Dealing with a sociopath
Have absolutely No Contact
The best way to deal with a sociopath is not to deal with him. Reject him. Cut him off. Have absolutely No Contact.
No Contact means do not talk to him on the phone. Do not send, open or reply to e-mail. No instant messages or text messages. No cards, letters or packages. And certainly do not see him. (All of this applies to female sociopaths as well.)
If you’re in the midst of legal battles with the sociopath, let all communication go through your lawyer, accountant or another intermediary. (Make sure they understand how sociopaths operate.)
No contact is easier said than done
If you’ve been snared by a sociopath, you may find that you have difficulty maintaining No Contact. You may find yourself thinking about the good times and wanting to talk to him or her. Here are some of the reasons—and why they are not good reasons.
1. You’re still in love
The person you loved never existed. It was an illusion created by the sociopath to manipulate you. If you still have feelings for him or her, they are feelings for what you wanted the relationship to be, not for what he or she actually is.
2. You feel sorry for him or her
The sociopath may cry, plead and grovel, insisting that he or she will change. You want to believe. Unfortunately, this is not possible with sociopaths—they do not change. The predator is using the pity play, trying to take advantage of your good nature and suck you in again. Don’t fall for it.
3. You don’t want to admit you were wrong
You may have a lot invested in the relationship—especially if the sociopath has been taking money from you—and you don’t want to lose everything. You think you can force this person to make you whole. Yes, you may negotiate, and he or she may agree to repay you. But don’t expect to actually see your money.
4. You want to have the last word
You want him or her to understand how hurt you are. You want this person to apologize. Here’s what you need to know: The sociopath will never understand your feelings, because sociopaths have no empathy. If he or she apologizes, it will only be a tactic to bleed you some more.
5. Better the devil you know
Some people would rather put up with emotional, psychological and even physical abuse than face the unknown. If this is you, understand that it is unlikely the sociopath will treat you any better in the future, and it is very likely that he or she will treat you worse. The unknown may be scary, but it also offers a chance for a new life.
Change the dynamics
Why is No Contact important? Sociopaths are experts at breaking down their victims, piece by piece. If you have contact with him or her, you will be back in the game and the sociopath will continue to manipulate you. To begin your recovery, you must put him or her out of your life.
With No Contact, you are saying “no more.”
If you must have contact
Unfortunately, you may have no choice but to have contact with the sociopath, especially if you have children with him. If you’re in this situation, here are two important guidelines:
- Always be on mental red alert when dealing with a sociopath.
- Never deal with a sociopath alone; have a witness.
The sociopath contacts you out of the blue
Months or even years after you end it with the sociopath, he may show up again. He’ll tell you he’s in trouble, and you’re the only one who can help him. What do you do? Don’t bail him out. Ignore him. Let him suffer the consequences of his behavior.
He’s testing to see if he can start bleeding you again. Remember, sociopaths do not change.
For more information, read the Lovefraud Blog article, How to implement No Contact.