psychopaths and by-products. I need that pair of cajones. Hugs to you and un besito!
Hi Oxy did you read my post to you above re: ciggs? lol
Roz I am hearing you, Christmas and new year were evil for my booty! I am trying now to kick sugar out of the diet, oh god the pain of it all! I am addicted to Sugar~
Oxy well done on getting hold of your weight and ultimately your health! That is terrific! 🙂
Congratulations, Dani, giving up cigs is worse than cocaine I think (from what addicts of the cocaine tell me) I’ve never done coke so can’t testify to that but I know it is more difficult to get folks off cigarettes than anything I’ve had to deal with.
Salt is another “addictive” substance, but now that my tastes have “adjusted” to lower salt, I am not craving it so much. So I find that the more progress I made the easier it is to make progress.
Keep up your focus on moving toward the “light” and the “right!” It all helps!
Yep so true! I was lucky my mum never cooked with salt and we never had it in the table so I never developed a real taste for salt but mum was never far from a bag of lollies and that was our reward and her guilt for working 6 days a week. Lollies are comfort for me but if I can stop smoking I can do anything, I think.
I loved smoking and it was hard giving up but not as hard as saying good bye to my kids if I got sick. And I would be so annoyed with myself if I got sick because as you know I would then risk my little ones father coming back into her life and for me to protect her of that is enough to keep going on the right path as hard as it is…Hope you are well 🙂
Well, I liked smoking too, started when I was 15, everyone in the family smoked except my grandmother…it meant you were an “adult.” My husband didn’t smoke but I never quit though he wanted me to so badly. I “tried’ several times, even for months at a time (well not really very hard!) but a couple of years ago I just SET MY MIND to do it and did it. Got immediate relief from upper respiratory problems and have felt much better since. I think I am fortunate to have good genetics, or I wouldn’t have been able to so abuse myself without worse consequences I think. Long-lived family, sperm donor smoked unfiltered by the 4 packs a day since age 10 lived to be over 80, egg donor smoked except for 10 years she quit once then went back, but shes 82 soon and still kicking… some of grandparents smoked or used tobacco in some form. Unless the women died in child birth or shortly after it from infections, all my ancestors back quite a ways back, but 1 or 2, lived LONG lives in pretty good health and were active and productive. Most 80+ and even a couple that were nearly to or over 100 in the days before antibiotics which was REALLY quite rare then.
I have squandered a great deal of my life I think making bad decisions, and other parts of it I’ve done well with, but I’m trying now to BALANCE my life, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, socially and physically. In the past it seemed there was always some crisis to take care of and not time or effort left to work on other things, now I see that the balance is to me the most important thing so I am TAKING THE TIME to balance it better. Making myself if I have to to do what I KNOW IS RIGHT, even if I don’t so much want to do it. Speaking of which I need to go ride my exercise bike. See ya later.
Good for you and lucky for good health genes… I too have squandered and wasted a great deal of my life on bad decisions and I too are in the stage of reclaiming my life and my health! I was either the fun girl or the fix it girl even nicked named Mother Hen! well not anymore there is only one person in my life that needs fixing and that is me. It maybe a selfish act these days but I dont give a dam, those people I spent my life trying to help/fix are not even in my life now so the only true person I need to worry about now is myself…. My mother said she has noticed that I am much more relaxed and calmer now. I m feeling so much better,emotionally, spiritually and physically. I have bad allergies and had to have a Ventolin puffer and I just released I have not used it once in a month.
I dont know if it is turning 40 or being that little further down the track in recovery but I have been taken the past demons by the horns. My brother that I have mentioned before the alcoholic is also a catalyst in my taking control of my life. My brother is now the same age my dear father died of liver failure. I remember feeling that Dad must not have loved me enough to want to die, I didn’t know about addiction then as I was young, except for Lollies of course but I dont want my children to feel the way I did. I would not forgive myself if they thought I chose cigarettes over my health and ultimately them. Have fun on the exercise bike, now I must go and do something to burn some fat 🙂
Rochelle,
This was absolutely perfect. Great way to capture a sociopathic relationship in a poetic nutshell. Thank you for this. I will be sharing.
Best,
Wiserheart
Thank you wiserheart 🙂 I found writing it very cathartic, so glad it is beneficial 🙂 When I wrote it, I did not know the term “gaslighting” or what it is.
Rochelle,
That was an amazing story. I have to share something with you all. Before the breakup of my marriage but while having an online internet affair, every Saturday Night I would watch the movie Phantom of the Opera. (the internet guy who I never met in person was probably BPD/NPD and married.) I didn’t meet him on a dating site but on a Christian Forum.
I kept trying to analyze the Phantom story. Who was the good guy? Raoul was the hero but was rather boring. The phantom was more interesting but I had to keep reminding myself that he was a killer.
I kept wanting my husband to save me and at least tell me to stop talking to internet guy. When it crossed the line and he started calling me my husband said “What did you let into our house?” I told him, Why don’t YOU tell him to leave me alone?
Cristine was apparently more talented with the Phantom pulling her strings or so she thought. He needed to control her. Raoul tried to save her, but in the end Christine had to save herself.
It seems that one relationship after the other I had tried to analyze with that movie. Everyone loves the music of course. The interesting thing, though, is that after my husband left my autistic daughter looked at me in horror one night when I turned that movie on. I realized that it had affected her also. I have never watched the movie again.
TTS.
I think I need to watch it, thank you for sharing 🙂