Editor’s note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud’s statement on Spiritual Recovery.
Recently a reader wrote asking this question regarding evil and sociopaths. Have you considered exorcism as treatment for psychopaths/narcissists? I have come to firmly believe these people – even the ones under-the-radar legally- are effected/infected by evil. As a practicing Catholic, I feel as if I have been targeted specifically. I realize you do not know me and that such claims are bizarre, but I know you have called psychopathy evil-so I wonder if you have considered what can be done spiritually?
There is no doubt in my mind that the Bible makes references to sociopaths. The Bible warns, “Beware of wolves in sheep’s clothing!” There is no better metaphor for a sociopath. However, I think before we ascribe a supernatural cause to an occurrence we are obligated to fully investigate if that occurrence can be explained by other means.
I would like to share with you two excerpts from my books. The first is from Just Like His Father? The second is from my new book about sociopathy, which will be available soon.
Speaking as an armchair philosopher, I think that when we study antisocial personality disorder and how it develops, we are actually studying the means by which evil enters our world. Since we are physical beings, living in a physical world, evil has to be a physical condition. Is there any evil that is not caused by some combination of callousness, poor impulse control and faulty moral reasoning? If through more effective parenting practices, we were able to reduce the prevalence of antisocial personality traits and addiction in our society, the effect would be a reduction in the amount of evil in the world.
This is from the introduction to my next book:
This book is dedicated to the many readers who have asked us “Would somebody please tell me why s/he did this?” Reading Without Conscience by Robert Hare will give you a good idea what a psychopath is. This book explains why we use the word sociopath to describe the group of people who have invaded our lives and injured us. This book also explains why sociopaths do what they do.
After figuring out that my ex-husband and the father of my son is likely a sociopath, I realized I had to become an expert in the disorder. Recent studies reveal that this disorder is genetically transmitted in families. As a psychiatrist I already knew the diagnostic criteria, what was missing was the why. Why do sociopaths exist, how do they develop, and what causes their destructive behavior? For me to know and recite the criteria was not enough to prevent the disorder from developing in my baby, I had to learn ALL the whys.
It was with this goal that I studied the scientific literature for knowledge of this disorder and how it develops. I report to you that although our understanding is incomplete, we know enough to answer the why question. I report these answers to stop our readers from feeling baffled. There is really nothing baffling about sociopathy. I also report these results to put a stop to the cult of awe and even admiration that surrounds many sociopaths. Because people do not understand sociopaths, there is a tendency to imbue them with special powers. They have become mystical demonic beings in the minds of many. While I am not disputing that the disordered neurodevelopment that produces a sociopath may give rise to a spiritual disorder, the whys of sociopathy are fully explained by natural causes. There is no need to evoke the supernatural.
The reason I have not yet finished my next book is that I am considering how detailed I should be in explaining the biological underpinnings of sociopathy. I have written the book for those with no more than a high school biology background. I would appreciate any comments regarding whether you would want to read a complete summary of the biology of sociopathy.
I think Eastern religion attempts to address this by using techniques to enhance brain activity in the pre-frontal cortex. It is a psycho-spiritual based practice so the idea of both the body and the soul are addressed.
Also the practices a. awaken certain areas of the brain responsible for well-being and good feelings…. b. I believe the nuerochemical makeup of the brain changes also when doing these practices. c. Additionally the physical practices enhance endocrine system functioning.
All of the above seem to play in the development of a sociopath. It seems there is a problem in the makeup of one or more of the above areas in the sociopath.
I also feel this has something to do with the language areas of the brain (just a theory), I feel that when learning a language or several languages as a child, this part of the brain is highly functioning but diminishes over time so that learning a language as an adult becomes that much more difficult.
My theory is this… just as it is easier to learn several languages during early childhood, it is easy to develop a conscience. If it is not learned during this young age period, then it becomes harder and harder as we age.
The same principal behind learning a second or third language as an adult applies. When we are young it’s easy to learn new languages since that part of the brain is awake and developing rapidly. As we age, that part of the brain functioning diminishes.
I believe that we are hardwired for good and for evil. But we can change our own hardwiring with certain tecqniques. They work almost immediately and the effects increase over time. However, when the practice stops, the brain goes back to regular “mal” functioning. Unless the practice is done over many many years with great dedication.
I was very antisocial when I was younger. I stole, I cheated, I lied every chance I could, I used people for my own personal gain. I disliked people especially if they made me feel sorry for them.
When I started practicing the Eastern techniques, something switched on in me. I became calmer more loving, I didn’t lie, I stopped using people and began helping them instead, I started to feel love for people.
As my practice diminished, my old behaviors started to return and I hooked up with a sociopath whose projections were infectious.
I started lying, stealing and cheating again little by little. I began to use people again. I was ANGRY 95% and Enraged the other 5% of the time.
I was intolerable and mean. And it has escalated to the point where ALL my practices have gone out the window and I am in a heap of trouble with the law and my reputation has been scarred to say the least.
I would be very interested in being a part of a NEW study… with those with a solid education in psychology as well as those with a Eastern Background. (I am well versed in the techniques and would love to start this….)
I think these Eastern practices should be studied in a clinical setting with sociopaths.
For example…
1. Take a random selection of sociopaths from prison settings or elsewhere.
2. Have a control group where the Eastern practices are done every day with a strict schedule and proper motivation and dedication.
3. Have another group that is untreated.
4. Have another group that is treated with conventional means.
5. The before, during and after comparison testing of all three groups should be conducted with respect to a. nuerotransmitter activity b. brain wave functioning in the pre-frontal cortex c. functioning of the endocrine system.
I think this would really be a valuable study for those with sociopathy as well as giving hope to those who love the sociopath to perhaps have a more normal relationship with them.
Since the Eastern studies are grounded in the spiritual as well as physical, the question posed by the person above is addressed.
What are your thoughts?
I have a lot to say about the topic of excorcism being an answer for Sociopaths. I believe my ex was Borderline/Narcissist and quite possibly a Sociopath. He was an ex-Minister himself. He claims to have read the bible from cover to cover 100 times. He claimed to have performed excorcism-like interventions on people. He was also “sort of ex-communicated.” My understanding is that these kinds of people, at least NPD and /BPD, are often extremists of some kind. I just think that excorcism would be a joke for anyone that is truly a sociopath. I am note sure if my ex is a Sociopath or not. He is very exploitive of people. As far as I know, he didn’t try to get money from anyone… well, then again… I think he did when he was running his “ministry”.. Journey in Compassion Ministries through the South Pacific. Oh Brother, is all I can say. He was so MEAN. Sorry to go off
of topic. I just don’t think excorcism would be an answer but I do believe that evil was present. He was the cruelest human I ever encountered. I am no expert but I say no.
I just read holehearted’s post. Again, no. I too have had some training in Eastern thought. The Buddhist Nun that I have gone to retreats with has said of the prisoners that she works with “they are so deluded.” According to her, it is rare that one of them actually develops a real practice. (She runs a program called “The Prison Project”)
Also, I do not propose that anyone hold out the hope of having a normal relationship with someone that is a sociopath. For me, the issue was having no boundaries. In order to practice having good boundaries, I have decided that no matter what, I will never have any kind of relationship with my ex. Due to the nature of his past behavior, I would never be able to believe that he has been rehabilitated no matter what “evidence” he provided. The very nature of a sociopath is based on manipulation and exploitation. They can make themselves appear to be anything that they think you might want them to be in order to slip in through the crack. The best thing to do is… LEAVE NO CRACK IN THE DOOR.
Before I started reading here at LoveFraud.com, I was still fantasizing what I could say if I saw my ex again that would make him “get it.” I have let that go now. Anyone still struggling with that same thought should read the Blog entry on LoveFraud called “No Contact.” I have a friend whom also had a similiar experience as me. Her new therapist has told her that she has an “opportunity” to practice having boundaries with her ex psycho. He proposes that she allow this person in her life while setting boundaries on his behavior. So I asked her, “Does your therapist know the whole story? Or have you minimized what happened?” Guess what the answer was. I had to remind of os some of the unforgiveable things he put her through. I had to remind her that she intimidated her and scared her and so HORRIBLE things to her to which she said, “Oh yeah. I forgot about that.” The heart wants to be loved so bad that some of us will believe anything when the carrot is dangled in front of our eyes. That is what a sociopath does.. they speak to your innermost desires and once they have touched that place in your heart, the “carrot” can be covered in crap and you don’t want to admitt it your yourself.
I understand in my bones that unless you have expereinced this kind of manipulation, you can’t understand it yourself. I strongly believe that many therapists do not fully understand what this is. I struggle to describe what happened because I myself am not able to (nor would I want to) manipulate people in the way that I was. I find comfort in knowing that there are people who KNOW. I find comfort in holding true to the NO CONTACT rule. This has given me more peace than any of my fantasies about my ex somehow rehabilitating and being sorry and being the guy he said he was… not the guy he really was. That is the thing… they are not that man/woman. They are what you experienced and the hook was just part of the whole scheme. They are not and will not ever be the person of your dreams even if they seemed to be for 5 minutes, or 5 weeks., or 5 months. It was a scam and you got duped.
Having good boundaries means saying, “No” when you need to and to realize that some things are not forgiveable… at least not here on earth. By the way, my ex tried to pull that on me… “Jesus forgave for worse things. Why can’t you?” The last communication I heard from my ex was that he wanted me to know that he was ready to forgive me now! He is so sick.
No excorcism. No contact. Just let go completely and someday with work, you heart will come back to you… wiser, and hopefully with healthier boundaries. PEACE. :o)
In reply to Dr. Liane’s question, I would be interested in reading a summary of the biology of sociopathy. Knowlege keeps us free and empowered. We can make better choices and decisions when we have the most information.
I appreciate alohatraveler’s reminders about boundaries. Just like the matter of lying in an earlier blog, repeated boundary violations are a big red flag too. So is morphing into who you need them to be at the moment. When someone does not hear and respect what you say, it means you don’t exist for him as your own person.
Stepping around their stuff wears me out! It is harder when you don’t see it!
I certainly think there’s not enough information out there about the BIOLOGY of sociopaths.
I was watching 48 Hours Mysteries recently, and they had a guy on there who was definitely a sociopath. Only his lawyers tried to use that as an “insanity defense”. Well he was found mentally competant, and guilty. But the reasons he was found guilty were, I think, not the right reasons.
They interviewed the jury, and most of the jury said they didn’t think much of the science regarding a pscyhopath. They thought it was a bunch of malarky & smooth talking doctors.
In other words, they don’t believe sociopaths exist, or that there’s a scientific explanation why they behave the way they do.
Well, by all means don’t allow someone to use that as an insanity plea – because they’re NOT insane in the legal sense.
But unfortunately, believing that’s all “malarkey” is not something that will keep people being victims over and over again!
Insisting that these people are NOT mentally different, and are “just bad”, gives so many of us the idea – the HOPE – that if they’re just bad, then they can change and be good – rehabilitate and redeem themselves and make up for it.
But the biological fact is that this cannot and will never happen.
And believe me, until I found out that sociopaths were hard wired biologically, there was nothing else that convinced me so completely that there was NO HOPE for these people changing EVER, and that any actions based on the idea that they might change is foolish at best and very likely dangerous.
I think it’s very possible to explain biology in plain English that people will understand. I would be interested even not having more than high school biology class.
I am interested in the biology because I do believe that there is an inherited component to sociopathy. Yet, I also believe that the level of sociopathy will determine whether or not that child has been nurtured appropriately by a loving caregiver between the ages of birth and 2 years old. I think these years are when the child relies solely on someone for all their needs and if they are not being met then I think something happens during this most crucial part of the development process. I learned in college that the level of care during this stage in early childhood will determine and shape the personality for life and if there are added factors such as abuse, neglect and addiction in the family of origin then this will only compound the degree in which sociopathy will manifest itself. Although sociopaths all possess the same traits and characteristics, not all of them will become killers. Their consistent pattern of bad behavior was probably learned early on and they seem to know instinctively what “works” for them and it is the biological component which enables them to go on without a conscience because I believe this was inherited through bad genes. I think my youngest son is a “part” sociopath inherited through his father but I refuse to give up on teaching him the morals in which I was raised with and I want to make sure he knows the difference between right and wrong.
Alohatraveler, thanks for your comments. I was frustrated by the notion of exorcism. That just gives me the creeps. Maybe we should say the are “Toxic” instead of evil. There is no cure. Can you ever make a toxic chemical good for you? no. The sociopath I was involved with was toxic to my soul. My relationship with him affected every area of my life in a bad way. There is only one cure for me and that is no contact with him. I understand why the writers of this blog refer to them as evil because some of them are to the extreme where they can commit such crimes as rape and murder. Some just want to use you and suck all the life out of you they can… slowly and painfully. We should worry about ourselves and taking care of ourselves and not about trying to fix them. We can’t fix them and if God could he already would have.
summerthyme,
Thanks for the comments too. I totally get what you said, “toxic to my soul.” Yes. I felt disturbed that deeply. Never before had I encountered such a cruel person. No area of my life was untouched… yes.. I totally get that. That is why I come to this site… because there are people here that totally get what I went through without having to explain it. I am feeling better… so much better. Aloha.. :o)
Wow. Alohatraveler-you hit the “carrot” on the top 😉 I felt like you were my own heart speaking inside my own brain. Thank you so much for saying all of the above.
How silly I was to not try and find a reason as to why my ex would question me over and over and over with the same QUESTION and he STILL wasn’t satisfied with my answers. But he would act. And I would “take” (many times just to stop the questioning!).
Lord, have Mercy.
Speaking of exorcism and spiritual evil-
I was married to my “ex” for 20 years before God shoved me out the door. It took me 3-4 years AFTER leaving him that I finally stopped taking the blame for the divorce and began to realize what really had went on! Praise God for my husband, who patiently helped me to “see” what he had been, and still was doing to me years after the divorce. 🙁
Anyway, what I wanted to share about the subject is:
My ex was weird and controlling from the day we dated. It is not hard to explain why I married him when one realizes what kind of home I was leaving.
However, although his traits were not very strong (perhaps because he was only 22) his drinking problem was terrible.
He did as expected when he gave up drinking-he immersed himself into something else-his choice: religion. He became fanatical. While I was seeking a true relationship with God, He was demanding that he GET ONE IMMEDIATELY.
I remember about 16 years ago, he was sitting on our couch and he said he was not getting off of it until God assured him that he was “saved”. He sat there with his head bowed for hours. Near evening, he jumped up with wild eyes and exclaimed that God “assured” him.
“What? how do you know?” I asked him.
“I got a ‘thump’ deep in my chest-in my heart!!!”
So was his testimony to everyone who would listen. I remember feeling sorry for some Christians whom he bragged to, for it caused them to doubt if they were even saved since they never did experience a “thump”.
Since, he has read the Bible through many times, pays tithes to the dime on the dollar, preaches “salvation or hell” to anyone he can corner, and forces his interpretations of the Word upon our children.
Now that I think about it, he got meaner and sneakier since the day of the “thump”. He became more controlling. less giving and got into a mode of constantly testing my faith and that of those around him.
I wouldn’t want to even suggest exorcism though. I’d be afraid of what would come out.