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Sociopaths, at first, don’t act like jerks

When I first met my ex-husband, James Montgomery, whom I now believe is a sociopath, he treated me like gold.

His attentiveness started with our initial e-mail correspondence. Yes, we met via the Internet, but he lived nearby—I wasn’t worried about the pitfalls of a long-distance relationship. During our three weeks of preliminary correspondence—his notes were clever and well-written—he made it clear that he was interested in me.

When we did meet, Montgomery was attentive, charming and entertaining. He asked questions and listened to my answers. He was quick to pay me compliments. Yes, he talked about himself a lot, but he was intelligent and intriguing, so I didn’t mind—I felt like I was getting to know him.

Significantly, when Montgomery said he would call me, he did. Now, before I met him, I spent a lot of years in the dating game. Many, many times, I heard, “I’ll call you,” and then the person who said the words fell off the planet. So a man who followed through with this basic courtesy—well, that scored some points.

Trying to impress me

So, in the beginning of our encounter—I don’t want to call it a relationship—he did everything a man who was trying to impress a woman would do. He wore a sport coat when he took me out to dinner. He brought me little gifts. I interpreted these gestures as signs of his budding affection.

Many Lovefraud readers—both women and men—have told me similar stories about the beginning of their encounters with sociopaths. “He asked me how he could make my dreams come true,” said one woman. “She would do anything for me—nothing was too much trouble,” said a man.

That’s how they get us hooked.

Excellent social skills

Had my ex-husband behaved like a jerk in the beginning—stood me up, acted out in public, flirted with other women in front of me—I would have dumped him. He did none of those things. While he was reeling me in, he was a perfect gentleman.

Of course, I now know that he was on a mission to find a supply, and was simultaneously treating several other women exactly the same way. Apparently, I was the first to bite. He proposed; I accepted. Yes, it was far too soon—but I’d heard all those fairy tales about love at first sight. Why couldn’t it happen to me? I didn’t realize that all his expressions of affection were empty lies.

It would certainly be easier to spot sociopaths if they always acted like jerks. Unfortunately, they don’t, at least in the beginning. Many of them have excellent social skills. But eventually their true, disordered personalities are revealed—they are despicable con artists, out to take what they want, even if it destroys us.

Take your time and pay attention

We can’t allow ourselves to be blinded by Prince or Princess Charming. Under all the sweet nothings, there may truly be nothing, only a hollow shell of a human being. A sociopath.

So what can we do? When meeting someone new, be aware, and take your time. Ask questions. Go slow. Pay attention to inconsistencies. If your instincts tell you something is wrong, listen.


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24 Comments on "Sociopaths, at first, don’t act like jerks"

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peggywhoever:

Good point! They hook us with the charm, flattery and whatever other tricks they have and then they start their crap.

Oh yes, that web of mass deception begins at ‘hello’. You give your trust is the first mistake. From that point forward, it is a long journey down into that rabbit hole leading to hell itself.

But we can find our way back out if we truly want to because we are the stronger! The light has finally been laid on them lighting their darkened souls and they slither away like the slime they are. Just evilness, pure evilness, I tell you…from that charming little twinkle in their eye; to the overpowering sex; to all the lies and fantasies it built SO IT COULD GET CLOSE ENOUGH TO DEVOUR US.

I never took any gifts – I am not a person to be bought.
It abused my genuine love and loyalty and then it tried to kill me without forethought nor compassion. Just like “Hannibal”. Only if “IT” had eaten me, I would not be tortured the way it has tortured me and killed my soul and my spirit. But you see, I believe we can get that soul and that spirit back for ourselves. Sure, it’s a struggle and it’s a difficult path to walk but when we achieve our goal, THEY LOSE and WE WIN.

This torture and rumination was also a part of the plan. Their plan. They have mastered the art of manipulation and find no conscious or remorse when using it against the ‘silly’ – those of us who care and show compassion and all of those wonderful and good human qualities because IT HATES those qualities. “IT” can’t have them for itself and it is JEALOUS of us and the more it comes to know us and realizes we are too strong for “IT” and won’t be lead around anymore, they begin their evil and wicked ways.

Only THIS STORY, over here, is going in a different direction because I can give it right back the same way it was given only MINE is shining the LIGHT and not the DARKNESS. I do feel I am in a battle with evil itself. I plan on winning. I am going to die trying to win this battle, if I must, because I REFUSE to let it take my soul.

Mine was all charm on the first two dates but actually on the third I saw the first hint of manipulative behavior, although I did not recognize it then.

If I knew then what all these subtle warning signs meant, I would have backed off.

🙂 ((BBE)) Yah; me too….
This must have been my kismet; my karma…

I AM GOING TO WIN THIS BATTLE IF IT IS THE LAST THING I DO ON THIS EARTH. I can promise you that.

Duped

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