I received this question from a woman who is divorcing a man she believes has the traits of a psychopath (according to the psychopathy checklist):
“What psychological tactics can you suggest in dealing with a psychopath? There must be some tools and strategies to stay a step ahead. I’ve read books on identifying liars and tried to educate myself on strengthening my position in recognizing The Predator. There has to be some guidelines somewhere on How to Ride That Horse. I have had hundreds of horses throughout my life and pride myself on being able to ride anyone that crosses my path. Although this horse has been the most difficult and I continue to be dragged, trampled and kicked, I continue to get back up, dust myself off and try again. I have learned much and he has been a great teacher…..but in the final stages of our divorce, he is throwing some wild curve balls and I’m desperately trying to stay in the saddle. I ride all my horses softly, gently…..Can you offer tools for the arsenal?”
Before answering this question I want to make some important comments. Many people have reasons for needing and desiring relationships with people who are very sociopathic/psychopathic (sociopaths). In my view, there are only two legitimate reasons for having interactions with someone you believe may be “a sociopath.” The first is that the person is your boss and you haven’t yet found another job, and the second is that there is a court order commanding you to. That the sociopath is charming, attractive, wealthy, your son, daughter, friend, lover, mother, father or some other relation, is not a good enough reason to risk yourself and others.
Whenever you interact with a sociopath, you not only risk yourself, you risk others. Sociopaths weave a web of deception that is supported by the many relationships they have. If people refuse to participate in the sociopath’s life he/she will be very limited in his/her ability to harm anyone. Sociopaths/psychopaths know how to surround themselves with people who give them legitimacy in the minds of others and who serve as “cover.” They will use anyone for this purpose, especially ministers, priests and rabbis, and of course, children.
If you desire to have a relationship with a known sociopath there is something wrong with you. That something can be ignorance of the disorder and its dangerousness. A sense of grandiose invincibility and a love of risk taking can also feed into this desire. If you are an adventurous risk-taker, take up blizzard mountain exploration or sky diving, but keep away from sociopaths. Many people write me with a tone of wonder, awe and admiration for sociopaths. Save your wonder, awe and admiration for the Grand Canyon, the pyramids of Egypt, or the true miracles of life, please. (Here I am referring also to the women who send love letters to known killers and serial killers.)
Those comments out of the way, how can you cope successfully with a sociopath/psychopath? First, remember that these people are Driven to Do Evil. Just like you wake up every day and feel your drives and desires, sociopaths/psychopaths wake up every morning and “It’s show time!” Whereas your goals are intimately related to the love and compassion you feel for others, a sociopath’s goals are intimately related to his/her desire to gain power over others. If you don’t understand this at the core of your being, you will not be able to deal with sociopaths. Second, imagine a moment what your life would be like if guilt, empathy and compassion did not enter into your decision making processes. Imagine that your decisions were based solely on your judgments regarding what would benefit you.
Now imagine both together, a Drive to Do Evil and no guilt, empathy or compassion. A sociopath is a sports car with an accelerator and no braking system. Now you can see why I say only an ignorant, crazy or suicidal person would voluntarily choose to ride this horse, or drive this car!
I have just armed you with the mental picture of the sociopath who you are compelled to deal with. To successfully cope, keep this picture in your mind at all times. Ignore any of the sociopath’s actual appearance or behavior. Keep all conversations brief and to the point. Set firm boundaries and never give an inch. Insist that you get everything due you, and that the sociopath abide by his/her end of any court orders, or job descriptions. Most importantly, STOP expecting that the sociopath will behave like anyone other than who he/she is. A sociopath is a person who is Driven to Do Evil and who lacks, guilt, empathy and compassion.
To make this point further, let us consider our friend’s analogy of the psychopath and our relations with him/her to the horse and horseback riding. Horses are domesticated animals. Domestication means they have been bred to have the capacity for submissive behavior and impulse control. These two (submissive behavior and impulse control) are supported by a very complicated biology that includes hormones and brain structure. The psychopath lacks both the brain structure and hormonal profile to behave submissively or even consistently cooperatively. The best horse analogy to the sociopath is the horse who dies in the process of being ridden because s/he lacks the substrate for domestication. This horse is not a challenge, s/he is a waste of time and energy.
So stick with the horses that have been beautifully trained to compete in the show ring, and who lovingly wait by the fence for you to appear. These horses enjoy cooperation and don’t mind having to submit occasionally. The untrainable horses are a complete waste of time. Surround yourself with people you know to be primarily motivated by love and compassion. To do otherwise, is a complete waste of time and energy.
What About “Love Your Enemies”? (Matthew 5: 44-48)
WHAT ABOUT “LOVE YOUR ENEMIES”?
By Rev. Renee
But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven…..If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect…..Matthew 5: 44-48 NIV
We recently received an e-mail with a thought-provoking question. The Lord has led me to use this question and its answer in an article. I believe it is especially relevant to our situation, and I pray that it will bless you. Many thanks to our Sister who took the time to write to us with this excellent question.
Q: I have been reading your site with interest – thanks for it. I just wondered how you interpret the instructions to love our enemies?
A: Thanks so much for writing. I’m so glad you’re enjoying our site. Praise the Lord! That’s really a great question. It’s really sad and unfortunate that some people will choose to be our enemies even though we never wanted it that way. I don’t see any conflict at all in loving someone while still setting limits on their behavior, rebuking them, or even leaving them if necessary.
Rebuke, setting boundaries, and even enforcing consequences can all be acts of love, done in love. We love our children, but we still set limits on their behavior, teach them right from wrong, disapprove when they hurt others, and teach them good manners, thoughtfulness, consideration and to treat others nicely. We take the time to rebuke and teach them precisely because we DO love them. We can do the same with our abusive relatives. We can expect proper behavior from them, disapprove of causing pain for others, have boundaries, and refuse to be subjected to abuse or evil, and still love them. The reason we try so hard to work things out is because we love them. But do they love us enough to work things out?
After we have confronted them and stated our boundaries, it is then their choice whether they will respect our limits or continue to abuse. It is their choice whether the relationship will be able to continue, or will have to end. Many abusers, when confronted with limits on their behavior, will choose to end the relationship rather than change, and will disown us. This will cause us much sorrow, precisely because we do love and miss them. It will take time before we will be able to heal and move on.
There are also times when we will have no choice but to be the ones to walk away from a toxic relationship. This is a very difficult decision, usually reached in desperation after many years of trying everything we could think of to make the relationship work, and reluctantly coming to realize that it takes two to tango, and our relative does not care about us enough to even try. We spend most of our lives trying to change things precisely because we DO love our relative and want so much to have a nice relationship. It is very painful to walk away from someone we love, but there are times we have no choice.
Loving someone does not mean you have to have a relationship with them. As we go through life, most of us at one time or another will have the experience of just not being able to be with someone we love, because we’re not good together, not good for each other, or they’re not right for us or healthy for us. This could be an old boyfriend, a childhood school chum, or a family member. As time passes, we come to accept this and know that it’s a part of life, and maybe even look back on our time with that person fondly while moving on with our own lives. Loving someone does not mean staying in a toxic situation. Sometimes you love someone but you still have to walk away. You can love someone from a distance if that’s what it takes to be safe and healthy.
Abusers, of course, are going to accuse us of not loving them if we set limits on them, rebuke them, disown them, or even if they disown us. This is due to many reasons, including manipulation, yet another attempt to control us, or their trademark denial and refusal to be accountable for their own behavior and to blame us or everyone else for the consequences of their own actions. They are looking at it from a warped perspective and we should not take their accusations of unlovingness on our parts seriously. The ones who are unloving in the relationship are THEM, not us.
Love doesn’t mean allowing yourself to be abused, exploited, mistreated, and victimized. It doesn’t mean letting the person you love do anything they want, no matter how wrong or evil, without ever stopping them. You do not owe the people you love a lifetime of being allowed to walk all over you. If they refuse to treat you with love, then you can still love them as a part of your past, while understanding and accepting that, for reasons not in your control, they cannot be a part of your present, and will not be a part of your future. You will mourn and grieve this loss, as you would the loss of anyone you love. And then you will begin to heal and move on to a better life.
So these are the reasons why I have no problem reconciling loving those who choose to be our enemies while still protecting ourselves and our other loved ones. I don’t see anything contradictory about what we teach on our website and loving our relatives. Love and boundaries are not mutually exclusive.
Copyright 2003-2010.-All articles on this site are copyrighted. Permission to copy is granted for non-profit use only.Please help yourself to anything we write if you can use it to help others. A link back to this site is our only requirement. Please contact us for any commercial or other use. All e-mails, letters, and other correspondence become the property of Luke 17:3 Ministries, Inc. Due to the large volume of e-mails, we’re sorry that we are unable to personally answer every one, but we do lift everyone who writes to us in prayer to the Lord. Please understand that we cannot give you personal advice concerning your particular family relationships. We are not therapists
No Forgiveness For The Unrepentant
NO FORGIVENESS FOR THE UNREPENTANT
By Sister Renee Pittelli
Have you ever had it happen that when you rebuked an abuser, not only did she refuse to apologize, repent, or change her hurtful behavior, but she then proceeded to smugly inform you that “God forgives her” because “God forgives everything”, and that the Bible says that you have to forgive her, too? I have, more than once.
And all I can say to that is, “Nice try.” Because it’s just not true. Biblical forgiveness doesn’t work that way. Not even close. God forgives everybody who REPENTS, not everybody who doesn’t repent, and continues sinning. Repentance means turning from one’s sinful ways and changing one’s LIFE. It does not mean continuing on as before, and it also does not mean stopping just one or two obnoxious behaviors while continuing all the rest, or even finding some new ones. It might surprise such self-righteous offenders to learn that God does NOT forgive “everybody”, and that he does NOT tell us to, either. In fact, there is NOT ONE INSTANCE in Scripture of the Lord forgiving anyone who remains “stiff-necked” (stubborn) and unrepentant.
Before one starts quoting the Bible, it might be a good idea to actually READ IT first. When ungodly people state that God’s Word says something that justifies or facilitates their wickedness, I just love to hand them a Bible and ask them to show me exactly where it says that. Usually, they get all flustered, angry, or embarrassed, and quickly change the subject or storm off in a huff. If, by some remote chance, they can actually find the Scripture they’re referring to (and conveniently misinterpreting), then we can read it in context and explore it together- but that hasn’t happened to me yet!
Those who know the Lord and study his Word know that he has such a heart of love for the downtrodden and the broken-hearted, and that he desires us to be free of every kind of bondage. God’s Word is infallible, and God does not play mean little tricks on abuse victims. He NEVER says anything that would make it easier for a sinner to keep on sinning or an abuser to keep on abusing. To even suggest otherwise is to reveal a profound ignorance of God’s divine nature.
Biblically speaking, NO ONE gets forgiven without changing his ways and turning to God and godliness. The New Testament includes an additional requirement for meriting forgiveness- accepting Jesus as one’s Lord and Savior (and no one who has genuinely done that can continue abusing others). Abusers would just love an excuse to obligate us to forgive them without the slightest effort to make amends, commitment to change, or anything expected of them at all. It’s the Abuser’s Dream Gig- to be able to commit one evil deed after another with impunity, and then pervert the Word of God by claiming that others have to repeatedly and unconditionally forgive her. This is utter nonsense.
BE NOT DECEIVED; GOD IS NOT MOCKED: FOR WHATSOEVER A MAN SOWETH, THAT SHALL HE ALSO REAP”.Galatians 6:7. The Bible is not an excuse for abusive people to have a field day without ever suffering any consequences. Distorting the Word of God to get away with evil is an indication of the demonic nature of such people, not of their innocence and good intentions. Ask any deliverance minister and you will learn that twisting God’s Word to facilitate evil is one of the most common tactics used by demons.
Abusers by definition wouldn’t have the slightest idea what the Bible REALLY says about forgiveness, or anything else. It’s not like they spend a lot of time studying God’s Word and applying it to their lives. They’re just repeating something they heard somewhere along the line, and twisting it to suit their own purposes. They’re using what they imagine Scripture says to pressure us and guilt us into forgiving them when they have done nothing whatsoever to deserve our forgiveness.
Some abusers like to call themselves Christians, because it enables them to get away with abusive behavior more frequently without being challenged or confronted. These people might actually be familiar with Scripture, and then use it, twist it, and take it out of context to justify their behavior and attempt to deceive us into forgiving them when no forgiveness is warranted. But talk is cheap. We need to study the Bible concerning this, and pray for the discernment and wisdom to distinguish between REAL Christians and PRETEND Christians- those who are conveniently “Christian” only when it suits them. One big clue is that REAL Christians ACT LIKE real Christians. This means they do NOT mistreat other people.
The Bible does in fact tell us that we should forgive as the Lord forgave us (Colossians 3:13; Ephesians 4:32). But there are requirements for forgiveness. If we read in more depth and in context about God forgiving us, including the hows, whys and under what circumstances, we will see that he only forgives us when we come to him in the spirit of remorse, change our lives through his Son, ask for forgiveness, and repent (CHANGE). So if we are to forgive others as God forgives us, then we are to forgive them AFTER they have shown genuine remorse by the grace of Jesus’ cleansing blood, and AFTER they have repented (CHANGED), NOT BEFORE. That is the formula for forgiveness which God models for us, and that is the formula which he instructs us to follow.
Other Scriptural examples of the Lord forgiving us IF AND WHEN WE REPENT are written in Ezekiel 33:10-20, Isaiah 55:6-7, Jeremiah 6:16-30 & 26:3, Luke 13:3 & 5, Acts 3:19. These are just a few of the examples we can study that will educate us about God’s prerequisites and requirements for forgiveness.
We are not to cheapen the gift of forgiveness by giving it prematurely or undeservedly, to those who demand it and act as if they are entitled to it, and yet have done nothing to merit it. The Lord’s higher purpose is to change men’s hearts and make them turn from evil, give up their wicked ways, and choose to follow HIM instead of Satan. He does that by requiring repentance before forgiveness, not by giving evildoers a free ride.
In Luke 17:3, Jesus tells us very clearly that we are to forgive someone who sins against us IF he repents. He does NOT tell us to forgive everyone, including those who have absolutely no remorse and fully intend to continue abusing others and behaving badly. That would be preposterous and contradictory. God does not do nonsensical things that do not serve his ultimate purpose of bringing all men into his grace and his presence.
When an abuser refuses to change his ways, stop abusing, and start doing good, we are unable to grant him forgiveness. When we cannot forgive him because of his intention to continue repeating his wickedness, then God does not forgive him, either. AGAIN JESUS SAID, “PEACE BE WITH YOU! AS THE FATHER HAS SENT ME, I AM SENDING YOU.” AND WITH THAT HE BREATHED ON THEM AND SAID, “RECEIVE THE HOLY SPIRIT. IF YOU FORGIVE ANYONE HIS SINS, THEY ARE FORGIVEN; IF YOU DO NOT FORGIVE THEM, THEY ARE NOT FORGIVEN—.John 20: 21-22 NIV. God does not want us to continue to be abused. And he does not want us to allow abusers to continue their abuse with no consequences. In fact, we are told numerous times to shun evildoers ( some of these Scriptures are: Proverbs 22:10, Proverbs 22: 24, Proverbs 23:9, Proverbs 24: 25, Proverbs 25: 4-5, Proverbs 24:24, Proverbs 26:24-26, Psalm 37:9, Psalm 119:115, Proverbs 19:19, Matthew 18: 15-17, Titus 3:10-11, and 1 Corinthians 5:11). Look up “rebuke” in a large Concordance, and you will also find dozens of references (see the section on Rebuking on our site).
The Bible teaches that all evil behavior has consequences. The only way to come into a state of grace is to give up sinfulness and walk in the ways of the Lord, in love for others. Abusers by nature could not care less about coming closer to God, and usually need some extra incentive to straighten up and fly right. That incentive is often some kind of social censure, which may, for a particular individual, include our refusal to forgive him until and if he has earned it.
There are times that God will use us in this way to bring a person into repentance and to him. By forgiving unremorseful evildoers, we are not helping them and we are not serving God’s purposes. We are depriving them of the opportunity to repent and transform their lives, to truly accept Jesus as their Savior so their sins can be washed away, and to walk forever with our Father. By interfering with God’s Law of Sowing and Reaping, we are preventing God’s purpose from being fulfilled in that individual’s life.
The Lord requires that we do our part in bringing others to repentance. SON OF MAN, I HAVE MADE YOU A WATCHMAN FOR THE HOUSE OF ISRAEL; SO HEAR THE WORD I SPEAK AND GIVE THEM WARNING FROM ME. WHEN I SAY TO THE WICKED, “O WICKED MAN, YOU WILL SURELY DIE,” AND YOU DO NOT SPEAK OUT TO DISSUADE HIM FROM HIS WAYS, THAT WICKED MAN WILL DIE FOR HIS SIN, AND I WILL HOLD YOU ACCOUNTABLE FOR HIS BLOOD. BUT IF YOU DO WARN THE WICKED MAN TO TURN FROM HIS WAYS AND HE DOES NOT DO SO, HE WILL DIE FOR HIS SIN, BUT YOU WILL HAVE SAVED YOURSELF.—Ezekiel 33:7-9.
So despite attempts by ungodly people to mislead, deceive or pressure us, we need to stand firm in the knowledge that the Lord does not forgive those who are ‘stiff-necked’ , refuse to repent, and intend to continue in their sinful ways, and he does not expect us to, either. There is no such thing as unconditional forgiveness. There are CONDITIONS on receiving forgiveness, there is a REASON for those conditions, and the conditions are repentance and turning from one’s evil ways. Forgiveness is not to be given just because someone simply demands it, or insists he is entitled to it. It is only to be offered to those who are truly worthy of it.
For the answer to the abuser’s most common attempt to mislead you about this teaching, see the article “If You Say There Is No Forgiveness Without Repentance In The Bible, Then What About ‘Father Forgive Them For They Know Not What They Do'”? (Luke 23:34).
For more on this subject, see the articles in the sections of our website entitled Rebuking and Repenting & Apologies.
If you are interesting in reading more about the Biblical model for forgiveness and offering unconditional forgiveness or forgiveness without repentance, we recommend the RBC website. Click HERE for one article and HERE for another one.
Copyright 2003-2010.-All articles on this site are copyrighted. Permission to copy is granted for non-profit use only.Please help yourself to anything we write if you can use it to help others. A link back to this site is our only requirement. Please contact us for any commercial or other use. All e-mails, letters, and other correspondence become the property of Luke 17:3 Ministries, Inc. Due to the large volume of e-mails, we’re sorry that we are unable to personally answer every one, but we do lift everyone who writes to us in prayer to the Lord. Please understand that we cannot give you personal advice concerning your particular family relationships. We are not therapists or lawyers, we usually do not have enough information to form an opinion, and time does not permit us to give enough thought to each person’s individual situation to do it justice. If you need personal advice, we urge you to contact the appropriate professional, depending on the problem you have- your minister, therapist, attorney, police department, local domestic violence hotline, etc. In reading this site, you acknowledge that nothing you might read here qualifies as or substitutes for professional advice. Our articles are strictly our personal opinions and testimonies and are not intended to give or offer any advice. All who access this site do so with the understanding that we are NOT professional counselors and we strongly recommend that you discuss your individual situation with your pastor or therapist and pray for the Lord’s guidance before acting on anything we write on this site. Unfortunately, the abuse we discuss is all too common, inflicted on countless victims by countless perpetrators. All names and identifying details in our articles have been changed to protect the innocent as well as the guilty. Any resemblance to a real person or persons whom you might know is strictly coincidental.
Creampuffr…
I sent you these because they cleared up my confusion too.
I hope they helped…
I never thought that SATAN was really roaming this earth..until now. I thought it was just a myth in the Bible or a representation of “evil” in the world.
I am NOW convinced…that there needs to be EVIL in the world…to counteract what is GOOD.
I totally believe that the closer you get to GOD…( the better a person you are)..the more the EVIL SATANS tempt us.
I was always an “angel” …nice to everyone…helped out the “fall guy”…etc…known as a “sweet” person.
Now I realize that I didn’t have the WISDOM to see how VULNERABLE I was by thinking everyone was GOOD.
I grew up strict Catholic and had it ingrained in me to LOVE everyone. I forgot that you are supposed to LOVE YOURSELF (protect yourself) FIRST!!!!
I hope these articles help you.
Dear 2B,
I see the answer as a little different, but basically the same thing. To me, “love” is not a “squishy feelin” at all it is DOING GOOD to someone, accompanied or not by the squishy feeling.
It does NOT mean that you allow abuse.
Just like “honoring your father and mother” does not mean allowing them to abuse you….my egg donor says that “honoring them” means don’t disagree with them…LOL…yea, RIGHT! NOT!!!!
Honoring them to me means becoming the kind of person that would HONOR A PARENT who would be proud to have a son/daughter like me. It means being the best that I can be. It doesn’t matter if the person who gave birth to me approves of what I am or not, but what God approves of what I have become. I am HIS “child” because he has been a Father to me, she was never a mother to me.
Just as the Bible said to wives to be in submission to the husbands, it also said for the husbands to love their wives AS THEMSELVES, so a husband would be EXTREMELY KIND to his wife in order to follow the command of the Bible to love her as himself.
The Bible also tells parents to “not provoke their children to wrath” (wrath being vengeful, hateful anger that keeps on smoldering) The kind of anger produced by unfair and harsh treatment of a child or young adult (or older adult for that matter).
Parents are taught to bring the child up in the NURTURE and admonition of the Lord—not the BROW BEATING with emotional or physical violence that many parents use.
It is up to us to NURTURE the children we are given custody of by God and nature.
Yes…my xhusb got into the Bible and church as a crutch after his stripper left him…after he abandoned 3 children!
Then he said that he will beat them on visitation if they are BAD. He said the Bible says…”spare the rod”…etc..
Ignorant people just take from the Bible and interpret what THEY want to do. UGH>..
There are SO many hypocrites in churches! Not all…but SO MANY.
This woman I work with went to church religiously. In the meantime…she IS SATAN…abuses her kid…sexually provokes men at work….sleeps with married me…UGH!!!
So….we need to be careful about the whole organized religious stuff.
My father went to a priest when he was in financial trouble and he told him to LIE to my mother or she would divorce him!!! This LIE ruined everyone’s life…his, hers, and all five of us kids!!!!
So be it.
Dear 2B,
It doesn’t matter which “denomination” or which “religion” there will always be someone who abuses the “church” by whatever name–the “ministers” (by whatever the term uses) are also humans and some of them are psychopaths and use the “cover” of religion and spirituality and the supposition that a person who is “a minister” wouldn’t do bad things. Or, worse yet, when it is known that a minister is doing bad things, the higher ups COVER IT UP to spare the “church” from EMBARASSEMENT!
The World wide SEX ABUSE by Catholic priests being covered up by Bishops and others higher has finally literally come to the point that the Pope of all people is in one way or another involved in some of these cover ups (before he was Pope) But it isn’t just the Catholic church, we had a coach/teacher/principal here in Arkansas arrested for molesting multiple girls and he had been reported 10 years previously and it had not been reported to police as the LAW DEMANDS by the superintendent of the church school. Keep it quiet, handle it internally, and keep on giving him/her a chance to DO IT AGAIN!
I become RABID over child molestation by anyone, and especially parents, teachers, ministers, and cops and others who are supposed to PROTECT these children. It is bad enough when STRANGERS do it, but TRUSTED individuals are the most numerous and the worst betrayals I think.
Oh, well, off my soap box. Jesus advised us to “inspect the fruit” and if the fruit is rotten, to cut down the tree….so I think it behooves us to check out what people do to see what kind of people they are.
Ox,
inspect the fruit” and if the fruit is rotten, to cut down the tree”
Thanks. I like that one. And, I needed to hear it today.
In my Bible studies I got on a “kick” where I studied the sayings of Jesus in the Gospels and looked at what He recommended in the way to treat others, as well as how he treated others (not only the words, but the actions as well) Some good ideas in there.
I also love reading Paul, he is so “educated” in philosophy that sometimes his analogies etc are hard to follow but at the same time, he is pretty good at getting to the HEART of the matter in our thinking and behavior.
People frequently quote the “judge not” that ye be not judged, etc. but that does NOT in my opinion mean that we should not use COMMON SENSE to tell how someone is acting, either for good or evil. If you see someone steal something it is not judging to say that PERSON STOLE SOMETHING. That is fruit inspection. Every “tree” has a rottenn apple now and then, but that doesn’t mean the TREE is BAD it just means it isn’t perfect, but if the MAJORITY of the crop is bad then there might be something wrong with the TREE. DUH! Pretty simple.
To me “judging” is to unfairly think you can read someone’s mind and know what their thoughts about things are. Inspecting fruit is looking at the OUTSIDE of the fruit and clearly seeing that you sure don’t want that in your mouth—it stinks.
My egg donor one time EXCUSED herself lying to me because if she had told me the truth, I “would have been mad and thrown a fit.” Actually, I would have done neither, but she JUDGED and came up with an EXCUSE that she knew me so well she could read my mind. Of course I realize that she can’t read my mind, and at the time I was so upset, I bargainded with her and begged her to BELIEVE ME, and before long it turned around into how I was LYING TO HER, I WOULD TOO HAVE BEEN MAD AND THROWN A FIT, so she was justified. How can you PROVE what you WOULD NOT have done something or thought something? LOL Talk about a double bind and a catch 22! That is the ultimate.
AT the time I was so upset and things were so chaotic that I couldn’t see the gaslighting going on, but that is part of how they work you by creating doubt in yourself, and like a dog you crawl on your belly trying to appease them and to get them to quit attacking.
Heck, most dogs (with a few breed exceptions) and even a wolf will STOP ATTACKING when the one they are attacking SUBMITS, not a psychopath, they just tear into your throat and get WORSE.
Judge not does not mean to throw wisdom and discernment out of the window. The “judge” in the “judge not”(Mat. 7:1) refers to treatement of others. My ex loved to use this verse. but :
“For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged”. so says Jesus! Read on…
“And why worry about a speck in your friends eye when you have a log in your own?”. I love this. THAT is judgement. Looking for the tiniest flawin others but NOT recognizing what you are doing at all. Arrogance.
And read further because it gets better.Mat 7:6. Jesus says “Don’t waste what is holy on people who are unholy. Don’t throw your pearls to pigs. They will trample the pearls, then turn around and trample you!”.
We have all survived pig-tramplin, pearl throwing messes! Save your pearls and run from the pigs. This makes me laugh as I picture a bunch of muddy pigs with pearl necklaces ready for their next meal…and that was my life. LOL!
We are to use good judgment..which for me is the word of God .How else to measure good from evil?right from wrong? How else to make decisions? Remember, dont judge a book by its cover. We can judge books but not hearts? No, with books and people, you look inside to make a decision.
Without judgment, anything goes. I mess up daily. I have the good “judgement” (wisdom) to realize it and try to make things right. THAT is what is missing here. For scriptural reference study I John 1:10:
” If we claim we have not sinned, we are calling God a liar and showing that his word has no place in our hearts.”
This means we are perfect. God is a liar. We dont need him or his truths…He has no wisdom for us to learn because we know it all. WE have it all under control and ANYTHING goes. So that way we can mistreat people and say “judge not”. Dont think so.
Absolutely, Flower power!